Author's Note: Wrote this ..way back- decided to post it up as a oneshot. Hope you enjoy.
What has become of the veiled secret of you and me?
The pristine memories and warmth of loneliness I never felt, what has happened to it all?
The strange attraction of neither a pulling nor resistance that I was forced to make, was it really the right thing to decide on? Or either, the wrong thought of hope?
It's been quite a time since then.
The incident at Inkeda Inn, I, whom myself could not handle alone. I looked for you in shame and guilt, and your precious body not found in the midst of death or among the malevolence, but somewhere far away, a place where I can't be. If I may sound selfish, I terribly miss you.
I lived to grow stronger, hoping maybe at once I can meet you in honesty as a stronger person.
But you'd probably never know.
How much I lived in agony, just wanting to talk to you without my eyes being closed in fear. How our poor meeting was such at a wrong time, moment and yet carried such right feelings. It was already decided you were going to find out my fear of his eyes, your master. What that man has done to me, that beast, this country, he's despised. I can't live this way, without the moment of hatred in my heart, avenge and pain. I hate him, Suzu, I hate him to death.
You should never be with him in the first place, not even near him.
Get away from him.
Don't touch him. I will be back for my sensei, don't you ever touch this man.
From the moment I met him, I swear I needed him. The coldness and the corruption of this place, this world rejected me. The only thing I needed was a approach and sensei gave me much more than that; The devotion and the truth of my poor misleading heart. I want it all Tetsu, I want it all. The power that I never had, the love I cannot receive, the joy and laughter I once had, I simply want everything you had.
Is being a little selfish that much of a simple sin?
I'm only so tired of living my life in a waste, in an offering to an old, tainted man, in blood loss and trash, in tears when you were living in bliss.
You told me Tetsu, I remember too well. How much you and I are quite alike, without certain family members and in searching for something.
Then where is my pleasure?
Where is my joy that you stole from me?
One chance Tetsu, just one chance I received from Sensei, all but to kill you. But aside from punishment I saved you, and this is all I get in return. Hopeless days and excruciating wounds you'll never know of. I hope to see you again. To see you in love rather hatred like mine, to see you in laughter rather in countless tears, see you in glory rather than weak like I. Just so you can see how easy it is to fall down- but so hard to go up again.
I just want to see you again.
The boy started to walk and whistle, exposing vulnerable and a peaceful mind. He danced at a funny thought and began to laugh to himself, not noticing of a rather familiar presence. Then the wind blew as the deft movement carried of a certain being, high and ominous.
"W-Who are you!?"
The boy jumped back to defend himself and questioned the certain man.
Silently the man began to move, ignoring the question only seen with one purpose of being there. To kill.
He grabbed his sword on the right of his waist and began to tremble in anxiety as the figure goes near to slash out his flesh. The boy moves skillfully but still with many flaws in his moves he trips and panics at each time. The figure was much taller than the boy, causing an obvious explanation of how he's strength is much greater. The boy jumps up and hits his head but only to be knocked down onto the brick floor ground below.
"W-What do you want with me?" the boy questions to stall some time as he lays on the ground defenseless.
"Just to say hello, Tetsu."
The boy turns his head behind him at such remark of a familiar voice and looks at him almost teary eyed.
"S-Suzu, you're a-alive."
"Of course I am, why wouldn't I be?"
The certain boy raises his hand and the man walks farther away from Tetsu, letting him stand. As Tetsu stands he never takes of his eyes off Suzu and began to stammer out his name.
"Where were you?"
"Away," Suzu spoke slowly, approaching to Tetsu in a deliberate footstep. Tetsu stood there speechless when finally Suzu stands right in front him, reaching out with a thin hand. Tetsu stood there, thinking what he should do but the fast hands of Suzu gently grabbed him to bring him close to his face, to his lips.
The sudden kiss brought out a gasp and a grasp of air as Tetsu opens his mouth letting Suzu in. Their tongues collide as Suzu closes his eyes carefully caressing Tetsu's cheek who at this moment is perplexed. Suzu almost moans out Tetsu's name as he began to speak.
"I missed you."
Tetsu almost pants out his name and whispers the same, both now in deeply of this kiss. Suzu finally let goes but still holds on to Tetsu's face, who now is flushed and bewildered.
"I always wanted to do that. To hold you and whisper things only you can hear," Tetsu by this moment is dazed as the breeze rushes through his thin clothing. He comes by closer for warmth and Suzu hold him nearer and kisses his ears.
"Why did you kill that man?"
Tetsu suddenly opens his eyes, only to see that he was in Suzu's grasp defenseless and weak.
"Don't act stupid Tetsu, I saw you at that place, as a Shinsengami. His body scattered in blood, headless and cut open. His blood tasted so sweet Tetsu, so sweet and so precious,"
Suzu began to hug Tetsu's waist, crashing his torso upon his, still licking his ear lobe every second he spoke.
"Have you ever been assaulted by a man? Have you ever eaten scraps off the ground? Then maybe for your avenging future, have you ever killed somebody? Or should I say yet?"
"I could've killed you."
He spoke as he bit Tetsu's ears gently, almost harder every time. Tetsu then tried to push away but Suzu was firmly holding onto him as he kept kissing his cheeks.
"I could've killed you when Sensei ordered me to. But you know what? I didn't. I didn't because I knew- But look at me now, look at you."
Suzu's hands rose through out Tetsu's upper body. Tetsu slightly moaned as Suzu started kiss his jaw line and neck.
"Please, stop Suzu."
"Why didn't I kill him? Why didn't I kill you?"
His eyes began to water with tears, gently colliding with flesh as it triggered down to his cheeks.
Suzu gently licked it as his hands held on to his bare chest inside his kimono.
"I'm going to make him suffer in ways he can't imagine,"
Tetsu began to pant in tears and closed his eyes as more tears fell to his side. Suzu gently smirked and let go to now hold his face to look directly at him.
He then whispered with his eyes and mouth in utter delight.
"So as long as you draw breath, your life will be nothing but loneliness, humiliation, and despair."
Suzu then let go of Tetsu, as Tetsu fell straight to the floor in tears.
"Are you g-going to kill me?"
"No, no, why would I do something like that?
Death would be too easy for you."
Heaven is the desire of the greedy. And hell is the delusion of helpless, born of inferiority and jealousy. The joys of heaven, and the tortures of hell…
All exist in this world.
As I held his rotten corpse, I emptied out myself -A point of cleansing, or the welcoming of a certain other.
I love you.
That's why I want to kill you.
Because I cannot rely on things that will only bring me down. From my love to you I lost the only thing that kept to me was precious.
Why are you crying Tetsu?
Shouldn't only the agonizing wounds cry instead? The painful deceit that people followed for, shouldn't they cry instead? Those who lost everything they had, consumed by agony, shouldn't they cry instead?
You don't deserve to cry, not when you are full of everything you wanted.
You don't deserve to cry.
The pain that I felt was unbearable.
Don't say this Suzu, don't snap like this. You can't be like this, don't, you just can't-
I want to say it. It wasn't me who killed him, it was Souji- but to be killed, or to kill I cannot choose. I had no choice, Suzu, I was saved from killing him myself.
Why can't I tell you this to you?
Do I have to be mute, while you are building on these painful words on me. I don't want to suffer, Suzu, don't do this to me.
I deserve this happiness.
But you do too.
"You can hate me if you want," Suzu sat beside him, watching as Tetsu cried.
"You can even kill me." Suzu continued to talk in whisper, placing his hand over Tetsu's back, rubbing and caressing him.
"Just when you lose a leg or two, crawl back to me when your face is covered in dirt and filth, then I can say 'ah, I'm happy I let him live'."
"Suzu, I don't want you to-"
"Live, Tetsu, live like you were to die the next day."
He planted a light kiss on his forehead and walked away, into the blend of the night, the bloody night.
Author's Note: The plot, the characters all belong to Nanae Chrono.