AN: Okay this is a quick one I wrote up, it jumped in my head suddenly and refused to leave until I wrote it down, just my take on what may have happened on Sammy's first kill. I am working on Feed the children, fear not those who are reading that. I wasn't going to post this, but after some thought I caved, and here it is. So let me know if you enjoyed.

Thank you to my wonderful beta who got this back so quick.

Disclaimer: Please if I owned these boys you think I would be writing fanfiction with them?


The gun sounded, echoed, tainting the night with an awful red as it made contact with its target, while the shooter just stared, stunned.

It was supposed to be simple, Sam was out with his brother and father. A pack of werewolves had moved through the small town of Borden, killing off the small town one by one. But this, this wasn't simple.

It had been a loud night, the werewolves being picked off and angered as the pack dwindled. But Sam heard nothing but the gurgle of the body laying ten feet in front of him. Everything else was silent as he walked toward the still living body, the young girl, the child he had shot, his first kill.

The young girl gurgled as she looked up at him, fear in her eyes, she couldn't have been more than ten. Sam knew he had to end it, knew Dean would do it, but he couldn't. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, eyes welling. "I'm so so sorry."

He couldn't help the sob that came over him. His hands pulled at the hair around his ears as the gurgle continued. "Please, just die already." he begged as he knelt beside her, his jeans soaking with the young girls' blood.


It was faint, but the youngest Winchester heard it as it ricocheted off the forest walls. It was the first thing he had heard, and it blocked the gurgle ever so slightly.

"Sammy?!" came through again as Sam felt a firm grip pull him up from his knees. His vision torn away from the twitching body, replaced with his brothers face.

"Sammy?" Dean said gently as he guided Sam away. "Come on Sammy, talk to me."

Sam tried, but he couldn't find the words, "D-dean, I-I."

Dean didn't need to hear anything else as he brought his brother close, silently checking for any external wounds. "Its okay little brother, I got it now. You've done good Sammy." Dean tried to coax Sam out of his current gaze. He knew it was his brothers' first kill, something Dean had tried so hard to keep from his brother. Sam wasn't supposed to kill things, Dean never wanted this for his brother.

The older brother laughed as he put his jacket around Sam's shaking form,"You got ahead of yourself there Sammy, thought we were gonna have our first together."

"Dean, she's, she's just a kid, I thought…" Sam couldn't finish as a tear escaped and rolled down his cheek.

"I know Sammy, just go back to the car, Dad's just finishing up. I'll be right behind you" Dean replied as he mussed Sam hair, turning the young boy toward the direction of the car.

"Dean, I…"

"Go Sam."

"Just tell her I'm sorry… please."

Dean could feel his heart break for his brother, "I will Sammy."

Sam nodded, knowing his brother would. He walked slowly back to the car, head down, flinching when the gun sounded from his brothers gun, as reality sunk in, he had killed a little girl.

Sam sadness was overwhelming as he thought of the young girl laying on the ground. Why hadn't he known, why didn't their dad tell him there was a child, why did he have to kill her. Sam clenched his fists as his sadness quickly turned, his heart beating hard, his pulse throbbing behind his ears as the Impala came into view.

He could see his father in the distance, a fire was burning, Sam stared at the flames that danced in the air as he watched his brother come into view, small body in tow. The younger brothers anger was boiling as he watched the body get tossed in the fire.

"I did that" He whispered, his voice dripping with disdain as tears fell like rain down his cheeks. "I did that." He repeated louder his fists clenched as his lower lip quivered. "I did that!" he screamed as his fist flew through the air, connecting with the passenger side window on the Impala.

He didn't feel his fist go through, didn't feel his skin ripping as he pulled it out, didn't feel the blood dripping off his hand. All he felt was the pain of killing the little girl, ripping him apart far worse than any window.

Sam fell to his knees as he beat his fists on the ground, it wasn't supposed to be like this, his father had always told him they hunted evil, they were the heroes. But how could he be a hero when he killed children, how?

"He lied," Sam mumbled as he caught his breath, his body tiring as the sobs continued. "How could he lie to me?"

"Sam?" His fathers gruff voice sounded from behind.

"You lied to me." Sam said as he got up, turning to his father, "How could you lie to me?! I thought we were the heroes Dad!" Sam yelled as he walked closer to his father, not caring about whether or not he met his fathers' approval. "From what I've read heroes don't kill kids Dad."

"Sam, she was turned, the whole family had been, she was evil, she had to go." John replied, not backing down from his son who was almost as tall as him. "You back down Sam, you did your job, and it sucks, I never said it would be easy."

"No dad, you didn't. But you also never told us that it was a family." Sam didn't back down as he walked up to his fathers face, "You never told us." he seethed.

"It doesn't matter what they were, all that matters is what they are, and they were ALL werewolves." John replied as he matched up with his son, pushing slightly against his youngest son, showing this new attitude from his youngest boy exactly who was the dominant figure in the family.

Sam could feel his brother beside him, slowly making his way between him and John. "Come on you two, since when do we fight like this?" Dean pleaded.

"Since Dad lies to us now." Sam answered back, watching as something in his father twitched. Before he knew it his fathers strong grip had his shirt in its grasp, pushing him back against a tree, leaving Dean standing there dumbfounded.

"Don't you push me boy, don't you push me! I only do what's best for you two."

"Dad!" Dean yelled as he saw the glimpse of fear in Sam's eyes. "Enough!" He yelled as he got in between the two. He could feel his younger brother shaking. "Back off Dad, we need to get Sammy to hospital." he argued, knowing his father might be angry, but he still wanted what was best for Sam, and he knew Sam had messed up his hand.

"Get in the car." John muttered as he spared one final glance at his youngest son, a wave of guilt washing over him, but he didn't let it show.

Sam let out a breath he didn't know he was holding as he watched his father turn away. The adrenaline starting to die down causing his hand to start to throb, unconsciously the youngest boy pulled the injured hand close to his body.

"Jesus Sammy, you thinking of painting the car red? Or just going for a hip new look, because I don't think the cut up hand trend is going to catch." Dean said lightly as he wrapped Sam's hand, trying to stop the flow of blood. His brother had gone white, and he wasn't sure what from, the night having been packed full of interesting events, all of which were probably leading his younger brother into shock as the small quiver that ran through his body became more pronounced.

"She shouldn't have died Dean." Sam said quietly as he walked towards the car, his legs going numb as he felt his brothers' grip tighten around his midsection.

"Sam, dad's right, she had to die. This world has no shades of gray, its black and white Sammy, what's evil dies, and evil has no age or limit." Dean said as he stopped his brother before getting into the car. "You did good tonight Sammy, besides your mini meltdown, but what can you expect from a guy who likes Titanic."

Sam smiled, "Shut up, you just don't have taste in movies."

"It was Leo wasn't it? Did you get lost in his eyes Samantha?"

"Whatever." Sam smiled as he sat back in the seat of the Impala, his brother right beside him, arm wrapped over his shoulders as the car revved up and started to pull away from the forests edge. Sam watched as the gray smoke mixed with the black night, he knew there were shades of gray that his brother and father just couldn't see. He also knew that he was no longer the hero he thought he once was.

AN: Hope it was A OK. I suppose I could do another chapter on this, not sure if I will yet. But it is brewing. : )