HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS! Hope it's gonna be fabulous!

Final chapter now up, and it's my longest yet! I'm torn as to whether to be happy or sad that I've managed to finish it. First chapter up of 2009!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Mighty Boosh, or Noel, or Julian. If I did, this would be the happiest new year EVER!

"…and they had a moon, right, but it was just made of rock! It didn't talk or anything! Just sort of…sat there!"


"And there were so many cars, Howard! You'd never let me drive the van in that much traffic, even though I'm a good driver you know. Hey, why don't you let me drive home once they let me out? I can prove it then!"

"We'll see."

"Genius. Oh, and you'll never guess what…"

Howard smiled as Vince began to tell him yet more stuff which was different between their world and the other one. He still couldn't believe how close he'd come to losing the younger man. He'd spoken to the doctor, and he'd been amazed at Vince's recovery. He'd said that the chances of a full recovery after not breathing for as long as Vince had were so rare there weren't even statistics…Howard shuddered at the thought of what that would have been like; if Vince had woken up brain damaged. Howard would have looked after him, of course, would have dedicated his life to him because without Vince he had no life. But the thought of him not being quite the same…not being able to talk or something…Howard couldn't imagine it.

"…hello? Earth to Howard? Are you even listening to me?"


"What did I just say?"

"Something about…cheese?"

Vince rolled his eyes affectionately. "So what was he like? Noel? Was he like me?"

Howard shrugged. "Kind of. A bit more…" he hesitated, not wanting to say 'intelligent' in case Vince got offended, "…street-wise."

Vince raised an eyebrow at the term, but didn't comment.

"What about Julian? Was he like me?"

To his surprise, Vince blushed slightly. "Um…yeah, kind of. Only a 'you' with fashion sense."

"Oi! Cheeky tit."

"You love it."

Their eyes met, and Howard suddenly felt awkward, remembering what Vince had done before jumping in the river… "Anyway," he cleared his throat, "you should probably make the most of lying around in bed. Naboo's gonna have you back in the shop as soon as you're discharged I reckon!"

"Yeah." Vince looked down at his chest. "When are they discharging me?"

"Um…I'm not sure. You seem perfectly fine, but I think all the doctors are still amazed you're breathing so…"

"What?!" Vince said sharply.

Howard paled. He hadn't meant to blurt that out. No-one had told Vince that he died.

"You…you were underwater for a long time. You…you died. For about 45 minutes. They almost called it on you."

"They almost…" Vince swallowed, shocked. He'd died. He'd died. He knew he'd stopped breathing first time around, but no-one had made a big deal of it. "45 minutes?"


"Wow. Fuck."

"Are you ok?" Howard reached out and took his hand.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." he hesitated. "I thought I saw my mum."

"What? Really?"

"Yeah. I must have been dreaming or something, but…it was nice. And I wanted to go with her. But then I heard you telling me to breathe, and you said you needed me, and I realised I couldn't leave you." he smiled softly and squeezed Howard's hand. "I'd never leave you."

Howard smiled, then gently withdrew his hand. Looking over at the door, he failed to notice the disappointed look on Vince's face.

"Visiting hours are over little man. I'll come back and see you again tomorrow."

"Sure. See you."

Howard pulled the door closed behind him, and leant against the wall breathing hard. What Vince had said…he'd heard him. He, Howard, had saved him. He'd brought him back.

Noel lay on his hospital bed staring at the ceiling. He honestly couldn't remember a time he'd felt so out of control. He had been so certain it was real…but, if it had been real; surely Julian and Mike would have known about it?

He wasn't even sure if he was happy to be back. Sure, he'd wanted to when he was in the Boosh world…but that was then. That was when he was coming back to his own world having been trapped in another world. But now…now he was just…what, exactly? Was he mad? He didn't think so, after all he felt sane. But it was one thing to go somewhere else when in a coma, and he hadn't been in a coma. He'd been awake and telling people he was Vince…

The door to his room opened, and Noel looked up and forced a smile. "Hey, Ju! What's up?"

"How're you feeling?" Julian asked, smiling and taking a seat next to his friend.

"Absolutely fine! I'm thinking they might let me out soon, actually." it wasn't quite a lie. He was physically fine, after all. But mentally…Well, that was another story. For one glorious moment of time he'd truly believed that it was all real. That there was more out there. And it turned out he'd just been living in his own mind.

"I'm glad." Julian said, sitting down next to him. "Dee still around?"

"No, she left ages ago. Why?"

"I've got something for you."

"Oh?" Noel did his best to try and look interested.

"Here." Julian handed over a small wooden box. Noel took it with a slight frown.

"What is it?"

"I don't know. I was told to pass it on by…a mutual friend."

Noel shrugged, confused, then undid the clasp and opened the box. Inside was a large silver pendant which he instantly recognised as exactly like one Vince had owned. And underneath…was a photo. Of Naboo, Howard, Bollo and Vince. Although…

Noel turned the picture over.

'Hope you're feeling ok, Noel. I really hope you get this, because it means everything worked out. Naboo.'

'Hey, Noel. In a weird way I'm sort of going to miss you (although I can't wait to see Vince!). Good luck with the film and everything, and if you don't be as nice as possible to us, I'll come at ya like a buzzard! Howard x'

'Noel not as nice as precious Vince. But Bollo like him anyway. Bollo.'

Noel read and re-read the messages, his hand shaking. He looked up at Julian. "What…?"

The older man smiled. "Naboo thought you might like it."


"They're to…to…" Naboo sighed. "They're to combat the sickness from me and Howard being here. Take them…take them after we've gone. After you've phoned for the ambulance."

"Oh. Ok."

Naboo turned to go, and seemed to hesitate, watching Vince and Howard talking. Vince looked over and waved, and Julian waved back.

"Wait." Naboo said suddenly, turning back.

"What?" Mike asked.

"I lied. They're nothing to do with combating sickness. They're to take your memories."

Julian and Mike exchanged a look. "Excuse me?" Julian said, confused.

"The shaman council don't think you should be allowed to remember Vince. They think if people knew about the link between worlds they'd abuse it."

"But we wouldn't do that!"

"But Dennis doesn't know that, does he?! I've been ordered under shaman law to give you those pills."

"Why are you telling us this?" Mike asked. "If you'd kept quiet, we'd have taken them anyway."

"That wouldn't have been fair." Naboo looked back at Vince. "You've both been such good friends to him. It feels sneaky taking your memories without telling you."

"But…I don't want to forget." Julian protested. "I like knowing there's more. I needed this."

"Me too!" Mike chimed in.

"But it's not like anything changes! You can't come through again, or tell anyone about this! Surely its better that you forget?" Naboo pleaded

"I…I don't…" Julian looked down at the small pill.

Naboo looked over at Howard and Vince again, and an idea struck him. "I've given you the pills…" he began slowly.


"So…technically my part is done. I gave them to you, and told you a lie to get you to take them. That's all I was charged to do. If you were to…I don't know…lie to me, or drop the pill so you cant eat it…"

"…then you couldn't be held responsible." Julian finished, catching on.

"Exactly." Naboo smiled. "Now it's up to you."


"It was real." Noel breathed. "I was really there? You really had Vince?"


Noel thought about this for a second, then reached out and hit Julian's arm. "You wanker! You absolute fucking wanker! Why didn't you tell me before?! I've been lying here thinking I'd been living in my head! That sort of thing really messes people up you know! Bastard."

Julian smiled. "Sorry. But, you know, we had to keep up the pretence. This is the first time I've been alone with you since the accident."

Noel realised he was right, and supposed it would be a little bit childish to continue holding a grudge. Besides, he was excited to talk about it. He wanted to know everything that had happened.

"So…what was he like?" he asked eagerly. "Vince, I mean?"

Julian considered. "He was very…sweet. Very naïve. Very series 1, if you ask me."

"Well, we've had less hold on them since then." Noel reasoned, "I guess that's, like, his real nature."

"What, rather than a tit?"

"Yeah. Hey, Ju?"


"Do you think we should…I dunno…make him nicer for the film? Not go right back to series 1 or anything, I mean, we gotta think about character development…but maybe not quite so harsh to Howard?"

Julian smiled. "I think they'd like that." his mind drifted back to Vince's confession, after he'd kissed him. "I think they'd like that a lot."

"Why're you smiling like that?" Noel asked suspiciously. "It's well creepy."


"You know something. What are you grinning at?"

"Let's just say that…you know how some people like to read subtext in the show? Well, Vince…would rather it was text."

"Subtext? What're you on about you northern…" Noel's eyes narrowed, then his eyebrows shot up. "Hold on…subtext…you mean Vince…? Vince and Howard…? Vince and Howard?"

Julian nodded, still grinning.

"Wow, that's…weird. Very, very weird. How do you know, anyway?"

Julian merely smiled, and refused to say another word.

"Alright Howard?" Vince asked cheerfully, bounding into the shop. Howard glanced at the clock with a small grin.

"You know, I'm never going to get used to you being on time and eager to work."

Vince stuck his tongue out. "Yeah, well make the most of it coz I'm sure the novelty's going to wear off soon. I'm still happy not to be under house arrest!"

"You haven't really gone out that much since getting back though, have you?"

"That's not the point. I could if I wanted to, I just don't want to. Cant really afford it anyway." he laughed suddenly, "Hey, maybe I should have got Ju to write it into a script that Naboo gives us a huge pay rise!"

Howard looked at him for a second, then smiled weakly and sat down behind the counter. "I'm never going to get used to that you know. Knowing we're not actually real. That someone created us."

"They didn't create all of us though, did they?"

"How do you mean?"

"Well…" Vince wrinkled up his nose in thought. "They didn't write anything about my mum's suicide. They didn't know I could drive. In fact, in the show it's stated that I can't drive."

Howard thought about this, and his smile strengthened. "Yeah. You're right! Nobody creates Howard Moon, sir, he's his own person."

Vince felt his heart flutter at Howard's voice. It always sounded so…sexy when he was happy. It sounded sexy all the time but…he swallowed nervously, watching Howard out of the corner of his eye and thinking about what Julian had said. That had to be wishful thinking, surely? Why would someone like Howard be interested in a shallow fashion victim like him? Not to mention the fact that Howard was straight… he got up and began to rearrange items on one of the shelves. He almost jumped when he felt Howard's arm wrap gently around his waist. He looked down at the arm, then up into the jazz maverick's smiling face.

Howard reached out a hand and brushed a lock of hair off of Vince's face.

"I can't believe I almost lost you."

"You'll never lose me, Howard."

Howard grinned. "It made me realise how much you really mean to me."

Vince felt his heart skip. "Yeah?" he asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

"Yeah. You're my best friend, Vince. I know we've been through some shit lately, but…you're the most important person in my life. Your friendship means the world to me."

"Right. Yeah, you're my best friend too, Howard." Vince's heart sank. Of course Howard thought he was his best friend, what else had Vince been expecting?

"Vince? You ok little man?"

"Yeah. Genius."

"No you're not. Come on, what're you thinking?"

Vince looked up into the jazz maverick's face. His warm brown eyes were full of concern. Vince licked his lips. "I can think of another thing Noel and Julian didn't create about us."


"They didn't make me do this." before he could think about what he was doing and stop himself; Vince stood on tip-toe and pressed a kiss to Howard's lips.

The next second Howard was gently pushing him away. "Vince, what're you doing?"

"I…I don't know. I just thought…"

"Vince…" Howard ran a hand through his hair, looking like he was trying to think how to phrase something.

"No! Just…forget it ever happened, yeah?" Vince pleaded. He couldn't bare Howard's rejection. "Just…oh God, I'm sorry." tears pooling behind his eyes, he turned and fled back upstairs.

Howard stared helplessly around the shop, before turning the sign round to 'closed' and following his friend upstairs. After a quick look around the flat, Howard realised the skylight was open. Vince must be on the roof. Walking over, he pushed it further and clambered out.


Vince quickly rubbed his hands under his eyes and sniffed. "Sorry. Sorry, I'm fine now. You can go back down to the shop."

"Do you…want to talk about that?"

"Not really. Just forget it happened."

"What did just happen?"

"I…I just thought…I don't…damn it!" Vince turned his head away, "I never should have listened to Julian!"

"Julian? What's he got to do with anything?" Howard asked, completely baffled.

"I…well, I um…he knew how I felt - how I feel - about you, and he said I should talk to you about it."

"So talk to me."

Vince looked up sharply, but he couldn't see pity or disgust on Howard's face, so he decided to go for it. "I think I'm in love with you."

Howard's eyes widened in surprise. Whatever he'd expected Vince to say, it wasn't that. "You're what?!"

"I…I'm in love with you." he looked away, unable to look at Howard, "Have been for ages."

"Why…why didn't you say anything?"

Vince smiled. "Why would I? You've never shown any interest in me, and I'm not about to wreck our friendship over something like that."

"But living with something like that…were you ever going to say anything?"

Vince shrugged. "No. I guess not."

Howard was looking at him as if he'd never seen him before and Vince felt himself blushing. "Please just forget it Howard. Let's just be happy I'm back and we're ok, yeah?"

"What if I'm not ok with that?"

"Howard, I know you. As soon as someone's nice to you, you fixate on them. I mean, look at Gideon! All she did was lend you money for a sandwich on your first day at the zoo and you practically stalked her until the zoo closed! But all it takes is someone else and you move on. Like you did at your party."

Howard looked away, only just realising what that must have done to Vince. To have the love of your life tell you they love you and then three minutes later say it was a mistake and cop off with the someone else…what had he been thinking? Even if Vince didn't have feelings for him that was unacceptable. And strangely out of character.

Out of character

"Was that me though?"

"Howard, what're you on about? You've not got an evil twin you know."

"No, I mean…Noel and Julian have control. What if it was them?"

"Was it?" Vince looked at him, and for the first time in his life Howard maintained eye contact without feeling uncomfortable.

"I don't know." Howard admitted. Vince's gaze dropped. "But I do know that I can't imagine my life without you. And I know that I've hated how we've drifted apart." he blushed. "And…when you kissed me in their world…it wasn't horrible."

Vince chuckled. "Thanks!"

"I don't mean it like that, I mean…it felt…normal."

Vince looked up at him, frowning slightly. "What exactly are you saying here?"

"This is coming out wrong…I…oh, to hell with it." Howard leant forwards and cupped Vince's face, kissing him softly.

Vince pulled his head back. "Howard…"

"This isn't a reaction to what you've said. I'm not going to change my mind as soon as a girl flutters her eyelashes."

"But you're not gay."

Howard frowned. "No…I mean, I've never been with another man. But I know how I feel about you."

"And how do you feel?"

Howard smiled at him, and Vince suddenly felt warmer. "You're my everything."

Vince grinned and leaned forwards, capturing Howard's lips in a gentle kiss, before resting his head against the bigger man's shoulder. Howard wrapped an arm around him and together they looked out over London.

Of course, Naboo would give them hell later for closing the shop 9 hours early, but right now nothing else mattered. They were back together. Two sides of the coin. Two halves of a person.

And nothing was going to break that up again.

So, boys. Filming starts on your new movie next month. Are you excited?

Noel: Yeah, we are. It's been hectic writing it, but I think it's worth it.

Julian: oh yeah, definitely.

Can you give us any plot details?

N: Well we don't want to give too much away…

J: We tried to do something a bit different to just one long episode of the Boosh. There was always the risk that it wouldn't translate right, but I'm confident it's a good script.

N: And there are some bits that are going to make a lot of fans very happy.

Ooh! Happy in the same way that Party made them happy? (Party, the fifth episode of the third series, involved an onscreen kiss between characters Howard Moon and Vince Noir.)

N: (winks) wait and see!

Would you say you had any influences when it came to what you wrote?

N: There are a couple of people who had a big influence (glances at Julian, and both smirk). Yeah, without these two guys I think it would have turned out very differently.

Are we allowed to know who they are?

J: if we told you we'd have to kill you. Sorry. (Both laugh)

So, that's that. I've had laughs, flirting, and death threats. Just a normal interview with the Mighty Boosh boys then!

Big thanks to everyone who's reviewed/favourited/alerted this story! And to everyone who's read/will read it :)

Hope you all enjoyed it! It's gonna seem strange not writing this any more…

Reviews are loved like strawberry bootlaces :)