This is just another random one-shot, based on something that happened to me lately... several times.
Thanks to Mag68 who took the time to read over it and offered her- very welcome- advice.
Do you know that feeling when you just know that god is telling you something because you can feel that certain flutter in your gut? Maybe you believe in god or maybe you would call it fate, a guardian angel or just sub- consciousness, I don't know.
This is a feeling I had quite a few times in my life and it has never misled me. Now I am sure you are asking yourself if I am having visions, weird dreams or talking to God, but I can assure you that I am not. It is more like... how to describe it?
For example you are driving around in your car and the radio is playing some random song, but you are not really listening because you are deep in thoughts. Suddenly you are hyper-aware of that song in the radio because of one single sentence in the lyrics. Maybe it says "Everything's gonna be alright" and you just know that this is a message to you. The song is nice and the lyrics are actually saying something, but it's only that one line that gives this special feeling and a sudden calm comes over you and you know right that moment that the song is right and everything will be just fine.
It's irrational I know, but strangely enough these little messages always turn out to be true in the end.
It's like when you eat a fortune cookie, like you've done a hundred times before, but this one time you just know that the little hidden message will come true.
Or you read a book, one you've probably read several times already, and then you notice a sentence or a single word that jumps off of the page at you all of a sudden.
It usually happens when I'm listening to music, maybe that's why this one time was so special. I don't even have to like the song in question, but then I hear it on the radio and know that Bono is telling me to get myself together because I got stuck in the moment and can't get out of it. Phil Collins tells me I can't stop loving you and I shouldn't even try, Britney says I'm crazy, Alanis gives me a lesson in irony and Whitney says that I will always love you, no doubt about it.
However, the last time I got a message it was different.
First, because I was devastated, though I tried not to show it and told Rory that I was fine, great actually. But, my life was falling apart and I couldn't do anything to stop it. Rory would leave me to go on Obama's campaign bus and I would stay in Stars Hollow; sad, depressed and alone.
I didn't know when I would see her again and the thought that she wouldn't be within driving distance anymore made my heart ache. We didn't even have time to go on all the roller coasters as we planned to.
And, you still weren't fighting for me or showing me in any way what you were feeling. You didn't even react to my sung declaration of love. I know why now, but I didn't back then and it broke my heart.
I was losing my kid, my everything, and I would have this huge house to myself, a constant reminder for all my shattered hopes and dreams for the future. Sure, there was always Paul Anka, but he was no retriever.
And then there was you, or actually there wasn't. I could picture myself waking up in the morning in an empty bed, have breakfast alone, going to work, coming home to an empty house and going to bed alone until I would die. Ok, I know that I am a tad dramatic here, but that was exactly what I was feeling at the time. I was depressed, sad, devastated, lonely and indescribably scared of the future and the lonely woman I would be.
I couldn't imagine that things would ever get better for me. I only had one kid and she was leaving and there's only one man I love and he didn't want me anymore. I couldn't change those facts and I felt so helpless.
And then I got the message.
You know I am not a religious person per se. I mock those TV evangelists and I got pregnant at 16- that alone placed me on heaven's waiting list, so why bother with religion and church? However I believe that there is something more, something bigger, no matter what you call it.
It happened the morning of Rory's farewell party. Rory and I had to separate to get everything done in time. While she was running the errands in Stars Hollow, I drove to Hartford to get the rest.
I had just left the camping store to get her one of these cool thermoses when a missionary came up to me. Lately they are always downtown singing and praying, handing out invitations to come to the church.
So I walked to my car and this woman comes up to me. She looked a bit like Fran Weston: old, small, tiny and a smile on her face. I never take those things they hand out, but I just couldn't tell her no. I took the card, stuck it into the shopping bag and drove home.
I swam in my own misery the whole way home and had to re-do my make-up when I got home, because the tears had washed it away, except for the ugly traces of mascara under my eyes. When I entered the house I saw that Rory still wasn't home and I got a first taste how the rest of my life would be.
I trudged into the kitchen and unpacked the things I had bought. I put the clothes I had bought on the table and put the thermos on the kitchen counter. I was about to throw away the plastic bags when the card the woman had given me fell out and landed on the floor. I picked it up with the intention to throw it away as well, but froze when I saw what it said.
And you shall be made sorrowful, but your sorrow shall be turned into joy
This was one of those moments. As I stared at the card, my eyes welled up with tears and the tingling in my gut started. I didn't know how, or when or why, but at that second I knew that I would be happy again and that everything would work out.
That evening when we drove into town and there you all were I knew that happy would start soon. The giddy feeling that I had since I found the note hadn't vanished yet. You had done this for Rory and for me. If this was no declaration of love than what is?
I will never be able to forget the joy I felt when I realized that you really did still love me.
"I just want to see you happy," you said and then I couldn't keep it in anymore. I just had to kiss you.
We both know that my feeling was right again and the prediction came true. We are so blessed, Luke.
And that is why I think we should name the little boy inside of me "John. And as you can see now I was aware that John is a biblical name!
Please think about it!
PS: remember that there are two boys, so William still goes for the other one
PPS: Of course I will call him John-boy whenever I can, try to stop me!
Lorelai placed the notebook on her nightstand and ripped the page out. She folded it and leaned over Luke to place it on his nightstand. She took another look at her alarm-clock and squeezed the eyes shut when she felt the next contraction coming. They were six minutes apart now. It was time to wake the father to be, who didn't know yet that he would agree to name one of his sons John today. It would be a very joyful day for all of them.