"Everything that happens to be is the best thing that could possibly happen to me." "We are all part of the Universe. The Universe won't let anything bad happen to us because we are a part of it."
This is the first time in my life where Buddhist and Zen teachings have been wrong. I have practiced and followed these lessons for years, even before I was unplugged. I have dedicated myself to being calm and collected, yet here I am, doing the opposite.
I still believe that the Universe looks over us, but I do not understand how it could let something so devastating happen to me. They always say to look for the silver lining, yet, there is none. Trinity has fallen in love, but not with me. How is that the best possible thing? Her love has grown so deep that she is willing to die for him. I knew from the moment I looked into her eyes that all hope was lost. However, deep in those blue eyes I saw her brotherly love for me, but I still yearn for so much more.
I followed her into her cabin. She and Neo were leaving soon and I knew that she wasn't coming back. Hume said that past experiences do not predict the future; Trinity had always come back to me, but this time I knew that it wasn't meant to happen again. When she finally turned to look at me, she avoided my eyes in attempts to hide her own. They were wet – she knew that she wasn't coming back to me either.
All I could do in that moment was stare into her icy eyes. I suddenly became angry. How could she expect me to comfort her when my love for her was unrequited. But then I realized something – she didn't expect anything. That is why I had fallen in love with her. Trinity would always go out of her way for another and never expect anything in return.
I stepped forward and gathered her into my arms. It was here she finally broke down. Her body seemed to go limp while her arms squeezed tight. I stroked her back in vain. I knew that at this point, nothing would bring her comfort.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, tears falling from her beautiful eyes. I did not respond as I continued to rub circles into her back.
"I'm sorry that I couldn't give you what you wanted."
I stared down at the mess of her hair on my chest. Did she know? Did she know that I loved her? How much I loved her? Trinity nodded against me in response to my unsaid questions. This woman could read me like a book.
"I've always loved you, Brother, but that was never good enough, was it?" She broke away from my grasp and sat down against the wall, bringing her knees to her chest as she hugged them tightly. Her shoulders shook as she held back tears.
My gaze couldn't leave her defeated form. I have known Trinity for over twelve years and not once had I seen her cry, not like this. It scared me. How could the strongest person you know just break down like that? Past experiences do not predict the future. It was my fault. Every moment I thought about the pain she caused me, she thought about how much I had been hurting her. When did I become so self-centred? All those times I thought about how unlucky I was to not have her in love with me I should have been thinking about how lucky I was to even have her in my life.
"Ghost?" Trinity whispered, breaking my out of my thoughts. I looked into her eyes, the beautiful eyes that I had fallen in love with.
She took a deep breath and I knew what she was about to say was difficult for her.
"I love you, Ghost."
The smallest hint of a smile played on her perfect lips. I returned it and gathered her into my arms again. The feeling made my heart pound faster than it did when Agents chased me down the streets. I knew that she knew how I felt about her. Was it her that pieced together the puzzle or had the Oracle told her? It was something I would never know. I pulled her in closer, knowing too well that she would try to deny me embrace but also knowing that she would succumb to it.
"Trinity," I started. "I know that beneath the outer warrior shell lies the gentlest woman I have ever met - a woman full of emotion. You do not need to hold your tears, just let it out. Please."
The moment I finished my sentence, she immediately began to shake again. I held her close and did my best to soothe her. When she calmed down once more, I began to speak.
"I've always wanted more than what you could give me, and I'm sorry for that. I've always known that you couldn't love me the way I love you, but what I should have known was that the love you did give was something I should have cherished. I should have cherished it more. I hate myself for putting you through all this."
"Ghost, you put me through hell. The only times I've ever felt self-conscious was when you were around. You made me afraid to even hold his hand; I was in constant fear of hurting you more than I already had."
"I never knew you cared so much."
She pulled away from her, her eyes full of pain when they caught mine. "How could you even say that, Ghost? I…"
She paused. I didn't force her to continue. Only time would tell if she chose to finish her sentence.
"I love you, Ghost. I always have and I always will."
It was now that my eyes began to water. No one could ever say that to me and enlighten so many feelings within me. It was in this moment that I understood how Neo felt when he flew; my heart soared upon hearing these words.
I forced myself to look into her eyes again. All this time I had been forcing myself away, using all the will power I could muster, but now, I could not hold back; my love for her was too strong. I slowly lowered my head down to hers. She closed her eyes, knowing exactly what I was about to do. As my lips met hers, my heart soared higher. She did not fight me, instead she kissed back slowly. Her lips were soft, just as I had imagined. They moved perfectly slow against mine and I found myself falling in love with her even more.
A knock came from the door followed by a voice. His voice.
"Are you ready to go?"
Trinity broke away slowly, ending the kiss on the perfect note despite its interruption. She gave a soft reply to her love, her true love. She was leaving soon. She stood up and I followed suite. Just as her hand grasped the door, I grabbed her wrist and pulled her into a deep embrace. I breathed in her scent one last time. After what seemed like forever, we finally broke apart. She turned, ready to leave once again, her hand resting on the handle. She stopped.
"I'll always love you, Ghost. For always and forever."