THIS DOCUMENTATION OF FICTIONAL INGENUITY AND OVERALL DEVIOUSNESS HAS BEEN DUBBED…
WAKE-UP CALL: (PART I)
One Saturday morning, I had one of those rare experiences during which I had awaken, was completely aware that I had done so, and yet, for some odd reason, had managed to remain utterly, entirely still; not even my eyelids betrayed the fact that I was no longer subconscious.
Times such as these cannot pass by unappreciated an underutilized.
But I would have to be…extremely, devilishly devious and somewhat dastardly if I were to have any hope whatsoever of fooling Edward, whom, I could clearly sense, was still present.
What to do, what to do…
Then, quite suddenly,…INSPIRATION struck!
Oh. No. Ooooh, no. I couldn't do that. Could I?
But, it's so perfect!
Yeah, just a little too perfect.
Too perfect to pass up!
Aw, come on!
I. Am. Insane. I have voices in my head that speak as if I do not exist, and they argue about what I do with my life. And, apparently, they agree on occasion.
Ah, well, such is life. Mine especially.
Since, obviously, my friendly neighborhood alter-egos had made the decision for me, I now had no choice but to follow through with my fiendish plot (mwa-ha-ha) and pray it worked…because, if it didn't…well, I would probably end up extremely tomato-faced. Not that there's anything wrong with tomatoes, in fact I like them very much, but bearing any resemblance to one with Halloween no where near does not sound at all appealing.
Mayhaps having a screw loose wouldn't be so bad after all.
(A/N: now, I know, in "reality," Edward would notice her increasing heart rate and, since she was no longer in REM sleep and therefore could not be dreaming, he would know immediately that she was awake. But come on! What use is fiction if you can't change the rules a little every now and then, huh?)
I rolled over towards Edward, feigning sleep, moaning softly. The way his arms shifted around me made my heart rate pick up just a little bit.
"Bella?" Edward spoke softly.
Eventually, I was completely relaxed again. Edward sighed, seeming convinced that I was still in a subconscious state.
Now for phase two of the master plan...
"Edward..." I mumbled, shifting restlessly so that my knee was resting lightly on top of his and my mouth was just barely pressing against his collarbone.
At first he stiffened, but then I felt him smile as he kissed my forehead absentmindedly, and he murmured softly, "Bella, Bella, what are you dreaming?"
Oh, boy, was he in for a shocker.
Air expelled from my now-parted lips, and I received immense pleasure from making him tremble slightly. The next maneuver, however, would be a little more difficult to pull off.
My hands slid a short way down to his waist, and I shifted restlessly, mumbling incoherently. Fortunately, Renee had once recorded me sleeping in order to prove that I did, in fact, talk in my sleep, so I had a fairly good idea of how I should sound.
And now, for the climax…
My leg was now pretty securely wrapped around his, and my hands were in the perfect position to-
Edward gasped softly, and he seemed to be utterly helpless as my hands snuck under his shirt and up to his cold, hard chest.
I could sense almost the exact moment that realization hit him.
"Bella,--are you awake?"
My eyes flashed open and I smiled hugely against the marble-smooth skin below his neck.
He grabbed my wrists, holding them away, looking scandalized.
I could not stop the rather delightfully wicked cackle that escaped me, and Edward's adorably incredulous, gaping visage only made it worse.
"You…you," he spluttered, "why you conniving…underhanded…!"
And then I really couldn't stop laughing, because he had decided to be extremely and excessively evil and started tickling me.
"You were awake the entire time! Admit it!"
Evidently, cruel, malicious torture was his intended means of eliciting a full confession.
I didn't have a prayer of resisting.
"Alright! Alri-i-i-ight! Ye-e-es!" Poor me. Poor, defenseless, relatively innocent me.
"Please--stop!" I gasped. "Cut it...out!"
I think he realized that I was about to release the minimal contents of my stomach due to excessive gut-muscle spasms, because he finally halted his unusually abusive treatment of my oh-so-ticklish person.
"I still can't believe you did that!" he exclaimed.
I could only assume that Charlie was long gone by now; we had been rather loud.
"Aw, come on Edward; you know you enjoyed every minute of it," I stated smugly.
All at once, the space between us became nearly nonexistent, and he pressed his forehead to mine, grinning crookedly.
"Oh, I'm not denying that."
"Well, then,… what, exactly...are...you doing?" I asked, struggling to keep my breath steady and failing wretchedly.
The icy flesh of his cheek brushed against mine as he moved to touch his lips to the skin under the corner of my jaw.
"I am attempting to comprehend how under the stars you became so incredibly and irresistibly mischievous."
Each syllable caused his lips to brush tantalizingly against my trembling skin, each time sending a shock through me. I felt so sorry for my sporadically pulsating heart at that moment. He obviously didn't, because then his mouth tailed slowly down the length of my neck and along my collarbone, making only minimal contact with my skin. When he reached the hollow at the base of my throat, he placed a single, solitarily tormenting kiss there, softer than a moth's wing. I shuddered with a sort of deranged ecstasy.
"Oh, Bella…" he sighed.
I nearly lost my life by jumping out of my own skin. Way to ruin a moment.
Edward chuckled lightly, then began nuzzling my neck with merciless affection.
"…Edward…I should probably, y'know,… umm…"
He shook his head slightly, still assaulting my neck in the most divine manner.
"Mmm…no, let it ring," he mumbled into my skin.
He brought his mouth to mine in a fierce kiss, causing me to forget the telephone completely.
…until it rang again.
See, the problem was that I had left it on my bedside table the day before, and, as it was quite obnoxiously loud, it was slightly difficult to ignore.
When I startled away from him to look at the phone, Edward groaned in defeat and rolled onto his back. I glanced back apologetically before picking up the receiver and answering.
to be continued……
Up next: Who is this mysterious--and rather annoying-- caller, and what does he/she want?
Remember: Jacob Black, so far as we know, is still on his emo sh-peel (aka, I-ran-away-from-home-because-Bella-ditched-me-for-a-bloodsucker-and-I-have-major-issues thing), and he probably won't be turning up in any happy, fluffy sequences any time soon, at least not greeting Bella like that. He'd probably start out much more serious.
Conclusion: It's probably not him!
P.s. I'll get Part II for you (like I said, it's already been written) ASAP, but don't hold your breath.
"—no wait, I changed my mind. Go right ahead. Just hold your breath until I ask you to kiss me."
Oooh! What was thatfrom? Hee-hee-hee…
P.p.s. Please call me when you finish reading it! Even if it's ten o'clock; I want your feedback.
P.p.p.s. umm...that was for Savina, my bff, so pretend it said "review!" instead of "call me!"...not that it would be bad for you to call me...
...a little creepy, maybe...
The quote is from Eclipse. And if you didn't catch that...(shakes head in shame)