"Is it ready yet

"Is it ready yet?" I asked Rose as I paced up and down the marble floor in our garage.

For the last twenty minutes Rosalie had been tinkering with the lawn mower giving it an 'upgrade'. Buzzing, whirring, and flashing, the lawn mower got closer and closer to being awesome.

"No. It's not. Hold your horses babe." Rosalie said from behind her mask. It's not like she needed protection from the flames and whatnot but it made her feel powerful.

"Well, how long is it going to be?" I pushed on trying to get a straight answer from my wife.

I walked back to Rose in time to see her huff with agitation. She glared at me.

"This, Emmett, is an art. And art takes time. It'll be done when it's done. Go inside and pick on Bella or something."

"Good plan!" I smiled and walked back into our mansion.


"Emmett." Edward said in that tone Carlisle had just an hour earlier. I thought parents were only allowed to do that...

"I didn't do it!" I threw my hands up in the air.

He laughed as Alice and Jasper came into the living room as well.

"Emmett didn't do what?" Jasper asked in that weird I'm-mysterious-back-off voice that he had.

They sat down on the couch, Alice sitting next to Bella and Jasper sitting on the other side of Alice.

"Oh, Emmett's just being a retard like usual. Don't pay him an attention." Alice laughed.

If I had normal blood it would be boiling or... curdling. I don't remember which is which. Curdling sounds really gross so I'll go with boiling. Why couldn't anybody treat me like a person? It was always, 'look at silly Emmett, he's so stupid.' or 'don't pay attention to Emmett. He's just being stupid.' Well, I've had enough. I'm not some childish kid that everyone looked on at like something in a zoo and gave no credit too. I'm older that everyone here! Okay, well, that's a lie. Carlisle and Esme are the oldest but other than that... I'm twenty-three, I was a hunter; I had my life all under control. I was going to marry Ms. Veronica Seal and join the Navy like my older brother. People admired me then. I was somewhat of a hero. The little boys in Ms. Seal's Sunday bible class always said they wanted to grow up and be just like me. That I was the best almost grown up they've ever known. Granted, they've only been alive for six or seven years, but still they loved me.

But now? Now, I'm always the butt end of everyone's jokes. No one takes me seriously... until I get angry and start hurting people. I don't want to be like that. I don't want to have to show people that I mean business by tearing stuff up, hurting things. It's not fair.

Jasper looked at me with a somewhat condescending face. 'Don't Emmett. It's not worth it.' Was what his eyes said.

Edward too. He'd read all the thoughts that went through my head. And he looked a little embarrassed but authorative.

Even Alice's face turned to shock as she stared at me. "Emmett... but this console has lasted so long!" She screeched.

Bella was the only one out of loop here. Poor thing. I kind of feel bad for her. I wish Edward would just go ahead and bite her.

Edward frowned and growled maliciously at me.

Whoops. Even after seventy years with him, I forget that he can hear my thoughts. But it's not like I wouldn't have said it out loud anyway.

I looked down at the floor. I opened my mouth to say that I just wanted people to respect me without me having to resort to violence when Rosalie walked in.

"Hey babe, it's ready."

I perked up immediately, and ran over to my Rosalie and gave her a huge hug around the waist.

I looked around at all the kids in the living room and thought. 'I'll show them.'


Rosalie walked back with me into the garage. She was going to show me how to work it with all the new stuff.

"Alright this little thing here is the accelerator."

"I know that Rose." I said, rolling my eyes.

She cleared her throat and started over. "This is the accelerator, but," Her finger flipped open a red box that held a switch under it. "If you flip this, it triples the capable velocity." She grinned at me and I smiled mischievously. "But before you can do that you must pull this lever." She showed me where it was...

"Yeah, ahuh, ahuh, okay, yup, so... I can I ride it now?"

"Hold your horses babe." She leaned over to give me a quick kiss. "In order for the mower to still function as it's supposed to you have to hit this trigger on the blade button. This quickens the blade movement to keep up with the pace."

"Okay, okay, okay, but can I get on it now? Carlisle's about to get home from work and I want to show him the yard!"

"Alright." She handed me the keys a bit warily. But before I grabbed them she pulled them back. "You do owe me remember..."

"uhuh. Sure babe. Whatever you want." I assured her as I grabbed the keys from her hand and hunched over in the sit again.

I frowned at my current position.

Rosalie laughed and pulled a doohickey and my sit went back and the arms expanded giving me plenty to room.

"Wow." Was all I could say as I readjusted? "You're the best."

"I know." She sighed. And with that I went puttsing out of the garage again. But I knew I would be puttsing for long. Time for hyper/vampire speed.

"Let's amp it up!" I yelled over the roar of the mower.

I put down the blades and pushed the red button simultaneously when I pushed the little switch under the red box.


"WHAHAHHAAAAAWHAAAAAAAA!!" I screamed like a little girl as the mower started going in circles at around one hundred and twenty miles per hour. "AHHHHHWWHWHHAHHAHHAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!" I started laughing when I remembered about the little lever I was supposed to pull.

I reached under and pulled it...

BADABROOM! "WHHAAAA!!" I speed off in a straight line now going about a hundred and twenty miles per hour. But at least I could steer... sort of.

"MNNNAAAA!!" I bite my lip as I tried to steer the stupid thing, taking left turns and right turns. Normally I could handle this, going this fast was actually usual for me, but on a lawn mower... and completely freaked out? Nuhuh. No way.

Over the thunderous noise emitting from this beast I could hear scores of laughter coming from inside.

I'm sure everyone is getting a big kick out of this one. I know I sure am. Bella probably can't even keep up with me.

I was laughed so hard I could barely see. The mower was going so fast and I can only steer accurately. I could go to the front yard to the back yard and back within three seconds with hardly any thinking in the process. It's like it had a mind of it's own.

This was like the best roller coaster ride ever! Even better... there are no lines!!

I kept yelling and mostly going around in a circle when I started to feel dizzy and get a headache.

I turned the switch and the mowing blades off along with that lever and puttsed right back into the garage.

I guess I was completely out of it because I didn't notice Carlisle was already home.

I walked in the house covered in back lawn. The gang was silently giggling on the couch as Carlisle and Esme stared out the back wall, which was a huge plane of glass. There jaws were dropped.

"Well, Carlisle, I mowed." I said cheerfully rubbing my feet on the doormat with a goofy grin on my face. I paid no attention to the mounds of grass that got caught on the mat.

Carlisle didn't reply. He just had a look of pure shock on his face with mortification.

"Emmett... dear. Um, I... I... hmm." Esme tried to say something but was at a loss for words.

"You sure did mow son. I don't think the grass will ever grow back."

Bella laughed. "Because there is no grass."

I turned to see what they were staring at...


The backyard, well, the backmud would be more sufficient. It was just wet brown ground with flecks of green here or there.

Esme looked like she could cry. "Where did it go?"

The kids laughed and pointed at me.

My parents turned to look at me... me covered in what was once our beautiful lawn.

Esme could have fainted; Carlisle just stared at me for a while. He just stared. Not saying anything. Every now and then he would look at the back yard and then back at me. Several agonizing minutes passed by. I wanted to point at Rosalie and say it was all her fault, but Carlisle's face was so serious I thought he would kill anybody that so much as moved a muscle.

He looked back at me. Then he started laughing. Like really full out belly laughing. If he were human, tears would already be sprouted from his eyes. He kept laughing and laughing. I, not knowing what else to do joined in with him.

But he went back into serious mode and gave me a look that said, this wasn't funny.

But he started laughing again and grabbed Esme's hand and led her out of the room.

We were all silent for a few moments before everyone else burst out laughing as well, except for me.

Jasper got up and handed Rosalie something. "Thanks Rose." he smiled.

I just backed up into a corner not tacking part into their conversation, just focusing on breathing for the most part.

"No problem. Besides, I was glad to do it. Emmett owed me this much."

It was all a set up. Even Bella was in on it. I knew Edward should have just taken her that first day.

I just stood there through all their little stories on how it came about. It was like I wasn't there. I wanted it that way. I kind of felt like Jasper.

They had talked for about an hour before Bella said she had to leave.

This brought me out of my mind.

I got up from the wall,

"Rosalie," I shook my head, "That mower went much more than triple it's normal speed."

So there you have it folks. Everyone wins. Rosalie wins, because she finally got me back, the other guys won because they got the best laugh of their life, Esme and Carlisle won... because... okay well they didn't win anything but an opportunity to get better grass. And last but not least, I won because I am fired from ever mowing again for an eternity. Which is way to soon for me.