This is a "sort of" sequel to Manly Bonding. They Cullen men are getting a wake up call, and going boxer shopping. This is Emmett's point of view.
I walked into the living room, noticing the boys doing various things. Emmett gloating about beating Edward. Edward brooding because Bella was mad at him for not warning her that Mike would try to ask her out at school... again. And Jasper. Giving off some kind of feeling equivalent to depression and waiting for Alice to come home from the mall. I sighed, glancing at my sweat shirt. The deep red velvet felt amazing against my skin and my skinny jeans were perfect. They fit me like a glove.
I dropped onto the couch next to Jasper, putting my head on his shoulder. "What are you reading?" My voice was gentle with him, Alice being gone made him almost as fragile as Bella.
He flipped the book over and kissed my cheek. "Hey Rose."
"Jasper." I said. "How are you? I can feel the depression over there." I gestured toward the piano's landing.
"Alice is gone."
"Thanks Captain Obvious!" I said brightly, saluting him. "Play your guitar." I suggested.
Jasper nodded and yelled to Emmett. "Can you bring me my guitar?" Emmett ran his hand over his hair, feeling the bristly texture.
"Here." Emmett handed Jasper the guitar and walked over to the piano. "Wheres Alice?" Emmett fingers flowed easily over the ivory keys. Edward looked up at the almost scary sound that Emmett was making. The notes were melancholy in the extreme. They were deep. They pulsed with a vibration that filled the house with its sad sound.
"Shes shopping." Jasper's fingers danced along the neck of the guitar, the song was in rhythm with Emmett's. The notes were just as dreary, but they seemed to be optimistic, and I knew exactly why.
"Everyone get down here!" Alice burst through the door holding one small bag.
Fifteen minutes later found us all in the dining room. Even Bella. We all sat in our respective couples.
Alice sat at the front of the table. "Okay, so I found the cutest little boutique... and guess what I found?" She gestured that we should start guessing.
"It sold bumper stickers." Edward said dully.
Alice nodded quickly. "YAH!"
Carlisle sat up straighter, Esme at his side at alert as well. "What did you buy, Alice?"
She pulled something out of the bag and looked at Carlisle. He looked back at Alice, his face a mask of confusion. "Here." She handed it to him.
Carlisle's jaw fell, exposing his white teeth. "Alice Cullen." He breathed. Esme gasped quietly.
"What?" Emmett went to Carlisle. He looked at Edward who had started laughing uncontrollably. He whispered something to Bella who started laughing. Emmett fell onto the floor laughing. Jasper was laughing.
Alice, who was pouting, motioned me over. "Whats so funny?" She said seriously.
The sticker was royal blue with white lettering. The bumper sticker read: I child- proofed my house, but they still get in!
I fell onto the floor laughing. Carlisle got up and walked away, the door to the garage slammed with an angry snap.
"Calm down!" Esme commanded. We all were quiet, sinking to sit against the wall. Emmett put out his hands and whimpered. He made his eyes large and sincere. "Did I get one?"
Alice handed him one. It was bright yellow with red writing. Breast inspection 20 feet ahead. Have 'em out. Emmett looked at me and walked twenty feet away. "Bring it on." He said.
I walked over to him, unzipping my sweatshirt, then I slapped him. "Moron."
Edward sat on the floor. "Better get this over with." Edward went over to Alice and put out his hand.
She placed a yellow and red bumper sticker in his hand. Are you having phone sex or do you always drive like that?
He shook his head and put out his hand. "Bella's."
She handed his a black and white bumper sticker. I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day. Edward laughed. "I approve." He and Bella went to the garage with Emmett.
Jasper held out his hand. You can't smell "crap" with out "rap."
I snorted and walked over to Alice. "Bring it on." I quoted with a wry smile. It was pink with green lettering. Well behaved women rarely make history.
I stayed in the room for Esme's. She held out her hand. "Alice." She said sternly. Alice handed her a sticker. Vegetarians taste better. She groaned and walked to the garage.
"What did you get?" I asked quietly. She held up a bumper sticker. Ashes to ashes; dust to dust; if it weren't for women, men's ding dongs would rust.
I nodded and wrapped her in a hug. "Amen Alice."