Genre: Humor/General

Rating: K+

Media: FullMetal Alchemist

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Summary: Edward tries and tries to call Winrey…but all he gets is the answering machine!

A/N: Yeah, I know they don't have answering machines in the world of Amestris, but it sounded too fun to pass up and I had to write this. Near the end, you should pretty much figure out where in the storyline this all takes place.

The Answering Machine

"Well…" sighed a blonde boy dressed in black clothes with white gloves, rubbing the back of his head. "Here goes nothing."

It had been awhile since he had made any calls home and he was rather nervous as to what the response would be. He dialed in the number, held the receiver to his ear and waited.

After about ten rings, there was finally an answer.


"Hey, Winrey? It's me."

After a pause, the voice asked again, "Hello?"

The boy frowned. "Can't you hear me?"

"Who's this?"

He gave a frustrated growl. "If you can't tell, then there's something wrong with you!"

"Oh hey!" came the next cheerful response, which only seemed to agitate the caller more. "Wassup?"

"About time you figured it out, mechanic dork!"

"Guess what?"

He gave a tired sigh. "What are ya gonna torture me with this time?"

"This is the answering maching."

The boy paused, slowly pulling the phone away from his ear and glaring at it. "I wonder if I should destroy this thing…"

Laughter could be heard from the phone followed by the same voice concluding, "That was fun! I'm sure I'm going to enjoy your message!"

later in the month –

The same boy slowly stalked up to the phone, glaring daggers at the piece of machinery. "Winrey, you'd better pick up this time…!" Swiftly dialing the number and sitting in a nearby chair, he listened to the ringing.

Then finally, a low, angry voice growled, "If you utter so much as one syllable…" The voice paused, then abruptly raised into a furious scream, "I'll hunt you down and gut you like a fish!"

The scream was so unexpected the boy yanked the phone from his ear and gawked at it in surprise and shock. His expression changed to perplexity when a calm, almost happy voice added:

"If you'd like a voicemail, press the star key!"

He placed the phone back into its holder and left.

two weeks later –

The boy returned, but this time he was accompanied by a large character in a suit of armor who was talking to him.

"Come on, Ed. You've clearly been wanting to talk to her, why don't you get it over with?"

The boy addressed as Ed shuddered subtly, staring at the phone with a look of uncertainty. "What if she's not there again?"

Clanking was accompanied by a sight from the "metal man". Briefly glancing at the shorter person beside him, he strode forward. "Fine, I'll call her. Geez, I don't see the big deal with making a simple call…" He dialed in the number and they both waited, Ed occasionally shifting the weight on his feet.

After awhile, Winrey's voice came through.

"Hello! You've just reached the answering machine!"

Instantly, a horrible shrieking of metal grinding against metal sounded off from the other end of the phone, startling the armored person into dropping the phone entirely. After a few seconds, it stopped and Winrey's cheerful voice broke out, "By the way, leave a message!"

Ed grabbed the phone, slammed it against its holder, and gave his companion a pointed, exasperated look.

"Right," came his reply as he finally found himself able to talk again. "Now I see why you were so hesitant to call."

With that said, they both turned around and quickly marched off.

"Next time, I'm just writing a letter…"

about a year later –

Ed cautiously dialed the number into the phone, slowly picking up the contraption and looking at his busted automail arm, which was in a sling. Also, this time, he was clad in hospital clothes. He didn't have to wait very long for there to be an answer.


"Hey, Winrey? It's me." Silently, he was pleading, Please let it be Winrey, please let it be Winrey…

"Edward?" came the somewhat startled reply, which meant it wasn't the answering machine this time.

Holding back a sigh of relief, he began to tell her the reason for his call. Soon, however, he began to wish it really was the answering machine…

A/N: Oh, thought I'd leave a little note here: the hospital scene is based more on what happened in the manga than the anime (the manga version of the phone conversation's funnier XD). Just to help clear any possible confusion.