"How exactly do I get inside?"
"You've never done it this way, have you?"
"Well, then we'll have to be careful. It's going to be tight, especially the first time."
"How tight, exactly?"
"Let's just say I've got a big-"
"I get the idea."
"Don't worry, it shouldn't hurt unless you get caught."
"Oh, I'll get you unstuck. It wouldn't exactly be fun for me either, you know. I'll get you out, but we might end up in a bit of a sticky situation."
Akiyama was walking, quite innocently, past the tent of his two superiors. The scaled youkai half-listened to their conversation as he strolled by, but two or three paces away he comprehended the meaning of the snippet he had heard and stumbled back to press his pointed ear to the canvas.
"Once you get in there you'll have to stay on top of things. Constant motion is the key. Just keep moving and you should be fine."
"Could you tell me again? I'm really not sure what I'm doing."
"Here, let me show you. Once you're inside hit this spot. Hit it repeatedly until you penetrate that barrier."
A thin stream of drool had found its way from Akiyama's open mouth to the ground.
"What are you doing, Aki-san you dolt, standing there and drooling like an idiot?!"
"Shhhh!" Akiyama turned with a glare, spraying spittle all over his companion, a short and sinewy female earth youkai. "Azarni, you gotta hear this!" Akiyama hissed excitedly. Azarni narrowed her eyes suspiciously, and then crept up to the tent. Her eyes widened. "Holy shit!"
"There will probably be some screaming, but that's completely normal. Just make sure it's not too loud, or someone will notice."
Almost half the camp had gathered at the tent of their leader and his second. It was mostly silent, save for a few hushed comments.
"Who is that?"
"Sounds like Yomi-san."
"He's been trying to seduce Youko for years!"
"Damn, I bet it's hot."
"D'ya think Youko'll kill 'im?"
"Once you've finished up there, don't be afraid to slide into another position. I'm creative, I'll be able to figure it out."
"Is there a certain pace…?"
"Well, this is the first time, so take your time and enjoy yourself. I'll come a bit faster, since I'm more experienced."
"Did he just say…?" Akiyama asked poking his companion in the side.
"Shhh!" Azarni ordered slapping his hand away.
"Don't touch that— YOMI!"
Many of the thieves' eyes glazed over in some sick fantasy or another at the shouts filling the air, but a lean wind apparition strode past them all without a second glance.
"Youko, Yomi, Raidon reporting." He threw open the tent flap, ignoring the choked sobs of 'Nooooooo…" coming from the demons strewn about on the ground in puddles of drool. Both the King of Thieves and his second in command were hunched over a small table, a map spilling off its sides. Youko was bending Yomi's wrist back at an unnatural angle, and near the horned demon's hand, a bottle of ink was emptying in contents over the map. Two heads snapped up. "WHAT?!" Outside, there was a muffled thud as nearly all the assembled youkai anime fell in incredible synchrony.
A/N: Oh the insanity! Oh the hilarity! Oh the homophones! xD Spice here. Misao wrote most of the dialogue and I wrote most of the rest. This is Misao speaking. There will be more chapters added to this if you liked it. And if you liked it you'll review because we won't add the next chapter until we get five reviews, MWAHAHA! -cough- Okay, I'm over that now... -gasp of horror from Spices- Misao! You're so mean to them! Be nice or they'll run away!