A/N: lolz I can't believe I'm actually writing this... it's such a crack idea. Actually, all my ideas seem to be crack ideas, so whatever. But seriously... I think the only reason I'm writing this is unrestrained fangirlism. And also an obsessive fixation on crossovers... made less obvious by my tendency to abandon them randomly mid-writing and come back later going 'K I'm back, what'd I miss?' Anyway... Do not, by any means, take this story seriously. Even if for whatever reason it suddenly starts to seem serious, don't take it that way. In fact if it starts to seem serious to you, you should probably take medication. Or stop taking whatever you're on. Either/or.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nothing.

Summary: Teru never had a chance to go to court, but what if he did? What if he was trying to get a conviction against a teen called Matt for a hacking? What if his opponent was the one, the only, Phoenix Wright!? Crackish crossover with the Ace Attorney games.

Chapter 1: And Now, in His Prosecuting Debut...

"Fools! I am more than capable of-of- ACHOO!" CRACK!

The whip of Franziska von Karma snapped at the same time as her nose, and it was hard to tell whether the sneeze or the weapon was louder. Fortunately, the state of her sinuses had drastically handicapped her aim, so Detective Gumshoe would live to see another day.

"I'm sorry, Franziska, but there is simply no way the office is going to allow you into court in this condition." Miles Edgeworth remarked calmly. "In fact, as your older brother, I am afraid that even if they would I could not."

"Shut up!" Franziska pointed at him dramatically. "I must defeat Phoenix Wright!"

"I hardly think this is your last chance." Miles replied placatingly. "It's not even a murder case, so I suggest you go home, take some Tylenol, and get some rest."

"Why should I?"

"Because if you get worse then you may miss out on a case that is actually serious." Miles countered. There was no response to this other than an angry huff. Franziska glared full force, causing Gumshoe to whimper slightly, and proceeded to turn on her heel and stomp out of the office, coughing a bit on her way.

"There." Miles smiled gently. "I told you that wouldn't be so bad." He said to Gumshoe severely.

"Maybe for you Mr. Edgeworth, but she would've eaten me alive." The scruffy man said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"Nonsense, Franziska doesn't eat things so high in calories."

There was a pause here as Gumshoe looked hurt, Edgeworth failed to feel bad, and the moment passed.

"So are you going to oversee the case sir?" Gumshoe questioned once he was done moping.

"Of course not, I don't muddle in things as irrelevant as a single computer hacking." Edgeworth rolled his eyes, pasting a superior look on his face... which was hardly necessary since he always seemed to wear an expression of superiority.

"Ah, so it's Mr. Godot then?" Gumshoe asked nervously. Edgeworth shook his head.

"No, from what I hear Godot is in the hospital at the moment."

"Well... than who...?"

"An amateur, fresh out of the university but he shows a good deal of promise." Edgeworth said, and handed Gumshoe a note. "That's his office number, you'll be working under him for this case." Without further ado, the seasoned prosecutor strolled out of the building in search of more important matters. And possibly a decent cup of tea.

Gumshoe read the note carefully, following the directions as best he could. Half an hour later he had finally found the room on the lobby level of the building that served as the newest prosecutor's office.

"Mikami Teru." Gumshoe read off the name plate on the door. Shrugging, he knocked. A young man with long, choppy dark hair and sleek framed spectacles opened the door. He was wearing a sophisticated dark suit, and had rust-color slanted eyes that glared up at Gumshoe intimidatingly. Normally a person who has taken part in numerous murder cases and met Franziska von Karma cannot be unnerved by anything else. Obviously this only applies to people who have never met Mikami Teru.

"Um, Mr. Mikami sir... I'm Detective Gumshoe, I'll be working under you for the court case..." Gumshoe explained, feeling about an inch tall under that penetrating stare.

"I see. I had been told someone would be down... what on earth is that smell?" Mikami wrinkled his nose suddenly. Gumshoe colored.

"Er... that's me... sorry, I haven't had enough money to go to the laundry mat recently so my coat hasn't been washed in a couple weeks." The detective explained. Mikami stared at him in disgust, and promptly shut the door in his face. Gumshoe hardly had enough time to wonder what to do next however, before the door opened once more and a handful of bills were shoved in his face.

"Take this. Go to the closet laundry mat. Do not come back until you are confident that you no longer smell like garbage."

"Yessir." Gumshoe saluted, taking the money gratefully and hurrying out of the building. Mikami sighed, returning to his desk and sitting down to examine the case file. Again. He was very thorough. It made him good at everything he did.

"Hey Nick, why'd you take this case anyway? Isn't murder more your thing?" Maya bounced up and down in her seat on the office's sofa. Nick sweatdropped. 'My thing? Have I really done that many murder cases? ...Huh, I guess I have, but still! I never meant to specialize in murders!'

"Mister Nick! Mister Nick!" Pearl suddenly jumped up and down in front of him, startling the defense attorney.

"Ack! W-what is it Pearls?" Nick managed to get a grip on himself.

"Mystic Maya asked you a question, shouldn't you answer it?" Pearl pouted disapprovingly.

"Uh, right... well the kid needed help and I thought it would be a nice break from all the serious cases and stuff, y'know?" Phoenix grinned.

"Ohhh that makes sense." Pearl smiled.

"Yeah. It was good choice Nick. Plus that guy is kinda cute." Maya squealed. Pearl looked aghast and Phoenix sighed exasperatedly.

"Mystic Maya! What about Mr. Nick!?" Pearl gasped, placing her hand over her mouth. Maya blushed.

"Quiet Pearly!" She hissed. "I told you that's just a misunderstanding."

"But-" Pearl began, however Nick interrupted.

"I think we should go visit our client now, I still have a few questions for him." Phoenix asserted, stretching his arms and grabbing his coat on the way to the door. Maya and Pearl shared a glance before springing after him with identical happy grins.

"Ok!" Maya enthused, "And maybe we can stop for hamburgers on the way back!"

Matt wasn't particularly worried. Sure he was sitting in a holding cell, awaiting his trial, but for once he was actually innocent. Of course he was innocent, if he had actually been the one to hack that two-bit corporation's computer, they wouldn't have even known it'd been done. Frankly Matt was insulted that anyone would accuse him of such shabby work, but such is life. He lit up a fresh cig, lounging against the wall, wishing they'd let him have his video games. The bastards. It wasn't like he could hack anyone with a DS... ok, not easily at least.

While Watari and L weren't willing to bribe the police into letting him off, despite their overabundance of moolah, they were willing to hire him the best defense attorney available. Sounded good to Matt, and Kira pretty much only killed murderers and rapists, so like it says above, he wasn't worried.

Mostly he was bored.

"Visitors for you." Announced one of the guards who hung around the facility, opening his door. Matt rose from his seat and cracked his neck. It was probably Roger, since L and Watari were extremely busy with the whole Kira case thing, and Mello would never allow his face to be caught on a camera from outside the orphanage. Matt wasn't too worried though, he could probably get into the system and delete all the video files once this thing was over. Of course he'd have to delete everything in there for the past month or so, so as not to draw suspicion onto himself, and he'd have to wait a few months to do it too, again to avoid the finger-pointing.

Matt entered the room, with plexiglass separating him from his visitors. Serious overkill, in Matt's opinion, but whatever. They'd probably had enough psychos in here that caution was necessary at this point.

Roger was not the visitor, which Matt expected he should have deduced from the plural format of the guard's comment. He blamed it on lethargy.

"Hey." Matt waved at his lawyer, and the lawyer's two... sidekick type girls. Weird.

"Hi, uh... Matt, wasn't it?" The lawyer looked sheepish.

"Yep." Matt removed his cigarette just long enough to blow out a stream of smoke impressively, and replaced it. "You're Phoenix Wright, the famous defense attorney. Think you can win this for me?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure..." The man didn't sound that sure. "But first I have to ask, are you innocent?" He was suddenly very serious, which Matt almost found funny. Then he recalled the guy was used to murder-suspects for clients, and thought it must be force of habit.

"Have I made a few hacks in my time? Yeah. Did I jack up the system for these losers? Nope. Wasn't me. Wish I knew who it was. Then I could kick their ass for setting me up." Matt replied honestly, pushing up his goggles to look Phoenix in the eyes briefly. Nick nodded, and grinned.

"If you're innocent, then I'll never stop fighting for you." He stated firmly, and Matt nodded in approval.

"Good man."

"Although you might want to watch out for the prosecutor... she has this whip, see?" Phoenix winced.

"Huh? Oh that chick. Yeah she seemed like a nasty piece of work. Hot though." Matt shrugged. Phoenix looked ill at the comment. "But this detective guy was in here earlier, and he told me that apparently she came down with the flu, so she's not the prosecutor this round."

"Really?" Phoenix blanched. 'How come my client knows this before I do? Gah, no one tells me anything!'

"Ooooh! Hey Nick, maybe you'll get to go up against Edgeworth again!" Maya squealed. 'Why would I be happy about that?' Phoenix thought, staring at Maya in disbelief.

"Nah, apparently it's this new dude, 'Mikami' or maybe it was 'Megumi'... crap can't remember." Matt sighed, "Not the whip chick though." Nick breathed a sigh of relief.

"Well, it doesn't get worse than Franziska or Godot, so how bad can this be?"

Oh Phoenix. Be prepared to eat your words.


A/N: My first Phoenix Wright fic is a Deathnote crossover... typical. xDD Still, it's fun, ne? OMG Franzy I'm sorry I gave you the flu! D8 ILY! Pls don't kill me mk? lol I love Gumshoe, he's so adorably incompetent but still so determined. And Edgeworth, with his frilliness... And Godot with his coffee-catapulting. Phoenix is fun too, but I love Team Prosecutor alot more.