The Story of Spammers
Day Eighteen :
On our way to Sunyshore City, it began to begin weird. As I was listening to Namie Amuro, black pieces of coal began pouring down from the sky. The air became gray and smoky. And Luxio zapped nearby Shellos and Gastrodon. It was a pretty gruesome sight.
Ange turned to Chaos. " Um, Chaos ? Do you have any idea why the Luxio are acting like this ? "
Chaos shook her head. " No. I can check, though. " She turned to the angered Luxio. " Hey, guys ! Any ideas why you're acting like such pissants ? "
They turned to her, as angry as a starving Houndoom. Chaos sweatdropped. " Freezing priest, I didn't mean it that way ! "
SilverUmbra nudged her. " Um...I think this is the part where we start running. "
" I'm way ahead of you ! " GoldenEye said, already fifty feet from the scene.
Emerald giggled. " Wow. The ground type thingie is 'fraid of a bunch of electric types. "
" I AM NOT ! " GoldenEye roared, stomping his foot. " I'm immune ! "
The green eyed girl rolled her eyes. " Oh, please ! You act like a girl when you run away ! If you were any sort of Groudon, you would be hurting electric types. I think you're a phony ! Hey - I think you're a shape - shifting Bibarel ! "
GoldenEye twitched. " I AM NOT A BIBAREEEEEEEL ! "
He punched a Luxio into an oak tree. As more Luxio crept closer towards him, GoldenEye pwned all of them with a Level 10 Magnitude. He was about to do a guillotine, but...
" Are you f--king nuts ?! " Mackenzie demanded. " You'll kill us all ! "
" Especially me ! " Chaos added.
" Well, what the hell am I supposed to do ?! " GoldenEye replied testily, picking at a Luxio. " You know very damn well I can't throw them all in a pit - that's been outlawed since '05. "
ShadowKing shrugged. " It's only illegal if you're caught. I've buried a whole bunch of Swinub last year. Like, seventy - five. Stupid ice pokemon. What have they ever done for the economy ?! "
Kat shook her head. " I say we nu- "
" For the last time, Kat. NO NUKING ! " Ganon hissed.
" Ohh...you never let me have any fun. "
I picked up a Luxio with rubber gloves and shook it. " Okay, you stupid electric thing. You have five seconds to talk or I will hurt you with the power of MSG, capische ? "
It nodded and started talking in a squeaky voice. " Ca - ca - yes. Pl-please don't hurt me ! I WANNA BE A J - POP STAR WHEN I'M OLDER ! "
" Really ? " Cj asked.
The Luxio looked at another of its kind. " That's Kathy. She's married. She's fat and gets various jobs because she's not married. Sorosoro majimeni kekkon no koto kangaenai to na.(translation - I should start thinking seriously about marriage.) I still want to be a J-pop artist, though. "
" Get to the point ! " Blaze exclaimed. " Why are you attacking us and water pokemon ? "
Kura added. " And we want the truth ! "
The Luxio nodded. " Okay, okay. I'm Ecstasy (not the drug,btw!) Lately we've been close to the Shellos and Gastrodon. Until a week ago, we've been like Kanto and Sinnoh. But then, these stuck - up Electivire started to taunt us. It was only three of them, but still..."
" Three ? " Darky-rai repeated. " Are Electivire usually in packs ? "
Rob shrugged. " I have no idea. Aren't you supposed to be an all - knowing legendary ? "
" Noooooo...that's only Giratina. And Arceus. And Mew (when she's not drunk). Doesn't anyone have a pokedex ? "
Kagura nodded. " Yeah. I have a green one ! " she said, picking up her pokedex from her pocket.
The pokedex stirred. " I thought I told you to GO TO HELL the last time I saw your fugly face, you whore ! "
-flips off! - (beep-beep- OFF-)
Kagura threw her pokedex in the river. " Stupid thing. Last time I get anything from K-Mart. "
" Ahem ! "
We all turned around. Emerald's pokemon Diekel Fagson had popped out of his pokeball. His made a pose and grinned. " It may be that Elekid and Electabuzz both travel in packs, usually for alpha - male privileges, but Electivire always seem to travel alone. (Probably because of their pervertedness, but I'm not one to talk.) So...I'd guess that these yellow bandits are phonies. "
" Seriously ? " Ecstasy asked.
Diekel nodded. " Of course. I'm not really a pokemon, you know - I'm a guy that is held captive against his will because a crazy lady wanted me (for my total hotness.) "
" Go back to your pokeball, Diekel, " Emerald coolly replied, her left eye twitching.
Ecstasy licked her paw. " So...are they foreign Diglett ? "
Kura shook her head. " No sign of ground pokemon anywhere around here. Otherwise the whole place would be torn up from here to Sunyshore. "
Ange raised a finger. " Okay, I know it sounds Farfetch'd (lame pun), but I think I know who's the Electivire. It's - "
" Yeah, we know. The spammers, " I butted in.
" Kat...get the nuke machine , " ShadowKing loudly whispered.
" NO F--KING NUKING ! "
(10 : 00 p.m.)
" So...how are we going to catch these guys again ? " Ganon asked. " I do have a wrench with a few lasers fused in it... "
" Aren't you supposed to be the quiet serious nerd ? " Emerald asked.
-.- " Oh, yeah. I do believe I have a portable doom machine in my backpack. It's not programmed yet, but with one push of a cheesy one dollar remote, I can turn anything into ash. "
" Really ? " Emerald inquired. " I've always wanted an Ash Ketchum, too ! He's retarded and smells of ginger ale ! "
O.o " ...what the f--k is wrong with you ?! "
Ange stepped in between them. " I do believe we need to do something here. Or Ecstasy is going to unleash her electrical powers (again). "
Emerald pouted. " Fine. I guess I'll capture an Ash Ketchum when I have free time. "
The stars were already lit up. Darky - rai finally woke up, hitting GoldenEye with a rubber chicken (yeah...I'm scarred for life) . SilverUmbra pawed the ground, looking for any objects to sell on the black market (coughs - eBay). We were all bored and the stupid Electivire had still not shown up yet. Chaos was doing some sort of electric ritual with Ecstasy and all the other Luxio, when...
" ELECTIVIRE PWN ! "
" DREW PICKLES F--KS HIMSELF ! "
" I LIKE GOTHS, AND THE LOG SUCKS ! "
The spammers. How predictable.
" You know what ? " I said, turning to Ganon. "Just use your doom machine. "
" Gladly. "
d-d-d-DOOM MACHINEEEEE !
(spammers) : X.X
The trees also turned to ash. Ganon scratched his head. " What ? I never said that I perfected the machine. "
-.- " Fine. "
Ecstasy thanked us and then we left. Unfortunately, we saw something horrible as we saw the sign of Sunyshore City.
" closed due to blackout caused by Volkner's fiddlin' "
" DAMN YOU, FOURTH HOKAGE LOOK- A -LIKEEEEEE !! "