AN:: Wow, so I've had this finished for well over a few years and I've just now found it. Yes, I changed my author name. I needed to match what I use on nearly every othre website. Um, Reminder this is all crack and ridiculousness. Please, enjoy.
I am not a klutz. Seriously. Really guys, I'm not. It's just when you throw Lindsay Boxer in front of me, my coordination seems to be a myth. Or even just the mention of the detective. Or an inkling thought. Or even just strolling down the street and I suddenly stumble over that invisible crack. Yep, I'm blaming that one on Lindsay too.
There was once or twice, ok actually it was three times, where it had nothing to do with Lindsay Boxer. Nope. It was Jill.
Not just Jill.
Jill and Denise.
Jill with Denise.
Jill and Denise, with each other, doing things I'd only dreamt of doing to Lindsay Boxer.
I just had to meander down the halls of the sort of closed DA office. And by sort of closed I mean the door just happened to be unlocked two seconds after I arrived and will be mysteriously locked again once I leave.
What was my point? Oh right, Jill and Denise.
So as I headed towards Jill's office a noise stopped me. Freaked me out really and with my curious nature I had to go check it out anyway. Peeking around a corner there they were sprawled across someone's desk.
Not even their own, just some random employee's.
They were so into themselves they didn't even hear me trip and fall over some plant and then stumble into a little trashcan and then bang my knee on someone's desk and then I whimpered and limped my way out of the building.
I don't even remember why I went in there.
Then there was that time they were in the courthouse's restroom. I mean come on that's like extremely public. Yet I somehow ended up being the only one in there and then making a rather hasty exit. After a minute or two of...being in shock, yeah shock. I swear I only stayed because it was so surprising.
Well that one I should thank them for because I tripped on the way out and right into Lindsay.
And then the ground.
I would have complained that she didn't catch me but she was suddenly pulling me to my feet and reaming me a new one about being a klutz.
The last time I saw them...
Actually I don't want to think about that time... I think I'm scarred for life.
I might actually be dead soon. My brief momentary flashbacks have made me miss the fact that Jill is trying to take my head off.
I'm not entirely sure Claire can hold Jill back long enough for me to get away and Lindsay over there is just staring at Jill like she's some kind of alien.
"Oh god, oh god, I'm gunna die, she's going to kill me and I haven't even gotten to second base with Lindsay."
Hey, hey no, no- why did Claire just suddenly let Jill go, why is she laughing? Jill's coming closer...
Lindsay's now staring at me as if I were the alien.
"You- you- I can't believe you-" Jill can't even finish a sentence. Which you know, fine by me, I'm just going to keep scooting this chair back. Damn handcuffs.
Oh yay Lindsay's getting up. Except she's grinning... why is she grinning? Damn sexy grin yup... mhmmm...
"God damn it Cindy stop thinking about Lindsay when I'm trying to murder you."
Oh shit, forgot about Jill.
Oh god, why did the chair stop?
Oh crap, shit, fuck, damn, curses, I'm running out of words, I shouldn't run out of words, why am I running out of words-
Ok there's nothing behind me but empty space, so why won't the damn chair go any farther.
"Thomas don't you dare back up any-"
"Cindy stop trying to-"
Apparently they were trying to tell me to stop going backwards and for a good reason too.
Of course I didn't even listen because part way through them trying to tell me to stop I gave a giant shove-
And I went from looking at Jill's scary face to the ceiling.
A ceiling that looked quite ugly and a little blurry with some bright shiny lights.
"That's the fourth time I've fallen in four days damn it... Fucking Jill. Fucking Jill fucking Denise, it's your entire fault, Lindsay's too. Distracting me and making me trip over invisible objects. Screw you all and your sexiness. God my head hurts."
"She needs a censor..."
"She has a mild concussion."
"I still can't believe you're having sex with Denise."
"I do not need a censor, I didn't even say anything." What the hell are they talking about?
"Yup definitely concussed."