A/N: I'm not quite sure how they talked in ancient Ireland, so I made Jack sound like Hagrid from Harry Potter. It seemed to fit. Also, there are three versions of the Jack-o'-lantern story, so I just chose one randomly. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own DN.
I'm dead. This was the first thought that crossed Yagami Light's mind as he lay motionless in the afterlife. The pain was gone. In fact, all feeling was gone. His attempted to brush his fingers against the floor, but they met nothing. The world around him was insubstantial, odorless, and mute. Tentatively, Light opened his eyes. It didn't matter, however, as his surroundings were completely dark. Full cave darkness. Not a photon of the boy's namesake to be found. If Light's heart was still beating it would have been pounding in his chest just as he would have been hyperventilating if there was air to breathe.
In normal circumstances, Light didn't mind the dark, as odd as that sounded. But these weren't normal circumstances, and this wasn't normal darkness. This darkness was oppressive. It was swallowing him into the bowels of nothingness and there wasn't even something to grab onto for dear life. Light closed his eyes and dug his nails into his hands. With his eyes closed he could at least pretend there wasn't only darkness. So this is Mu, Light thought as his nerves calmed. Is this really where I am going to spend eternity?
Light pulled his knees to his chest and gripped them like a child or, more appropriately, like his former rival. Well, think on the bright side, he told himself, not intending the pun. No Misa. It was true. Mu was quiet, oppressively so. But at least the silence was better than that overbearing, twittering "girlfriend" of his.
Another plus: no L. He wasn't sure if L would be in Heaven or Hell but at least he wasn't in Mu. Light wasn't sure if he could spend an eternity in solitary confinement, but he knew he wouldn't be able to spend an eternity of that insufferable detective with a penchant for catch-22s. When L was alive, everything Light did or did not do would raise the percentage of him being Kira in some way or another, and he was sure L would think of an equally infuriating way to anger him in Mu. Thankfully the man wasn't there. No Misa. No L. This place was getting better and better.
Through Light's closed lids, a tiny bit of light reached his pupils. The boy's eyes snapped open. It was true! In the distance Light could see a flickering spot of light. Light stood and ran toward it, completely disregarding the fact that there was no floor for him to be running on.
As the mass murderer neared the light, he began to notice something odd. Light slowed to a stop. Was that a…face? Yes, it was a face! A grinning face illumined from a flame burning merrily behind the eye, nose, and mouth holes. What the…
"Is tha' a man?" a surprised voice spoke in English.
The face lifted into the air and started bobbing toward him. Light was about ready to run when he noticed another man illuminated by the odd lantern he was holding.
"It is!" the man exclaimed as he approached Light. He looked unkempt, though Light assumed anyone would after an eternity in Mu. He had a scraggily beard and a head full of equally untidy hair. He was a rather large man with horrible teeth. As he came closer, Light caught a whiff of his stench and was almost blown away. Had this man ever bathed in his life?!
"Name's Jack!" the man said, extending a large hand with dirt beneath the fingernails.
"Light," said boy replied and shook the man's hand. The light from the lantern sparkled in the man's eyes revealing a bit of a prankster's twinkle in their depths.
"Light?" The man contemplated the boy's name as he scratched his beard. "Odd name."
"Uh, yeah. What's that?" Light asked, pointing to the smirking, lighted face.
Jack chuckled. "It's me lantern, o' course!" Jack shook the lantern for emphasis. "Given ter me by the Devil, hi'self!"
Light looked skeptical. He examined the lantern. "Is that a…turnip?" he asked, realizing that the lantern was, indeed, a hollowed out turnip.
Jack gave a full-blown laugh. "O' course it is!"
Something clicked in the back of Light's mind, some bit of American culture he had learned long ago in his English class. Jack plus hollowed out agricultural product for a lantern equals…
"Shouldn't you be using a pumpkin?"
Jack looked at Light like he'd grown a second head. "Now why would I use a pun'kin?"
"Why would you use a turnip?"
A smirk crossed Jack's face. "Ah, the question ya shoulda asked is why wouldn' I use a turnip."
Light just stared at the man. Jack laughed heartily at his expression.
"Come on, then. Si' wi' me." Jack gestured to where the floor should have been and sat.
Light sat as well, deciding not to question how there was something actually there for him to sit on. "I haven' had comp'ny in ages! The Devil 'ardly ever visits."
"Right." Light decided that this man must hallucinate on occasion.
"So son, what'd ya do to get stuck in a place like this?"
Light sighed. "I used a death note."
Jack scratched his head in a puzzled manner. "I don' know what that is, but I'll take yer word for it."
Light shrugged. "What did you do?" he asked.
Jack frowned. "Well, I wasn' good enough for Heaven, and the Devil wouldn' let me inter Hell so – "
"Why wouldn't the Devil let you into Hell?"
"Oh, now that's a story! Yer see, I was just a humble man – "
Light snorted. Whenever someone calls themselves "humble" you know they're anything but.
"'Tis true! I was just a humble man tryin' ter make a livin' as a farmer. One day, I met the Devil. I tricked 'im inter climbin' a tree, then I put crosses all around the tree!" Jack gestured to indicate the ring of crosses. "Then I told 'im I'd only let 'im down if he promised not ter take me soul." Jack smiled, obviously waiting for praise for his genius plan.
"So the Devil can't take your soul to Hell."
"So you got stuck, alone, in Mu."
Jack frowned and scrunched up his face. "Moo? We're not inside a cow, son."
Light scoffed and shook his head. "Whatever. The point is that it doesn't seem like you've gained anything from tricking the Devil. Hell can't be worse than this place." Light glanced forlornly at the darkness outside their small circle of light.
"The poin' is, the Devil don' own me," Jack stated firmly. "Tha' means I won."
Light just shrugged. "So, what do you do to keep yourself entertained? This seems like a pretty boring existence."
Jack shrugged and laid down on the blackness that served as a floor. "I sing."
"'Aye." Jack immediately began bellowing an Irish folksong.
"Ah!" Light exclaimed, covering his ears. "Good God, you sound like shit!"
Jack stopped singing and glared at the boy. "When you go mad from boredom, you'll be beggin' me ter sing!"
L sat in Heaven watching the encounter. 24 percent chance Light will go insane in the next five years, the former genius detective thought.
3 Months Later
3 Months Later
Light covered his ears as best he could to keep out the Irish ditty Jack was drunkenly hollering. Although Jack hadn't had a drop of alcohol since he died, Light soon learned that he would still slip in an out of a state that resembled inebriation. Apparently the solitude had driven him mad.
"Com'on!" Jack yelled, grabbing the boy's arms and dragging him to his feet. Jack proceeded to force Light to dance with him, hopping and skipping about, not at all in tune with the song.
It was during times like these that Light contemplated running away into the darkness. Then he caught sight of the lantern and decided against it. He would endure Jack's antics for the light. Besides, as time passed, he found Jack's shenanigans almost…fun? Light groaned. Maybe he was going insane.
In Heaven, L agreed. Make that 77 percent.
3 Years Later
3 Years Later
Ryuk was bored. Without Light, all there was to do was gamble. He sighed as he wondered how Light was handling isolation in Mu. A grin crossed his face. That could be funny. Making his decision, Ryuk opened a portal to Mu.
It wasn't hard to find Light in the darkness, once again no pun intended. In the distance he saw a tiny, flickering light and heard the faint sounds of an off-tune voice. He quickly flew to the source.
What he found disturbed him greatly. Light and a middle-aged man with a horrid smell were dancing around a lit turnip. They were singing and acting like two old drinking buddies, neither lucid in the slightest. It was in that moment that Ryuk decided that Light had gone completely bonkers as a result of being in Mu and it was by far the most disconcerting thing he had every seen.
L was laughing his ass off in Heaven.