He thinks I'm not angry at him anymore. That our fight is just forgotten, and we just have to focus on the task at hand.
We have to focus on getting off this Island.
But how can I, when I don't even want to get off the Island?
I know it means just going back to the way we were before. Making our living off cheating dice. Running from the law, and seeing our faces everywhere on wanted posters.
I could live with it before. I had Tulio before.
I guess I still have him now, but he isn't mine now, his Chel's.
And those words still burns in my mind
Why can he so easily forget me, but I can't forget him?
I know we were never meant to be. He made it clear from the start that what we did-the connection we shared-meant nothing. We were just satisfying our desires. It might not have meant anything to him, but it sure meant a hell lot to me.
I remember the first time we kissed.
We had just had a close call with death. We were caught cheating when playing poker. The cards had slipped out of Tulio's sleeve. We had been sent to jail, and were awaiting our death trial.
Of course, Tulio came up with a plan to escape.
The guards chased us for miles, with their guns shooting over our heads. My heart was beating so fast, I thought it was actual going to pop out of my chest.
We managed to hide in a barn. As we heard the soldiers fade away into the distance, we collapsed next to each other on to a hay stack. I could feel the heat of his skin, and his fast breaths next to me.
And I did it!
In all fairness, I hadn't eaten for ages and I just felt so relieved.
But as soon as my lips were pressed against his, I forgot everything. My heart started going faster. I thought it had actual came out of my body and had given itself to Tulio.
Once I realised what I was doing, I broke away, shocked. But Tulio smiled at me, not saying anything for a long while.
"Come on, we'll make a plan in the morning, for now we'll sleep here" he told me.
We never talked about what we were doing, not even when it progressed into more then just kissing.
He got the message across that it was nothing by kissing the first girl he saw.
I also remember the last time we made love.
The night after we arrived into this island. We were settling down for the next, sleeping side by side.
"Six months" I heard him say just as I was drafting off.
"What?" I mumbled, turning over to face him. I was half-asleep, while he was wide awake, looking up at the starry sky. He heisted before continuing.
"Six months since I have seen a girl, or had any kind of sexual contact" I was fully awake now, and I smiled. I pushed myself up into my elbow and looked down at him.
"I don't know about the first bit, but I can easily solve the second" I told him, before slowly kissing him.
I remember his hand on the back of my neck, pushing me gently down, so the kiss was deepened. I can remember me slowly undoing his shirt buttons and slipping my hands on to his strong chest. I can remember the smell of out bare skin touching each other.
But I don't want to remember any of it. I just want to forget. For this pain to stop.
Why am I even here? I asked myself, looking towards the direction we just walked from. I should be in the City of El Doardo, not here.
In this tree, at the dead of night.
Chel and Tulio are asleep beneath me. I just can't stand it. I don't want to see them together, mocking me because I can't have what I long for.
I can't have him.
He said himself that he didn't need me anymore. He has Chel, and I'm left with no one.
Miguel sighed and draw his knees up, leaning against the truck of the tree. His eyes were wet and dull.
He had been having these thoughts for days now. That is all that ran though his mind. There was no point in not talking to Tulio, and everything seemed fine. Little did Tulio know that Miguel was sinking further and further into depression.
They had no where to go, and had nearly been caught by soldiers twice before the soldiers left the island, taking all boats with them.
Chel was right about it being more fun without a plan or a map, but the excitement only lasted a couple of days being reality set in.
Their plan now was to just make it alive to the following day.
The jungle was full of dangerous animals, like jaguars and snakes.
Not like going back to Spain would be any different. They must be the most wanted men in the whole of Europe.
If only I didn't love him so much, Miguel thought in his head, I wouldn't have saved his life, and I would still be in El Doardo. Miguel sighed again and closed his eyes. Maybe if couldn't hear Chel and Tulio's slow breathing, he'll be able to get some sleep.
"Miguel?" came a voice. Miguel opened his eyes. Tulio was climbing the tree up to him. Miguel took a deep breathe that got caught in his throat.
"Is it comfortable sleeping like that?" Tulio asked, climbing onto Miguel's branch.
"Well, I can't hear you snore as bad" Miguel shrugged.
"Hey!" Tulio laughed, giving Miguel a soft push. Electric went though Miguel at his touch and Miguel turned his head away from Tulio. A silence fall over them.
"This argument isn't sorted out, is it?" Tulio quietly asked.
"I don't know if it ever can be" Miguel answered.
"Come on Miguel, we've had fights before" Tulio said. Miguel didn't say anything. Tulio gently took hold of Miguel's face and turned it so they were looking at each other. Tulio looked into Miguel's eyes.
"Your eyes!" Tulio said, shocked, and he frowned, "What's happened to them?"
"What do you mean?" Miguel asked, confused. Tulio heisted.
"They're dead…the shine has gone…my emeralds have disappeared" he answered. Miguel raised an eyebrow.
"Your emeralds?" he half-laughed and Tulio seemed to blush slightly. Miguel looked at him and then bowed his head.
"Come on Miguel, I'm worried about you" Tulio said.
"I thought you were just forgetting about me" Miguel questioned, looking up at him. Tulio looked shocked.
"You heard that?" he asked, guilt building up in his eyes.
Miguel glared at him, and made to climb back down the tree.
"Miguel, wait" Tulio begged, grabbing hold of Miguel's wrist.
"What?" Miguel snarled. Tulio draw his hand back and looked away from him.
"I was scared" Tulio whispered.
"About what?" Miguel asked, angrily. Tulio was quiet for a long while, and Miguel saw a tear escape his blue eyes. They looked dull as well.
"I was scared that…that I was in love with someone else" Tulio said.
"How many girls do you need?" Miguel asked, drawing his knees up again. Tulio looked at him.
"It's not a girl" he said, before coming closer to Miguel. Miguel was shocked as Tulio pressed his lips against his, but he kissed back, tears rolling down his face. He pulled Tulio closer to his so their chests were pressed firmly against each other's. Miguel couldn't believe this was happening.
Tulio did love him. He wasn't just an object, used to fulfil desires.
Miguel pulled away slightly.
"What about Chel?" he asked, uncertainly. Tulio smiled.
"Forget Chel" he whispered, before pulling Miguel into another kiss.