Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto
"He's so dreamy."
"Tell me about it."
Sakura and Ino were shamelessly ogling Uchiha Sasuke, that stud that had gone there and come back again. He had grown and taken a liking to more revealing shirts and- how do you expect them to be able to look away?
Of course they couldn't, that is why Sasuke was constantly being eye raped.
Sakura let out a long sigh, blowing some hair away from her eyes.
"I wonder what it takes to tame a man like that."
"Oh, that's easy." Suddenly a very male voice spoke from beside her and both girls jumped a little in surprise. Naruto had sneaked up on them-- like a ninja!
A hit directed at Naruto's head, whine and head rubbing later Ino dared to question the intruder.
"And how is it easy, huh? I can assure you that every trick in the book has been tried on him by the village girls and beyond."
Sasuke was sitting beneath a tree a distance away, reading some scroll and trying very hard to ignore them. That is, unless the occasional twitch in his eye was a chronic ailment. Ino and Sakura had long ago given up on hiding in the bushes, accepting the fact that stalking was childish and futile since Sasuke could sense them anyway. So, they had simply brought a blanket and food with them, settling down to watch the boy quite openly.
It was like watching TV, or better yet, going to the zoo where Sasuke was an exotic animal to be stared at! To their delight, the boy was also stubborn enough to remain where he was until he finished reading his scroll no matter what interruption might occur.
Sakura slapped away the tanned hand that was reaching for their food. Naruto pouted.
"Yes, Naruto. Enlighten us, please."
"It's so obvious! He's such an old-fashioned prude that if you throw him to the ground and kiss him it practically makes you engaged," the boy huffed but perked up when food was offered to him.
"That might be true!" Ino said, getting excited. Sakura didn't though, knowing her teammate a bit better than Ino.
"And just how do you throw him to the ground and kiss him? I think I might-" Ino glared at her, "I mean we might meet some resistance."
"That's true too. Geez, Naruto. Of what use are you?"
Sasuke thought he felt a pleasant spark of hateful electricity between Ino and Naruto.
"Well it's not my fault that you girls lack the ability to force him."
"And I suppose you have what it takes to do it?"
Puffing his chest out in pride and manliness, Naruto grinned widely and nodded. After all, Uzumaki Naruto was better than Sasuke in everything. Sakura thought she saw his ego enlarge visibly but after rubbing her eyes, she was relieved to say it had just been an illusion.
"Care to demonstrate?"
The confident smirk died down pretty quickly and Naruto wrinkled his nose in disapproval.
"I don't want to be engaged to Sasuke."
The girls nodded in understanding. They didn't want him to be either.
"Ah, but didn't you already kiss him once?" Ino questioned. As fine as it was, Naruto's theory was starting to have more and more flaws.
"Hey, Naruto. Bet you a puppy that you can't kiss Uchiha!"
The three jumped in surprise at the sudden voice, turning to look at Kiba who had sneaked in on them— like a ninja! Hinata appeared a little less like a ninja, being shy behind a tree, failing miserably at hiding her blush when she saw Naruto.
Naruto smiled at them so widely that Gai would have been proud were he to see that dashing, bright, downright blinding row of white teeth.
"Hey, Kiba! Bet you ramen that I can!"
And with that, the four Naruto left behind as he strode towards where Sasuke was still sitting, watched and waited for him to fail miserably. Because that was the right thing to assume from a thing like that.
But their eyes almost bulged out when Naruto just simply stopped in front of the Uchiha, grabbed his collar before the boy had even time to question the blond and crushed their lips together. And for some reason it was unreasonably long and heated and Akamaru gave Kiba a dirty look for getting all hot and bothered because of the sight presented to them.
But what screamed steamy homo erotica to them was actually just a heated battle on who needed air first. Make everything a freaking competition. That way Naruto could live with the fact that it was Sasuke's face he was currently trying to suck off.
Unfortunately oxygen was necessary if the two of them wanted to continue on living and in the end they compromised and pulled apart. The awkward silence that followed was breathy and hazy eyed.
"We aren't… engaged, are we?"
Sasuke smirked despite the sudden situation he had been pulled in.
"As if. That'd take at least a good fuck from you. Not that you have any balls to do something like that."
He let got of Naruto's collar which he had grabbed for support while Naruto had shamelessly ravished him, and smirked smugly, starting to walk away.
"He? What did you say!?"
"Hm? Oh nothing much, just that… what did that Sai guy call you? Dickless?"
When Naruto started to run like mad after Sasuke, scroll reading and bets long forgotten, Sakura gave a defeated sigh, turning to Ino.
"I think I just lost the last bit of little hope I had left."
"Yeah. It's kinda sad."
With that, the girls left for their appointed dates with Lee and Chouji, leaving a traumatized Kiba and Hinata behind.
"Give me my puppy."
Kiba turned around only to find a rather depressing looking Naruto standing there, hands stretched out, waiting for his prize. To think that the blond had actually come all this way to the Inuzuka grounds just to rub his humiliating victory (but victory nonetheless) to Kiba's face.
The dog boy grinned despite all that. One of their dogs had just had puppies and they were ready to be given away anyway. He gave Naruto the most colourful one, covered in white and black and brown spots.
"There you go, you've earned it. It was pretty intense, I must say."
Naruto shuddered and, if possible, his depression seemed to reach a new level. Turning around with the tail wagging puppy in his arms, Naruto started to walk away to where Sasuke of all people was waiting for him.
It made Kiba laugh like hell.
"You get along surprisingly well. But seeing how you aren't limping you haven't gotten too cuddly yet!"
"Of course I'm not limping!"
Naruto let out a deep sigh.
With tears of mirth, Kiba watched as Naruto walked to the sunrise with his new family.
Hinata wasn't as amused as her teammate. She was, in fact, currently cursing herself for getting caught ogling Naruto by Sasuke. She also regretted how Sasuke had heard her question how to tame a man like Naruto.
And when Sasuke had said, "That's simple, all you have to do is to take advantage of his simple mindedness and use dirty tricks," she should have tried it out immediately.
But most of all, she cursed herself to hell and back for nodding when Sasuke had smirked and asked her if she wanted him to demonstrate it to her.