Warnings: Sexual innuendo of various types, mostly non-serious
Disclaimer: Still not mine...
Author's Note: Some of you that have run around on for awhile may remember a little story written shortly after the movie came out, rather randomly called 'Sparks'. Yeah. It ended a long time ago, but here's a little tag to it. You don't really need to read the story to understand it, though some of the jokes won't make sense otherwise.
Blame Goes To: This is entirely and totally the fault of cazcatharsis and vodka. With some of the latter supplied by the former. I hope you're happy, caz. :P
- Do Not Want -
"You ever notice how Elita is all calm and collected most of the time, but as soon as Optimus starts in on one of his speeches she gets fidgety?" Beth mused as she leaned on the railing, looking down to where Optimus and Elita were meeting with several key world leaders. Behind her, her sister Alex looked up from the book she was reading, then at what she could see of the pink femme, who was indeed fidgeting slightly, though only one who had been around Autobots a lot would know that she was.
"She's had to listen to his speeches for millions of years. I'm sure she's heard them all and gotten tired of them by now." Alex said with a shrug, turning back to her book.
"Well, yes, but she hasn't heard any of his 'Earth's future' and 'humanity and Autobot peace' speeches more than a dozen times. And she hasn't seen him in what, a few million years?" Beth asked, and Alex made a noise of agreement, not looking up from her book.
"More or less." she replied absently.
"So why would she be fidgety?" Beth mused.
"I don't know, maybe she doesn't like listening to speeches in general. She wasn't built as a soldier bot, you know." Alex said, still trying to continue with her book.
"That would work if it wasn't just Optimus' speeches that she fidgets during." Beth replied, turning around to give her sister a frown. With a sigh, Alex put her bookmark in and set the book down, looking up at her sister, realizing that Beth wasn't going to drop the conversation anytime soon.
"Well I don't know then. Why don't you come up with an explanation?" As soon as she said it, Alex realized she'd walked into Beth's neatly-laid trap. The grin on her sister's face was positively sinister, and Alex made a mental note to start keeping Beth away from Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, and Jazz. Keeping her away from Cliffjumper would probably help, too, but there was next to no chance of Alex being able to do that.
"I think she's trying not to botasm." Beth said smugly.
"To what?" Alex asked, giving her sister an odd look, though from the sounds of the word, she didn't think she really wanted to know.
"Botasm. Autobot orgasm." Beth said with a smirk, and Alex groaned.
"I believe the proper term - and I'm going to put sugar in Jazz's fuel tank for ensuring that I know it - is 'overload', and I very much doubt Elita is fidgeting during Optimus' speeches because she's trying not to do so." Alex said, and eyed her book longingly. This was not a conversation she wanted to be involved in.
"Why not?" Beth asked promptly. "No other explanation makes sense."
"This one doesn't either!" Alex said in exasperation. "Why would she be anywhere near overload in the first place?"
"His voice." Beth said smugly.
"Beg pardon?" Alex replied, arching an eyebrow.
"Optimus' voice. During his speeches, he's talking non-stop, no interruptions, and if she's used to hearing said speeches, she can just tune him out, left only with the harmonics, the rise and fall of his very sexy voice." Beth explained.
"'Sexy'?!" Alex spluttered, and Beth grinned.
"Haven't you noticed? It's really quite attractive - enough to make a girl want to try some inter-species breeding." she said, and Alex could only give her sister a shocked, scandalized look. "Oh come on, you're the trucker and I'm the soccer mom, why are you the one being a prude?"
"Because...contemplating Optimus' voice being sexy would be like...like...thinking your voice is sexy!" Alex whimpered, squeezing her eyes shut and trying to rid herself of the thought at the same time as she said it.
"Oh as if you aren't having kinky robot threesomes." Beth said with a snort.
"Once again, I remind you that just because you and Cliffjumper do, does not mean Optimus and I do!" Alex retorted, readily latching onto an argument she was used to.
"Whatever you say, Alex." Beth said with a serene smile, and entirely unusual response, and Alex eyed her suspiciously. There was a pregnant pause. "I still think Elita's trying not to botasm over Optimus' voice."
"GAH! NO! She is not! And I don't want to hear any more about it!" Alex exclaimed, then snatched up her book and hid behind it. On the other side of the book, Alex could hear her sister snickering, and then Beth's footsteps as she walked around her.
"Oh come on, you have to have noticed how they always disappear together right after Optimus makes with the speeches." Beth said, standing behind her sister and pulling down Alex's book so she could see the upper halves of Elita and Optimus. Alex looked back and glared at her sister.
"I'm not listening to you anymore." she said.
"You just can't accept the truth." Beth said with a smirk. "Or won't admit to something. Tell me, is the reason you started bringing books to these meetings because you needed a distraction from his voice, as well?"
"OK, that's it. I'm leaving. You can stay here and contemplate all the kinky things you want, but I am not going to listen." Alex said, standing and trying not to let her brain break at the topic of conversation.
"Ah-ha! Leaving as soon as I get too close to the truth, are we?" Beth said smugly, and Alex gave her a glare.
"If you're bored, I believe Cliffjumper is still parked outside, I'm sure you could find a secluded Autobot-sized storage closet." she said icily, then left the balcony, walking at a brisk pace to the nearest corner and darting around it in an attempt to foil any plans Beth might have of following her. Fortunately, Beth seemed to be content to leave Alex alone now, so it was a much relieved Alex that made her way through the corridors, heading outside in the hopes of getting fresh air.
"Hey Alex. Get tired of watching Elita try not to overload?" Sideswipe greeted Alex cheerily when she was only partway to her destination, and the human woman stared at him for a moment. Then the twins, and every Autobot on the planet, were treated to Alex's cry of frustration over the communications network.
- END -