Rating: Hmmm... PG-13?
Pairings: 1+2, 3+4
Notes: Abuse of parentheses, talkity, naive Heero, talkity, sex-ed Trowa, sarcastic, pissy Duo (but not in that order), shonen-ai, language, over-use (abuse) of a certain metaphor (not euphemism!) for kissing...
I slammed the door. If it wouldn't have raised any attention, I would have done it a couple more times. But no. It was Heero's opinion that any attention was bad attention (I certainly didn't agree), and I had to comply to his rules if I didn't want to get my head bashed in.
Some days I really think that would be the preferable option. but, once again, no. I don't think Heero would ever do me the favor.
I flopped down on the bed with a growl, trying to make as much noise as possible, if only to piss off my reticent roommate. Some days, being vindictive is the only way you can possibly go. (Today was one of those days.)
Bad day? Heero asked quietly, still typing.
Shut your hole. Now, I should say in my defense that I'm not normally rude to people (unless they're Relena). In fact, if Heero had said Bad day?' to me under normal circumstances, it would have been all I could do to keep myself from melting into a puddle of heart-marked goo and giggling like a schoolgirl. (OK, I admit it. I read too much manga.) But, right now, I had the urge to murder Heero in his sleep (or even while he was awake) for what I was fairly sure was Heero's own brand of sarcasm.
I heard Heero shove back his chair and walk over to the bed. I refused to look at him, instead pretending that the cracks in the ceiling looked like a bunny. (They didn't.) Heero sat down on the foot of the bed and touched my leg, right at the ankle.
Oh, nothing much, I grumbled, rolling over so that I had no chance of looking at him, pulling my leg out from under his fingers.
What happened? he repeated.
I wanted to damn Heero and his persistence. (I didn't. Not out loud, anyway.) Instead, I sat up like a board and glared at him. I guess I was hoping it would scare him off. (It didn't. Dammit.) I let out a sigh that was more of a growl, and told him:
I woke up from a nightmare this morning, couldn't find an ironed shirt because I SWEAR our iron got stolen, and broke four hair bands before I managed to braid my hair. Because of the hair fiasco, I got to the cafeteria late, and all they had left was coffee, which was, of course, way too hot. Then some girl knocked into me from behind and I spilled coffee on my shirt. I gestured to the offending stain in passing. I got to class late because some random guy ran into me in the hall and knocked all his papers on the floor, then told me it was all my fault and demanded that I help him pick them up. Then the Algebra teacher totally had my ass, and kept me after class for a twenty-minute lecture. So, of course, I was late for second block. The happy chain of lateness and lectures managed to continue until noon, when What's-Her-Face the Civ teacher kept me all the way through lunch and had me clean the blackboard because I also fell asleep in class, due to my evil lack of sleep. The girl behind me in Bio kept humming and kicking my chair while we worked on finishing our labs, and then my hair got caught in the bolts in the chair when I tried to get up the leave. Phys Ed was the hugest failure of my life, seeing as Coach teamed me up with that kid with the head gear who weighs, like, half a ton, and who knocked the air out of me every time he pinned me, which was a lot. By the way, did I mention that I hate being skinny? I do, and you wanna know why? Of course you do. Because after nearly being turned into Duo-Jello, I got slammed into the wall a couple of times by some jock guys for being a pansy-ass pretty-boy,' and I couldn't sock him one in the jaw because that would draw attention and blow my cover, and then you would blow up Deathscythe with me in it. Which is why I hate you, just so you know. And then I had another block of Civ with WhatEVER-the-Hell-Her-Name-Is the Bitch and suffered through a lecture on the dramatic irony of the Canterbury Tales.' If Chaucer wasn't dead already, I'd kill him. And now I come back and I just wanna break a couple of windows but once again I can't because you'd go all psycho on me cause I'd blow our cover. And all I really wanna do is play a niiiice little round of tonsil hockey with you, but, of course, THAT'S never gonna happen.
I flopped back down on the bed and resumed my stare-session with the not-bunny. There was a long silence while I caught my breath and unclenched my fists. I had the distinct feeling that Heero was staring at me, but I wasn't going to bother looking at him. Hell no. That would require moving.
When I was almost sure Heero must've fallen asleep, he said in a surprisingly confused voice, Tonsil hockey?
That was it. I couldn't help it. I broke into hysterical laughter, my whole body shaking as I continued to stare at the ceiling. The not-bunny wiggled back and forth in my field of vision as I convulsed with laughter.
I rubbed the tears from my eyes and, gasping for breath, sat up. Nothing, Hee-man. Nothing.
I got up and slouched into the bathroom, turning on the shower.
I stayed in the bathroom a long time, happily avoiding anything like doing homework. It helped to calm my down, a little. Ok, not very much at all. Not enough to not want to kill Heero for not knowing what tonsil hockey was, but that was OK. Hopefully I could avoid Heero for long enough so that I wouldn't feel the need to murder him.
When I finally got out of the bathroom, dressed in a pair of ratty black pajamas that were about two year's worth of growth too small for me, Heero was gone. Judging by the light on the trees outside, it was about diner time. (Our alarm clock, like our iron, had disappeared at some point, although Heero insisted that it couldn't have just vanished.) Heero was probably downstairs in the mess hall eating something light and healthy like he always does.
Goody for him,' I thought, and rummaged around under my bed for a while. I pulled out a brown bag of M&M's and proceeded to stuff my face.
By the time Heero got back, the sky was dark grey-blue and I had long since finished off the bag of chocolate. I had been half-dozing, but when he opened the door, I mostly woke up. He was holding something in his hand. He put the package wrapped in tinfoil down on the night stand between out beds. he didn't move away after putting it down. I could feel him looking at me.
I asked irritably when he continued to stare at me expectantly.
I brought you diner. Eat.
If I hadn't been in such a God-awful mood, I probably would have noticed how weird Heero was acting. But I didn't. What is it? He had another thing coming if he thought he was being nice by bringing me something healthy like -
Pizza. With everything on it.
Oh, that was enough to make me not want to kill Heero. (I decided that I would only completely trash his laptop.) I wasted no time in scarfing the two slices of still-warm everything pizza Heero had brought me.
As I finished the crust of the second piece of pizza, Heero sat back down on the foot of my bed, and I suddenly became suspicious.
What now? I asked mildly, hoping that maybe Heero had a piece of cake tucked away somewhere for me. (You wouldn't believe what he can' keep in those freaking shorts of his.)
Unfortunately, he caught my eye, and his expression was not an I-Have-Sugar-for-Duo look.
I repeated, my voice rather cold this time.
We have a mission tomorrow at 02.00. Get some sleep. I already backed a bag for you.
Screw the pizza. I was back to wanting to kill Heero. Several times, if at all possible.
The mission ended up being, for the most part, a piece of cake. All we had to do was blow up some rooms on a new OZ base where they were storing a shitload of records. Pretty stupid, if you ask me, keeping all your files in three rooms.
Heero probably could've done it on his own and spared the rest of us (namely, me) from the early-morning wakeup call.
When Quatre asked Heero about it on the way back to school, he just shrugged and said that the wackjobs probably wanted us to get a feel for the area. (Heero didn't say wackjobs,' by the way. He said scientists,' but that's just because he's boring.)
I didn't mind too much, though (although I definitely minded). We ran into a group of unarmed soldiers and I got to try out a couple of neat martial arts moves Wufei had taught me. (Why do you think we hit our targets so early in the morning? Unlike Gundam pilots, the Ozzies don't sleep with guns under their pillows.) We achieved our objective, and I got to do a little bit of kung-fu fightin' (even though Wuffers would kill me if I called it that to his face).
It didn't matter. Heero was still a big fat jerk. Pizza and kung-fu do not make up for springing missions on me. It didn't matter how much I got to watch his ass when we ran out the base. I still wanted to kill him.
On the return trip, my mind was not where it should have been. I cannot remember anything specific about the drive back to the school. I was barely listening when Quatre asked me a question... I don't even remember what I said to him.
I do, however, know where my mind was: on Duo. He was in a horrible mood, and it showed. He kicked on of the soldiers in the jaw so hard that the man's neck snapped. I know I heard him break some ribs, too. But he came out of our mission without a scratch on him. It wasn't that the rest of us were severely damaged, but he seemed to emit some sort of aura of danger that just kept everyone out of his way.
For some reason that I couldn't understand, Duo was mad at me. Although his (apparently) terrible day probably didn't help, I had the feeling that i did something else to worsen his temper. And I thought it had something to do with our conversation when he got home the day before...
He looked up at me, surprised. We were in the middle of working through a very complicated Trigonometry problem. He probably didn't expect me to say anything... ever.
Suddenly I felt really stupid (a feeling I've been slowly acclimating myself to since I met Duo), and lost my tongue. I... Uh, Duo said something to me yesterday...
Trowa got an Oh, no...' look on his face (I have the feeling we all get that look when someone starts talking about something Duo has done), but to his credit all he said was,
I blinked. Do I really want to ask Trowa?' I wondered. Maybe I don't want to know.' I sighed. Yes I do.' I looked away from Trowa, and I think I blushed a little. What's tonsil hockey?
To my utter surprise, Trowa started laughing (something he's been acclimating himself to since he met Quatre). I looked back at him to see him with one hand over his mouth, the other holding his stomach. His eyes were squeezed shut tightly, his face screwed up in his laughter. He had gotten to the point where he was laughing so hard he couldn't make a sound anymore.
I had no idea what was so amusing. As far as I could imagine, tonsil hockey couldn't be funny. But every time I said it, somebody laughed.
He turned back to me and suddenly Trowa choked on his laughter once more. Hold on... He laughed some more. Right when I was beginning to feel uncomfortable, his giggles (yes, Trowa giggles, too) subsided and he looked at me again, wiping tears from his eyes. I never thought I'd hear you ask that... What did Duo say?
I had the feeling that my eyes were about as wide as they got. I certainly felt about as nervous as I'd ever been. He... said... I trailed off and just stared at Trowa for a very long moment. He was having a bad day, and he came in, slammed the door, and started babbling about what had gone wrong with his day...
Trowa prompted, still grinning.
And then he said that all he wanted to do was play a nice little round of tonsil hockey with me' but that it would never happen.
I watched in shock as the smile dropped straight off Trowa's face (if I'd been fast enough, I could have caught it in my hands) as his jaw dropped.
I really didn't like this. That expression either meant that Duo wanted to kill me, or... I didn't know what else it could be.
Duo said that to you?
And you don't know what tonsil hockey is? He had managed to close his mouth, but his visible eye was very round.
You've never heard anyone say that before?
Why was this so shocking?! I really didn't like where this was going.
He sighed, and closed his eyes for a second. I cannot believe I'm doing this, he said, and then opened his eyes. They looked less shocked when he did, which I was glad for.
Calm down, Heero. I'm not going to do anything. It's just weird that you and I are having this conversation, that's all.
What conversation, dammit!' I thought as I glared at him. (In case it weren't already obvious, I don't like being kept in the dark.)
Tonsil hockey... Trowa murmured. He sighed again, and I thought for a moment that it looked like he were gathering some courage. Do you remember that time you walked into that dorm room we shared in Shanghai? And Quatre was with me...?
I stared at him blankly. I remembered.
But he apparently couldn't tell that from my expression. (Sometimes blank is just too blank.) And we were kissing? A lot?
I nodded slightly.
That's tonsil hockey.
Whoa. Despite the slow lead-up, I was not ready for that one. It was my jaw's turn to drop open, although I'd like to think it was a little less obvious than when Trowa had gawked at me. (It probably wasn't.)
Do you get it?
I tried to make my mouth work. I couldn't think. Duo wants to do that to me?
Trowa shrugged. It seems like it.
I wanted to grab him by the shoulders and shake the indifference out of him. Instead:
He laughed quietly, but it wasn't as scary as the previous bout of hysteria. (Praise be.) Yeah. Duh.
What did he meant by that?
Well... It was always pretty obvious to the rest of us that Duo liked you.
I blinked. (I really need to get over my habit of blinking when I'm surprised, and try for something a little more intelligent.)
Yeah. Quatre says he sees Duo checking you out all the time.
I gaped at him. (Something more intelligent. Like gaping.) You're joking.
Oh. My. God.
Trowa's good humour melted away and he was serious again. Don't be angry with him, Heero. He doesn't mean anything by it.
He studied me for a moment. Heero? Are you OK?
I half-shook my head, and then stopped, corrected myself, and nodded instead. Why would I be angry? (I stopped nodding my head. Eventually.)
He laughed again, his smile returning. You're happy, aren't you?
Happy. That wasn't something I'd thought about yet. But... I guess so.
He nodded decisively. I think we're done with Trig for today. He snapped his book shut, and then leaned a little closer, his palms on his knees. He had a half-smirk on his face. You know, the best thing to do with new vocabulary is use it during the course of your day. With that, he gave me a little, gentle shove off the bed and in the direction of the door.
I gathered up my books and walked out of his and Quatre's dorm room. As I headed towards the room I shared with Duo, I wondered if I had the courage to take Trowa's advice and use it during the course of the day.'
By the time I got to our door, I had decided.
I had completely abandoned my Chem homework in favor of planning out Heero's possible deaths at my hands. Some of them were quick and easy, and some of them were more involved, and some of them were compromised of screwing Heero to death. (I liked those the best.)
I guess I was so absorbed in my evil plans that I didn't notice Heero come in. I didn't notice until he cleared his throat.
I looked up. (That was smart of me.)
Trowa taught me something today.
Hmmm... Like how to be a yaoi boy so that we can go off and do indecently-exposed things together?' (Thank God I didn't say that outloud.)
He told me what tonsil hockey is.
I was about to be beaten into a bloody pulp. Who would have thought he'd actually ask someone? (Obviously, I didn't.)
Heero opened his mouth and I readied myself for a round of verbal abuse.
We can try it some time, if you want.
I just stared at him. Never in a million years... He opened his mouth to repeat himself. Never mind, I hear what you said. I took a deep breath. Are you serious?
I let the breath out and closed me eyes. (Cool as in, Oh my god you ARE a yaoi boy!!!')
Do you want to try right now?
I thought. (For about 0.034 seconds.) Hell. Yes.
The only thing I had left on my mind as I grabbed Heero and pulled him down onto the bed with me was this:
I liked vocabulary lessons.
(Next word: Jism.')
Notes: Duo's indecently exposed things...' comment is from Mahou Tsuaki Tai! Takeo, the resident geeky hentai, says it during one of his fantasies... The main reason I love MTT (besides the fact that I want a magic club at MY school) is Aburatsubo Ayanojyo, the vice-president. Ayanojyo has the same Japanese voice actor as Zechs... and Hotohori, and Fujimiya Aya, and everyone else on the planet. (OK, not really everyone.) Anyway, yes, go check it out. Cute.