Hey Y'all

Hey Y'all! This is one of my rare updates! Just to warn you, If you are a little bit confused by some of the things I have said or implied in the story, don't worry because it will all clear up. I am basing Bella's life on Lacey's a little bit. Okay so the songs for this chapter on my profile. The second song that Bella sings is not originally a Flyleaf song. It is Nine Inch Nails, but Flyleaf has a cover for it (on profile) and I liked it a lot. So in the story Bella wrote it so don't be confused. I didn't really try hard because I am not supposed to be awake right now and I am rushing really badly. So forgive me if I mess up in grammar and what not. Oh! I suggest you listen to the songs as you read! Makes it better.

I know I don't update a lot, but don't expect fast updates until I finish my first story. But reviews and people helped me right this chapter (I wasn't going to update for a while.) So reviews would be an awesome thing….

The adrenaline was pumping through my veins at full force. Every scream, every chorus… I felt it all. I had quit the drugs I had done when I was 13, but right now I felt high (even though there was nothing in my system… but music.)

And here I was; the girl who got uneasy when anybody looked in her direction. I was singing in front of a packed audience. People sat in balconies, some standing on the bars. They had not done this for the first two bands. And for the first time in my life; I felt confident.

We had finished our first song and now I was going to start on Cassie. The first song did not have much faith in it, but this one did. I should probably feel nervous about that but I wasn't. I just couldn't wait to start singing again.

I looked out into the crowd and immediately saw Emmet's big arm whooping through the air. Alice had climbed onto Jasper's shoulders and was beginning to shout; "Flyleaf! Flyleaf! Flyleaf!" and it went on and on until the whole crowd was chanting.

I stood there, probably looking like an idiot. But I just didn't care.

That's when I saw him. He wasn't chanting or screaming or climbing on people. He was just looking at me. My high got stronger and for some reason I got bitter. I swiftly turned my head to look at Jake.

He had a huge grin on his face which he was trying to cover up. His eyes seemed to be pleading; but for what?

"Bella! The next song!" right! I was looking at the crowd like they were aliens. Shit.

"Alright guys…" as soon as my voice came on the mike, the crowd seemed to yell even louder "I wrote this song for Cassie Bernall and Rachel Joy Scott… ummm…. I read the book about the whole ordeal, and it just really got me thinking. So I hope you like this, it's called Cassie." The crowd had quieted a little for my speech, but now it was erupting once again.

And so I sang.

The question asked in order
To save her life or take it
The answer no to avoid death
The answer yes would make it
Make it

Do you believe in God
Written on the bullet
Say yes to pull the trigger
Do you believe in God
Written on the bullet
And Cassie pulled the trigger

All heads are bowed in silence
To remember her last sentence
She answered him knowing what would happen
Her last words still hanging in the air
In the air

Do you believe in God
Written on the bullet
Say yes to pull the trigger
Do you believe in God
Written on the bullet
And Rachel pulled the trigger

How many will die
I will die
I, I will say yes

Do you believe in God
Written on the bullet
Say yes to pull the trigger
Do you believe in God
Written on the bullet
And Cassie pulled the trigger

(Do you believe)
Do you believe in God (Do you believe)
Do you believe in God (Do you believe)
Do you believe in God
And I will pull the trigger

Absolutely wonderful. Everything was working out. Everything was good. And the crowd loved me.

ME….

I wish they could see me now. All the families who thought I wasn't good enough, all the family's that sent me back. That family….

And suddenly the most important person came to mind.

If only she could see me now. Would she be proud, or maybe even surprised that I got somewhere? Why did I always have to think about her? No matter where I was… she was there. She was my mom though… And suddenly the perfect song came to mind.

I was going to turn around and enounce to the guys what song we were to do next.

But it was kind of like the situation with Edward. He was one of the only ones in the audience not acting like a crazed fan or something.

Charlie.

He stood by the exit door with his hands in his pocket, looking extremely awkward. He was eyeing some kids who didn't look like they should be drinking, and I wondered why he didn't do his job and stop them. Then I realized…. He wasn't in uniform. He wore a simple striped polo and trousers.

Had he come to see me? Did he care? He never had before, just paid for the guitar lessons and drove me to La push. He had come to support me? This was a first…

I automatically took a couple of steps to the end of the stage to get a better look. With each step I took the 'clunk' sound of my shoes were replaced by cheers. People cheered for every step I took?

He snapped his head toward the eruptions and our matching eyes met.

They had a twinkle that I had just now noticed, only came into his eyes when he saw me. And that fatherly half smile appears on his face; containing pride. My tear dots quivered, and I'm not sure why.

Fatherly…

I had never thought of calling him anything other then Charlie. But for the first time in my life I felt the need to call him "Dad."

He tilted his head to the side. Had I said that out loud?

His half smile turned into a full smile and he waved at me. I lifted my hand a little, but was interrupted by something interesting.

The guy was clearly drunk and maybe even on speed. His shirt was tied around his head and he was barefoot with a smile face painted across his stomach.

He ran right up to Charlie and hugged him. Charlie, being a police officer, probably should have acted like he was being attacked. But even though he was a police officer… he was also Charlie. So he stood there with wide eyes.

The guy stood on top of the bar.

"Hey Guys! Everyone think this guy! He made that!" He pointed to me and everybody was cheering.

I was blushing bright red and I could here the boys booming laugh behind me. Charlie looked flustered and turned his head to look at me. He seemed to just now realize what I was wearing.

I quickly turned around and back to the band. I still had too much on my mind. I went from mother to father in my brain, and for me that was too much.

And this set my mind back on the song. I told the boys and they began to prepare.

I wasn't going to tell them why I wrote this song or what I wrote it for. Especially when my dad was in the crowd, not to mention… Edward. Who has surely been judging me the whole night?

Edward's name should not have come into my mind at the lyrics of this song; it was for my mother. But it was lodged in my head with piercing green eyes. And I would do anything to get them out. Singing should do it.

I stuck my fingers behind my back and counted them down by four.

Jake began to play the opening cords and the guys joined in. I closed my eyes and let the sounds ring in my ears, trying desperately to knock the thoughts out. My vocal cords trembled as they recognized my time to sing. I took a deep breath….

I still recall the taste of your tears
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore
Scraping through my head til i don't want to sleep anymore

You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I just want something
I just want something i can never have

You were always the one to show me how
Back then i couldn't do the things
that i can do now
This thing is slowly taking me apart
Grey would be the color if i had a heart

Come on tell me

You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing
And i'm starting to scare myself
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I just want something i just want something i can never have

In this place it seems like such a shame
Though it all looks different now,
I know it's still the same
Everywhere i look you're all i see
Just a fading reminder of who i used to be

Come on tell me

You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing
And i'm starting to scare myself
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I just want something
I just want something i can never have

I just want something i can never have

I stood there, looking at the microphone and listening to the screams that I had blocked out. I turned back to Dad who was looking at me intently; much like the boy next to him.