Disclaimer: yeah, I totally would have offed Harry; does that answer your question?
Summary: the best way of realizing any relationship woes can come through the simple act of just getting yourself stuck in an elevator with your partner and forcing them to talk to you
A piece inspired by The Bravery's CD "The Sun and the Moon"
Chapter I: Believe
Song: Belive by The Bravery
The faces all around me they don't smile they just crack
Waiting for our ship to come but our ships not coming back
We do have time like pennies in a jar
What are we saving for
There's a smell of stale feeling that's drinking from my skins
The drinking never stops because the drinks absolve our sins
We sit and throw our roots into the floor
What are we waiting for
20 July 1980
She was a bundle of nerves as she intently stared at the bar above the doors of the lift, watching as they slowly made their way towards fifty, praying for them to just get there already.
She was well on her way to a nervous breakdown, already second-guessing her choice and whether or not she really actually even had the guts to go through with it.
She was suddenly hit with the thought that she would most probably be forced to see him, to talk to him after one moth without so much as a word uttered from either party.
'This was all so wrong,' she thought to herself with a devastated groan.
She then realized that he might ask her why she was doing this—and she didn't really know if she had a proper answer for that one. Should she head back "home" until she figured that one out and come back at a more convenient time.
Better safe than sorry, right?
It was official, she really didn't deserve to be called the gutsy spitfire that people so often classified her as—obviously, if this pathetic display was any indication, she was anything but.
Yet, somehow, despite all of that she still managed to just get away with letting out a deep breath as she exited the lift. She managed to make a move towards trying to maintain that courage that she had finally, by some divine miracle that was totally beyond her, been able to muster earlier that morning. Still though, she couldn't stop the apparently uncontrollable nervous shaking of her hands as she walked towards the secretary.
At five paces away from the woman she couldn't help but stop mid-step, there was just something so horribly wrong about it all, but despite that she felt compelled to do it. Her mind and her heart were pulling her in two separate directions and she couldn't make up her mind, at times it felt like her mind was winning, but then at the most importunate times, such as now, her heart made a valiant effort that seemed to destruct any progress she had made.
She sucked in a deep breath of air as she forced herself to take another step towards what she knew was the right direction, even if her heart didn't believe it to be so.
"Mrs. Potter," the secretary, Alison, greeted her, a distinct undertone of surprise evident in her voice. Apparently, she wasn't totally ignorant as to the on goings of Lily's life, figures that James would tell her. "I'm afraid that your husband is at a meeting right now, but he should be back in a few minutes if you'd like to wait-"
"No," Lily quickly interrupted her; all the while understandably grateful for the opening that the secretary had given her and the apparent bout of luck with karma that she was having that day. "That's okay, I just need to drop off this envelope—I'll just leave it in his office," she told her, tightly smiling at the girl before quickly making her way into James's office.
When she entered the room she couldn't help but scoff at the sty that she had entered. Typical James, papers strewn about everywhere in sight—and that from a bloody CEO of a company, he really just needed to grow up and gain some sense of organization skills. Suddenly, upon remembering the time constraints that Alison had made note of, she quickly made her way towards his desk and stuffed the envelope on top of a pile of papers that were resting on top of it—only question was when the slob would find it in that mess.
Quickly ridding herself of the thought that was sure to have her going off on a tangent she made her way out of the office, waving a quick goodbye to Alison as she rushed towards the lift, praying for the Gods to continue protecting her and save her from running into anymore people she knew.
After only a few minutes of waiting and the doors opening to an empty lift she couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief as she made her way through the open doors, pressing the button for the lobby. She leaned back onto the walls of the lift, closing her eyes as she tried to keep the tears at bay, as she waited for the doors to close so she could finally break down, let he emotions go throughout the fifty story elevator ride that was awaiting her—an ample amount of time to wallow and recollect herself.
Just as the doors were closing, however, the Gods proved that they could be just as cruel as they could be kind. A stack of papers wedged themselves between the doors just before they totally closed, forcing them to reopen to the sight of a clearly baffled and angry wizard.
"James," she managed to whisper as he made his way onto the lift, immediately pressing the close doors button with such force that she was shocked by the fact that he didn't break the button. "What—what are you doing here?"
He stared her down coldly. "What is this?" he exclaimed as he raised the pile of, now ruined, papers so that they were in her line of vision.
"Those were our divorce papers," she answered blandly, well aware of the fact that she was probably grating on his nerves because of that response, but, somehow, she didn't care—no, that was a lie, she did, she relished the fact that she was annoying him.
He rolled his eyes, emitting a slight growl that was almost feral as he heard the cutting response. "I figured as much, my question is more along the lines of why the hell did you bring these?!"
"Because I want a divorce?" she ventured, well aware of the fact that she was entering very shaky territory at her own, admittedly incredibly stupid, risk.
"Damn it Lily!" he barked as he hit the stop button on the pulley. "How the hell do you think it felt to have my secretary tell me that you dropped something off just seconds before I arrived? How do you think it felt to see this, of all things, lying on my desk?!" he asked her with obvious disgust at the memory.
"James, you have to understand that-"
"Don't—don't try to calm me Lils," he interrupted her with a snarl. "Merlin, how the hell can you even just give up like this—I thought that you were stronger than that!"
"Me?" she scoffed, an anger quickly rising within her at hearing him say those words. "I'm the one that's giving up here James, really? Do you honestly want to play that card here? Because, to tell you the truth—if memory serves me right—you're the one that left our marriage far before I ever decided to even make it official."
"Listen, I know we've had our problems, but-"
"Problems?" she asked with a condescending laugh. "Is that what you've taken to calling them now?" she shrieked, her entire body practically pulsing with anger as she felt her animosity towards him throughout the past year culminating in a slow rumbling within her that was just waiting to explode.
"Well what else can I call them then?!"
She couldn't help but recoil slightly at that retort. She stared at him, speechless for a moment as she was left without a retort.
The truth was that despite it all she didn't know what to call it anymore; it was all just so blah right now. It felt as if all those bad memories were meshed together in a collage of recollections of lonely nights and lonelier days.
"Nothing," she told him in a broken voice. "There is no word for it because the truth is that we haven't been together enough this past year for it to even be problems. There was nothing to fight about—nothing to talk about… there hasn't been an us in a long time now."
"That's not true," he protested.
"But isn't it?" she challenged him.
"Bloody hell, you're one to talk Lily—moving out without any warning, without even giving me any indication as to where you were, and then suddenly showing up like this to give me these bloody things. And, even then, you don't come and confront me about it. You're as much to fault as I am," he accused her, pointing a finger in her face in an accusatory manner.
"Oh that is so typical of you, you can't dispute the fact so you blame it one me?! I learned from you, you bastard. Like I said, you left this relationship long ago James, I just followed suit—made it official, if you will. I won't ever let myself be just some bloody society wife for you; I won't be in a relationship where I'm ignored, I deserve better than that James!"
It was odd, really—the way that suddenly, out of nowhere and without any indication at all, he seemed to calm down. Everything about him changed—from his facial features to his stance to the way that he wasn't glaring at her anymore. He looked broken—and, somehow, Lily couldn't help but revel in that, enjoy the fact that she was finally able to instill some sense of something, some emotion in him, after having spent so long with the cold, emotionless James that she'd come to despise.
"I don't ignore you," he managed to choke out, a tone that perfectly matching everything about his deportment.
Still though, she couldn't help, but guffaw at that reply. "You don't? Well then what the hell do you call the fact that you'd rather sleep in your bloody office than come home to me just because it's more convenient? What the hell do you call the fact that you've been home a total of seven months in the past year between all those damn business trips of yours? You've become the classic society husband James—we don't even know each other anymore."
"That isn't fair-"
"then what is it James because, honestly, it sounds like a perfectly reasonable accusation given everything that's gone on—or, better yet, hasn't gone on between us lately!"
"If you'd just believe in this-"
She rolled her eyes. "What do you think I've been trying to do? I just can't live like this, James, too much has gone on between us, too much has fallen apart."
He sighed as he leaned on the wall opposite to her, letting his weight slowly fall onto the ground. "Where did it all go so wrong?"
She shrugged as she followed his lead by taking a seat on the ground, only she couldn't quite slide down the wall as he had been able to given how tight her pencil skirt was so she had to opt for slowly lowering herself onto the ground.
"Along time ago I suppose—it's why we never noticed it, it came on so slowly, a culmination of everything."
"There has to be a chance though," he persisted, still holding onto that infallible hope of his, despite how broken he might have felt and appeared to be.
She shook her head slowly. "I don't think there is—not anymore."
"I can't let it go like that, you know me Lils. I'm just not that sort of bloke, I still believe in us."
She smiled softy as she wiped away a stray tear that started to make it's way down her cheek. "I wish I had something to keep on believing—breathing for like that, but it's just not there anymore."
He nodded slowly as the full effect of her words hit him. "Can—can we just sit here a bit and talk. I—I, at least, need some closure. Is that okay?" he timidly asked her, almost as if afraid of her—a thought that struck such a powerful chord with her, she couldn't help but be shocked by the influence he could still have on her despite everything that had gone on between them.
So give me something to believe
Cause I am living just to breathe
And I need something more
To keep on breathing for
So give me something to believe
Author's note: hope you liked it and, please, feel free to leave any comments or critiques you may have about it.
Also, if anyone would like to be my beta I'd really appreciate it. What I really need in a beta is someone that can recognize typos as, admittedly, I have quite a few problems with that one. Also, I need someone who can critique my work, just tell me what sucks, what works, and what doesn't work. I don't do well with a simple 'love it.' lol.
Thank you for reading!