Disclaimer: I don't own gossip girl or any of it's characters, I'm just not that lucky.
Disclaimer: I don't own gossip girl or any of it's characters, I'm just not that lucky.
A/N: No idea where this came from, just starting writing. It will probably be a few chapters long depending how people like it. I'm still writing my Seb/Lydia story but I wanted to start another Chuck/Blair one. This chapter mainly concerns Blair.
Please read and review! :)
This was not the way she wanted to spend the first few morning hours of being married. She was supposed to be spooning with her new husband in their warm bed not shakily hugging the toilet bowel in preparation to vomit. For the umpteenth time.
"Never again." She groaned out loud to herself.
"Marriage generally is a one time deal dearest." Stupid new husband.
"Shut up Chuck you know what I mean." She whipped her head around to glare at him through the open doorway but the movement was apparently too violent and she braced herself for another minute of ungracefully emptying her stomach.
Why had they chosen Hawaii for their honeymoon? It was annoyingly bright in every corner of their suite even with the blinds pulled and the humidity did nothing for her nauseas let alone her hair.
"Well at least we're up to see the sunrise." His voice was pretend-bitter.
She was actually bitter that he wasn't also enduring the worst hangover since, like, ever. Weren't they now supposed to be equals in suffering and in joy? Something like that anyway, and she was definitely suffering. Suffering, agonising, dying. Yet he had the gall to be annoyed? Men!
Although, admittedly if she was awoken at before dawn on her honeymoon by her husband moaning like a wounded animal while crawling on all fours to the bathroom she might be a little inclined to bitch.
She hoped he didn't expect a reply to his petty barb. All her concentration was being used to try and persuade her body to give her a break, her head and stomach were double teaming her into the foetal position on the marble floor. Mmm lovely, cool marble.
"Do you want me to carry you back to bed? I did pretty well hauling you over the threshold after all."
"Not so loud." She hissed through gritted teeth.
Chuck had risen from bed and walked confidently to the bathroom looking infuriatingly well rested and not so bleary eyed. He was just in his boxer shorts and his hair was adorably dishevelled, she would have recognised how sexy that was if it wasn't for her befuddled brain.
Chuck rolled his eyes but restrained himself from a acidic retort, he must have truly pitied her state. Yeah right. Instead he bent down and scooped her up in his arms like she weighed nothing.
"Please don't sway me!"
The world was rushing by at a sickening pace but closing her eyes just made it worse but it was some comfort when Chuck lay down beside her and rubbed her back.
"Just so we're clear, I am not kissing you today, I don't care how many times you claim to have brushed your teeth." He laughed loudly near her ear and was met with a trembling middle finger right between his eyes.
He rolled over on to his back, put his hands behind his head and continued talking as if nothing had happened.
"I think I'm going to try surfing again today, I haven't done it since I was twelve but it's such a nice day and when in Rome."
Her only reply was a guttural noise somewhere between a groan and a sigh.
"Obviously I'll just leave you here to writhe in your own sweat but I'll order you some room service and come check on you at lunch."
He was grinning from ear to ear, he was enjoying it way too much. Just because he had a steel stomach and well earned immunity to the effects of alcohol didn't mean she was so well endowed. In fact the entire month up until her wedding she hadn't touched any alcohol, she was too busy and needed a clear head so she had just stuck with water or grape juice until the wedding reception. What a mistake that was! Her body had apparently reverted it's reaction to champagne and cocktails back to when she was fourteen and first heavily indulged that particular vice. At least she could remember the ceremony and the dancing. The time from exiting the reception (or rather staggering) to waking up feeling like hell on earth were presently a disturbing blank. Chuck had apparently carried her over the threshold but she guessed it was more for practical reasons rather than traditional.
Her stomach swirled guiltily, lucky Chuck was low maintenance where sentimentality was concerned but she was less than thrilled that her first night married wasn't a night of relentless sex and happy memories.
Her only consolation was that Chuck had impulsively dragged her out of the hotel reception and into a room where he had gamely hefted up her many layers of wedding skirt and made love to her on the plush carpet. Carpet burn! At least that explained the grazed feeling on her upper back.
"You're seriously going to leave me here on my own?"
"As much as I love you you're going to be useless to me for at least half the day and the beach is like five steps from our patio. After having to put up with your insane snoring all night long on the jet and in the suite I need some sort of amusement."
Blair wanted to hit him but the effort wasn't worth the physical repercussions.
"Whatever, why don't you go hook up with some hula-skirt wearing skank while your at it? Abandonment and infidelity all in one day!"
Chuck rolled his eyes at how melodramatic she was but he was used to it.
"Well at least she'd hopefully have minty-fresh breath unlike someone I know."
She would have attempted to smother him with his own perfect pillow if he wasn't looking down at her with an intoxicating mixture of amusement and affection.
"Get lost you soulless cad." Was all she bothered to attempt.
Blair rolled over so her face was in the pillow and waited for him to leave her being tortured by her own body. The door opened and closed with a click and he was gone.
He actually left her, the supposedly devoted husband had deserted his wife in her time of need and less than subtle agony! Alcohol was truly the bane of existence, closely followed by her neglectful spouse. He did look amazingly good but that wasn't the point.
She knew she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, the silence only focussed her attention back on to her unsettled stomach so she flipped through infomercials and world news for half an hour of restlessness. He actually left her! He didn't even say goodbye or slap her on the ass or any of the usual annoying but loving gestures she was familiar with.
Maybe he was upset about having to attend to her in her semi-comatose state, she noticed that he had stripped her out of her tight wedding dress into her favourite pyjamas sometime after they had arrived last night. The elegant white dress with jewelled corset and huge skirt was hung up in the open wardrobe, it took her half an hour to get into it in the first place with Serena's help so she couldn't imagine how long it would have taken someone like Chuck to get her out of it. Guilt emerged through her self-pity, it had been Chuck's big night too and she probably should have made more of an effort to monitor her drinking.
She would show him, she wasn't completely hopeless. When she thought it was safe to do so, she rolled slowly off the bed and crawled once again to the bathroom. It was less degrading this time when her husband wasn't sniggering in her wake.
The bathroom smelt so putrid that she wanted to be sick all over again but she determinedly pulled herself up to get into the shower.
Half an hour later and she was smiling weakly in triumphant. She was showered and had changed into a cute yellow sundress and had wisely brushed her teeth and soaked herself in Christian Dior. The soft brown locks were a tangled mess, after having them doused in hair spray last night and bed hair today it was too much hassle to try and comb out the knots. Still, it looked passable as the curls weren't too wild and she didn't know anyone in the place that she had to impress. Usually she wouldn't step foot outside their apartment until she was sure she looked hotter than anyone had a right to be but her energy was drained and she couldn't be bothered.
"Waldorf you don't look half bad."
She quickly applied some lip gloss and massacre before her smile widened.
"Blair Bass you don't look half bad."
Her legs were still a little shaky but she managed to move around the room to collect her purse and sunglasses among other pool-related items. Feeling very pleased with herself, she thought of leaving a note but the vision of Chuck returning and his potential panic and guilt at her absence had her retracting her hand from the proximity of the writing pad. A little stress would remind him of just what he could have lost had something terrible actually happened to her. These little life lessons were important.
Her mind was still processing everything at half-speed so she mentally checked items off her list of things she needed for a day by the pool sans her annoying beloved. She luckily remembered the key just as the door was closing behind her and she wedged her sparkly sandal in the small gap in time to re-enter and remedy the potential embarrassment of being locked out.
The sun was not Blair's friend, it was drowning her in blinding light whenever it could and she hadn't even reached the elevators yet, she couldn't wait to collapse on one of the shaded loungers and just enjoy the atmosphere. She stepped into the elevator contemplating beverages that wouldn't make her feel more vile than she already was when she was interrupted from her thoughts by a male voice.
Blair turned to the man standing beside her.
Full sentences Bass. Real words would be helpful too.
"Do you want a mint?"
He reached his hand over to offer her one out of his packet, she quickly covered her mouth in shock.
"Is it that obvious?"
She had scrubbed her teeth until they had almost bled and now random strangers were whiffing her death-breath, it was humiliating.
"What?" Confusion marred his pleasant but plain face.
He laughed nervously.
"Oh no I'm sure your breath is fine, it's just, um well my counsellor says I should reach out to people more. I'm kind of introverted usually but I've been working with him to be a more rounded person I guess. Kelly says it's a priority in our relationship for me to be the man she needs."
Blair smiled slightly, at first all she could think was 'whipped much buddy?' but he looked so earnest and expectant she couldn't just write him off.
"That's good, thanks for the mint."
She popped it into her mouth as his eyes widened.
"Shit I'm sorry I haven't even introduced myself! I'm Josh by the way."
He reached out again this time with an outstretched hand.
"It's great to -"
The door opened on to the expansive lobby and Blair quickly rushed out.
"Well nice meeting you Josh."
She gave him her best smile and walked towards the pool area.
"Are you going to the pool too?"
No shit Sherlock.
"Me too! Shall we walk together?"
Blair nodded and smiled tightly, she was hardly in the mood for company but he reminded her so much of a lonely puppy that anything but the utmost politeness felt like she was wounding him somehow. It was highly annoying when all she wanted to do was be a self-pitying bitch.
What was it about holidays? It was like the normal rules of society didn't apply anymore, people just did whatever the fuck they pleased. Back home, a weedy guy like Josh would never have approached someone like Blair. Then suddenly they are on a tropical island and everyone is supposed to merge and get along like something miraculous has changed. It sort of reminded her of the forced school camps where the social cliques were deliberately split and forced to work with others in ridiculous and usually humiliating team building exercises. As far as she could see, her and Josh had nothing in common apart from their choice of locale but now she had to suffer him otherwise she was going against some weird vacation protocol. If he didn't seem so unassuming she might have been more inclined to tell him to fuck off but as it was she felt sorry for him. He was genuinely trying to be nice after all. What had Chuck said? When in Rome.
She luckily found a deserted lounger close to the pool action (there was a game of water volleyball with hot students going on) and not in direct sunlight. Apparently Josh didn't need a lounger, he just plopped his towel on the concrete next to her and lay down happily like it wasn't the most uncomfortable position in the world.
She tried to ignore him by turning her ipod on but by the way his mouth was moving she assumed he was trying to have a conversation. She sighed quietly to herself and obliged him.
"I just said you're lucky."
"Well from that almighty rock attached to your wedding finger I'd say you're married and well you are just naturally beautiful. Must be nice to not have to make an effort, it's not a come on or anything I'm happily married myself it's just an observation. Kelly, my wife, says I should be more vocal with my thoughts. A lady never rejects a compliment apparently."
He looked slightly embarrassed. She would be too if she were him, his wife sounded more like his mother.
"I'm sorry my mouth never opened a year ago and now suddenly I can't shut up. I guess that's love for you."
Blair just smiled again, feeling that saying nothing was the best option. She found it amusing they were both married yet neither had their spouse around.
"Where's your wife?"
She couldn't help her curiosity, she was half hoping she was curled in foetal position with alcohol poisoning too just so she didn't feel alone in being a shitty wife. That thought however probably made her a shitty person. Oh well.
"She's having a spa day with one of her friends. It's our one year anniversary so we came here for a week with another couple we know."
She didn't mean it to sound so sarcastic but it wouldn't be her cup of tea. As much as she loved Serena and even Dan somewhat by extension, the idea of celebrating her marriage with them coming along seemed ridiculous.
"I guess so! I'm not really one for sun, my skins gets this itchy rash any time I'm in it too long but life's about compromise right?"
Blair just made a sound of vague acknowledgement hoping he'd get the hint.
"So where's your husband?"
"Who the fuck knows? Beach probably."
Josh looked taken aback by this response and she was secretly pleased. Just because he bent over backwards to give his 'sweetheart' everything she demanded didn't mean Blair had to.
"Why didn't you join him?"
"I'm a little hungover from the wedding."
This also was about as foreign to Josh as social competency.
"You're only just married?"
He really is amazingly obvious.
That 'oh' seemed to hold so much meaning that Blair didn't really want to discern. It was a kind of disappointed disillusionment as if he was expecting Blair and Chuck to be attached to the face and reciting Shakespearean sonnets just because she had changed her last name. Sure it meant a lot being married but it didn't mean she was going to have a personality transplant. Her and Chuck had always made it their attitude that marriage was just the icing on an already yummy, orgasmic-inducing cake.
"Shouldn't you be swimming or something?"
"I'm allergic to chlorine."
She began laughing so hard she was sure she'd start up another hurling fit but she couldn't help it.
"You come on holiday to somewhere sunny to a hotel with the biggest pool on the island and wait around while your wife is getting pampered?"
Josh instead of taking offence began to chuckle himself.
"You're the one who is completely fucked on her first day of married life while her husband has left her to her own devices."
"Good boy. No mincing of words. That I like."
"It just kind of came out."
"What your own opinions?"
"No, well yes. Kelly doesn't like my abrasive side."
"It's called honesty. Like me asking you if you're always such a doormat."
She wasn't sure how mean she could be before he would break down. It wasn't her intention but his flip from spineless dweeb to using cynical humour was so quick and unexpected she wasn't sure he wouldn't revert back as if she'd imagined the personality shift.
"Yeah I pretty much am. I know it's obvious, I know you probably think I'm pathetic."
"Then why put up with it?"
"Because I want to make my wife happy. Making her happy makes me happy enough to take everything else in my stride."
"Aren't you just pretending to be something your not?"
"Maybe but it works for us. Just like getting plastered at your wedding works for you. I can't understand how you can be so blasé about your marriage just like you can't understand how I can be a pushover. Everyone is different."
Blair wasn't sure how to reply to that. She wanted to mention that she might not be selfless or even mature but at least she hadn't committed to a sham. His kind smile stopped her, he didn't deserve that kind of honesty. At least not from her.
"If you say so."
"Do you and your husband want to have dinner with us tonight?"
Her first reaction was to laugh. Josh took it as pleasant surprise rather than a response to such an absurd question. Yet when she thought of Chuck's constipated smile at having to make nice with doormat Josh and his anti-christ wife she couldn't refuse. To satisfy her curiosity at least.
"Sure we'd love to."
"Are you sure it's okay though? I wouldn't want you making engagements without the consent of your mother, I mean wife."
He choose to ignore her teasing and barely supressed smirk.
"It will be fine. She loves meeting new people." He sounded slightly unconvinced himself. It only made her more eager to meet such a woman.
"Then dinner it is. Shall we meet in the lobby at eight and search out somewhere nice?"
"Perfect! Do you have any allergies?"
"Kelly likes to be kept abreast of everyone's health requirements, that way she can sort out your orders so you aren't served something that will harm you. It sounds controlling but it comes from a place of kindness."
Blair tried not to giggle immaturely at his use of 'abreast'.
"Okay well neither me or Chuck have allergies to anything."
"Good. One time we dined out with my cousin who was allergic to practically everything and it took an hour for Kelly to sort it out and ended up fighting with the cook. My cousin hasn't visited us since. Tonight will be great though, if nothing else my therapist will die of shock at my sociability."
She couldn't help grinning, the day may have started shitty but with a potentially amusing evening with a control freak to look forward to she was put in a better mood.
She could hear Chuck groaning already.
A/N: Hehe cruel Blair! The Josh character was influenced slightly by my love of Mr. Collins in the Pride and Prejudice mini-series. He's hilarious!