Disclaimer: to those who have been complaining of episodes 166,165, well, blame KT. He made it so, like that.
Yes! Folks, you are not dreaming nor hallucinating. I am back! I have come to join you once again in the creative world of fanfictions.
Please don't be angry. There is a very good reason for my absence. For one, I took my NCLEX exam mid March. It was then followed by weeks of sleepless nights waiting for the results. And after I got the results, well I partied and celebrated for weeks. , then I got admitted to the hospital.
Sorry, its just that so many things have really happened and after all that, well, I kinda lost interest in my fics. I lost my muse.
But d#t! I just hate the way they twisted and changed the lines in episodes 165 – 167. specially in episode 166. I don't like what it implied. And here I was quite excited to see ichigo's fight with grimmjow, only to be disappointed with the entire episode.
So this story would be based on the manga, and not the anime.
BTW, I am still trying to catch my muse back. But I am starting the next chaps of all three of my existing stories.
Again, gomen na sai.
His words rung inside my head. It couldn't be true. Not after everything that has happened. My intentions were pure. They are pure and true. I am not like him. I do not have a thirst for blood. I do not live to fight. In fact, I detest fighting. My body does not tremble in excitement at the thought of fighting and battling. My hand does not itch to hold my sword and bring suffering upon anyone, whether they may be friend or foe. My heart does not beat erratically and joyously with every swing of my sword. Nor does the clash of swords, of metal against metal, sounds like music to my ears. It does not. I am not some blood thirsty hound intent on wreaking havoc and bringing injury to anybody.
And yet, his words rang straight to my head and heart.
"Let me ask you this Kurosaki, why did you come to this world?" Grimmjow had said.
My answer came immediately. " Isn't it damn obvious? To save Inoue!" It was true. I believed it to be true. If Inoue wasn't here at Hueco Mundo, then I would never had snuck in here in the first place. I would never have directly disobeyed Yamamoto's orders if Inoue wasn't in harms way. To save Inoue, that was the reason that I am here, fighting Grimmjow. It is, I said to myself. That, and only that.
I had done exactly the same thing for Rukia before. Rukia whom I had known only for a few weeks, at that time. Why wouldn't I do it to Inoue whom I had been friends with since grade school? Right? Right. Of course I am right.
And isn't it just proper, that I go and try to save Inoue? After all that she had done for me. Isn't it just right that I repay her for everything? She had stood by me and helped me in more ways than one. She went to soul society, risked her life just to help me rescue Rukia. She didn't need to. I never asked her to. Yet she did.
And yes, I do know why. She did it mainly for me more so than for Rukia.
So now, I am here, as a friend, and as someone repaying the favor.
But Grimmjow's next words had me thinking and fumbling in my resolve.
"Then why didn't you grab her and ran the second you saw her?"
I had no answer to that. The tiny seeds of doubts and question have sprung and grown into beanstalks in my head. Even I began questioning myself why.
"Did you even relax seeing her unhurt?" he further taunted.
Did I? The answer was simple, I didn't.
Reflex. It was pure reflex on my part to assume the worst. "What have you done to Inoue?" I had asked back automatically. Maybe it was just instinct. If they were able to hurt or abuse Inoue, then that means that I have failed in some way. That I was not able to help her in time. That I came too late. That I was not able to help her in the way that she had done for me. It would mean that I was not able to save her.
People say that I have a 'knight' complex. A 'prince charming' complex that pushes me to save damsels in distress. But for me, I just don't want to see anyone getting hurt or bullied. Specially if it is someone whom I consider a friend.
Somehow, his taunts and jeers have scratched me raw. I never thought Grimmjow could be perceptive. Yet he have jarred my nerves to a taut stretch and have implanted seeds of doubt within myself. Somehow, his derisive mocking of my true intentions have struck closer to home than I was even aware of.
Maybe it was a defense mechanism. But it really irritated the hell out of me that he was able to shake my resolve just like that. He knew he was getting at me. He loved my reaction. How I had crinkled my eye and thinned my lips, my face contorted into rage.
I knew that all along he was just baiting me. But the confusion that came along with his words were just unstoppable. It was clawing at my conscience.
"You said you came here to save that woman"
Yes I did. I know so. I did.
"But you are wrong"
I stopped dead in my tracks. Hearing Grimmjow say the thought that has been nagging me have somehow rendered me immobile.
"You came here to fight!"
Did I? Was that my real intention? To fight Grimmjow? He had marked me as his prey. From the moment that I was able to put that scar on his chest, he had deemed me as a worthy adversary. He was out for vengeance.
But am I? Had the feeling been mutual all along? Did I subconsciously mark him as my prey from the very beginning too? Why was I willing to turn my back and walk away from a fight with Ulquiorra, And yet it was relatively easy for me to agree to fight Grimmjow?
And when was this 'beginning'? When and where had it all begun?
It began in a dark alley, when he had the gall to hurt another dear friend.
Well, obviously, from this fic, I do not need to say which side of the coin I am in.
Please review. I just really got caught in the moment. Would you believe that I wrote this within thirty minutes? That I wrote this immediately after I watched episode 166. goes to show just how disturbing the episode was to my sanity.