White House Infiltration

Her answer made me drop the plate I had just managed to grab. "We're going to break into the White House."

"What?!" I sputtered, bending to pick up the fallen plate that was already gone. (Of course Edward had managed to swoop in and clean it all up so I couldn't hurt myself.) "Alice, you can't just break into the White House!"

She was unconvinced. "Says who?" she shrugged.

"Says every law! You can't just break in there and…well, what were you planning on doing once you broke in anyhow?"

"I don't know, but it sounded like fun!" Alice's eyes glazed over for a moment. She squealed. "Yes! We're going! And this is going to rock!" Flying through the kitchen and back up the stairs, she called back to me: "Bella, make sure to pack a bag! And bring that radio purse I bought you for the trip!"

Esme chuckled behind me. "Don't worry about it too much, Bella dear. Alice has done more dangerous things than break into the White House." Are you all crazy?! I thought to myself, giving Esme a hug. "Just don't ever let her take you to Vegas. That's when things get out of hand."

I laughed. "I bet! She probably comes back with like two million dollars or something, right?"

"I think last time it was more like two trillion…"

I laughed under my breath, thinking about how people must have been floored when that happened. "I won't then. Let her drag me to Vegas, I mean."


The week flew by in merely seconds. I couldn't concentrate in class and neither could Alice. In fact, almost all of the Cullens were perversely excited about the "Big Trip" we were planning.

"Hey, Bella," Mike said, sliding next to me during lunch on Friday. I saw Edward stiffen beside me. "So, what're you doing this weekend? There's going to be another party at First Beach." I suppose he was trying to be nonchalant about it, but he seemed like an over-eager puppy.

Slipping an arm around my waist, Edward turned to smile at Mike. "Sorry, but she's busy this weekend. And even if she wasn't, she wouldn't be going to First Beach." His unspoken message to me was clear: No werewolf territory. No Jake. No danger. What he failed to realize is that we were about to break into the freaking White House. Why did everyone seem to think that was a safe idea?!

Mike frowned; looking like Edward had just kicked him and then told him that his puppy was dead. "Oh, well…then I'll see you Monday, I guess." He stood to go back to Lauren's table when I laid a hand on his arm.

"I truly am sorry, Mike. That sounded like fun, and I would go except that we all have plans this weekend. If you would have told me sooner, I might have been able to come." And I would have, even though Edward wouldn't have liked it. "So…have fun for me, okay? Make an extra s'more or something." I smiled at him, and he smiled back.

"Have fun, Bella. You too, Cullen." He added, nodding at Edward.

"I will, Mike," Edward responded coldly, looking hard at Alice. She shrugged slightly.

Mike waved and left, causing the tension to rise at out table. "Bella, you know you couldn't have gone, even if we were going to be in town this weekend!" Edward whispered to me frantically. "You would have been in danger, and I wouldn't have been able to save you because of the stupid treaty lines!"

I kissed his cheek, trying to soothe him. "You know I would be safe."

"But I don't. Not after everything that happened to you there…"

"Oh, calm down, both of you!" Alice called, throwing a grape at Edward. "We're not going to be here, so no harm done!"

He picked it up and threw it back at her, and soon a grape war was started. Bright laughter came out of all three of us, while other people stared. They had been used to almost no talking from any Cullen. And now laughter? People were literally craning their necks to get a glimpse. Alice's eyes glazed over, and then they both started laughing. "Think we've gone mental," Edward whispered to me in-between laughs. "Aren't sure what to do. Some want to run away, and many are planning on it. That was Alice's vision."

I started laughing along with them, and (surprisingly) many people started running for the cafeteria doors. This only caused more laughter from us, and some from the people still in the cafeteria. "We need to leave." Alice immediately sobered up, grabbing both Edward and mine's hands. "This is about to get ugly…"

We may never know what exactly happened that day, as no one ever spoke about it again.

"Alice, why are we leaving school now?" I asked as I was dragged to the parking lot.

"Because, Bella, trust me – you don't want to be at school the rest of the day when Emmett comes back for the day. It'll be total chaos."

I grinned, then stopped in my tracks. "Why are we leaving if Emmett's here?" I missed my bear of a brother.

She sighed as if I were a difficult child. "Because Bella, we do not want, nor need, to be here. Trust me."

I sighed right back at her, but started walking towards the cars again. "Fine. I do, for now."


When he arrived at the Cullen household later that day, just as we had all finished packing stuff for the White House Infiltration, Emmett was all laughs. "It was great!" he bellowed in-between laughs. "Everyone was so glad to see me!"

Edward chuckled under his breath. "I doubt that," he whispered to me. "Madame Lafarge was always so relieved when he left class." I giggled, thinking to myself, Since when do I giggle?

Alice stood on the table nearest us and clapped her hands. "Listen up, everyone! We leave in one hour, so everyone double and triple check that you have everything. Go, now!"

For some unfathomable reason everyone jumped up and ran to their respective rooms, Edward scooping me up as he ran. "What's going on?"

"You do not want to know what was going to happen if we didn't…" He shuddered.

"What's wrong?" I asked, kissing his cheek. "Did she hurt you?"

"Not yet. But trust me, if we're not ready in an hour, my piano and Volvo are going to be painted pink."

I jumped out of his arms, running over to his bed where our bags were. "Well?" I called over to him. "Don't you want to save them?!"


An hour later, exactly, we were all assembled again in the living room. Alice, once again, was standing on a table with a clipboard in hand. "Black pants?"

"Check!" Everyone said, looking at their pants to make sure they were, indeed, black.

"Black shirt?"


"Black converse?"



"Alice, dear, don't stand on the furniture!" Esme called from the kitchen.

"Sorry, Mom. Now, flashlights?" she called out, jumping off the coffee table

Everyone held theirs up, boredly saying, "Check."

"Super awesome secret agent codenames?" Pointing to each of us in turn, we had to recite our ridiculous 'codenames' Alice insisted on giving us.

"Mr. Musclepants." Emmett laughed, hopping from one foot to the other. He was really excited about this whole trip.

"Betty Boop." Rosalie sighed.

"Mr. Sensitivity." Jasper was trying desperately to smile and make Alice happy, but the overpowering amount of boredom from all of us was making it hard.

I sighed, fearing the worst when everyone heard my codename. "Danger Magnet." I mumbled into the carpet. But those stupid vampires with their stupid vampire hearing heard me anyway. Busting into laughter, Emmett actually had the gall to fall on the floor because he was laughing so hard.

Trying to contain his chuckles, Edward wrapped his arms around me, trying to hide me away from their laughs. "Oh, love," he sighed, "What are we going to do with you?"

"Just say your codename, Edward!" Alice called over Emmett's roaring laughs.

He looked horrified. "Alice, no," he breathed, "That's horrible." Knowing what would happen if he didn't cooperate, Edward glared at Alice. "Fine…Piano Man…"

Immediately, everyone (including myself) started singing, "Sing us a song, you're the Piano Man. Sing us a song tonight. Well we're all in the mood for a melody. And you've got us feeling alright." From that point on, no one was quite sure what the rest of the lyrics were.

I looked over to Edward, who was banging his head against the wall. "Oh, Edward!" It was my turn to gather him in my arms. "Oh, it'll be alright."

"Yeah, Piano Man!" Emmett called from the sofa. "You feeling alright?"

Quicker than I could have thought possible, Edward dropped me onto the nearest couch and launched himself on top of Emmett.

"Ah, are you repressed, Little Brother? Can't let out your passion for Miss Swan, so you choose to release it in the form of anger?" Emmett taunted, blocking Edward's punches with a practiced ease. "You do realize that it's not healthy for you? That you're just going to have to change Bella before you go crazy. Well, crazier than you already are, at least. But then again, the piano is a prophylactic. Is that why you play it so much, Edward? To control yourself?"

That was it. Edward lost it. Tearing at Emmett any way he could, real fear began to shine in Emmett's eyes. "Woah, watch it!" He bellowed, moving swiftly to block his new TV. "That's worth more than you're piano!"

Snarling, Edward tore at his chest, grabbing for the TV at the same time. I got a quick look into his eyes: pitch black. Normally that color was only reserved for times when he was really thirsty, but now? I guess it must be a sign of a vampire gone feral. "Edward!" I shouted, hoping it would get his attention. "Edward Anthony Mason Cullen! Stop right this instant!"

And he did. Gradually as he walked towards me his eyes lightened to their normal topaz. "Eh…sorry about that Emmett."

Emmett's easy grin slid onto his face. "No permanent harm done." He looked down to the slash marks on his t-shirt. "Well, at least not to me."


With seconds to spare, we were on our way. The drive was long and boring, even if we were able to cut the travel time in half due to back roads and lazy cops. There was the incident in Indiana involving Jasper and the bobble-head cat toy, but I'm not going to get into that.

Sooner than I would have guessed though, we were in Washington D.C. and minutes later we were outside the White House.

"Okay, troops: If we stick together, we'll come out all right and with all appendages. Can you handle it?"

We nodded, each person grabbing whatever was needed of them. I grabbed my bright pink radio purse and hooked up the iPod Alice had given me to its speakers. The Mission Impossible theme song started playing. Alice turned around and beamed at me. "It'll play on a loop!"

Are you all completely mental? I thought, glad that this was one of those times when Edward couldn't read my mind. Are you trying to make us into a teen comedy cliché?

Apparently that was the plan from the beginning. I laughed to myself, surveying the scene around me: Emmett, the jock. Rosalie, the pretty and mean girl. Jasper, the brooding loner. Alice, the oddball leader. Edward, the musical genius. Me, the klutz that gets us all killed. If that's not cliché, I'm not sure what is.

Alice signaled for all of to be quiet and follow her as she slunk along the lawn. Pointing to a door on the side of the building she gestured for Jasper to come up by her. He expertly picked the lock and we all scrambled to go inside before we were noticed.

I pulled the door closed behind me, seeing a bright spotlight on the place where we had just been, Luckily they passed just far enough away not to notice the opened door.

We followed along the tunnels under the White House for another hour or so before Alice deemed it safe to venture onto the main floor. Just as we neared the Oval Office, I noticed a German Shepard laying on the ground near the door. Being as graceful as they all were, all the Cullens were able to pass by unnoticed. I, however, was not.

Stumbling past the dog, I tripped over a rise in the rug. Before Edward could notice and catch me, I was on the ground nose to nose with the huge dog. It's eyes blinked open quickly as I scrambled to back away from it. "Good doggie." I mumbled, keeping eye contact. "Good doggie will let Bella go?"

No such luck. And to top everything off, everyone else was out of sight. I guess they were in the Oval Office…a good 2oo feet away or so. I could run that, couldn't I? Surely it wouldn't be that hard!

So I did. It took the dog a second before it realized that I was running away before it jumped up and ran after me. By then I was halfway to the Oval Office. I could hear everyone whispering things to Emmett like, "Don't do that!" and "Emmett, no!"

I sprinted in the room, slamming the door behind me. Everyone stopped yelling at Emmett to look at me. "Edward!" Alice hissed. "It was your job to keep Bella out of trouble and away from the dogs! Could you not even handle that?!"

I stepped in-between them before Edward could say anything. "Alice, lay off him." I snarled, a picked up vampire habit I'd gotten lately. "I fell and he didn't notice. One time out of a million. Big whoop." Noticing Emmett out of the corner of my eye, I panicked. "Plus, Emmett's about to get us all blown up."

He had found the Button, the one said to end the world. And guess what? Yep, that's right: he pushed it.

Something shot out of the button, causing Emmett to cry out in alarm. "Ah! I'm dead, I'm dying, I've been hit!"

Everyone rolled their eyes. "Emmett, honey, you can't die. You're a vampire." Rose sighed, pulling him to his feet.

"How could you forget that?" I asked, totally confused. Before I could ponder the vast emptiness of Emmett's head sometimes, two big missiles shot towards me. The same two that had shot at Emmett, but had apparently bounced off of him. "AH!" I screamed.

"Bella!" Edward launched himself in-between them and I. Grabbing them in his super-human grip, he crushed them both. As he turned in mid-air, the Mission Impossible theme song started playing again.

After he successfully saved my life, Edward turned to glare at Alice. "We are leaving. Now."

Everyone followed him, knowing that he would hurt anyone who didn't come. "Bella…" He murmured into my hair, kissing the top of my head. "Oh, Bella…what are we going to do with you."

Lazily, I grinned up at him. "No, what are we going to do about Emmett?"

He chuckled. "We'll have to lock him up somewhere, won't we?"

I nodded then slipped off to Dreamland.

AN: So, chapter and all of the White House part dedicated to oXXb00kw0rmXXo for being a super-cool person! Never thought our debate on whose friends were weirder would lead to this, huh? Anyways, GO READ HER STUFF!! Now! I command you all! Especially "Lost Control" because I'm beta'ing that one, and pretty much it just rocks. (Ha) But no, really, it's great.

So, I have no idea what the name of Forks High's French teacher is, but it seems like it's "Lafarge". But I really don't know. So, for the purpose of this, it will be.

And I apologize if this isn't as funny as it could be. I had to finish it quickly, before I leave until mid-July. What better way to leave than with an extremely long (for me) chapter in "Emmett At…"?