AN: This is my official entry into xxDeath's Daughterxx and mine's contest, even though it won't count in any of the categories. Now, this is not meant to be an Emmett-bashing fic, just some humor at his expense.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the words.

Emmett at Wal-Mart

I knew this was a bad idea, I thought to Jasper as we walked through the door at Wal-Mart. Do you think we should leave before he does something we all regret? I mean, it is Emmett…

He laughed. Let's just give it a try. Maybe it'll be funny.

It's your funeral if he does bad something and Rose finds out.

I grabbed a shopping cart and started walking towards the furniture section. Esme needed us to find some furniture for the new house, but couldn't make it to the store. That's why I at least was here. I could show her pieces she might like through my mind and she could tell me what she thought. Don't really know why the other two came with me though…

"Oh, Edward! Look!" Emmett cried, jumping onto one of the display beds. He instantly fell through it, breaking the bed when he landed on it. Just like the bed, his smiled crumbled. "I'll pay for it…"

I sighed, but immediately felt a wave of patience wash over me. Flashing a quick smile at Jasper, I went over to deal with our oaf of a brother. "Emmett, it's fine. We need another bed anyhow." Flagging down a worker I told them to put it on hold for us.

As he walked away, Emmett called after him. "Code 3 in Automotive. I'd hurry if I were you." Strangely enough, the kid ran the rest of the way there as Emmett and Jasper laughed.

Rolling my eyes, I continued looking around. I'm going to have to keep an eye on you both, aren't I? I thought to Jasper.

Sorry, brother. Emmett's emotions are extremely strong right now and I can't fight them off anymore, he smiled apologetically.


Looking up from a pair of dressers, I saw that neither were in the furniture section anymore. "Oh, for goodness' sake!" I cried, looking all around for either of them.

Many minutes later, I found them in the outdoor area. In the carpet in front of them was a 'Caution – Wet Floor' sign that I was sure they had moved themselves. Both were setting up a tent. As I neared, I heard Emmett say "If you bring a pillow, you can join out slumber party" to some poor little girl who was lost. I pointed her in the direction of her dad and went over to my brothers.

"Oh, hey, Edward. You want to join us, you need to find a pillow." Emmett grinned, patting his own pillow.

I just shook my head. Please grow up.

"You can't make me."

Care to bet on that?

Just then, someone came over the loudspeakers. "Clean-up, aisle 4"

Emmett covered his ears and screamed. "OH NO! IT'S THE VOICES AGAIN!" I sighed, grabbing his arm and pulling.

"We're leaving. Now. Jasper, contain yourself."

He held up a portable radio. "But it's Nine in the Afternoon!" he whined, "I can't leave yet!"

I felt someone standing at my elbow. "Hiya Edward!" Alice beamed up at me.

"Since when were you here, pixie?" Jasper planted a big kiss on her cheek.

"I had a vision just after you left, and I wanted to be here for it."

"Hello! Has anyone seen Emmett?!" I cried, looking in all directions.

Try the layaway counter. Alice shrugged, although I knew she was telling me where he was. I grabbed the cart and ran as fast as (seemingly) humanly possible.

When we got there, Emmett was standing at the counter, waving a bag of M&M's around in the air. "I'm telling you, I need to put these on layaway!" He yelled, looking at the cashier.

"And I'm telling you I can't put a dollar bag of candy on layaway! Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?"

"WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?!" He ran away, trying to make it seem like he was crying. "Please excuse my brother," I asked the clerk who was staring at Alice a little too intently. That's when I noticed Rose standing behind her. Gesturing that I should follow her, I left the cart in Jasper's care.


"What did you do to my husband?" Her voice was quiet, controlled, but held quite a bit of withheld fury.

"Nothing." Seeing her skeptical look, I elaborated. "He was like this as soon as we walked in. Doesn't help that Jazz finally couldn't stand it anymore and joined him though."

"Where'd he go now?" Rose asked boredly, looking over at Alice and Jasper. "I really don't want to move again so soon."

I scanned the store for his thoughts. "He's headed towards Housewares and is humming the Mission Impossible theme."

"We'd better go catch him," she sighed.

"Might as well, before he does something stupid again."


We found him minutes later trying to set the alarms on all the clocks to go off every four minutes.

"Emmy Bear!" Rose cried, launching herself at him. This should work, she thought to me.

Best of luck.

"Rosey Posey? When did you get here?" He looked guiltily down at the clock in his hand.

"Oh, only a minute or so ago," she lied, swinging an arm around his waist. "Long enough to see what's going on."

He looked nervous. "Um…I did not empty all the fish tanks into the bathtubs!"

I stared at him. "Really, Emmett? Are you really that dumb?!" Jasper suppressed a laugh as he and Alice rounded the corner to where we were.

Rose glared at me. "No, he isn't, Edward. And I would appreciate you not saying that ever again. Or you know what will happen." Her eyes glittered black, and I remembered the last time we hunted. She had gotten rather territorial over a deer and tackled me whenever I came within a mile of her precious game. It was a long and hard fight – one I would stay away from for as long as I live.

Raising my hands in defeat, I grabbed the shopping cart from Alice. "I give up. You all are lunatics."


I ended up walking right into a pile of pudding. "Eh, um…Surprise?" Emmett shrugged.

"You are so dead."


AN: Okay, so it was extremely weird and not that funny….forgive me! (starts bowing down to readers) I will forever love you all for putting up with my stupid stories and still continuing to read them. Now, if you could R&R to tell me exactly what sucks about this one…or PM me!