Title: Mickie, a Sue's Tale
Rating: PG-13 (or T, if you prefer).
Warnings: OOC, poor writing style, mis-use of adjectives, abuse of punctuation and grammar, plot holes, amongst other things.
Notes: This is a parody. It was a chance for me to take the mickey out of all the things that irritate me about sue!fics. I had loads of fun writing it, and hopefully you'll get a kick out of it too. And, in the spirit of sue!fics, it is a self insert. Mickie is my dear friend and fellow scribbler Adonais (whose profile can be found through the link in my profile — please do check her out, she's fantastic), and I'm Cassie. XD
Mickie sighed in frustration, flicking her long, luscious, black hair out of her face and tucking one shiny, iridescent, obsidian strand behind her ear. She frowned in consternation, the motion causing her eyebrows to bunch together adorably, and her lips to pucker in a way that enticed even her pencil sharpener.
"Ugh," she sighed wistfully, her dulcet tongue making even such an ungainly syllable sound like the finest music. "Stupid Maths homework. Why do I have to learn this stuff? Who's going to use algebra? I mean, if I were walking down the street, what's the probability that someone's going to ask me to prove a theorem?" She huffed and tossed her pencil at the notebook, wincing as it made a quiet 'thump' upon impact.
"Oh, no!" she said, knowing that her tyrannical roommate would have heard the noise. Sure enough there was a loud crash from the next room.
"MICKIE!" bellowed her roommate, Cassie, as she flung open Mickie's door, causing it to hit the wall with a resounding crash. "What do you think you're doing in here?! I thought I told you to be quiet while I'm watching TV!" Cassie ran over to Mickie and grabbed her by her hair, pulling it out of its elegant coiffure (which it fell into naturally every morning). "You're dumb as a doorknob. I don't know why I keep you around. Why aren't the dishes clean yet, huh? God, can't you do anything without being asked?!"
Cassie let out a loud belch and returned to her TV programme (football, which she watched every single night. Mickie hated football she thought it was contemptible). "And fetch me a tunafish sandwich!" she bellowed. Mickie's eyes widened dramatically in fear.
Mickie sank down to the floor with a soft moan. "Why me?" she asked pitifully. "First my parents died in a tragic pincushion explosion, and then I was forced to move in with Cassie." She spoke the name of her college roommate with a surprising amount of dainty venom.
"I don't deserve this," she whispered, her mellifluous voice cracking with long-buried angst. "This isn't fair! If only…" she looked out her window at the stars in the night sky and wished desperately for a brave and extremely good-looking man to come to her rescue. "If only…" she repeated, furthering the poor foreshadowing.
Mickie got up and walked over to her computer, then turned it on. She'd completely forgotten about Cassie's tunafish sandwich, but fortunately, so had the author so it didn't pose a problem. You see, Mickie was a very special person. She was gifted. Mickie, which was short for Mickaelle, had a secret power. Sometimes she'd have dreams that were terrifyingly realistic, and, even more frightening, prophetic. Just last week she'd dreamt that Cassie had asked her to make a tunafish sandwich, and sure enough, Cassie had bellowed just that! And last week she'd dreamt that her French teacher, Madame Morrible, would ask her to read aloud in class, and later that day Madame Morrible had all the students read a passage from a French book of fables. Yes, Mickie was psychic. She could also, occasionally, read people's minds. She knew, for instance, that Cassie had 'Walk Like an Egyptian' stuck in her head now, because she could hear it running through her head too!
But the most powerful part of Mickie's awesome (and so far undeveloped) powers, (which left room for many convenient training montages that would, in time, make her nearly invincible) was her ability to make her story break the fourth wall. Oh, yes, there was no denying it. Mickaelle was as powerful as she was tragically beautiful. And, oh! Was she ever beautiful!
Mickie's hair fell down her shoulders in a way that lured the viewer's eye to her soft and gentle curves. Her breasts were neither too small nor too small (though no one would dare call them too large), and her customary neckline dipped down just low enough to entice, but remained decent enough to prevent her from being labelled easy. Her face was heart-shaped, and her beautiful bone structure shone through. Her cheekbones were strikingly alluring, and her skin was clear as porcelain. Her nose was not too large, and turned slightly upwards in a way that was girlishly attractive. Her lips were pink as rosebuds, and puckered naturally giving her a perpetual just-been-kissed look. Her eyes were a bright shade of green, that looked blue in direct sunlight, gold under florescent light, pink under a black-light, grey under a halogen bulb and brown under the light in her bathroom. Oh, Mickie's looks were to die for. But for some strange and inexplicable reason she had no friends at school, and no suitors.
Indeed, she was alone. She sighed in her loneliness and decided to check her e-mail. She opened up her e-mail account and nearly cried when she saw what was there: nothing. Not one single e-mail. You see, Mickie had not one friend to her name. Her life was truly tragic, and her ESP tended to scare people away. So Mickie studied extra hard, got excellent grades, and looked tragically beautiful, all the while being beautifully tragic. She was upset, however, because she'd posted a magnificent fanfic about her favourite Lord of the Rings characters yesterday, and not a single person had reviewed it. Mickie just couldn't understand it. Her writing was perfect! Why would nobody want to review her stories?
Mickie was a die-hard Lord of the Rings fangirl. She had a large poster of Legolas (which Cassie had, in a fit of spiteful meanness, drawn glasses and a moustache on) which she kissed every night before bed. She was in love with Legolas, and was thoroughly convinced that he was in love with her too. Unfortunately Mickie spent so much time in school that she wasn't able to get a job, so she no had money to buy a new poster with. So she was forced to kiss the moustachioed and bespectacled Legolas every night.
"MICKIE!" Cassie bellowed from the other room, as the author suddenly remembered that she existed. "Where's my damn sandwich?!"
Mickie gasped, and flinched in terror. Suddenly, her computer screen began to get bright. "What the?" Mickie muttered, squinting her eyes as the light got brighter and brighter. Suddenly Mickie began to feel a pull towards the screen, and she gasped in terror. The computer was eating her alive!
The world went black, and Mickie saw no more.
"Where am I?" Mickie mumbled, as she looked up at a clear blue sky. "What is this place?"
"My Lady!" said a euphonious and decidedly masculine voice from somewhere above her.
"Yes?" she inquired politely. Her mother (before her tragic death in a fatal cooking accident) had taught her to always be polite.
"Are you hurt?" asked the same masculine voice, this time a little closer to her head.
Mickie sat up and pressed her perfectly manicured fingers to her temples as vertigo set in and she began to feel dizzy. "I don't think so," she said, trying to be strong. She opened her eyes and saw that she was wearing a beautiful green dress. The sleeves opened at the elbow, allowing them to flow behind her like a cape when she walked (she knew this instinctively, as she'd taken a sewing class back in Grade 8). The over dress was bottle green, and it had a lighter under dress under the dress. The belt was gold, and it was embroidered with a leaf pattern. Her shoes were white, but there was a small brown smudge on the left toe. She was also wearing a pendant around her neck, that was in the shape of a green leaf. It was green.
"Nonsense, I can see that you're hurt," said her saviour, and he grasped her arm gently. "Come, I will take you to Lord Elrond. He is an excellent healer."
"Elrond?" Mickie gasped. She stumbled suddenly as she was overcome with wooziness, and she fell into her rescuer's arms. "The Lord Elrond?" she asked his chest.
Her rescuer frowned, but she couldn't see it as her face was still planted firmly in his pectorals. "You know of Lord Elrond?"
"I know of him," she said, as her rescuer set her back on her feet. She looked up into his eyes for the first time. He had blue and green eyes, like the sea only not so, calm as a raging storm, and green as the first bloom of spring. His golden hair fell down around his shoulders like a blond halo.
Her eyes widened. There was no doubt in her mind who he must be. "Legolas…" she said, and then she fainted.
When Mickie awoke she was in a strange room, made entirely of wood. "Where am I?" she asked aloud. "And where is Legolas, my one true love?"
"Ye're aboard me ship, lass," said Jack Sparrow, as he magically materialised out of the woodwork of his ship, as the author was too lazy to make him come through the door.
Mickie jumped in fright, despite the fact that she had known it was coming. Her foresight had been developing rapidly ever since she'd been eaten by her computer. In fact, she knew what Jack's next words would be.
"Rum?" he said, as he pulled a bottle out of his underwear.
Mickie gasped. She knew he was about to ask that!
Mickie wrinkled her nose in distaste and looked away. "How did I get here?" she asked.
"Ye appeared on deck this mornin'. I had ye brought back to me quarters for safekeeping," said Jack, with a devastatingly handsome grin.
"I know who you are," she said smartly. "Jack Sparrow."
"Captain!" quoth he. "Captain Jack Sparrow."
Mickie giggled. Jack giggled, and then he accidentally poured rum on his desk. "No! No! Why is the rum gone?"
"One," said Mickie, "because it is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels. Two, because you spilt it."
Jack frowned and squinted at Mickie. "Do I know ye from somewhere?"
Mickie frowned. It was against her morals, but still, she was young, pretty and easily corrupted. Nodding hesitantly she accepted a bottle of rum and downed it all in a single gulp. Jack, now very drunk, leaned in towards her.
"Oh, Jack…" she said, giggling coquettishly. "I'm drunk."
"I know, luv," said Jack. And then he kissed her.
"I can't do this!" she said, pushing Jack away and wiping the tears from her eyes. "For I am in love with someone else."
"Look, luv, I don't care 'bout that. All I want is to sleep with ye. Love don' enter into it," said Jack.
"Really?" asked Mickie, her eyes wide and bright with unshed tears.
"Really," assured Jack.
Mickie pondered for a moment. He really was very good looking. And what Legolas didn't know wouldn't hurt him, right? "All right," she said. "But I don't love you."
"I don't blame ye, luv," said Jack with a grin as he pulled her towards the bed.
When Mickie awoke she was staring at a grey ceiling. "Where am I?" she asked. "I'm no longer a virgin," she added, perhaps a tad unnecessarily.
"That's nice dear," said a matronly voice from somewhere above her head. "How do you feel?"
"Fine," said Mickie. Truly she was in a great deal of pain, but she was strong and didn't complain.
"That's surprising considering I've had to re-grow nearly all the bones in your body. You should be in excruciating pain," said Madame Pomfrey flatly.
"Re-grow?" asked Mickie, wincing in pain as the motion of speaking caused violent spasms of agony to shoot through her body. She let out a quiet whimper, and began to count backwards from 23,487 in Japanese as a calming exercise. Mickie spoke fluent Japanese, being an ardent Manga reader and Anime viewer. She also spoke perfect English, French, German, Spanish, Italian, Danish, Russian, Finnish, Chinese (all dialects), Slovakian, Polish, Latin, Greek, Hebrew, Portuguese, Coptic, Arabic, Ancient Egyptian, Croatian and (miraculously) sign language.
"Yes," said Madame Pomfrey as she fiddled with vials of toad's eyeballs and frog's legs. "You were found in the main entrance way by four of our best students, James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. All the bones in your body had been removed. Do you remember what happened?"
"No," said Mickie with wide eyes. "How horrible! I must speak to them right now!" Her foresight had struck again with perfectly clarity and she saw Peter Pettigrew (she knew it was him, despite the fact that they'd yet to meet) betraying his friends to an evil wizard (who was wearing a name tag that said 'Lord Voldemort') and causing their deaths. She had to stop it! Sirius Black was far too pretty to die, and Remus Lupin far too gay. Mickie had lots of gay friends and believed in gay rights, and that gay people should not be killed by evil wizards bent on world domination. Plus, her foresight had told her that James Potter would have a very good-looking son.
"Well how odd, here they are now!" said Madame Pomfrey. "Now no more than five minutes visiting time boys! My patient needs rest!" and with that she turned on her heel and went to her office to watch soap-operas on the wizarding telly.
"Hey," said Sirius Black casually, as he flicked a lock of black hair out of his eyes. "I'm Sirius Black." He paused for a moment letting his words sink in. "And you're hot. D'you wanna go out sometime?"
Mickie frowned. "Maybe when I get my bones back."
"Sure thing," said Sirius casually.
"I'm James," said James. "And this is Remus and Peter."
"Hi," said Remus and Peter.
Mickie smiled at James and Remus, and glared at Peter. Peter took a step back in fright.
"I know what you did!" said Mickie, sitting up miraculously despite her lack of bones. "You killed them all!"
"W-what?" stuttered Peter in a confused panic. "I haven't killed anyone! Honest!"
"Liar! You killed all your friends!" screamed Mickie, pointing her manicured nail at Peter accusingly. Her nails were pink with little blue butterflies on them. The butterfly wings were decorated with small green jewels. They grew naturally that way.
"B-but my friends are right here!" protested Peter, validly. "They're not dead."
"Not yet they're not!" said Mickie.
"But how can I have killed them when they're not dead?" said Peter incredulously.
"You will kill them. You'll betray them to an evil wizard and kill them," said Mickie. "I saw it in a dream."
"Far out," said Sirius.
"You saw it in a dream?!" said Peter.
"Is this true, Peter?" asked Remus gravely. His long-standing crush on Peter evaporated instantly. He would not moon over anyone who might cause the death of his friends. Sirius flicked his hair once more and Remus licked his lips. Now Sirius was hot. And faithful. And not at all likely to betray his friends. Remus grinned happily. He was in love!
"How should I know, I haven't done it yet!" wailed Peter.
"I have the ability to see the future," said Mickie seriously.
"I believe you," said Sirius, staring at Mickie's ample bosom.
"If Sirius trusts you, then so do I," said James.
"Me too," said Remus, staring at Sirius' tight bum.
"B-but… But…" spluttered Peter.
"Get out of here Peter," said James angrily. "We no longer trust you."
"What the hell?!" said Peter.
"Get out before I punch you, you murdering traitor!" bellowed Sirius, all the while staring at Mickie's bosom.
Peter ran for his life. "Fine then," he said, as he stalked down the corridors of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. "I'll guess I'll just go join an evil wizard and try and take over the world… I wonder how much the Slytherins'll pay me to tell them the password to the Gryffindor dorm room?"
When Mickie awoke she was staring at sakura blossoms. "Where am I?" she asked.
"Hn," said Lord Sesshoumaru from where he was sitting against a nearby tree.
"Filthy human! How dare you awake in Lord Sesshoumaru's presence?" wailed an ugly green toad from somewhere near Mickie's head.
"EEK!" she squeaked. "A toad! Eww! Get it off! Get it off!"
A young girl giggled and ran up to her, presenting her with a wreath of flowers. "Don't be silly, that's just Jaken."
"Oh, hello little girl, what's your name?" Mickie asked kindly. She loved children. She'd raised several of them herself at the orphanage where she grew up after her parents were accidentally sucked up by their vacuum cleaner.
"Rin," said the girl. "And that's Lord Sesshoumaru!" she added, pointing to the beautiful man sitting nearby. The man turned and gave Mickie a penetrating glare. "Hn," he said.
"I'm Mickie," said Mickie. "It's short for Mickaelle."
"Wow," said Rin. "You have a beautiful name. And you're a beautiful girl too!"
Mickie blushed modestly. Mickie was very modest.
Later that night when Rin and Jaken were sleeping Mickie lay awake. She was restless, there was something that she felt she needed to do. And she missed Legolas. It had been such a long time since she'd seen her one true love, and she desperately wished to be held in his arms again. She held the pendant of the green leaf that she was wearing, and it reminded her even more of him.
Crystal tears ran down her cheeks, but she didn't make a sound. Wiping her tears away she decided to go talk to the gorgeous hunk of masculinity Rin had introduced her to earlier.
"Excuse me?" she asked politely. "Is anyone sitting here?" she asked, gesturing to a heap of moss next to the youkai Lord.
"Hn," he said, glaring at her.
"Is that all you say?" asked Mickie.
"Hn," he said.
"You're very cold hearted. But I understand that," said Mickie. Sesshoumaru looked at her sharply. "I know where you're coming from. I was an orphan too. It was tough growing up on my own, feeling abandoned. I, for a long time, became cold and distant just like you. But then I realised that being angry and mean wasn't the answer, and I found love," she sniffled, recalling Legolas' smiling face, and his beautiful hair. "Only to have lost it."
Sesshoumaru stared at her in wonder. How had this simple girl managed to warp his character so completely? More importantly, why hadn't he just killed her at first sight? Why did her words make him want to cry? Damn her, was his last coherent thought before his character became completely OOC and broke down crying.
"Shh! I know, I know…" said Mickie as she cradled the taiyoukai's head in her lap and stroked his tail gently. Sesshoumaru, despite being a dog demon, responded to her delicate and arousing touches by purring.
Mickie giggled. Oh he was so cute! No, kawaii, she corrected herself. After all, she was in Japan.
Her deft touches woke his beast within him, and Sesshoumaru lost all control. With a feral growl he turned around and claimed Mickie in a deep and extremely sexy kiss.
Later, as they lay side by side under the starlit sky, he ran his fingers through her fiery red hair in wonder and smiled. Oh, how she'd set him free. Tomorrow he'd go make his peace with Inuyasha, and possibly make a flower wreath for Rin.
When Mickie awoke she was staring at a wooden ceiling. "Where am I?" she asked.
"You're aboard the Indefatigable," said a voice, somewhere near her head. "How are you feeling miss?"
"Well," said Mickie. In truth she felt awful, and rather seasick, but she was too brave to say anything. "Who are you?" she asked, turning around to catch a glimpse of the man who was speaking to her. His blond hair had a boyish curl to it, and he had a very light splattering of freckles on his face. His eyes were a gorgeous baby blue, and it gave him a very attractive boyishness and vivaciousness. Mickie grinned in delight.
"Midshipman Kennedy, Miss," he said. "But you can call me Archie."
"Hello Archie, please call me Mickie," said Mickie. "It's short for Mickaelle, though my friends call me Miranda, after the Shakespeare play The Tempest."
Archie's eyes lit up. "You like Shakespeare?"
"I adore him!" said Mickie, who had read all of his plays, and poems six times. Her favourite was Titus Andronicus.
"As do I! Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" he said cheekily.
"To be or not to be!" said Mickie, and they both laughed in delight.
"At last, a woman with wit!" said Archie, and Mickie tittered in delight.
Suddenly Archie let out a strangled sound and collapsed to the deck, twitching uncontrollably. "Archie!" shouted Mickie, as she jumped down to the deck and immediately began to perform first aid. Mickie was studying to be a doctor, and was already years ahead of her class. When the seizure had stopped Mickie sat Archie up and put a cold hand on his damp forehead.
"I'm sorry," said Archie weakly, "that you had to see that."
"Shh!" said Mickie gently. "It's not your fault, you have nothing to be ashamed of. I used to have seizures when I was young, but then I grew out of them. Maybe you will too!"
"Really?" asked Archie.
"I swear on my copy of Hamlet," said Mickie grinning, and Archie laughed in delight.
"I've never met anyone quite like you, Miranda," he said, twirling a strand of her blonde hair around his finger. "Admired Miranda…" he looked pensive for a moment before speaking. "Will you marry me?"
"Oh, Archie!" exclaimed Mickie, her eyes filling with tears. "I wish I could, but I am promised to another."
"I see," said Archie, hanging his head. "I understand."
"I do love you though," said Mickie gently, and she kissed him faintly on the lips.
"And I you," whispered Archie.
Mickie cried herself to sleep.
When Mickie awoke she was staring up at a clear blue sky. "Where am I?" she asked in confusion.
"Port Royal, Miss," said a voice somewhere above her head, and a gentle hand helped her to her feet. "Easy now," the voice said.
"Who are you?" asked Mickie breathily, eyeing her saviour. He was dressed in a very important looking uniform, and had a bright white wig. The affect was stunning, and Mickie smiled kindly at him.
"Commodore Norrington, at your service," he said, with a slight bow. He kept one hand on her arm for support, however.
"A pleasure," said Mickie.
"Perhaps we should retire to my house?" asked the Commodore kindly. "It's not far, and you look as if you could use a rest."
"That would be wonderful Commodore," said Mickie, and she looped her arm through his. They conversed pleasantly all the way to the Commodore's house, and Mickie discovered that they had a great deal in common. They both loved the sea (Mickie's parents had been sailors before they died in a tragic harpooning accident. Apparently some Japanese fishermen had mistaken them for whales), and were both stubborn, steadfast, and good-looking.
"And this is my fountain," said Norrington, as he was giving her a tour of his house.
"It's lovely," said Mickie, leaning forwards. "Does it have any fish?"
James Norrington opened his mouth to respond, but at that moment the weight of Mickie managed to knock him off balance and he fell into the fountain.
"Oh!" said Mickie, jumping in after him, not sure if he could swim or not.
"This is most improper," said James as he stood knee deep in the fountain, staring at Mickie's dress (which was white and now clung to her curves in a way that made Norrington think thoughts he wouldn't even dream of considering normally). Mickie brushed a lock of her honey coloured hair out of her eyes and grinned. "Yes, it is," she said.
James Norrington couldn't help himself, he leaned in and kissed her.
"I don't even know your first name," said Mickie. "What should I call you?"
"James," he said quietly. "My name is James."
"Mine's Mickie," she replied, and kissed him again.
"I love this fountain," he said.
"Me too," she agreed, and they proceeded to explore nearly every inch of it.
When Mickie awoke it was extremely dark. "Where am I?" she asked.
"In the dungeon," said someone flatly from somewhere above her head.
"Well, aren't you going to ask if I'm alright?" asked Mickie after a moment's silence.
"No," said the voice. "That would imply that I care."
"Don't you?" asked Mickie in surprise.
Mickie sat up and looked around. The man was bent over what looked like a large cauldron which was bubbling ominously.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Brewing and extremely complicated potion, so either you be quiet of your own accord, or I silence you, perhaps permanently. I'm not feeling very genial today."
"I'd noticed," she muttered petulantly, before turning to the shelves and looking at the strange jars there. Frog livers, newt's eyes, snake's tongues… what a horrid place! Mickie didn't like it at all.
"Why are you keeping me here?" she asked.
The man didn't answer, but instead he pointed his wand at her and silenced her with nary a word. Mickie squeaked in rage, or, at least, she tried to, but no sound came out.
"I did warn you," said the man mildly.
"Why are you so hurtful?" asked Mickie, the author's short attention span having already overcome the silencing charm.
"I'm not hurtful, I'm Snape," said Snape. "Why are you still here?"
"You don't need to always be so grumpy," said Mickie petulantly. "I understand that it's a defence mechanism, but it's really irritating."
"Right, you listen to me now and you listen to me very carefully," ground out Snape. "It is not a defence mechanism. I am grumpy because I like being grumpy. If you don't like that, then leave." Snape frowned, then added as an afterthought, "in fact, even if you do like it, leave."
"No," said Mickie. "I'm not leaving until you admit that you're hiding behind your anger and pain."
"Bugger off," said Snape. "Wait a minute… How come you can talk? I cast a silencing charm on you."
"I have magic more powerful than you could ever comprehend!" said Mickie.
"Good for you," said Snape, and with that he got up and strode out of the room, his robes twirling dramatically around his ankles.
"Ooooh!" said Mickie, stamping her foot in frustration. "What an infuriating man!"
Snape spent the rest of the day taking points off Gryffindor, and generally being miserable. Defence mechanism my ass, he thought with a snort. In the battle between life and sues, it would appear that Snape had the upper hand.
When Mickie awoke she saw a beautifully decorated and curving ceiling. "Where am I?" she asked quietly, revelling in the peaceful atmosphere around her.
"In Imladris, child," said a voice from somewhere above her head.
She gasped. "Imladris!"
"Indeed," said the voice. "I am Lord Elrond, and I have healed you."
"I know," she said. "I have the gift of foresight. Where I come from, all of this is a book, and I read it so I know what's going to happen."
Lord Elrond sat down on her bed next to her. "How is this possible?"
"A man named J.R.R. Tolkein wrote it all down, it's called the Lord of the Rings. It's a bit wordy, but I fell in love with it. I even learned Sindarin!" said Mickie, in Sindarin.
"You speak our tongue beautifully, but that does not surprise me as you are one of our kin," he smiled and placed a hand on her head in a paternal gesture. "One of my kin."
Mickie's eyes widened dramatically. "What do you mean?"
Elrond sighed. "It is a long and tragic story, but I will tell you as I feel you have the right to know."
Mickie nodded and gestured for him to continue.
"You see," began Elrond, "you are really my youngest daughter. When you were born the whole of Imladris rejoiced, and we named you Tári, which means Queen in Quenya. Eru alone knows why we named you in Quenya, but we felt that you were a very important child. However, shortly after your birth an evil sorcerer, which we haven't heard from since, swore to kill you. In a desperate ploy to protect you we sent you to another dimension, with a talisman that would bring you home." He pointed to the necklace she wore. His eyes filled with tears. "You have finally come home, my daughter."
Mickie hugged her father close, crying in delight. Finally, she had a real family! One that hadn't died in a tragic skiing accident when she was five. Suddenly the door two her room was flung open and two identical dark-haired elves bounded into the room.
"Sister!" bellowed the one of the left, whose shirt said "ELLADAN" in large print letters (with a small logo that said 'Elrond Inc.' in the bottom corner).
"You've returned!" said the second, whose shirt was identical to Elladan's except it said "ELROHIR" on the front.
The family gathered together on the bed in a large group hug. Except Arwen, but she wasn't really important.
Suddenly the room fell quiet as Legolas walked through the doorway.
"Legolas…" said Mickie quietly, her eyes filled with tears.
"My love," said Legolas, as he rushed forward and gathered her in his arms. "Oh, how I've missed you. We must be wed immediately!"
"Yes!" cried Mickie.
"Yes!" cried Elrond.
"Yes," said Legolas as he looked down on his beautiful bride-to-be with a warm fondness. "You are safe now."
"No she isn't!" said a decidedly evil-sounding voice from the windowsill. The occupants of the room whirled around in surprise and saw an evil sorcerer standing in the window. "She's MINE! BWHAHA!" The evil cackles sent shivers down the spines of the elves.
"No!" said Mickie loudly. "I'll never be yours!"
"What?" said the sorcerer. "You won't?"
"NO!" said Mickie. "Take this!" She whacked him with a pillow and he exploded in a shower of feathers.
"You were so brave!" said Legolas.
"I know," said Mickie.
"I love you," said Legolas.
"I love you too, Legolas," said Mickie.
… and they lived happily ever after, and had lots of children.