A/N: I know. I never update my fics and I just keep on writing one-shots or making new stories. So anyway This is just a one-shot very very AU and well I had a lot of fun writing so I hope you like it! Just to explain Rosalie and Jasper are not Edward's 'brothers' or 'sisters' he just calls them that because they're married to his real family meaning Alice and Emmett. Please if you fave leave a review! at least a little one I want to know what you think about it! Because honestly I think the ending is kind of meh. As always sorry for the mistakes but I'm not a native english speaker. Thank you :)
And I'd give up forever to touch you,
Cause I know that you feel me somehow.
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be,
And I don't want to go home right now.
And I don't want the world to see me,
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.
- Iris, Goo Goo Dolls.
He had planed every single detail of this wedding. Extremly carefully. Suspiciously carefully. He took his time, six months to be specific while she was away. No one took six months to plan a wedding. Especially a man. He had changed the flowers, twice. The priest more than he could count. His brothers oftenly asked why with that hidden meaning in their voices, he said because he wanted everything to be perfect. His sisters knew. He was mostly surprised about Rosalie because she had always hated...her. After so much planning the wedding was going to be perfect. Completly and absolutly perfect. Even if Alice had asked twice if he was sure about what he was doing and even if Jasper had refused to be his best man. He said he wouldn't be part of such a lie. Jasper...always the emotional one. He wasn't like that. He wasn't going to wait forever for her just because he had waited for his sister. That had been his choice, he had choose to move on.
And even when he made that choice he still had hope. Hope that she would come back to him sometime along those six months. Hope that she would find out about his wedding. Hope that she would want him back. She didn't. You can imagine his surprise when he saw the former love of his life holding his fiancee's hand and being introduced as the maid of honor. He couldn't believe it. There was no person in the world with such luck. Alice didn't blink for a minute. Rosalie had that bitchy 'I-knew-this-would-happen' smile plastered on her face. Emmett looked away. Jasper smiled. He was glad that his fiancee was so excited about the wedding, she didn't have time to notice his family. Or he's expression of pain everytime they were together.
So the last thing he was expecting 30 minutes before his wedding was for the maid of honor to walk in and ask him not to get married. She was too late. And he moved his eyes to the window just so he didn't have to stare into her painful brown eyes begging him to do the right thing. He just stared out the cementery of the church. But he noticed how beautiful the blue shirt looked in her perfect curvy body. He couldn't stand thinking that any other man could have her. Her hazel fierce eyes were cutting him in a half. He sighed in. Out. Remember to breath.
She wasn't a bad person. She was good. She had been the best friend she could be. But she couldn't take it anymore. She had spent three hours locked in her aparment trying to stop herself, she had even called her best friend and made up the biggest lie ever to justify her absence to her wedding. Her best friend would never forgive her for that. She would never forgive herself for what she was about to do. But she couldn't live with the doubt, with the expectation, if he said no, she would walk away, for good like she should have at first. The wooden door was big, scary. Same description as what she was feeling. She didn't deserve his pity, she didn't even deserve his time. But she needed it. She could only hope that was enough.
See when you're a teenager and you're in love you don't know anything about life you make bad desicions. She choosed to move to a big city and leave everything behind, including her boyfriend. She was stupid. She didn't realize how wrong she was or how much she loved him until she was alone in a dirty cheap room, crying while hearing the sound of a shooting. She didn't say goodbye. She knew that if she looked into his perfect green eyes and kissed her with his perfect lips she would give in. She didn't want to end up as her mother. She was so wrong.
Her knuckles touched the door softly. She breathed in when his deep husky voice told her to come in. She breathed out.
She wasn't a bad person.
"Isabella." the name fell off his lips like a prayer. She smiled in the inside, he still had that accent when he said her name. "What are you doing here? Aren't you suppoused to be with..."
"I'm not." she interrupted him, the blushing was quickly creeping up her cheeks. "I'm not going to be her maid of honor." He looked confused. "I can't...I don't..."
"You didn't tell her, did you?" he looked panicked, scared.
"I didn't." she began to wonder why she came "She's going to marry you, Edward, she loves you."
"I know." he didn't mean that to sound so...pityful "So what do you want?"
"I..." her thin lips parted but nothing but air came out "I guess I should be straight..."
"Yes Isabella do that...for once in your life." he said roughly, his green eyes were on fire of fury
"I...I didn't expect less from what I've done Edward." his name burned her throat, and she closed her eyes for a minute. "But I need to say this, I don't want to have to regret another desicion in my life. I guess what I'm trying to..."
"Stop." his voice was sharp. It cut her in a half, and she felt her eyes betraying her the tears were almost falling "You just keep lying and lying...you don't regret what you did, you are proud of yourself."
"Excuse me?" her eyes were burning now too, her vision blurry with tears. "What are you saying?"
"YOU NEVER CALLED!" his husky voice came out as a fierce shouting and she closed her eyes scared "There are phones in New York, you know!"
"I didn't call? God Edward! Don't you know anything, at all? I had hurted you so much, so bad. I...I was only trying to protect you."
"Protect me? PROTECT ME?" his fist landed right in the middle of the table that was in front of him "I wanted you back! I was willing to give up everything if you had just called me and tell me to come with you! YOU CUT ME OUT OF YOUR LIFE, ISABELLA!" his voice was shaking now, his hair that had been perfectly brushed by Alice was messy and his eyes were starting to fill with...tears?
"God Edward you're just so damn stubborn..." she turned around, the tears were freely running down her face and she didn't want him to see her cry. "I just came here to say...to..."
"TO SAY WHAT! WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY SAY TO MAKE THIS BETTER!?"
"...I LOVE YOU OKAY!" she screamed it, turned around violently, her whole body was shaking and she tried to cover her eyes with her shaky hands "That's why I came here Edward! Of course I still love you! Everyone knows that! You still make me weak on the knees and everytime someone says your name I feel this pressure in my stomach and you're the only person who makes me feel this way, God Edward, how could you be so blind. OF COURSE I'M STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU! I thought about you EVERY single day I was away, I was thinking about you and wanting you and missing you and the way you used to kissed me and the way you used to play with my hair after we made love and how you just.." a bitter laughter came out of her mouth "I just want to know if you love me...'cause if you still feel the same way Edward..then don't do this...don't marry her but if you tell me that you don't love me anymore, I'll walk away, for good I promise. I'll let you be happy, I'll just hide this feelings...I'll..."
And when she lifter her eyes, his agonized beautiful green eyes were staring deeply into hers, his strong hand grabbed her by the shoulders, she was crying and he hated it.
"Bells..." he closed his eyes and breathed in, she smiled in between the tears, he was calling her like that again.
"I love you..." she whispered and she pulled away...she didn't want this to happen, she didn't want to cheat on her, she didn't deserve it, she had been nothing but a great friend to her, who accidently had fallen for the love of her life, she lifted her hand and tried to reach out for his face but he moved away.
"You should leave Bella...I need to get ready..."
And all the hope she felt for a single second fell apart, and she was right were she had started.
She had left the church. She couldn't stand to see such a thing, so she had ran. She locked herself into her aparment and hide beneath her bed just like she used to when she was a five year old. It used to made her feel safe, like she was in a tower, protected from all evil. She had forgotten that Edward's arms had became her safe tower later on, so she cried. Her eyes were red and she was in fetal position hidding under a bed from a present she didn't want to face. She was pretty sure she had hit the bottom. Until she fell asleep. Her eyes, tired of crying closed slowly and her breathing started coming back to normal, her body slowly stopped shaking, and she drifted away, to dream, about him as always.
She wasn't sure how long it had been. Her eyes were still closed but she could hear the sirens outside and she could tell it was dark, her body wasn't shaking anymore, but her eyes were still sore, and then she felt something. A slight touch in her hand, like a spider or a butterfly, her eyes shot open. And there under the same bed she had been hiding for the last five hours there were another pair of eyes, staring right back at hers, holding her shaky hand. She was sure her face was indescribable at the moment, the surprise that filled her was pure bliss and pain at the same time.
"Edward..." her voice came out raspy
"You still hide from the world in the same place you hid when you were five years old..." he whispered, she was sure she knew what his expression was even if the darkness didn't let her see him
"Edward what are you..." she was confused, maybe she had misunderstood something.
"Please don't..." his hand reached out for her and she held it "Can we just lay here for a while, I swear I'll tell you everything...later"
"Okay." she whispered, her fingers ran up and down his arm, she noticed he was still wearing the suit, she bit her lip. The guilt started to built up inside her and a lonely tear slide down her right cheeks, leaving a mark, suddenly a sob escaped her lips. She tried to suppresed it but it came out anyway.
"This wasn't your fault." he stated firmly hating every single second how Alice was always right.
She wasn't a bad person. She was just in love.