Hello and welcome to yet another Snape-gets-pranked-by-Weasleys story. My penname is Moony's Metamorphmagus and I hope you enjoy watching Snape turn funny colors from anger and embarrassment. The reference for this story is pages 191-193 of Prisoner of Azkaban. Questions? Simply press the little button at the bottom of the page and ask away. I value opinions, prank ideas, and flames will go toward warming my gecko Draco. He's so cute!
Disclaimer: Don't own, won't ever, don't bother asking. And no, that's not a prank.
"Is it time, Fred?"
"You betcha, George."
Fred and George Weasley, age 11, year 1, were planning their very first prank. They had heard the rumors of the infamous Marauders (from an anonymous source, of course), and decided to see if they could live up to their legacy. They only had seven years, after all, to do so. It was shortly after the beginning of the school year, so as a welcome-to Hogwarts-present, they planned to drop a Dungbomb in the main corridor. They only hoped that Filch would not turn up with that cat of his and spoil the fun.
The corridors were packed with students going to and from class. Behind a statue in a corner, the twins grinned. Fred withdrew said Dungbomb from his robes pocket and, standing up, threw it into the middle of the crowd. Instantly, it exploded, sending the noxious odor throughout the corridor. Students hurried to the exit, now practically stampeding to get away from the stench.
Fred and George high-fived, but their joy was short-lived when they heard an angry hiss. Looking down, they saw Mrs. Norris.
"Oh, no," they said together. Before they could say Quidditch, Filch had appeared.
"You two, my office, now," he said threateningly.
Fred and George stood up, and followed Filch to his office. The place wasn't exactly neat, but the filing cabinets were. And boy, were there a lot of them. They squeezed into the cramped office and sat down in two little chairs, while Filch puttered around in the other cabinets. He was talking as he did so.
"I wish they would let me punish you rascals like they used to. I hear disembowelment is a rather painful way of teaching students to behave. Guess you'll just have to settle for detention, huh?" He smiled gleefully.
While Filch was rambling on, Fred and George glanced at the filing cabinets. One in particular caught their attention. It was labeled Confiscated and Highly Dangerous. They grinned at each other, and from his pockets, George pulled out another Dungbomb. They both held their breaths. When Filch's back was turned, George dropped it.
The 'bomb exploded and Fred took advantage of the distraction to leap up and yank open the cabinet. His hand found a square piece of parchment. Quickly, he slid the paper into his robes. Still holding his breath, his found his way outside the office and ran as quickly as he could back up to Gryffindor Tower. They had prearranged that when one of them caused the distraction, the twin that did it would run for the common room, and the other would meet up with him later.
Fred skidded to a stop at the portrait of the Fat Lady. She raised a curious eyebrow.
"Now what have you been up to?" she asked.
"Um, ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies?" he ventured.
She rolled her eyes. "Fine. Password?"
Fred thought for a moment. "Phoenix?"
She swung open to admit him, and he climbed through, making his way up to the dorms. George was there waiting for him.
"You got it?" he asked.
"Did you really doubt me?" countered Fred, taking out the piece of blank parchment. He turned it over and over in his hands, but the parchment stayed stubbornly blank.
"Maybe it's activated by a spell?" George thought aloud.
Fred snorted. "What kind of spell?"
George shrugged. "I don't know."
At the word "I," the parchment flared to life a little, George's wand having been touching it at the time. But the lines faded just as quickly as they had appeared.
"Fred, did you see that?'
"I sure did." This time, Fred put his wand to the parchment and said, "I."
Again the parchment appeared to have lines, but just for a few seconds. Then, to their great surprise, different lines appeared, this time written in shiny green.
Mr. Prongs would like to register surprise at the sudden attention.
Mr. Padfoot concurs with Mr. Prongs and would like to know who is trying to unlock us.
Fred and George stared at each other. They hadn't expected this. At once, something their father had once said echoed in their minds.
"Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain."
They grinned at each other. "Wicked," they said together.
Fred and George put the tips of their wands to the parchment. "Fred and George Weasley, would-be Marauders," they said together. More writing appeared.
Mr. Moony would like to congratulate Messrs. Weasleys for finding the Marauder's Map and if they do their homework, are sure to figure out the passcode.
Mr. Wormtail adds that a phrase is the passcode.
"A phrase, huh?" said Fred, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "That begins with 'I'."
For the next hour, they threw out random words to the Map, trying to figure out the phrase. By then, they had accumulated "swear," "that" "up," and "to no good," as well as two "I"s.
George wrote down the words.
"So, what we've got is, "I 'something' that I am up to no good."
The map flashed, showing more lines each time, but there was obviously a few words still missing.
"How about this one? 'I swear that I am up to no good."
The map flared up more, but still didn't open, to the disappointment of the boys. Instead more writing appeared.
Mr. Prongs would like to know why you two are being so solemn.
"Solemn. What does that have to do with anything – oh!"
For another part of the map had flashed into existence at the word.
"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good!" shouted the twins together.
Instantly, the map came alive, the lines spreading without hesitation this time, covering the entirety of the parchment. At the top read the following:
Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs,
Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers
are proud to present
THE MARAUDER'S MAP
To their amazement, they could see little footprints, with banners next to them that read their names. They saw their own names in the Gryffindor common room. Lee Jordan was near the Great Hall and Percy was in the Prefects' bathroom. Dumbledore was pacing in his study, while Filch and Mrs. Norris were prowling the dungeons. There were passages leading off the map to select areas, one of which was Honeydukes in the village of Hogsmeade. Words appeared on one section of the parchment, which seemed to have been reserved for future additions.
Mr. Padfoot would like to congratulate the Weasleys for opening the Map.
Mr. Wormtail agrees with Mr. Padfoot and hopes you two will use the Map to sneak food from the kitchens.
Mr. Moony would like to add that the closing code is "Mischief Managed" and that Mr. Wormtail only thinks about food.
Mr. Prongs agrees with all the above and wishes you well in all your pranking endeavors and ask that the most unpleasant professor is pranked most.
The twins grinned at the map. "That would be Professor Snape."
For a minute, nothing appeared. Then, more words appeared, messier than ever.
Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that the greasy git became a professor.
Mr. Moony agrees with Mr. Padfoot and wants to know if he has been in the library recently to know such a large word.
Mr. Prongs adds that Professor Snape is no friend of the Marauders and should be treated as such.
George tapped the map and said, "Mischief managed." Instantly the map went blank.
The twins looked at each other, possibilities dancing around in their minds.
"I think we've just become the new Marauders."
Fred grinned evilly. "And I think we can start by pranking our dear Potions professor."
In another part of the castle, Professor Severus Snape felt someone walk over his grave.
So, there's our little prelude. I hope y'all stick around and give me ideas. I have a few already set up, but I will need more. None too clichéd, please, although I might take them and put twists on them.
To the reviewers who reviewed this story when it first came out. I hope y'all enjoy reading this brand-new version of events:
Alucard's Vampiress, angel-phantom-babii, mrmistoffelees, xLzM, xXxCaitlinnBlackxXx, and witchdoctor42
So, read, review, and leave me ideas. I reckon about five pranks a chapter should suffice. And I don't know about a sequel when this is over, so please don't press the issue. I don't know when I'll update next. Now that school's over, I have a lot of stuff that's been building and building and building.
BONUS: For more Snape abuse, I highly recommend the following:
Reasons Why Severus Snape Is On The No Fly List by Sonata-Time Master-Koaishine
Story ID#: 3573296; Author ID#: 568196
Complete! Final chapter is up! These are a series of shorts listing the reasons why Professor Severus Snape is no longer allowed to fly on an airplane. Hilarity ensues! Rated T for language and crude humor in later chapters. Please read and review!
You're a Wizard, Potter by Amsuhl
Story ID#: 3596798; Author ID#: 1101539
Completed Snape comes to get Harry instead of Hagrid. Harry, however, is not compliant, and Snape is in for literal hell as he takes Harry shopping and to Hogwarts... Features a very intelligent, and sarcastic, Harry. A slight parody of Just After Midnight.