Title: The things you learn…

Title: The things you learn…

Pairing: Sam Barrish/Wendy Simms, Calleigh/Natalia, Catherine/Sara CSI, CSI: Miami crossover.

Rating: G – just a bit of crack!fic fun/ humor

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, the show or, well, anything

Apology, A/N: I'm not as familiar with Wendy as I am with Catherine and Sara, and of course, Sam's been around for what? 1 week? So "Wendy" might have taken on some of "Nikki's" mannerisms (Nikki & Nora) and Sam I'm just making up.


"God they're nauseating," Samantha Barrish muttered as she watched her colleagues mingle across the crowded room. Dressed in nearly perfect balancing outfits of solid black and solid white, ballistics expert Calleigh Duquesne and DNA tech Natalia Boa Vista chatted effortlessly with their peers.

One of the guys (who had actually managed to keep from openly drooling, Sam was impressed) apparently said something funny and both women bestowed radiant smiles on him.

Sam could cheerfully have hit him over the head with a brick.

In lieu of action that would cost her the job she had worked so hard to get, MDPD's newest lab tech took another sip of the cheap wine and rolled her neck. The conference would be over soon and she could get back to the lab – to her world of information and pixels and data and facts – the world she controlled and manipulated. It wasn't that Sam was anti-social or disliked people; she was just more comfortable with information. Information she could bend to her will and convince to give up its secrets: information had no agenda or motive – it simply was. Information was so much easier than this. Taking another sip of the, God, is this actually wine? Or just expensive vinegar? Sam watched her co-workers "network" and sighed.

"Aren't they?" asked a low, amused voice next to her ear.

The slim brunette jumped. She hadn't heard the other woman approach.

Turning, she was greeted by another criminally attractive specimen of the law enforcement field. The woman was slightly taller than Sam, with killer cheekbones, rich, chocolate hair and sparkling dark eyes, and her name tag read "Wendy Simms."

Sam's hormones said "Hello Wendy."

Mentally slapping herself, the Miami lab tech straightened, eyeing the newcomer.

"I'm sorry?" she asked coolly. Just because I get to be snarky about their annoying tendency to perfection doesn't mean anyone else gets to…even if she is hot.

Seemingly unconcerned, Wendy gestured toward where Calleigh and Natalia had now joined another blonde and brunette pair – one Calleigh seemed to be familiar with, as hugs were being exchanged.

"The blonde and the brunette there – every time I see them they look like they just walked out of a fashion shoot – it should be illegal." Simms replied, grabbing her own glass of wine and taking a sip. "God, what is this crap?" she muttered, and Sam felt herself trying not to smile just a little. She caught sight of the group of women moving out of the main press of the crowd though, and her eyes narrowed.

"I don't see what that has to do with anything. Detective Duquesne and CSI Boa Vista are exceptional CSI's. They can wear whatever they want."

Wendy turned back from where she had been watching the foursome as well and raised one elegantly sculpted eyebrow. "Oh I wasn't talking them. I meant Catherine and Sara. Those two are like a walking advertisement for CSI work. Course, your pair isn't too shabby either."

"Isn't too shabby? What are you blind? They're the hottest women in the room."

"Hm, care to wager on that?"

Sam's eyes narrowed. "We'd need an impartial observer."

The two women scanned the crowd – noted the number of eyes that were trailing after their colleagues, and lost it.

Sam was the first to recover. "Well that's going on my list of things I never thought I'd talk about at my first major forensics conference."

Wendy smiled knowingly. "Well get used to it, because if you actually think that bullets and blood spatter are the main topics, you've got a lot to learn. Wendy Simms, Vegas Crime Lab," she said brightly, holding out her hand.

Sam returned the devastating smile leveled at her as best she could, and took the other woman's proffered grip, trying not to think about the softness of said hand.

"Sam Barrish, Miami Dade Crime Lab."

"Well Sam Barrish, welcome to your first major forensics conference."

"Thanks." Sam paused. Wendy was certainly hot, and obviously had a sense of humor. And she's not going to trash Cal and Nat…what the hell.

"So what's your problem with the dynamic duo?" Wendy interrupted before Sam could come up with something remotely coherent to continue the conversation with.

The shorter woman sighed, casting a longing look to where the two in question now sat with Catherine and Sara at one of the tables, obviously deep in animated conversation.

"It's not a problem, per se. They're just so damn…"

"Perfect?" Wendy supplied with a hint of understanding.

"Ugh. Yes. Perfect hair, perfect skin, perfect clothes, perfect records. God, I'm sure they probably have perfect boyfriends stashed away outside of the lab too. I respect them, sure, but I get an inferiority complex every time they walk by," Barrish admitted grudgingly.

To Sam's surprise, Wendy's expression wasn't entirely jovial. "Welcome to the club. Cath and Sara have some the highest solve rates in the country. Sara's Ivy League genius and Catherine is the most perceptive woman you've ever met." An evil twinkle suddenly bloomed in the Vegas tech's eyes however.

"But oh my god, have I been at the lab long enough to know they aren't perfect."

"Really?"

"Oh heck yeah. Sara's past is ugly, and she tends to go off the deep end on abuse cases, and Cath's done some pretty dodgy stuff in her day. She used to be an exotic dancer before she put herself through school. And the drama! You haven't seen cat fights till you've seen these two go at it over a case. I mean, when they work together, they are the best damn team in the lab, but when they don't? Duck and cover."

Wendy had Sam's rapt attention at this point.

"Plus, I'm almost positive they are having an affair."

"No way," Sam countered, taking in the makeup – the feminine clothes.

"Well, let's put it this way, they're either having a hell of an affair, complete with "swing from the rafters" sex, and down and dirty fights - or some all powerful, inhuman, alien force is controlling their every word and deed."

Wendy paused, tilting her head and considering the women in question. "Or both. Could be both."

Sam nearly choked on her wine trying not to laugh.

"So I wouldn't worry about your lovely ladies. I'm sure, they aren't nearly as perfect as they appear to be. In fact," and now Wendy tilted her head again in what Sam was quickly realizing was her 'thinking' pose. "Yeah, they're gettin it on."

Apparently sputtering was a common symptom of Wendy Simms' presence. "They are not!" She hissed in horror…and fascination.

"Oh please," Wendy continued blithely. "The closeness, the smiles, the 'accidental touches' – how comfortable they are around each other."

"No way. They are just good friends."

"The complimentary outfits?"

Sam paused. Ok, she had a point. Those two did have a tendency to look like they were coordinating lately, but the technologies expert was new to the lab, so she'd just passed it off as normal. God, what would they look like together…

Barrish groaned. "Ok, now that image is going to haunt me every time I look at them damnit. Thank you, so much." Sam glared at Wendy, who replied with a saucy smile.

"Anytime. So relax. They put their trousers on one leg at a time like the rest of us schleps."

The Miami tech woman couldn't help the smile that now tugged at her lips. "Thanks, I'll try." She replied.

"So," Wendy said slyly, in one of the lighting fast segues Sam would come to associate with the taller woman. "First time in Vegas?"

"Huh? I mean yes it is."

"Well this is your lucky day Sam Barrish of the MDPD crime lab, because I - expert on all things Vegas - am offering to be your tour guide."

Well, when in Rome…er, Nevada. Sam pondered for all of about two seconds.

"What if I'm not really all that interested in the city?" she said with a pointed head to toe sweep of her new found friend's lean body.

The look she got in return was downright dirty. "I think we can find something you might like."

And with that, the two lab techs left the conference, all thoughts of certain CSI's completely forgotten.


"Hey Cath, isn't that Wendy?"

The woman in question turned at her name and the soft touch on her arm. "Yeah, I think so, who's the little hottie she's with?"

A soft chuckle and a musical southern accent answered her. "That would be our newest lab tech, Sam Barrish."

"Hmm. You think they're gonna make it to the elevator before they start tearing each other's clothes off?" Catherine mused with fond exasperation. Her question received a round of laughs and eye rolls.

"I'm impressed. I didn't know Wendy could move so fast." Sara replied, genuine appreciation in her husky voice.

"Honey, you really need to pay more attention in the lab." The fond rebuke was accompanied by a grin and a hand squeeze under the table though.

"You know," Natalia pretended to ponder. "I do think our lab techs just raised an excellent point." Jade, dark chocolate and ocean blue eyes all held the same question. "What the hell are we still doing here?" the Miami brunette asked.

Two very significant looks were exchanged by two pairs of light and dark eyes, and then, as fast as decorum and some semblance of subtlety would allow, the four friends were out of the room and out the door into the welcoming embrace of a hot, electric Vegas night.

Laughing like kids, they strode away from the conference center toward the Strip.

"So," Catherine said, finally recovering. "You girls wanna see the sights, or…?" she trailed off, raising one eyebrow in question.

A glance and then, "Tomorrow," was the simultaneous answer. Both Catherine and Sara laughed, but the Miami pair had their revenge when Sara slipped her hand into Catherine's, giving her a look.

"Tomorrow it is," the Vegas CSI replied, still holding her lover's eyes with her voice gone a bit husky.

No one was really paying attention when the four friends split up – Sara and Catherine to home, Calleigh and Natalia to their hotel – they had much more important things on their minds.


"See. Told ya."

"Damn. I would never have believed it. Ever."

Fifty yards away, Sam and Wendy leaned together, heads tilted in comic consideration as they watched the two pairs of CSIs split – one blonde and one brunette going in each direction.

"Ok, done sight seeing now?" Wendy asked pointedly.

"Oh yeah, done now."

And with that, the two new friends clasped hands and headed off to their own night of possibility and pleasure.

Fin