Author's Note: …Look. I don't know where the hell this idea came from. I just felt so emo and wanted to write something that could express what I'm feeling so that I don't feel so bad, ok? I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I'm just…feeling so hurt…
Disclaimer: I don't own anything concerning Bleach.
Warning: OOCness, language, and some violence. Note that the povs are different. Have some fun in guessing; I didn't.
A is for Affection, and it made me feel so good. Because I knew you loved me, and only me. No more than the love, affection and care, did you shower upon me and made me feel like I belong to you, and only to you. But I just can't help feeling uneasy when I see you showering affection on someone other than me.
B is for Bastard, for I know that you are one. Why do you deny it so when it is just so true that you betrayed my trust, when I thought I could love you? When I thought you weren't like them, who thought I was no more than someone they could care less about? You are a bastard, through and through. You are a bastard, but you're just afraid to admit it.
C is for Conclusion, because from all the things, I can conclude something about you. Tell me, if you really do know me, is my compilation table of your good points larger than the one of your worst? If you had chosen the former, then I do not know you anymore.
D is for Despair, the exact thing I'm feeling right now. It tears me apart, and makes me do things that I don't ever want to do again. They tell me to calm down, to ease myself, to get rid of the horrible feeling, but it's there, and it doesn't want to leave until it's done with me. Just like how you were done with me too.
E is for Emotion, something I wish I was born deprived of. I would rather be an empty tin can who was born without a heart, than be a human who was born with the ability to hurt and be hurt like you.
F is for Fate, and double 'f' would be what I wish to tell you now. You thought destiny brought us together; that the hands fate has dealt for us had been long decided and that our paths had been paved by the hands of fate. Well, to hell with that fucking fate, because I will not let myself get controlled, and get you hurt in the process.
G is for Gem, because you are my little gem. I will treasure you, hold you safe in my hands, like a pirate lusting after his treasure. But you say that the pirate can never hold his treasure safe; because that pirate will be caught by the arms of justice, and the stolen possession will be returned to society. I tell you, that I won't be letting this gem of mine go, but I had eventually let it go, because my little gem doesn't want to be with his pirate anymore.
H is for Heart; a heart that has been experienced the worst of hell and eventually ripped apart by the person it cared for most. My heart is sinking; it's tearing into me, and searing my insides. My chest hurts, but you're no longer there to comfort me. All I can do is lie down there and clutch my chest, and let my heartache live on for as long as it wished to. I can't breathe anymore.
I is for Insomnia. I left you alone, and it's been bothering me. I toss and turn at night, but I can't get any sleep. All I think about is you, and I wonder if you're experiencing the same thing as I am. Sometimes I feel like screaming; sometimes I feel like calling your name out; but during that sometimes, I would feel my soul dying away in guilt, and would stop trying to accomplish the impossible. The thought of knowing that you will never forgive me lies deep within my soul…and it's been keeping me up all night.
J is for Juvenile, but I don't think I am one. Everyone says that I am what I am, because that it what I am; sometimes I don't understand why people treat me this way. When you tell me that I'm a juvenile, I wanted so much to slap you in the face. But before you could, you'd say, "Yes, you're a juvenile, Toushirou. But that's only when it comes to us having some quality time on the bed together." And I learned that I am, after all, inexperienced in certain aspects of life.
K is for Killings, and I'm always by your side whenever you kill. I don't take part in any of the brutal murders you've committed, but I am your accomplice, because I didn't tell anyone that I knew of the truth which I wished I didn't know of. You kill someone every day, every night, and you'd always do it when we're alone, when you wanted to show me that you had the heart to kill. I remember I first asked you why, but you would tell me that it was for my sake. I don't know how many innocent lives you have taken, and I don't wish to know. The number of times you tried to atone for your sins is nothing compared to the amount of blood you have on your hands. I know it's there, and it will always be there. And the amount would just go higher day by day.
L is for Lies. You are what I would call a liar. You said you would visit me, but you didn't. You said you would comfort me when I'm feeling down, but you don't. You said you would make me happy, but I'm not. You said that only you, and no one else, can give me the love and happiness I need. But I don't need them anymore. All I need is for you to stop telling me lies…and become the one I've known all my life. I'm getting tired of this.
M is for Manipulation, for I feel that I am being toyed. You take pleasure in bending my will to your own, and make me your marionette, your prop, your tool, as the key to your personal gains and promised future. I hate it, I despise it. I can't tolerate being someone else's puppet, even though it is too late to get the strings off me. Manipulation is a horrible thing, and I do not wish to experience it again. For once, I am, glad that you have left me.
N is for Nothing, for I do not feel anything anymore. There is nothing left within you and I, and there is nothing more I wish to say. Nothing that you do will be able to atone for what you did, and with that, I leave you nothing once again.
O is for Options, the many options that lay before you. You have a whole new set of choices to make in your life; it's just a matter of whether or not you want to take the opportunity. There are many options you can choose, and they can all end up the way you want it to be. I just want to know if the path towards me is the option that you will choose. But I know it is highly unlikely, after the hurt I had caused you. So, please, choose the option that will give you the least pain, because I chose the option not to see you in pain anymore.
P is for Poisoned, for because of some strange and odd reason, I have taken the poison you gave me through your lips. I became addicted to you like a drug; I can't get enough of you, nor your lips nor your body. The poison is telling me to get closer to you, yet at the same time it is wounding me. My heart is being ripped into pieces whenever the poison takes control of my body; I feel the toxins leaving me and entering you instead.
Q is for Quote, and I have the memories of you saying things about me that made me feel so wonderful. You said that you enjoyed being together with me, and that you wanted to be with me forever. You said that you loved me, that you cared for me, that you wanted me to be by your side forever, and in return I loved you, I cared for you, and I wanted you to be by my side forever. I never knew that those quotes were just filled with lies and empty promises, deceiving me. Now people no longer believe me when I told them you were a fucking asshole who doesn't deserve my forgiveness; because they'd rather believe the words I quoted from you.
R is for Revenge, which I have been plotting to get back at you and your new lover. I wanted to see him break down, collapse to his knees, and beg for mercy, telling me to let him off and that he would return you to me. Revenge has never been sweeter, and it has never been sourer. You were convinced he was in the wrong, and you said that you would return by my side again, but I know you are still in love with the bloody asshole. I wish for more revenge, but I can't imagine doing anything to you.
S is for Sight, something which is precious to me. Because with it, I can see your face, and recognize you when you get lost in the crowd, for your hair is just so distinctive and unique; and yet, this sight of mine has betrayed me. When I saw you frown at me, scowl at me, I know you are upset; when I saw you walking away, I know you want to leave me alone because you do not want to see me anymore; when I saw you screwing another person, I know that something is no longer there, and that I wished that I had lost my sight because you two were taking pleasure in front of my eyes.
T is for Trapped, for I know exactly what state I am in. I shouldn't have trusted you; why had I trusted you? You were going to toy with my mind, and make sure that I fall into your trap. Well, you know what? You've succeeded. I'm trapped, like a caged wingless bird that can't depart for freedom. I'm running in an endless maze, not knowing what lies ahead for me, but knowing that what lies ahead could be anything but freedom. I'm trapped.
U is for Unbearable, the unbearable torture that you are giving me. You no longer wish to see me; you no longer wish to hear me; you no longer wish to speak to me; you no longer wish to feel me; you no longer wish to know me, and you no longer wish to remember my existence. And I can't take it anymore, for the pain is just so unbearable that I wish that I could just drop dead, because I would rather die than see you in pain that is more unbearable than mine.
V is for Vulgarities, and without them, I would have no idea how to verbally insult a bloody asshole like you. I don't have any bloody time for some fucking bastard like you; I don't wish to waste my fucking breath on a piece of bloody shit like you, telling you to stay the fuck away from what rightfully belongs to me, because you, my shit-faced 'friend', are barging on private property and stealing it, claiming it as your own. Bloody shitty asshole. I don't give a fucking damn about you anymore. Just go rot in hell so that Toushirou can be all mine again.
W is for Wrong, and I want you to tell me what are the wrongs that I have done that made you treat me like this. You once said that I deserve something more than being your friend, but you haven't told me what it is that I deserve. And then you tell me that you want to break up with me, all because of the wrongs that I did. Tell me, what did I do wrong? Or is it something wrong with me that you don't like? Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me, because I don't know what the fuck is wrong in the first place.
X is for Xylophone, the instrument that reminds me of you. I remember how I would bring you to this music shop that I frequent, and you would always try out the many different musical instruments on display. But why is it that you can play so beautifully on every single instrument, and play so badly on the xylophone? Is it the instrument? The sound? The song? Or is it just because you don't put your heart into playing it, like how I don't use any effort in playing your favourite song on the xylophone?
Y is for Yawn, an indication that there is not enough oxygen in your brain, causing some exhaustion. Or maybe you're just plain tired. Like how you always yawn whenever you make and report the day's killings to me; you're not getting enough blood, and you want more blood to shed all over. Or like how you always yawn whenever we speak; you're tired of me. And you don't want me anymore.
Z is for Zygote, the nickname you would always give me. Till now, I don't know why you call me that. You would tell me that it's because even though I'm dead, I'm still alive; burning alive in your heart, like how a new life is born after the fusion of a sperm and an egg. But like you said, it is a life, a new life; so how could you bear to take away so many lives and promise me that you killing me would be your last?
Now you know your ABCs…
Won't you come and sing with me?
I wish you would come and listen to what I have to say, because that time will be the last I will ever see of you…and the last you'll ever hear of me.
A/N: I do admit that I feel much better after writing and crying for a bit…but I don't know what was wrong with me in the first place. Well, whatever it was, I feel much better now, albeit a bit teary, but still better.
Do you want to know the scenario of this oneshot? It's a bit hard to tell from the messed up paragraphs…
Scenario: Kusaka betrays Hitsugaya, like in the movie, except that he manages to escape. Hitsugaya and Ichigo become a couple after the incident, but Kusaka is jealous. He tries to break them up, and manages to talk Ichigo into helping him (how, I don't know, because I wrote all of this on a whim). Ichigo screws some random person and hurts Hitsugaya deeply, resulting in their break-up. Hitsugaya is still unhappy with Kusaka, and Kusaka goes insane; he starts killing people, saying that it's for Hitsugaya's sake. When Ichigo comes in to stop him, Kusaka tells him that he'll no longer kill anymore, as long as he gets the opportunity to end Hitsugaya's life and suffering.