Losing One's Hope
Summary: Jasper feels awful about almost attacking Bella on her birthday. He starts to think that the Cullens are better off without him. Alice sees this in her visions, and that's where she starts to lose all hope. PreEclipse
Pairings: Jasper and Alice; with subtle hints of Emmett and Rosalie, Edward and Bella, and Carlisle and Esme.
Rating: PG – 13
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Series, not me.
Chapter 7: You're Welcome
"Oh, God." Panic.
"Jasper! Emmett!" Fear.
"I made a mistake." Guilt.
Three powerful emotions coming from one source – a vampire, nonetheless. That was never a good combination, no matter what the circumstances are. I have experienced moments like this, and all never ended well. And I have that undeniable feeling that this won't either.
Her featherweight steps flew towards the kitchen; her usually cold eyes were currently in a panic state. Her breathing had stopped all together now. She was literally shaking as she held a silver phone in one hand. I watched Emmett stand up and looked at her cautiously. They silently stared at each other as I continued to watch. Something was wrong, I could definitely feel it.
"Rosalie, what's wrong?" His voice was almost afraid, as if he feared of what she did. Rosalie Hale was capable of a lot of things.
"I called Edward . . ." We all tried to stay positive, we just had to. "I told him she was dead." I could feel it all: the fear, the panic, the heavy guilt, and the anger. I silently stood up and looked at her straight in the eyes. My hand was buried on the wooden table as I felt my nails dig into it. Emmett's mouth was slightly opened as he looked on to his wife.
"Rosalie." I continued to stare at her frightened eyes. Never have I seen such regret in her eyes. My voice was cold and firm. "What did he say?"
She looked away after a minute of staring at me. The words that left her mouth made me cold and the fear that surrounded the room increased even more. "He tried to deny it at first, but I explained what happened. And then," She took a breath before continuing. "He believed it; he
believed that she was dead. But before the line went dead, I heard him mutter something about Italy."
Silence entered the room and the tension in it was incredibly thick. I felt all the remaining color in my face wash away. "Why, Rose?" My voice started to rise to an incredible volume. "Why would you even do that?" I roared as I pushed back the chair which made it fall. "It's like you don't even know what Edward can do!"
I heard Emmett try to reason out on me as I walked out of the room. I could still hear the whispers the couple made as I walked outside. I felt the overwhelming emotion hit me like a ten wheeler truck; hard and painful. The cold forest breeze greeted me on my way out. I was in this pressured state where I didn't know what to do and nobody was there to help me. I'm not used to people relying on me to decide. I was a follower, not a leader – always have been, always will.
I slipped out a thin, silver phone and dialed a number I knew by heart. "Pick up, pick up."
"Hey, this is Alice, you know what to do."
Well, hey, I promised I wouldn't leave again, but she didn't.
Bella Swan is dead, and now, I have a feeling that Edward is going to piss off some royal vamps.
Emmett had finally managed to calm me down, though it took a lot of effort just to talk to me without hearing complaints about his wife. I couldn't stop the annoyance that I felt towards her. I told her not to tell anyone until we were completely sure that Isabella Swan was dead. I told her not to do anything rash until Alice calls and tell us what really happened. But does Rosalie Hale listen? No, she goes and does what she pleases and she doesn't think of what others will do.
Rosalie and I are quite close. We've acted like we were really twins every day. I used to get along with her so well. We both felt the same emotions when this small, insignificant human went tumbling down our lives. We both felt out of place at that time. She didn't understand how this being would just waste her life by standing next to a family of bloodsucking fiends. I did not understand how they could all control themselves, and I could not. In a way, we are both alike.
But at this very moment, I didn't want to know this harsh creature. I didn't want to be anywhere near this cold being. I wanted the Rose I knew, the Rosalie that hid behind her thick layers of coldness.
I sat as far away from her as I could while still being seated on the couch. Emmett was closely studying the two of us. As if I would strike a girl, better yet, someone I treat like a sister.
"Carlisle and Esme are on their way home." Emmett mentioned. I turned my head towards him and respectfully listened. "According to Carlisle, they'd be here as soon as they could." He clearly expected one of us to respond but we both didn't feel like it.
"Call her." I finally couldn't take the silence and all the bottled up emotions.
Rosalie turned her head towards me and looked at me questioningly. "Excuse me?"
"Call Alice and tell her what you did."
"I'd rather not." She raised an eyebrow as if she was daring me to object.
I put on a fake and bright smile. "And I'd rather you never told Edward what happened. But we all can't get what we want now, do we?" I tossed her my mobile as she caught it flawlessly, her face formed a scowl.
She was just about to flip the phone open when it started to vibrate and beep. "It's Alice." She looked at me questioningly. I nodded and motioned for her to go and answer it. She scowled even more before opening the phone.
I could hear Alice's words clearly as if she was just right beside me. I felt myself involuntarily smile at the familiar sound that made me relax.
"Rose, I need to talk to Carlisle." There was something in her voice, something that made me worry.
"He's not home."
"Fine, as soon as he's back."
"Are you coming back home?" After only a few hours, I already missed her. I would feel much better if she was right beside me, and I would be watching her order everyone around as if she was the most powerful vampire in the room.
"No, I'll be on a plane. Look, have you heard anything from Edward?" On a plane, on a plane to where, exactly? I felt panic as an idea came to mind. Surely, she wouldn't think of following . . . No, she can't.
Rosalie then started to tell her what she did and I could imagine Alice's face and her little fists turning into balls. "Why? Why would you do that, Rosalie?" I'd like to know the same thing.
"Well, you told us she was dead. And I believe Edward had the right to know what's happened."
"Well, you're wrong on both counts, though, Rosalie, so that would be a problem, don't you think?" The sound of her voice made me wince. It was cold and venomous, nothing like the sweet voice I was used to hearing.
"What? You mean she's alive?" Bella was alive? Rosalie told Edward that Bella died, which meant he believed her which meant he was on his way . . . Oh no.
"Yes, that's right. She's absolutely fine – "
"But you saw it!" Rosalie's voice started to sound afraid as her tough barriers slowly crumpled.
"I was wrong." I told her she was wrong, but did Alice listen? No.
"But, how?" I was inwardly asking the same thing.
"It's a long story."
"Surely, Edward won't do anything rash, would he?" Idiot. It's like she doesn't even know Edward.
"But you're wrong about that part, too; that's why I'm calling."
"Edward is going to Italy, isn't he?" Well, nice work, Sherlock. Isn't it completely obvious?
"Yes, that's exactly what I saw."
"I didn't – I didn't know. I felt like he deserved to know the truth. I didn't know he was going to do something that rash, that stupid. I didn't know."
"It's a bit late for that, Rose. Save your remorse for someone who believes it." Nicely put, I was quite proud of the angry remarks my wife had made. She could be fierce and downright scary at times. I should know, I've witnessed it. Rosalie is lucky to only have talked to Alice via phone. If it was face to face, Alice might have chucked a tree at her, too.
She threw the phone back towards me. "I didn't know, okay? I didn't want this to happen!" She cried out, her eyes pleading for forgiveness. "I'm sorry."
I walked out of the room but before I did, I repeated Alice's words. "It's a bit late, Rose. Save your apologies to Edward, if he comes back."
Looking down the old window inside our bedroom, I felt deathly afraid of what was to come. Edward was going to get himself killed because Bella was dead. But the problem was that Bella hadn't died. People like Edward and Alice had to stop making rash decisions like these.
That thought made me think about Alice – my Alice. I could almost imagine what was going through my wife's mind. Alice's mind was different from others. She somehow convinces herself that she's the one to blame, which makes her go after the mistake and try to fix it. She always feels the need to help others even when it isn't her place to help.
Alice was like the new century Mother Theresa.
I don't mean to disrespect or anything like that, but she really tries to help everyone she cares about. And really, nobody in the right state of mind would turn Alice Cullen down. Whenever you felt sad, she could place a smile on your face. For example, whenever I felt down, I only needed her to brighten up, like this one time when I was home alone . . .
I was outside the porch, watching a particular tree that had a nest with a bird and her family. Sometimes, I would get away from my family for an hour or so and think. I usually did this whenever Alice went shopping because if she knew I was doing this, she'd never leave my side for centuries.
I felt that dark side of me rise inside and my eyes darkened every minute. The emotions were shooting everywhere. The feeling of missing someone you loved, the feeling of happiness, and my own feeling of guilt ate me inside. I just felt the need to have a slap on the face, and the cold Denali wind could definitely provide it for me.
Everything was finally okay with me and Alice. We were doing great, having fun, living the life. But sometimes, I just . . . I'm afraid that if I tell her that I still feel guilty, our world will crash down again – and I can't let that happen, I can't lose Alice again, not like that.
My hands gripped harder on the small cement wall I was perched on. The irritating venom found its way into my mouth and that itch in my throat that thirsted for blood ached. I could feel my pupil widen as well as darken into that black nothingness I was used to.
A familiar silver Volvo suddenly screeched out of nowhere and perfectly parked itself in front of our house. I rolled my eyes as I watched another familiar figure launch itself out of the car, towing three shopping bags in hand. The tiny figure approached me; some stranger would've thought they'd seen a sad angel with the way she looked. Her lips were softly frowning; her eyes were burning into mine as she tried to communicate.
I dropped my gaze and looked at the ground.
"Jasper." The angel softly murmured as she placed her shopping bags aside.
I felt her overwhelming love and fear mix together. I nodded my head, at least to indicate that I was okay, that I was listening to her.
"Look at me."
I denied the angel's request. I couldn't look Alice in the eye as much as I wanted to gaze into her beautiful pool of brown eyes.
I felt a hand lift my chin and forced me to look at her. "Jasper." My name never sounded so beautiful, her soprano voice made it sound godlike.
I had to resist the urge to chuckle when I saw her tip her toes and lift her lips towards my forehead. She kissed it lightly before standing properly. She took my hand and stared at my eyes. I felt her eyes burn mine. My forehead was still heated by her touch.
One smile from her was all it took for me to smile, too.
Alice was and forever would be my light in the dark.
And right now, I was stuck in the dark with only the moon as my light. I needed my light, my sun.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
My eyes quickly darted towards the silver phone on the bedside table. I practically flew towards it and opened it, quickly. "Hello?" I gasped out.
"Alice!" I felt the worry inside my body vanish. "Please don't tell me you're on a plane to Italy."
I had to smile at the sound of her laugh. "I'd love to, Jazz, but I really am on a plane."
"Somehow, I knew you'd be doing something like this." My voice sounded defeated, which I really was. My Alice was on a plane to stop the most powerful vampires from killing my brother.
"Yes, well, I am Alice Cullen, aren't I?"
I lay back down on the bed, a tired smile on my face. "So, what does Edward plan on doing?"
"I can't be sure, I keep seeing him do different things, he keeps changing his mind . . . a killing spree through the city, attacking the guard, lifting a car over his head in the main square . . . mostly things that would expose them – he knows that's the fastest way to force a reaction."
I'd been to Volterra once, and I knew how many people were in the main square. There were several ways Edward could expose what he was – what we were.
"Typical Edward." I muttered as I closed my eyes. I pretended that everything was okay, that Alice was here, that Edward was here, that we were happy in Forks with Bella. God, that definitely wasn't happening now, was it?
"Look, Alice, I'll go there to Italy. I can help."
"No, you can't."
"Alice!" I was getting frustrated. I heard her sigh on the other end of the phone and I felt myself relax. "Emmett will come, Alice. You know how he is."
I didn't like not being there to protect my wife. What if something happened and I wasn't there for her? You didn't have to be Einstein to know that she was going straight into the war zone.
"Tell Emmett not to." I then heard Rose's BMW start.
"Actually, they've already started the car."
"Well, go after Emmett and Rosalie and bring them back." I groaned and jumped off the bed. I began to pace back and forth as I desperately listened to her voice. "Think about it, Jasper. If he sees any of us, what do you think he will do?"
"He'll hasten up and kill himself faster . . . before any of us could stop him." I realized where Alice was going with this. Only Bella could stop him, only she could knock some sense in that stubborn boy. And right now, only Alice could take Bella to Italy.
"Exactly. I think Bella is the only chance – if there is a chance." Why did she have to say that? There was a chance, damn it! "I'll do everything that can be done, but prepare Carlisle; the odds aren't good."
"Alice, what if something happens? To you or to Bella?" I finally told her. "Messing with the Volturi can kill you, Alice. They are the most powerful vampires in the world. You can't fight them all and expect to win." I whispered quietly as I leaned on the wall. I just want her home, safe and alive. That's all that matters. Having Edward and Bella back was just a plus.
"I've thought of that."
"I don't understand why you won't let me go there! Let me follow you. I want to be there with you, Alice. I can't let something happen to you."
And then she pleaded. Her voice sounded so weak, so fragile, and so afraid. I never wanted to hear her voice like that again. "Don't follow me. I promise, Jasper. One way or another, I'll get out."
I had to laugh quietly, a bitter feeling running inside my body. "I love you."
"And I love you." And then she hung up, leaving me with an endless sound of nothing. I closed the cold, dreaded phone with a bitter smile on my face. She couldn't promise something like that. Fighting the Volturi's army was a one-way ticket to the deathbed.
I promise, Jasper. One way or another, I'll get out.
That was one hell of a promise to try and keep.
I sat back down on the plastic chair, ignoring every feeling and everyone as well.
My body was shaking with nervousness as we waited inside the tacky airport. Almost everybody was gawking at us – the family full of beautiful, incredibly pale people with different shades of brown and black in their eyes. But I couldn't care about any of them; the only person my eyes are searching for is that unique, four foot eight, dancer-like woman with the beautifully cropped black hair.
I could still hear her voice inside myself.
We're going home. Everything went well. Edward's alive and Bella's with us. We're already on a plane.
I couldn't explain what I felt at that time. I just felt relieved and thankful for making her safe, and making Bella and Edward safe. And now, at any minute, they're expected to arrive. I felt my insides squirming with nervousness and delight.
If there was even just one scratch on my angel's delicate face, I would drive myself crazy.
"Hey, Jazz," Rosalie quietly whispered as she sat down beside me.
I glanced at her before turning my face back towards the arrival section. Any minute now, she's going to be here and everything will be fine.
"Please talk to me."
I clicked my tongue and finally spoke. "Did you want something, Rosalie?" I harshly told her. I knew I shouldn't have been like this. I could feel that she was sorry. But it was hard, she could have gotten Bella, Edward, and Alice killed because of her stubbornness.
She sighed tiredly. "Jasper," she breathed as she played with her fingers on her lap. "I apologize."
If I was playing even the slightest bit of attention, I would've notice her sincerity, but the speaker picked the right moment to announce the flight Alice and the others were on. I heard Rosalie stutter as I walked off towards the entrance. I drowned everything out, every sound and every person in this room.
I blinked as my eyes connected with the ones I yearned for.
I had to smile when she flashed a thumbs-up and one of her own tired smiles. I walked closer, simply wanting to be close to her again. It frightened me a little on how much I depended on her.
There she was standing in front of me. I scanned her face, looking for even just one scratch. Not a single one was on her lovely face. I breathed deeply as I looked into her eyes, somehow talking with her without actually . . . talking.
"Alice," I slowly and quietly breathed as I stared at her. She sent me one of her dazzling smiles again. The ones that made my stomach churn and jump in happiness. I could see it in her eyes. She was extremely happy for herself and for Edward and Bella as well. She looked so tired; if I could, I would've let her sleep.
She looked like an angel coming from heaven. The radiance that surrounded her was bright. No matter what the situation was, she managed to brighten up anyone's day. "Hey Jazz." She hoarsely whispered back.
I glanced back at my family – our family. They were waiting for us to get ready to leave. With an arm around my wife's waist and a tired smile on my lips, we maneuvered our way out of the airport. Somehow, it didn't look as tacky as it looked before.
"You kept your promise." I whispered while driving down the empty highway. One of my hands was on the wheel while the other gripped on Alice's hand. "Thank you."
She let out one of her melodic laughs that never ceased to amaze me. "I should be thanking you, Jasper."
"I don't understand, Alice."
She closed her eyes and smiled faintly. "Thank you for giving me hope when I almost gave up on it."
"Well, you're welcome."
A/N: Did you like it? I hope you enjoyed it, though. I haven't updated in awhile because I've been busy. Alice and Jasper LOVE. Haha. Well, they do, right? Edward and Bella are like awesome, but the whole looking into each other's eyes while not talking is really the reason why I love Jasper and Alice. And the fact that Jasper is so broody and mysterious while Alice is so hyper and funny. And yeah, I love them. :)
-- I'd like to thank my incredible beta, Kirst Furlyf! Thanks Kirsten. You're like the awesomest beta around! Yeah, I know awesomest isn't a word, but you get to have the word for being an incredible beta. Lol. :)) If it wasn't for her, you'd be reading some crappy, wrong grammar story.
I've really enjoyed writing this story and I hope you enjoyed reading it. :) Haha.
Breaking Dawn is here. Yeah, it is! I've got to get a copy soon. No spoilers in the reviews, okay? lol.
Oh, and reviews are very much welcomed, no matter what kind they are. :)
-- Eclipse, Page 301
"She was there – expecting me, naturally." He chuckled once. "She hoped down from the high stool at the counter as soon as I walked in and came directly toward me.
"It shocked me. I was not sure if she meant to attack. That's the only interpretation of her behavior my past had to offer. But she was smiling. And the emotions that were emanating from her were like nothing I'd ever felt before.
"'You've kept me waiting a long time' she said."
I didn't realize Alice had come to stand behind me again.
"And you ducked your head, like a good Southern gentleman, and said, 'I'm sorry, ma'am.'" Alice laughed at the memory.
Jasper smiled down at her. "You held out your hand, and I took it without stopping to make sense of what I was doing.For the first time in almost a century, I felt hope."