Disclaimer: I don't own "Stargate: Atlantis." I am in no way trying to make a profit off this story, I am merely writing it and posting for my and other people's enjoyment.
Synopsis: Ronon-centric. Sometimes he fights to win. Sometimes he fights to survive. Sometimes he fights to remember.
Warnings: Violence, minor character death
Pairings: Mentions Ronon/Melena
Dedication: To Dia.Dahling. I do love you, my dear sister.
Author's notes: I'm stressed. So naturally I went to my natural stress-buster: writing. I hope you enjoy this fic, and thanks for reading it!
Sometimes he fights to win.
Sometimes he fights to win.
Being a Runner is all about winning. Ronon Dex fights to win, to defeat those who would bring destruction to him as they did his world. He fights with hatred. His fuel is the bitterness and revulsion that his life has brought to him, that his enemy sees in him. He kills with unseeing animosity: he does not care to know who in particular this victim is, just so long as it is another Wraith that cannot bother another tormented soul like his own.
But he allows himself to get just close enough to his victims to see the fear that flickers through their eyes when they know they're going to die. When they are going to lose to the very Runner they unleashed to their own bane. When their prey becomes their hunter.
When Ronon Dex discharges the full force of his hate and rage upon them.
Sometimes he fights to survive.
Being a Runner is about surviving. About living from one battle to the next, in the hope of surviving to win the seemingly un-winnable war. Surviving is the driving force of his existence, the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel that calls to him.
If he dies, he loses and the Wraith win. And that is not acceptable.
Surviving means he can fight another day, win another battle, kill another Wraith. Surviving means there's hope: hope of being freed, hope of defeating the Wraith, hope of seeing his world and his people again. Hope of finding someone else to fill him, heart and soul.
Hope of finding relief from this endless torment that follows him like his own personal hell.
His time as a Runner is turning him away from humanity and everything about it. He is wild, feral – perhaps, in some ways, as bad as the ones he fights. He will never admit that – he is too proud. Too strong. To deeply rooted in his hate, his desire to kill them all.
But there is a part of Ronon Dex, deep inside him, that longs to survive if for no other reason than to be a happy young man on Sateda again, with his wife and family.
Sometimes he fights to remember.
Another day of fighting, another day of surviving, leads to another day of remembrance. As long as he lives, the memory of Sateda and her proud people will survive in him. He does not know the fate of his world: whether the rest of his people lived or died after he was taken. He does not dare return to discover their fate.
But at night, as he waits for another day, another battle, to greet him, he remembers his home. His wife. The sheer love and joy and peace he had there, before the Wraith came. Sometimes it is as if they never came, in his dreams. Home returns to him in this land beyond the conscious world, when he dares allow himself to sleep deeply enough to go there.
Remembering Sateda and his people keep them alive, if only in him. If he is the only survivor of an entire race, an entire planet full of life and light and love, he has to fight.
Ronon Dex is not a quitter. He will fight to win, to survive, to remember, until the day there is nothing left to fight for.
Then – he will be happy.