Important Note: This is a rarity for me, in part induced by my poor sleeping and caffeine intake. In all of my fictions, I always keep the characters true to their nature, very in character. I find it gives the story a more realistic taste. I decided to give my versions of the Hellsing characters a break. This will not happen again. I tried to make them out of character...as in character as possible. Confused? Just read and find out. Surprise ending. xD
Here is Part II, a bit longer.
All characters © Hirano Kouta
Sixty Minutes out of Character
Integra eyed the mahogany grandfather clock in her office suspiciously (and a tad uneasily, if truth be told). It was ten past three, and so far she hadn't heard any screams or sounds of something amiss. Perhaps none of the manor's inhabitants had chosen to heed Bernadette's little game, the Hellsing head thought with a futile relief. Perhaps the captain had not broadcasted his little announcement with a serious intent. However, 25 pounds were at stake, not to mention her brandy. When on earth had the captain discovered her covert brandy stash? No one save Walter was supposed to know about that. Speaking of the butler…
"Walter," Integra snapped a tad brusquely into her own intercom that sat on the desk. "Bring me some tea and aspirin," she told the speaker while massaging her temples. "Please," she added.
"Yes, Sir Integra, right away."
The young Hellsing heir pushed the disconnect button heatedly and closed her eyes, breathing deeply through her nose. A few moments later her ears picked up the sound of approaching footsteps, and soon after the door was rapped softly.
"Come in, Walt—good Gods, what are you wearing?" Integra blinked at the butler as he stepped into the room. She quickly whisked off her rounded glasses, giving them a hasty polish on her shirt and replacing them just as quickly on her face to be certain her eyes weren't deceiving her.
"What does it look like, my lady?" The aged butler fingered his newly attired jeans and tee-shirt fondly.
"…So…I perceive you are taking part in this juvenile exploit," Integra muttered begrudgingly, struggling for words. Walter bowed in confirmation.
"Master Pip was so generous as to lend me his wardrobe for an hour," he answered with an air of satisfaction. "I daresay these clothes make me feel oddly young, not to mention I look rather dashing," Walter added as he adjusted his monocle.
"Just leave the tea and get out of my sight," Integra groaned, refusing to believe her eyes and ears. "The next time I see you I want you to be properly clad, do you understand, Walter?"
The gaunt butler's smile caused his eyes to crinkle into humored slits. "As you wish, Sir Integra. I know you well enough to know that you are staunchly opposed to any form of fun, but do try to loosen up. You should try this; it is quite entertaining."
"Good day, Sir Integra." And with that said the butler bowed and removed his jeans-and-tee-shirt-donned self from her office. Integra sighed in the silence left in his wake. This was going to be a long hour indeed.
Perhaps leaving her office had not been the most intelligent idea to enter her brain that day. However, Integra Hellsing felt the need to stomp out any signs of trouble that she felt were brewing. It was her household, her estate, and by god she would have order at all times.
Her intentions of leaving the confinements of her office had nothing to do with feelings of curiosity, she reminded herself hastily. Integra was by no means interested in what unspeakable actions her subordinates were up to…so why did she need to keep reminding herself of this fact?
She had already come across some members of the Wild Geese roaming the halls, and all hopes she had harbored of them not taking Captain Bernadette's broadcast seriously were lost when she witnessed their behavior. Some of the new recruits, who she had never seen disobey an order once were randomly shooting up the barracks and happily flouting every regulation seemingly possible.
Integra had thought it couldn't get any worse when she ran into the captain himself. She foresaw murder by her hand in the near future.
"Oh, S-Sir, pleaze forgive me!" A cigarette-less Pip Bernadette whimpered when he saw an ireful Integra approaching him from down the hall. She stopped in surprise and frowned at him.
"Mr. Bernadette? Is something the matter?" Integra scrutinized him through rounded spectacles, thinking that the mercenary was in pain, her anger temporarily abandoned.
"Sir, don't hurt me!" Pip stuck out his bottom lip, quivering it the slightest bit and opening his green eye wide. "I only wanted zome fun, but I'm afraid of what you'll do to me now…" he sat down against the wall and curled his knees up to his chest.
Integra was now thoroughly confused. Why was Bernadette acting like a complete pussy? Where was his ostentatious demeanor, his cocky Frenchman's aura?
"Oh my, what is it we have here?" Integra's head snapped up at the sound of the feminine voice.
"Seras, thank god," Integra sighed internally at the sight of the only other being in the estate who didn't harbor a Y chromosome. She at least would have some maturity, unlike the males of Hellsing.
"Everyone seems to be acting like complete morons—Seras?" Integra's eyebrows shot up. "What are you doing?" The Draculina had walked past the head, approaching the sniveling man crouched on the carpet.
"Oh, Pip," the blonde vampire sighed dramatically, stroking the mercenary's soft auburn hair. "My poor baby." Seras slinked an arm over Pip's shoulder slowly and pressed her breasts into his back.
"Do you want me to make you feel better?" She whispered lowly into his ear, tilting her head to brush her lips against the captain's tanned cheek. The Police Girl poked the tip of her tongue out to lick his jaw line seductively and ran her free hand over the muscles under Pip's shirt. Integra was speechless.
Pip rolled his eyes and pushed Seras away. "Nah, I'm good, girlie," he told the blonde without so much as a bat of the eye. "Well, better get zomezing to eat," he said, standing up, "zhat iz, if the lady lets me." The captain slinked off.
Seras. Hitting on Pip. Probably something the perverted Frenchman had been fantasizing about for ages. Now that his dream had finally came true he was…ignoring it?
Hell had frozen over, Integra surmised.
It was a while before the fraulein could manage to squeeze words out of her mouth. "N-not you too, Seras?"
The young vampire shrugged offhandedly. "I was hoping to use the 25£ to buy a new pair of boots," she told Integra sheepishly before running off to avoid whatever scolding her master's master would throw at her. "I'm going to drink all my blood now, see you later!"
Integra was left standing in the middle of the corridor with a hand pressed to her forehead. If this was a nightmare, it was by far the worst one she had ever had.
I need more tea, I think. And a really good cigar. So Integra Hellsing slowly walked back to her office, trying to forget what she had seen. A woman could only take so much in one day. She sighed. The only thing bothering her was the absence of her troublesome nosferatu. That vampire would undoubtedly be up to something, and Integra doubted that it was anything charitable.
She fanned her long blonde hair away from her shoulders so it fell cascading down her back as she collapsed into her office chair. If she remained here for the next (Integra threw a glance at the clock) thirty-five minutes, no one should dare come and disturb her.
Yes, that was best, she thought as she lit a fresh cigar, placing it comfortably between her lips. Let those idiots have their fun—she would have no part in such immature pursuits. The smoke felt wonderful as she inhaled, and did well to calm Integra's nerves. She suppressed a yawn. How long had it been since she had last slept more than four hours a night? She really should take Walter's advice and start retiring at an earlier hour.
Integra didn't even bother popping in the Shostakovich CD or removing her glasses; she simply tilted her head back in her chair and closed her eyes, letting the soft drum of the rain on her window that had begun to fall carry her away…
Unfortunately her sleep did not last very long. Integra squeezed her eyes shut and struggled to sink back into the world of dreams, to no avail. She glanced blearily at the grandfather clock that stood by the door. Only 3:45? Oh, why had she not slept past four?
The answer became clear almost immediately. A fusillade of footsteps and loud thumps could be heard around this wing of the mansion. Integra swiftly rubbed any vestiges of drowsiness from her eyes and sat bolt upright. It sounded as if someone or a few someone's were running, and she felt a plummeting feeling as she realized that the sounds were steadily approaching her office.
"No, Alucard, I wouldn't do it!" Came Walter's muffled voice from down the hall.
"Go for it, Master!" That sounded like Seras. Integra felt her heart beat a few metronome ticks quicker. What was that blasted Count up to? It would seem that she would soon discover the answer.
The door to her study flew open. "My Master!" Alucard stated in a voice that was far too cheery for the sadistic vampire. He had abandoned his scarlet trench coat, glasses, and hat, having smoothed back his ink-black hair.
"Alucard," Integra addressed him suspiciously.
He glided into the room, followed by the nervous glances of Pip, Seras, and Walter. "Master, I found the cutest thing outside. I couldn't stand its cuteness so I brought it in," Alucard stated calmly in his deep voice.
Integra's bottom eyelid gave a jitter. She'd never imagined that four-letter word being capable of escaping the deadly vampire's lips. Cute? It sounded so…wrong coming from Alucard.
Integra decided then to play along with her servant's little game. If she could control her temper. "Oh?" She inquired. The others looked up. "What is it?"
"A kitty-cat!" Alucard half-sang, holding up a mortified looking cat which he had been concealing from his master's view with his shadows.
"My master, can I name her? Can I?" Alucard, the No Life King brought the tawny tabby to his pale face and snuggled his nose in the kitten's fur.
"Aren't you an adorable kitty-witty?" He cooed, his gleaming white eyeteeth visible in his smile. "Yes, who's your daddy-waddy, who's your master?"
Integra's cigar fell from her mouth and the tip crumbled on contact with the ashtray that lay on her desk.
"I thought you were my master," Seras stated with fatuous grumpiness, also playing along with the vampire's charade, "Alucard."
Alucard turned to Seras, holding up the kitten, who looked positively petrified. "But how can you resist these widdle puddy eyes, Police Girl?" He asked innocently. The elder vampire turned and walked towards Integra, who was frozen in place at her desk.
"So, Master?" He asked as he set the kitten down on the tiled floor in front of Integra's desk. Alucard came closer still, uncomfortably so, his ruby eyes burning into her shiny icy blue ones.
"Can I keep her? Please?" Integra blinked, unable to answer. Damn it if he wasn't using hypnosis on her.
After a moment Alucard chuckled slyly. "I know I am forbidden to use my hypnosis on you as a form of persuasion, Master," he began in a low murmur, leaning in. "But, how about another method of coercion?"
And before Integra knew what was happening Alucard had inclined his head and brushed his lips against hers. He kissed her lightly, lips cold and soft against her warm ones. Integra couldn't move.
It seemed like an eternity before Alucard broke away, harboring a grin that stretched to his ears and beyond. Integra was still stationary at her desk, unsure of what to do. She felt a tinge of redness blossom on her cheeks, and cast her eyes elsewhere. They fell on the trio at the door, and that was enough to snap the Hellsing heir out of her stupor.
Walter had a gloved hand pressed lightly to his mouth to hide a smile, his dark eyes twinkling wordlessly. Pip was sniggering with is hands around his middle to keep the laughter from escaping, and Seras's face was contorting with the blatantly obvious attempt to keep from smiling. She was biting her lips with her small fangs to prevent them from turning up. That did it.
Integra Hellsing slammed her palm against the desk with a resonant smack. "Fine!" She snapped, throwing her incensed gaze on the people in her office. Her chair made a thump as she stood up animatedly. "If you fools want to see me out of character, so be it! Maybe then you will leave me the bloody hell alone!"
The two vampires and two humans didn't utter a word as Integra stormed past them and out of the office, heading somewhere unknown.
"—Seras!" Alucard cut her off with a flick of his hand. The fledgling, Pip, and Walter looked at him curiously. The tall vampire's smile would have made the devil himself quake in his boots.
"Give her ten minutes," he smiled furtively. "Then we follow."
The others began to smile too.
Integra slammed the door to her bedroom quarters, seething. The gall that vampire had, to actually kiss her. Her, Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing. No one took advantage of her like that and lived to tell the tale. Although…
She could still feel the coolness on her lips.
Integra brushed away the thought forcefully. Now, what to do? Her subordinates would undeniably find her again and bombard her with their inanity. She huffed an exasperated breath and opened her closed wardrobe.
This was regrettable, but if it was what it took to get everyone off her back, Integra would do it. Without fail.
Alucard led the mercenary, butler, and servant behind him as he crept closer to Integra's master bedroom. He unnecessarily pressed a white gloved finger to his lips. They quickened their pace, seeing as there was now only five minutes remaining of the "O.O.C. Hour." The three arrived at the closed door of the bedroom, and Alucard's grin widened even more, if possible.
"My Master, you cannot escape," he boomed menacingly, straightening up. There was no answer from the other side of the door. Alucard grabbed the handle, expecting to have to destroy the lock, but strangely found the bedroom door unlocked.
He swung the door open, sliding into the room of his master with Pip, Seras, and Walter flagging him.
"Can I help you?" Integra asked in a sweet voice, turning around with hands on her hips.
Pip felt a trickle of blood run inadvertently from his nostril and down his lip.
Integra had removed her glasses and tied her long, fair hair up in a thick ponytail. She smiled at them through lipstick-ed lips, batting her eyelashes flittingly. Walter did not even want to know where his lady had acquired such a short skirt. But he noticed then…Integra-sama had wonderful legs.
"Sir?" Seras stammered. Integra was wearing a form-fitting blouse that was…
No, it couldn't be…
The Hellsing head fluffed her hair. "Oh my, do I look alright?" She asked in a falsely sweet voice. "Is my makeup smudged? I'll have to do it again if it is!"
Even Alucard was at a loss for words. Something that had not happened in over four hundred years. He simply stared.
"Ahm…" Pip was the first to break the thick silence. "I zink Sir Integra wins ze contest."
Integra Hellsing's eyes snapped open and she gave a little jerk in her chair. Her heart pulsed quickly in her throat, adrenaline running through Integra's system like the liquid in an overflowing cup. Her blonde locks were plastered to her head in beads of slick sweat and she sat up, struggling to control her heavy breathing.
Her eyes darted around her study, which was dark due to the thunderclouds outside and the rain continuously falling from the sky. Integra's gaze then drifted onto herself in alarm. She breathed a shaky sigh of relief when she saw that she was clad in her usual charcoal colored suit, complete with its buttons and Victorian-style tie.
A bass chortle cut into the silence there. Integra looked up sharply to find Alucard leaning against the wall by her desk in the shadows, arms folded.
"Alucard?" Her voice sounded young then, with a girlish uncertainty that Integra scolded herself for. It made her sound weak.
"It seems like you were having quite the dream, Master," Alucard rumbled, lips twitching up in an amused smirk. "And I thought I was a restless sleeper. I can see why you don't do it often."
Integra frowned. "What happened, Alucard? If I had fallen asleep you should have woken me."
"We were talking about Shostakovich," the count recalled, "and you suddenly conked out. It was rather amusing."
"Why did you not wake me? I have work to do," she gestured at the pile of papers on her desk.
"Oh?" The vampire leered at her. "What work?"
"What are you talking about—"Integra looked down. She was gesturing to an empty desk. All of her papers were absent from their usual place.
Alucard took a step closer. "Walter is taking care of the remainder of your files."
Integra sighed. It was just as well; she really couldn't bring herself to do paperwork now. Especially with the remnants of that horrid dream still playing about in her head.
"What is it, my Master Integra?"
"Did you…" Integra cleared her throat noisily, not believing that she was asking this, "happen to find a… kitten today?"
"A kitten, Master?" A single black eyebrow elevated.
"Forget it," Integra closed her eyes. Her vampire servant laughed quietly.
"Checking reality, I presume," he speculated cleverly. "Quite common for humans to do after a particularly disturbing dream. May I ask what it was about, Master?"
Integra's face took on a rosy hue. "No you may not, Alucard!" She snapped, standing up. "You may remain here if you like, but I am leaving now."
With that said she stormed out of her office, not even bothering to light herself a cigar. The sound of her servant's laughter rung in her ears as she left.
On her way down the hall, Integra encountered none other that Captain Bernadette, him nibbling on a snack with his hair tied back.
"Oh, bonjour, Lady Integra!" He said happily. Integra nodded curtly.
"Fancy zis rain huh? There's not much my men can do, zince we were supposed to do field training today," Pip went on.
Integra's eyes flashed and she quickly grabbed the Frenchman by the scruff of his collar. His single eye widened.
"A-ah, Sir? What are you—"
"You had better find something productive to do then, Captain," Integra told him lowly. "If I catch you anywhere near the intercom, or any place else off-limits for that matter, I will personally see to it that Alucard fill all your beds with live centipedes tonight."
Pip gave her a puzzled stare, but knew better than to question the master, especially when she was pissed off. "Yez, Sir," he answered meekly.
Integra released the front of Pip's shirt and wordlessly marched away. The captain stared after her, smoothing out his shirt.
"Ze intercom?" He muttered to himself. Where had she gotten that idea from?
Although…Pip suddenly grinned. That wasn't such a bad idea.
Maybe he could have a little fun after all.