A/N: Hi, my name is Amanda and I'm pretty new to fanfiction.. I have a few RM stories I will be submitting that I have written before. My obsession is RM.. haha. This story takes place a couple of years after college, Marissa doesn't die.. Ryan and Marissa took seperate roads once they graduated from Harbor. So here it goes, please review!! One Shot..
Marissa had a feeling. You know those feelings you get from deep down in the pit of your stomach, a knowing. A knowing of the future perhaps, or a knowing of the end. She knew things between them were rocky, she never let him in, but then again she never let anybody in. He was in love, the kind of love that Marissa did not return. The kind of love she never returned, not even at first. She was going to break his heart, she knew it. It was over. There was no spark, his kisses became ordinary, almost boring. The electricity was gone in their relationship, the fire burnt out a long time ago.
It was 4am by the time she reached her door. Fumbling with her keys, her legs twitching beneath her. She had decided to drown her sorrows in another martini. Just one more she kept telling herself, just one more. Numbing the fact of a failed relationship was something Marissa was good at. She would forget all her worries with a complete mind numbing experience. Vodka. She liked it on the rocks, mixed, and of course straight up. Sometimes her favorite, especially on night's like tonight. She couldn't go in there and lay next to him another night. She couldn't keep lying to him, pretending that they were the perfect couple. Maybe to others, but not to her. Everyone tells them they wish their relationships were as good as theirs. All the while, Marissa's relationship was never really there. She had to tell him, tell him the truth. That she was no longer in love, never was in love in fact. Marissa's thoughts clouded her mind, trying to figure out how to explain this to him. That's when it hit her, like a ton of bricks, so hard, that she said it out loud.
"He's not Ryan."
Marissa finally stumbled into the apartment accidentally slamming the door behind her. Bending over in front of the side table, she used her arms to keep her legs in balance. The dizziness clouded her mind again, when she lifted her head and tried to walk towards the bedroom. She grabbed the couch for support, only to look up and see him standing there.
"Your drunk." He muttered under his breath, stating the obvious. "You should have called me, I would have picked you up."
"Oh, that's okay. I got a ride." Marissa slurred out trying to stand up straight.
"From who? C'mon honey, let me take you to bed." He let out sadly, she knew he knew I was unhappy. The drinking has become worse and worse overtime.
"I can't sleep in there, I.. I.." Marissa started as her mind raced to catch up with her words.
"What? Are you going to be sick?" He asked, slightly concerned.
"I can't.. sleep in there with you. I can't sleep next to you." Marissa finally blurted out, almost surprised it came out that easy.
"What do you mean?" He questioned her quietly, his eyes searching hers for a sign.
"I mean, I can't keep doing this. You know its not working." Marissa said as her eyes fell to the floor.
"It's because I'm not him. Isn't it?" He knew Ryan, he knew him well. He knew about the unconditional love they shared. That kind of can't-live-without-each-other love. They were so in love, it drove them apart, and Marissa ran to safety.
"I'm sorry." Marissa whispered out, realizing that he understood. A tear ran down her cheek and lingered on the top of her upper lip.
"It's okay." Marissa's head darted up to meet his causing her to be slightly disoriented.
"What do you mean, okay?" Marissa was curious to get his answer, she thought he would have reacted differently.
"Marissa, we have known each other for long enough to know, that you have only been in love once. I have accepted the fact they you are not in love with me, I have accepted it all along. I just have to the fact that you and Chino really do belong together." He spoke out his tone remaining at the same level. "I'll always love you, Marissa. It's time to let us go."
"I love you too, Luke. Always." Marissa told him, while she ran her fingers through his sandy blonde hair. Tears silently fell from her eyes, as she wiped one of his own. "I'll pack in the morning." Her raspy voice said lightly.
"I'm going to go, I can't say here tonight." Luke said honestly.
"Are you sure? I can sleep on the couch…" Marissa started, after all this was Luke's apartment.
"No, please, I'll get a room. I can't watch you pack tomorrow. I just can't." Luke's eyes diverted to the door. "I'm going.. Okay.." I didn't let him finish. I cut him off with a passionate kiss. A kiss that meant more than closure. A kiss that would end them, for good. She savored that kiss, because as much as she couldn't be with him, he would always come back if she wanted. She could always count on Luke.
"Bye.." Marissa said through a sob, which was now escaping her lips. She watched him walk out the door as her eyes watered over. After she heard the door quietly shut, she turned her body around and lowered herself to the ground, holding her right arm up to the coffee table for support. She brought her body to the fetal position, slowly curling up beside the couch and cried herself to sleep.
"Marissa? Marissa?" Someone was calling out her name. Marissa slowly opened her eyes to a blinding ray of light shining through the window.
"Marissa, open the door! Please…"
Marissa slowly peeled herself off the ground and walked over to the vibrating door which was being loudly knocked on. "Hello?"
"Marissa?" Oh my god, no way. No way.
"Yeah?" She knew who it was, she just couldn't believe it. What was he doing here? What does he have some kind of radar?
"Open this door!" He sternly yelled out. He knew she knew who it was.
Marissa opened the door to a panting Ryan, like he had just ran a marathon.
"Are you okay, what's going on?" I asked him, looking at him with concern.
"Am I okay? Are you okay?! I just got a phone call from Luke, telling me to come here right away.. What the hell is going on?!" Ryan said walking up and down the apartment, checking each room.
"Luke called you? Well, what did he say?"
"He said.." he breathed out, catching a lump in the back of his throat. "He said you needed help.. and that.. He wasn't with you.. and I don't know.. I lost my mind.." Ryan finished unable to continue.
"I'm fine, really. I just don't understand why he would call YOU." She answered.
"Why not me? He knows I freak out when it comes to you, I always have." Ryan stated.
"Exactly." Marissa lets out, she knew why he called. Marissa eyes darted from her feet to his eyes. They were beautiful. Perfect. "I love you."
"uh.. What?" Ryan's cheeks immediately flush.
"Do you know why Luke called? He called because I left him last night. I left him because.. I left him for you." Marissa said, she had never felt better in her entire life. Ryan looked at her, as he did, Marissa searched for some kind of emotion. Ryan was never good at expressing words.
"I thought.. You were happy." Ryan's eyes turned dull. "I thought you were in love, and going to get married. The perfect couple, right?"
"You did?" Marissa questioned as she squinted her eyes in disbelief.
"No." Ryan blurted out. "No." He reassured Marissa again. "I knew, I always knew. I mean, come on Marissa, you're the one."
"I am?" Marissa started, sobs rising in her chest.
"You are, baby." Ryan choked out as his eyes watered up, with tears Marissa knew would never fall. Marissa slowly walked over to him, letting his arms envelope around her body. She softly leaned into his chest, breathing in his scent, as a sob escaped her lips. She felt his arm gently rub up and down her spine, while his voice comforted her in her ear. "Let me help you pack."
"Okay." Marissa smiled, knowing everything was going to be okay. He was worth it. He always was.