A/n: Smut alert. Boy love. Like it or not. Oh and Fay-topping. Seriously.
Fay often suspected he was only half there, the nights were the worst. Laying awake after feeding… it felt disgusting and so… inhuman. Being a vampire was so much worse than he could've imagined, to rely on someone was something he'd never wanted to do, but having to rely on someone to the extent you depended on them for your survival. He hated it. Kurogane wouldn't let him leave, even if he wanted to.
Kurogane. Fay hissed at the thought, his eye narrowing. It was his fault he was so… broken. And then there were the nights Fay wanted to be broken, when he felt he deserved the pain. There were things he'd never mentioned, things he never would mention from his past that proved he deserved no better than this half-human existence. Tonight was such a night. Call it the call of the moon if you must but he had to go out. He didn't bother putting a shirt on and left the apartment to sit in the garden, shivering in the cool night air. He wasn't alone for long though.
"You okay?" Asked a gruff voice. The devil himself had spoken.
"No." Fay muttered darkly. "I'm not." He lay his head back a little to stare up at the cloudy sky.
"It'll rain any minute." Kurogane said. "You shouldn't stay out for too long."
"Kurogane, do not tell me what to do." His voice was cold, as it had been since he had become a vampire. Fay couldn't differentiate: was he cruel because he'd become this? Or was he cruel due to a hatred for Kurogane. For a moment there was silence, the taller man had vanished inside. He returned with a jacket and threw it at Fay who stood up.
"Leave me alone." He growled, throwing it back and heading back indoors. Kurogane followed him.
"You can't run forever." He warned.
"No but I can try." Fay mumbled, pulling his hair back and tying it up, it was far too long now and often got in his way but he didn't see the point in trying anymore. Now Sakura-chan was as broken as he was, now Syaoran-kun was a stranger… there was no point in trying. There was little point in living, but Kurogane saw to that.
"You gonna go to sleep?"
"Unless you want to make sure I do that too?" Fay growled. Kurogane stared as Fay disappeared into his bedroom, Kurogane leaned against the doorframe. "I was being sarcastic. Go away." The vampire locked eyes with the warrior, stood only a foot away.
"You should've been asleep hours ago."
"So now you're my nanny too?" He demanded. "Tell you what how about I just stop talking completely I'm fairly certain you'd speak for me in the end." Fay stepped dangerously close. "Because that's just who you are isn't it. A control freak." Kurogane raised an eyebrow casually.
"You can't stand if something doesn't go your way, can you?"
"What's this really about huh?" Kurogane whispered, narrowing his eyes. "I'm pretty damn sure this is deeper than me suggesting you get some sleep. You've been acting like a zombie…"
"I might aswell be. Why the hell didn't you just let me die!" He yelled, losing his temper finally, a rabid look crossing his one remaining eye.
"Selfish bastard." Kurogane had to growl, keeping his voice low. "You think the princess would be okay if you died, knowing the kid had killed you. Or the kid? How the hell would he cope?"
"You don't know anything about them! You claim you're worried about Sakura-chan, did you stop and ASK her how she felt? Of course you didn't! You just lunge in as usual, shoot first ask questions later! It's all fine for them to be upset what about you! You get hurt just to keep me alive! And what about ME?" Fay grabbed Kurogane's wrists, allowing his claws to come out and dig into Kurogane's palms, drawing blood.
"I don't mind getting hurt."
"I DO!" Fay growled. "I hate it. I hate having to drink blood. I hate being half here! I HATE NOT FEELING REAL!" He pressed his claws tighter and Kurogane allowed it. "AND I HATE YOU FOR DOING THIS TO ME!" He caught his own breath unable to believe he'd said it.
"Fay-san…" Whispered a weak voice. Sakura had arrived, clad in a dark nightdress, behind her stood Syaoran, and in his arms, Mokona. They stood staring at the scene for a moment until Fay turned his head. He let go of Kurogane's wrists.
"Go back to bed." He told the children in little more than a whisper. "It's nothing." Kurogane sighed heftily.
"Like he says… come on." He ushered the children away, taking Sakura all the way into her room and speaking in a hushed tone with her. Syaoran lingered a moment longer, wondering if there was anything he could say to Fay that may help, but he could find nothing, so left.
Fay was alone again. He placed both palms on his desk and lowered his head. He let out a yell and kicked the desk flying across the room, pent of frustration driving him to insanity. This was not over. He let his breathing slow down to ragged pants before walking out again, shirtless with bare feet, he went to Kurogane's room. He'd only just got back in having seen Sakura back.
"You be quiet this time." He warned. "I don't want her awake at all hours."
"Stop." Fay gritted his teeth. "Telling me what to do." He kneeled beside Kurogane on the bed, bringing their faces dangerously close. "I'm sick of you controlling everything I do. You're the reason I'm still here." There was a flash as steel like claws replaced Fay's usually well kept fingernails, he placed one talon to Kurogane's cheek.
"So what… you're gonna cut me? Go ahead if it'll make you feel better. I don't regret saving you." He breathed near Fay's ear.
"Why did you do it when I told you to let me go? I'll never forgive you." Fay's eye narrowed.
"I can handle that… I think." Kurogane said honestly, taking Fay's wrist and tugging it away from his face, the guy could do some serious damage with those things. "I can handle you pretending to hate me, I can handle you trying your damn hardest to hate me… I don't care as long as you're alive."
"I'm not pretending and I'm not trying." Fay hissed. "I hate you… because I'm not alive. WHY did you do it?" He demanded, moving even closer.
"You've got such a low opinion of yourself you wouldn't believe me even if I told you."
"Try me." The vampire challenged. Kurogane grabbed Fay's face and brought them eye to eye.
"You mean a lot, to the kid, the princess, the manjuu… you mean most to me." He growled and forced Fay into a rough and bruising kiss. Fay pushed him away and wiped his mouth.
"Bastard." He mumbled.
"So THAT'S why I saved you. Yeah it's selfish but I couldn't handle you dying in my arms." Kurogane glared. "Go on… turn me away."
"Stop telling me what to do!" Fay grabbed him by the shoulders, digging his claws into his back. "If we're going to do this we're doing it my way." He seemed so angry… so… furious. Kurogane nodded.
"If it'll get you to talk to me again…"
"Who said anything about talking?" Fay hissed, and kissed Kurogane with just as much force as he'd kissed him earlier, drawing blood from his bottom lip and lapping at it hungrily. Their teeth kept hitting as though Fay didn't have a clue what he was doing but the claw down the back of the shirt was expert, and he had it off in seconds. Thankfully for him, Kurogane only slept in a shirt and boxers, whereas he slept in boxers and pants.
He was breathing heavily through his nose, his eye (now golden from the taste and smell of blood) was narrowed to a slit and there was something very predator-like about his gaze. He pushed Kurogane back so he lay flat, and pinned his wrists to his sides restricting his movement, before biting Kurogane's neck. He let out a strangled cry. Fay usually fed from his arm, and he'd never bitten, those fangs were like poison and he winced at the pain.
"Does it hurt?" Fay hissed at him, running his tongue along the wound he'd made.
"Tcheh." Was the only response he got. Fay growled and bit (though a lot more gently, not enough to break the skin) against Kurogane's protruding collarbone. He forced his hips down a little, rubbing his zipper against Kurogane's exposed thigh, knowing the metal graze would hurt him. He continued, occasionally breaking the tightly drawn skin to cause pain, yet he always licked and sucked them better, to let Kurogane know he was in charge, yet didn't hate him. Could he hate him? He stood up, pulling away.
Kurogane raised himself up onto his elbows to look, half expecting Fay to have the usual guilty look he got after feeding. No… the predators look was still present, he'd withdrawn his claws, and was unzipping his pants, he removed them, following seconds later by his boxers. He climbed back on the bed, one knee at either side of Kurogane's hips, allowing their eyes to meet and his erection to brush his sore chest. Kurogane raised a hand, cupping his cheek and pulling him closer to kiss him, but Fay turned his head and hissed.
"No." He said firmly. "For once you don't get what you want." He met Kurogane's eyes and for a moment they stared. Kurogane smirked.
"You wanna be boss? Sure thing." He pulled them back so he was propped against the pillows for support, so he could have one hand free, and began toying with Fay's hard on. He rubbed one thumb insistently over the tip while allowing his rough calloused fingers to pump his length. Fay put his hands on his shoulders to steady himself. Under normal circumstances, by now Fay would have been putty in Kurogane's hands, but he was mad… he was hurt… he wanted him to know that. Kurogane had to understand that it would've been better… or at least kinder to let him die.
He emitted a low growl.
"Use your mouth." He ordered. Kurogane nodded, and leaned forward so his hair brushed along Fay's chest then stomach, he settled with his noise on the base of Fay's shaft, allowing his tongue to flick over the rest, teasingly and slowly, but that was not what Fay wanted. Fay didn't want this to be romantic, it was meant to be so much simpler. He grabbed Kurogane by the hair and pulled him backwards. "I said use your mouth, not your tongue." If the situation had been different, Kurogane would've probably retaliated in whatever mean way he could think of, but today he had to apologise, and if apologising meant Fay getting his own way then for once… just once he'd surrender.
"Fine." He pushed Fay off of him and got to his knees in front. "Direct me."
"Don't tell me what to do." Fay mumbled, running his fingers through Kurogane's hair and pulling him closer. Kurogane complied, he didn't mind… not being in charge… well he did mind it pissed him off, but what he did mind was Fay's silence. If he were doing this right… he should be moaning or gasping, but even as Kurogane sucked harder, grazed his teeth along the shaft, probed with his tongue and pursed his lips, there was no reaction. He rotated his jaw, swivelling a little and forcing himself to take in more, but still there was nothing. Fay seemed close though.
The fingers curled into his hair gripped tighter and he pushed forward instinctively. Kurogane let his eyes roll up as far as they could to try see Fay's face… he did not look happy at all. Maybe he wasn't good at it? There was a distant look in his eye, and a blank expression on his face, as though this were business. Then Kurogane understood… Fay wanted to hurt him as much as he'd hurt Fay. First he'd tried to bite, physically. Then he'd tried to hurt his pride by taking control. Now here he was attacking his self esteem, trying his hardest to hurt Kurogane by not reacting. It was all mind games.
"Stop now." Fay ordered, in a cold tone. Kurogane pulled back slowly, licking Fay's weeping tip one last time.
"Do your worst." Kurogane challenged. He knew what came next. When all else failed, Kurogane had not yielded yet, so it was time for the ultimate degradation: the last trick Fay could have up his sleeve.
"On all fours." Fay ordered. Kurogane did as told, leaning forward onto his fists.
Fay positioned himself behind him, and there was a moment's hesitation before he forced his way into Kurogane, without lubrication, without preparation… it was intended to hurt. Kurogane grunted, it had certainly done that. Fay had apparently not thought it through very well though because when he pulled back the friction and sudden entrance had caused him to bleed too. He gritted his teeth however and thrust forward. Kurogane clenched his eyes shut. He could handle pain, he was a soldier, what he couldn't handle was Fay crying. He could hear him, even if Fay had made sure that he couldn't be seen, he was making telltale hiccup noises that Kurogane could pick out as sobs.
"Bastard." Kurogane mumbled as Fay hit something inside of him that sparked a familiar pleasure in him so hard that he felt he'd tear in two. It felt good… but hollow. He bit his lip as his breathing became shallower and he came closer to his edge. He'd never really been turned on by sadism, and the fact that he was bleeding and aching did nothing for him, it was the fact it was Fay.
The blond sped up, his own breath failing him, he gripped onto Kurogane's hips, making sure they met his every pump. He closed his eyes and came, giving a few final thrusts before pulling out. He knew Kurogane had not met his climax, and stood up. He grabbed at his boxers and pants and pulled them back on as his breath slowed down.
"Oi." Kurogane said, rolling over to look at Fay who was already facing away ready to leave. "I still don't regret saving you." He said. Fay stepped further away. "But I am sorry." He added. Fay froze. "I'm sorry… I didn't realise how much it'd hurt you. But if the situation came back up I'd do it all again." Fay fell to his knees and buried his face in his hands, crying now. Crying in front of Kurogane. He was broken.
The warrior climbed out of bed and scooped Fay up, holding him close. He carried him back and pulled him under the covers. He ignored the bites on his neck and chest, ignored the ache in his ass, and ignored the lack of satisfaction his own member yearned for, and held Fay as close as he could. He stroked his sweat dampened hair and kissed his forehead. Fay seemed to have lost all inhibitions and just lay there sobbing into Kurogane's chest.
"It's okay… to feel mad at me." Kurogane said, brushing his palm against the arch of Fay's back. "But don't hold it in until you go crazy…" He paused, bringing Fay's face up to look at his, "You're crazy enough as it is." He smirked. Fay looked away, tears still leaking from his remaining blue eye and underneath his eye patch. He let go, allowing the blond to cuddle back into the safety of his chest and for at least ten minutes they just lay in that embrace, seeking comfort in each other until Fay spoke.
"Ne, Kuro-rin." He whispered. "It's not very fun… being in control." Kurogane couldn't help but manage a half smiled, those nicknames he'd always complained about were back, and he had to admit he'd missed them.
"Sometimes you have to take control… when others are falling apart." He absently slid his fingers into Fay's hair.
"I still only feel half human… I hate that feeling." Fay shuddered against his grip.
"It doesn't matter." Kurogane promised, bringing Fay up once again to face him. "If you're only half human… because I love all of you." He kissed him… albeit a lot more gently than before, on the lips and he seemed to shake under the touch. He'd seemed so wild and determined earlier, and yet here he was… so fragile in his arms.
"Mmhm." Fay mumbled nodding and breaking the kiss as he did so. "Kuro-tan… we have an awfully long way to go still… and it's going to be hard on all of us. I don't want you to have to be boss all the time."
"I don't want to be, you're better with the kids than I am, just know that you can't be this…. This shell of a man, and still be in control. You have to be yourself if you want people to listen." Fay nodded slowly, then took a deep breath.
"How about this deal then… I'll take control with the kids if you take control in the bedroom." He kissed Kurogane's cheek gently and ran his thumb over one of the bite-marks on his shoulder. "Sorry." He added in a whisper.
A/n: Angst and smut. Wewt.