A/N: Greetings, readers. This is something that's been buzzing around in my head. What I want is your input on if I should leave this as is, add one more chapter to have a better conclusion and not leave you guessing, or continue this on as a full story. My other story, Life Changing Experiences, is nearing its end at probably 2-3 more chapters, and this may be something I can replace it with. However, I don't think it would be as long as that story. So, please tell me what you think, and enjoy!
Why? Why did this have to happen to her? It just seemed so cruel. Then again, nothing in Raven's life wasn't cruel, was it? Sure, she lived with the greatest people in Titans Tower, but… she never expected this to come. True, she didn't think it would, until one day he had come into the tower, out somewhere where any of the Titan's guesses would be as good as any others…
And this is the day she feared. But her fear didn't help her. She had been silently living a life of pain, misery, and grief behind her built wall to keep everyone else out and herself away from the rest. And to actually think at one point, she let that wall down and let that one… boy, no man, get inside of her head – not that he knows, though – and cause such a great affect on her life. She should've known this day was to come, and been better prepared for the pain. Getting the news two weeks ago didn't help matters. She was really surprised she hadn't exploded right then and there. All the other Titans were proud of him, none even coming close to guessing anything that goes on in her mind.
"Guys! Guess what!"
"Hold on, Richard's about to get his can kicked in Mega Battle Monkey 3."
"Can? Hah! That's funny, Vic, considering you're MADE of cans!"
"Oh, you are so going down!" I could feel a distinct anxious and nervous feeling within my friend, Garfield Logan. He has patience. I know that fact well for how long he has taken for me to open my barrier to him; but I finally accepted him in. The others, to a lesser extent. He just has a way with people…
I am still surprised at how much Gar's grown in the past two years since we headed to Tokyo. All of us, really. But, guiltily, I've noticed Gar more. Admittedly, I have figured out I developed a crush on him that has been growing in the back of my mind, but I have been putting it away, knowing he could never like me in that way. But still, he was still single, and I could always dream, can't I?
Oh, how I should've acted upon those actions when I had the chance. If only… but there's no use of thinking 'if only'. Once the race between Vic and Rich was finished, the paused the game and focused attention upon him. He smiled widely.
"Guys, you'll never guess what happened. Earlier today, I was like in the park right, and this girl, Sabrina, was there too. We talked for a few minutes, but she had to go. Then guess who comes out of nowhere? Doctor Light! So, he terrorized the park and stuff, and he said since Raven wasn't there he was able to think clearly. So he totally tried to blast me, but I dodged and started whooping his butt! Soon, though, he took Sabrina as a hostage when I had to take a moment to catch my breath. He threatened to take her life if I attacked again. So, thinking quickly, I morphed into the beast and took him down all in a matter of seconds – I'm so glad I got control over it recently. So yeah, after that, Sabrina asked me out on a date and I said yes!" And, at that moment, when those words escaped his mouth, my world shattered, the blinding pain of my life throwing it in front of my eyes worse than any prophecy told to me when I was a child. I had to breathe, meditate, in peace.
And Garfield and Sabrina had been dating the past two years. Raven, who had been living in pain and misery, had kept it hidden from the rest of her team. Just two weeks ago, it was revealed that Garfield Logan had announced that he has proposed to Sabrina Joyce. All of his other friends were exuberantly happy for him. And tomorrow was the day of the wedding; the day the two would be joined in eternal happiness. Although Raven had kept her pain silent, crying herself every night to sleep, she was, deep down, glad he was happy. Even if he wasn't going to be happy with her, she knew he was better off happy than neither of them.
But, what puzzled Raven was her irrational behaviour. Ever since it had been announced that he and Sabrina were to be together, Raven had found herself lashing out at him more often, and more harsh than she normally would.
"Rae, can I talk to you in private for a sec, please?" I only nodded, refusing to acknowledge the fact that we were already alone in the common room. "Okay, thanks. I want you to know about this before everyone else."
"What is it?" I raised my eyebrow, preparing for the worst. Of course, I could, no matter how illogically, hope that he and Sabrina has broken up…
"Well, I plan on asking Sabrina to go steady with me tomorrow night on our date. I'm nervous about it… but it generally means she's going to move in the tower and live with us. Robin already told me a few days after our first date that he was willing to pull some strings on his rules in order to allow this to happen, and if it ever lasted long enough for it." I bit back the tears threatening to flow through my eyes. If I cry every night before I sleep, how is it that I can still have tears in me? There should be a limit to how much a person could cry in a lifetime…
"Why are you telling me?" I managed to keep the hurt out of my voice.
"Rae, you're my best friend. You know I usually tell you about the more serious stuff in my life I'm going to do, because you can always give me the best advice on stuff… well, I'm not asking for advice this time, I just wanted to tell you that before anyone else got to know." I felt a knot form in my throat, and decided not to say a word, for fear of my voice would break, and I'd breakdown. Is that all we could truly ever be, is best friends? Why didn't I act upon my feelings way back when, when he was single…
That was a good two and a half months after the two had started dating, and a lot has changed now that Sabrina resigned in the tower. She became easily a great friend with all the Titans except Raven. Raven purposely distanced herself from her, and not to mention Garfield especially. During the time Sabrina lived in the tower, there was never a time Raven had been in a room alone with Garfield.
He and his fiancée, or back then his girlfriend, had always been too pre-occupied with each other. However, they never failed to notice the other Titans and they were both as social as Garfield was before he was dating her, and always insisted that they go on many outings. However, Raven had not accompanied the rest of the team on these outings, mainly due to the fact that Garfield was not there to pester her continuously until she came out of her room.
"Hey Rae, want to head to the pizza parlour?" he asked me through my closed door. I put down the book I was reading, and rolled my eyes.
"No," I said, hoping that he'd push, hoping he'd continue. But, he didn't. The only response I got was…
"Okay, suit yourself. See ya when we get back." I tried to respond that time, but heard his footsteps slowly fade away. He didn't try to get me to come out anymore, he didn't care I wasn't there. He said I was his best friend, but he hardly even tried to get me to do anything with the team anymore. He didn't really have to try before Sabrina came along, as I was easier to come along than before. But… now that she showed up, she's been absorbing nearly all his attention. I don't blame him.
Those two are in such deep love that I can feel it radiating from halfway across the city. That love, it could have been shared between us two. I could've been on the receiving end of all those hugs, kisses, contact that I see the two share so often… I could be the one held in those arms.
Admittedly, my initial reaction to the news he brought home that one day was dashing of hope, killing of spirits, and misery. The next day, I did think it wouldn't last, that this would be some girl he's dating just to pacify his need to be loved, real or not. But… this was too real. A week later of the day he asked me to join him, Gar came to me again – on one of the very rare occurrences where we actually were in a room alone. And I learned that when we were in a room alone together, he was going to talk to me about something serious with Sabrina. He cleared his throat and walked up to me.
"Hey Rae." I sighed, having to put down my reading book. I wanted to be angry with him, but I just couldn't. Not when Sabrina isn't around. It's just… not possible for me to. For some reason, when Sabrina is with him, I can much more easily lash out at him… I think it is due to jealousy.
"What?" I asked softly, meant to be irritably.
"Can you tell me what you honestly think of Sabrina? I've asked everyone else and they all seem to be very happy about her presence and her attitude. You're the only one left." He really wants me to tell him? I looked in his sincere eyes. I wanted so badly to tell him that I lo- like him right then and there, and hope, in some odd miraculous reality, that he'd accept me and break up with Sabrina. I shook my mind of those thoughts, and swallowed hardly before I delivered to him what would, as I later found out to be, the inspiration for him to propose.
"Sabrina provides you with great happiness, and you with her. You two love each other to such a great extent that it's just like Richard and Kori. You two have been together a long time for this love to be developed, so it is obvious that it's not just infatuation, or mere attraction that you're feeling – and trust me, I'm an empath. I know exactly what you're feeling towards her. It's not fake."
"Wow, Rae… no one else has given me such a detailed answer. I wanted everyone's approval. Thanks Raven." In my shock, he wrapped his arms around me in a quick hug. But I didn't feel the compassion behind it as anything more than just a friend hug. I gently embraced him with my right arm before he parted and went to, who knows where.
That was the hardest day of her life. Harder to deal with than Malchior, and harder than dealing with the end of the world. To give up her own happiness to see him, Garfield Mark Logan, happy. She could've easily voiced the truth, and caused him to not propose to her. But she couldn't do that; that would be much too selfish of her… besides, at this point, it was just a dying dream. No, not dying. Dead. The dream was dead to her, she had no hope remaining, nothing. Garfield and Sabrina were getting married tomorrow.
Raven sat silently reading a book, but not absorbing all the information, on the common room couch. She expected she'd be alone the rest of the day, as each Titan and Sabrina was out of the tower doing something or another to prepare for the wedding. Raven had not been asked to help, so she had not helped at all. Of course, when she heard the door swish open, she was surprised. She stood up and looked at the entering man. There was Garfield, dressed in his wedding tux.
"What do you think, Rae?" Raven was taken aback. He looked absolutely handsome in the complete tuxedo. It was a very fancy black that seemed to shine when in the sunlight.
"You look like a man." That got a small chuckle from Garfield.
"And I haven't looked like on before?"
"You're right. You look like a mature man."
"Aw thanks Rae, that means a lot coming from you." He walked over and sat down on the couch. Raven nodded, as Garfield picked up the remote and turned on the television. Raven reasoned with herself that she should leave. Why was he in his tuxedo anyway? He had tried it on two days ago to check if it fit… the T.V. was suddenly silenced and Garfield sighed.
"Something wrong?" Raven asked with concern.
"Raven… I wasn't born yesterday. I know we haven't actually had a chance to talk much when Sabrina came to live in the tower." Raven raised her eyebrow in confusion. "And, quite frankly… I'm not sure you want me to go through with this marriage." Raven flinched. What?
"That's not true." Her monotone voice didn't falter when she said this.
"Rae… I… okay I won't lie. Every day the past week, I've been in your room when you go to sleep." Raven's eyes widened in shock. That means… he… me… crying… sleep…
"Wh-" he interrupted her before she continued.
"Don't get all Rambo-crazy on me. I was only in there because late one night when I couldn't sleep I was going to get a glass of milk, but I heard… noise coming from your room. I got really concerned, so I decided to investigate. After that, I just… I couldn't bring myself to not be in your room before you fell asleep. I was concerned, and I didn't know what to do to act upon it. That's why I waited until today to confront you, because I know that you'd be alone." Garfield breathed, silently, waiting for Raven. She closed her eyes, but not before a tear had straggled down her face. He frowned, but waited. True, he has noticed Raven had been more reclusive since Sabrina had showed up, but never mentioned it. He wanted to reach over and wipe her tear away – normally, he'd do it, but now, he wasn't so sure he knew Raven anymore… and that really saddened him.
"O-okay…" she straggled out, voice waving with emotion. She took a few deep breaths. "I'll admit it. I… don't want you marrying her. But… you two make each other so happy, so I won't interfere. You deserve this… Beast Boy." She used the codename that was long ago abandoned for Changeling, but Garfield did not mind. He sighed.
"And… well, that leaves one logical explanation. You like me, don't you Rae?" She nodded, only slightly, but it was enough for the green man to notice. "I am so, so sorry about all this, Raven… how long have you liked me?"
"Since… about seven months after we got back from Tokyo." She bit her lip. He sighed again.
"You are the last person I want to do this to, Raven. I never want to hurt you in any way." His eyes were filling with tears, but he took a deep breath to steady himself. "And… and… if it means not hurting you, I'll call off the wedding." Raven shook her head.
"No, I won't let you do that because of me. I know you are a kind person, Gar, and would not want to hurt anyone in any way, but you can't do that. Just think of what it will do to Sabrina. She'd be crushed. And you wouldn't break up, right… so that just means I'd still have to deal with the pain no matter what. If you marry her, only I will be hurt. If you don't…" she couldn't continue as a finger was placed on her lips. He sighed yet again.
"Rae… you are my best friend. If you truly want me to go through with the wedding, I will… but if it causes you pain, then it will cause me pain as well. I can't bear for you, of all people, to be unhappy. I know how crap your life has been, and how crap it probably must be to be forced through something like this… but please know I can't be fully happy unless you are happy as well." She smiled sadly at his words.
"I don't want you to be concerned over me. You're going to have a wife soon. You should be focusing all your attention on the wedding tomorrow." He smiled.
"Raven, if it's any consolation… you'd be my second choice."
"It doesn't help the pain, but it is comforting." He hugged her briefly before the lull of his communicator went off. He let go of her, and pulled it out, the face of Richard appearing, grim.
"Gar, I… I'm sorry. But… Sabrina has died."