Title: Doctor Phil in Atlantis!
Special Note: Okay, so this was inspired by a little exchange between rubycaspar and myself. I mentioned how everyone automatically assumed Teyla's baby would be named Tagan (I spell it as "Tegan," because I'm a maverick!), and she agreed, but said it would be funny if the writers went and named him something completely different, like Phil. And that sparked my "Doctor Phil in the Pegasus Galaxy" idea. So, thankyou, Ruby; you are the wind beneath my puddle jumper.



"Pace yourself, Rodney!" The doctor looked up from his tray, a whole roll shoved between his lips, the soup that preceded it oozing from the corners of his mouth. His eyes were wide, surprised by the colonel's voice, "Whayamean?"

Teyla grimaced, "I agree with John; Rodney, your apetite seems unnaturally voracious today, and your eating habits are," she made a face, "Somewhat less than charming."

Chewing hard and loud, the doctor finished and swallowed what was in his mouth, "What are you guys talking about?"

Ronon rolled his eyes, "You eat too much, McKay. No wonder you can't get a woman."

The scientist, who had just picked up his fork to dig into his mashed potatoes, pointed the utensil at the Satedan, "Hey! For starters, I get plenty of women, when I want to, but I'm too busy to be fair to a woman right now. And secondly, its better to be healthy alone than sick with someone else."

"I think I'm going to be sick," the alien man told him.

"Okay, guys, let's just--wait," John's eyebrows raised so high, they almost disappeared into his hairline, "Rodney, um," he smirked, "Did you just quote Doctor Phil?"

"What? I-- No!"

The colonel began laughing, "You did! You're a Phil-follower!"

Teyla's head tilted to the side in confusion, "Who is Doctor Phil? Is he stationed here on the base?"

John was still laughing, making his words a little hard to understand, "He's this shrink from a TV show, and he writes these crazy self-help books; my wife used to read his stuff." At this, Ronon joined in on the laughing, and Teyla tried hard to conceal the grin that was forming on her face, all while Rodney's face turned a brilliant shade of red.

"Oh, shut up," he grumbled, gathering his tray before standing and stalking away from them.



"What the hell was that all about?" John demanded as he jogged after Ronon, who was walking through the control room with a happy little grin across his face.

Ronon turned, "What do you mean?"

Teyla, who'd followed both men out, offered, "It was very unusual for you, Ronon."

"Kind of scary," John added.

"What are you going on about?" Ronon asked, a puzzled expression on his face.

"Well," John said slowly, "Let's recap here: you wanted follow a lead you got on Tyre's location, Woolsey--a man you hate, let me remind you--shot you down, and you just accepted it and left. Now, let's play the 'What's Wrong With This Picture' game."

Ronon shrugged, "What did you expect me to do?"

"Get angry," Teyla filled in simply.

The man smirked and shook his head, "Anger is nothing more than an outward expression of hurt, fear, and frustration, and it gets you nowhere."

"Well, that may be true, but--hey," John's eyes narrowed, "Did you, um--was that, uh...oh, my god," his jaw dropped at the wide smile that was spreading across his friend's face, "You read Rodney's Doctor Phil book?!" When Ronon simply shrugged, John started laughing, "Oh, I am going to hold this over your head for the rest of your life."

Ronon just sighed good-naturedly and shrugged again, "If that's what you feel you have to do to feel better about yourself," then he turned and left the control room.



"New fighting tactic?" It was all John could say. He hadn't been expecting what had just happened. His only expectation when entering the gym was a nice, painful sparring match with Teyla and her bantos rods. This is what he'd recieved, for about ten minutes. Then, without warning, Teyla had dropped her rods and charged at him, her hands twining through his messy hair, her lips suddenly pressed against his. It was similar to what had happened when John had been infected with the retrovirus, but he was pretty sure that Teyla was herself, and not possessed by any alien diseases. So he kissed back. He dropped his own weapons and let his arms slip around her waist until she pulled back and smiled up at him, and the only thought that came to mind was, "New fighting tactic?"

"I just felt I needed to do that," Teyla told him breathlessly, backing up a few steps before bending to retrieve her sticks.

John let out a deep breath and smirked down at her when she passed him his set of bantos, "About time. I've been waiting for you to come around for years now."

She laughed, "Yes, I've been aware of that for years now."

That stopped him. He stared at her with a quizzical look on his face, "You've been aware? So why did you wait until now?"

She simply shrugged, "I just came to realize that awareness without action is worthless."

"Good enough for--" John stopped and thought for a moment before rolling his eyes and groaning, "Has everyone on the whole damn base read that book now?!"

"Just Rodney, Ronon, and myself, as far as I know," Teyla smiled brightly, "This Doctor Phil truly knows what he is talking about."

"Teyla, the man is a quack that gets his jollies off by telling other people how to live their lives!"

She cocked her head to the side, "Perhaps, but," she ran one hand across his cheek, "Are you really in a place to complain?"

John sucked in a deep breath at the sensation and groaned again, "Damn Doctor Phil."


Okay, so it was just a wee-baby ficlet, but it was fun to do. What do you think? R&R, please!
Also, check back soon, because my sister and I have been working on an SGA drinking game guaranteed to get you so drunk you forget your own name! I'm going to post it here as soon as we're done!