Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own D. Gray Man.
A/N: This is an absolutely meaningless drabble. It is sort of an AU, so please excuse any non-relevant material from the manga or anime, though some are from the manga.
Summary: Lavi wouldn't tell Lenalee his feelings because he knows that she likes Allen. But Lenalee proves him wrong. Lavi x Lenalee. Lavi's POV
"I'll wrap my arms around Lenalee and hug her as tight as I can."
I kept replaying the scene in my mind, about how Allen had so innocently said those words, his hopes once everyone returns. He said it in a friendly tone, and I knew for an instant that he likes Lenalee.
Allen likes Lenalee.
I clutched my heart. Why does it hurt?
Because of her.
Images of her kept conjuring in my mind and I tried to shut them out, but failed. Her lovely eyes, her distinctive green hair, whether it was long or short, and her expressions of all sorts; everything about her came into my mind. I remembered how she cried so sadly when she had thought Allen was dead.
Lenalee, will you cry for me, just like you had cried for Allen?
I gathered myself and removed my hand from my chest, bearing the pain that resided within.
It's painful, isn't it?
I am a bookman, a person who records history without trying to intervene with anything. My job is just to look alongside the exorcists. Regardless of how much bloodshed, I shouldn't interfere so much that would change history drastically forever.
Don't be taken in by the war.
But every time I look at Lenalee, a weak girl trying so much to be strong, I became vulnerable to everything, even to the duties of a bookman, someone who I truly desired to be.
You're a bookman. Remember that.
I glanced at the clock and saw that it was dinnertime. I usually like dinnertime, but somehow, my appetite just wasn't there. However, I willed myself to get up and appear at the table along with everyone, just so that the others won't think that there's something wrong with me.
You're just trying to cheer others on, even though they found you of little importance.
And eventually, I did. Everything seemed normal; me calling Yu by Yu, Yu bickering with Allen, Krory hesitating on trying a really creamy cake that was meant for Allen by Jerry, and Miranda fretting anxiously over a broken plate despite people reassuring her for the damage.
I couldn't look at Lenalee. I couldn't bring myself to. My heart always aches when I see Lenalee looking at Allen in a friendly manner, although deep within, I knew her secret feelings for him.
"I'm finished." I stood up and declared. Everyone turned simultaneously to me, and I gave them a confused look. "What?" I asked.
"Lavi, you didn't eat much today." Yu spoke up. I was surprised, for he was seldom, or even never, concerned with my affairs. The others nodded in agreement.
"I'm just not that hungry today, that's all." I replied calmly. When I saw everyone staring suspiciously at me, I joked, "Allen, you'll need to eat more to grow taller."
"Eh?!" He gaped at me. "But I'm eating a lot already." He pointed to the mountain of plates and bowls at the other table and I sweat-dropped.
"Then you should eat more, Allen-kun." I continued. "Or else you'll always be moyashi."
"That's right, moyashi." I saw Yu muttering to himself, but apparently, Allen heard his words and immediately, a fight commenced between them, dark auras emitting from their bodies and retorting words streamed out of their mouths.
I decided to make my silent disappearance at this point of time and succeeded.
You're insignificant. They don't take note of you.
Returning to my room, I looked at every pile of papers and books and decided to work on them, scribbling and writing non-stop on pieces of paper, producing a page of history.
It's all history.
Suddenly feeling thirsty, I went to the cafeteria, hoping to get a cup of coffee. As I rounded a corner, I saw two familiar figures.
Allen and Lenalee.
I couldn't stop watching from where I was hiding. They looked so compatible, just like a replica couple of Romeo and Juliet, and besides that, they were really close and both have such powerful innocence. I saw the two of them in the brightly-lighted corridor, their arms wrapped around each other. And I remembered Allen's hope:
"I'll wrap my arms around Lenalee and hug her as tight as I can."
Everything was clearly expressed when they smiled joyfully, dragging on the embrace for as long as they could. I turned my eyes, unable to bear the sight.
You're jealous and sad.
I didn't know where to go anymore. Coffee doesn't seem so important anymore so I returned to my room.
You just want to escape.
I slammed the door behind and sat on the bed. A little light from the lamp shone for the room, emitting a warm feeling.
But you're still feeling cold.
There was a knock on the door, but I didn't answer it. They would just think that nobody is present.
You're not there.
There was more knockings on the door, but I continued to ignore. The person called my name from outside, prompting me to open the door for her.
I took out my bandana and flung it on the side of the bed. My hair went wild, but it already was all along. Lenalee's voice grew anxious, and she called louder. I continued to ignore. I didn't want to see her, not after her intimate affair with Allen.
You sound jealous.
I am jealous, jealous of Allen. He has Lenalee and his precious innocence. I know he has responsibilities, operating the ark and all, but that didn't stop my jealousy. I knew I had to stay with him at all times so that I can watch, remember and record history.
"We're not just ink on top of papers!"
And at the same time, to treasure my friends.
But never to be in history. Never included.
The door creaked open and Lenalee emerged, a relieved expression spread across previously worried one. In her hands was a tray with a cup.
"Lavi!" She scolded me with a concerned voice. "I was worried. You didn't open the door and I thought you went for another mission."
I looked at her with an apologetic smile, to which she brushed away benevolently. She placed the cup of coffee (I smelt it) on the table and sat next to me. I was a little embarrassed but accepted her warm presence.
It wasn't the light. It was her.
We sat in silence. Lenalee wasn't talking, and neither was I. Why did she come and find me in the first place if all we're ever going to do is to just sit and say nothing to each other?
"You know," She finally spoke, "Allen told me he likes me just now."
"That's good." I replied in a glad voice. But obviously, I am not.
"You don't mind?" She asked.
"Why would I?" I answered.
A thousand reasons to care, Lenalee, a thousand.
"I see." She sobbed and I finally turned to look at her. I was shocked to see her crying silently.
"Lenalee, what's wrong?" I asked anxiously. Why did I reveal my emotions so quickly?
You are vulnerable to her.
"You don't care, Lavi!" Lenalee shouted at me suddenly, taking me aback. "You don't mind even if I like Allen romantically or not! Why won't you ask?!"
She muttered an apology softly and stride to the door, ready to leave. I immediately reach for her arm. She stumbled back a little but I caught her. I swung her around and kissed her lips.
I wrapped my arms around her tightly and she returned my embrace with the same longing, my kiss with her kiss.
I got it.
When our lips parted, I asked with a smile, "So, do you like Allen in a romantic way?"
"No, because I'm in love with you, Lavi." She answered, and we wrapped our arms around each other, her head placed comfortably on my chest.
For once, I'll ignore my status as a bookman, just for Lenalee.
A/N: Well, I did say it was a meaningless drabble. But hope you like it anyway. Please review!