Author's Note: It's been a while since I've updated my work, but here is the sequel to the masterpiece Mickie, A Sue's Tale by The Second Coming. This work was inspired by her as well as the culmination of sleep-deprivation, exam-stress, missing pencils and burnt pancakes. I hope you enjoy it.
Warnings: None. Oh yes, don't have liquids near your monitor as you read this. Also, do not read this at work.
Roommate or Righteous Realist?
By Lucius Malfoy
Cassie absently twirled a golden strand of wiry epithelium between her fingers. She nearly resorted to chewing her pencil's eraser, but that simply would not do. She was nervous, yes, but that was understandable. Mickie, the pinnacle of obtuseness, had disappeared. Not only that, but her laptop monitor was flashing in different colours. Cassie blinked. She'd only wanted a tuna sandwich!
Cassie was an international student from Britain. She'd come overseas to study archaeology in a different setting. She hoped someday to visit Egypt and put all her knowledge into practice, but these idealistic thoughts were shoved aside in light of the grave situation. It wasn't as though it were Cassie's fault that Mickie was slow to understand things. Mickie also seemed to think incredibly highly of herself. Just yesterday, Cassie had caught her roommate talking to herself in the mirror, complimenting her too-large curves and then squeezing a large pimple on her forehead.
Not to mention her ridiculous set of coloured contact lenses. Cassie rolled her eyes. Mickie had blue, green, gold, red, pink swirls, and polka dotted contact lenses that she switched depending on her "mood". It was despicable. Mickie also had an obsession with long frocks, that she cut into a variety of patterns and drew dark swirls on with Sharpies. Needless to say, she smelt funny, and she also looked funny. It wasn't that there was anything truly wrong with the girl. It was just...they clashed. When Cassie needed to use the bathroom, Mickie would spend hours drawing in her eyeliner. When Cassie needed to study, Mickie turned up the music. When Cassie tried to relax, Mickie would do something extremely stupid.
Which brought her back to reality. Where the hell was Mickie?
Cassie had only wanted to watch football in peace. She wasn't huge on the sport, but she liked to see well-toned men run and chase a ball every now and then. She, being a hardcore pescetarian, had stopped eating meat in hopes of cutting her impact on the environment. Pity Mickie didn't understand a word of it. Mickie hated fish. So Cassie tried to eat her tuna fish sandwiches in peace, while Mickie grumbled on and on about nothing. Today was just the last straw.
The blonde girl frowned.
"What the...?" She began, but as she felt an odd sensation as though she were being led by her navel, she yelped and saw black.
When Cassie awoke, she was on the floor staring up at a row of stuffed house-elf heads. She yelped.
"It's alright, darling. Sorry for the weird decor." A dark-haired, rugged looking (Author's Note: Not personal description) man grinned at her.
"S-Sirius Black?" She gasped. He was so much better than the movie version.
"That's me!" He pointed his wand up at the stuffed elf heads and conjured some Santa hats and garland for each of them.
Cassie blinked and stared in wonderment. This had to be a dream. A really really weird dream. A good dream.
"Here." Sirius handed her a hippogriff-shaped hat that she perched awkwardly on her hat and then put a matching one on his own head. "Now we match!"
Cassie grinned but then realised that this Sirius was post-Azkaban. He looked tired, and a little pale to be sure, but he seemed glad and that made Cassie squee just a bit inside. "I know this must be awkward, but how did I come to be here?"
Sirius scratched his chin. "Well, Dumbledore sent me an owl saying you'd be here, and I came downstairs and here you were." He then seemed to remember his manners, "He didn't say much else. Are you alright? Would you like tea?"
She nodded, "Sure. And this might come out a bit weird, but have you seen a girl named Mickie?"
Her companion shook his head and busied himself with making tea in the kitchen. Cassie turned to see a stack of books on archaeology. "Hey, do you dig up dead people too?"
Sirius turned, a quizzical look on his face, but shouted "NO!" just as Cassie turned the first page of the first book on the stack.
Cassie blinked and rolled over. She picked herself up slowly to find she was sitting in the middle of a forest. The sun was shining through the foliage and the signs of autumn were rampant. Red leaves, yellow leaves, blue leaves. Cassie blinked again. What?
She shook her head and looked again to realise that she was staring at Legolas Greenleaf. No, Legolas, she thought. One name.
Cassie opened her mouth to speak, but Legolas had already nocked an arrow. She held up a hand and said in fluent Sindarin, "Peace, Legolas. I do not mean to trouble you. How have I come to be here?"
It appeared that her nerdy obsession with linguistics was well worth the trouble. Legolas seemed appeased by Cassie's verbal fluidity. He shook his head, "I do not know, Lady. It only so happens that my lover was here only a moment ago, when she disappeared and you came in her place."
Cassie stared at him for the longest time. "There was someone else? Did she have black hair? Was her name Mickie?"
"Ai!" exclaimed Legolas, and there seemed to be snickering frum da bushes (sic), "That is her! What have you done?"
"She's my roommate! Where did she go?"
"Go?" But Cassie wasn't listening. At that point, she realised that the necklace around Legolas' neck matched the weird green trinket that Mickie carried everywhere. Without thinking, she grabbed the pendant and as her fingers closed around it, she felt darkness close in around her again.
When Cassie awoke again, she was naked. And there was someone in the bed, next to her. He was naked. She gasped.
"Tha's Captain Jack Sparrow to yeh, lass." Sparrow proceeded to take a long draught of rum, but then spat it out. "Gods be damned, but you ain't the lass I went to bed with!"
"No! I mean...what? Someone...wait!" Cassie wrapped the bedsheet around herself. "There was someone else?"
"Easy now, lass. She was nobody. You can even slap me for it!" Jack said jovially and extended a cheek.
"No! No, tell me. Was there someone else?" Cassie looked frantically around, but the cabin was empty but for scrolls, bottles of rum, empty bottles of rum, and a corset. "Mickie? Mickie!"
"Don' go yellin' and screamin' now," Jack said, swinging the rum around and sitting up.
"Give me that!" Cassie said. "It was nice meeting you!"
She grabbed the bottle of rum and all became black.
Cassie awoke to find herself sitting in the Three Broomsticks, holding a mug of Butterbeer. Sirius was staring at her intently. Wait. What?
This was a younger Sirius. Slightly shorter hair, more life. He was smiling.
"Sorry darling, I think you mind might have been elsewhere." He remarked and then tilted his chair back easily.
"I...I saw you earlier! But you were older!" Cassie spluttered.
"Was I now?" He said cheekily. "I know sixteen seems young, but I..."
"Oh no, I meant...I meant, you were much older! You'd been in Azkaban and everything!" Cassie took a long gulp of Butterbeer to steady her nerves.
"Now that's nothing to joke about..." He said mock-seriously. "I know I come off as the roguish, handsome type, but..."
She cut him off, "No! You don't understand! Sirius, I saw you. Like you are now. Except older! You made me a hippogriff hat and tea and..." Cassie trailed off for a long moment. Sirius looked troubled.
"I..have you seen a girl named Mickie?" Cassie frowned slightly over her drink.
"We went out a few weeks ago, but she wasn't my type. You, however..." He leaned forward and Cassie could barely stifle a giggle. Sirius LIKED her!
"No, I mean...when? When did you see her?" She started to look over Sirius, trying to find something to match an object in their old dorm.
He waved off the question. "Doesn't matter. I just wanted to tell you how much I wanted..."
"AHA!" Cassie said triumphantly. She never found out what exactly Sirius wanted to do to her, because at that moment, she had yanked a piece of pocket lint shaped like a duck on Sirius' robes. Things went dark afterwards.
Cassie awoke and was rather disoriented. She looked at her hands suspiciously and realised that they were two-dimensional. This must mean...
She gasped. There was Lord Sesshoumaru himself! She wanted to snuggle in that furry fuzzy little...No, she thought sharply. Find Mickie and go. This alter-universe is too weird.
In the meantime, however, Lord Sesshoumaru was sobbing over a wreath of flowers. This ultimate display of OOC behaviour put Cassie off at first before she reached out gently towards the sexy masculine character.
"Sesshoumaru-san, have you seen a woman named Mickie?"
His wails became increasingly louder, which made Cassie's hair stand on end. What had she done to him! Her Sesshy! She asked him again if he had seen Mickie, but he only turned away. She settled for petting his fur.
"Don't worry, I'll be back. I just need to find my friend first." She said softly and bent down to claim a kiss from her favourite character. As she did so, she placed a hand upon the wreath of flowers and felt the world go black.
Cassie yawned and felt herself swing a little when she awoke. Swing? What was going on? She rolled over and fell onto the ground with a thump.
"Oh! Miss, I'm sorry!" Archie Kennedy rushed towards her. "I knew it was too early to ask! Shakespeare is such a silly thing to get married over. Horatio thought so too. I'm sorry!"
Cassie was too shocked to speak. "Ask me what?" She said faintly.
"To...to marry me?" Archie looked to be on the verge of having a fit. Cassie knew just what to do.
"You have to eat pasta. Do you have any Kraft Dinner?" Cassie opened his trunk and rifled through, searching quickly for something she recognized. Anything.
"Pardon me, Miss?"
"Pasta. Noodles. You know," Cassie smiled and Archie smiled back. "And I always did like Titus Andronicus."
"Me too!" Archie said enthusiastically. "Well, let me know if you need anything specific! I'll go look into crafting dinner, if that's what you like."
"Of course," Cassie said absently and then sneezed. Archie blushed and handed her a silk handkerchief. She took it and then everything went dark.
Cassie coughed and swallowed a gulp of water. Powerful arms reached around her waist (Author's note: The principal sources say 'bosom', but I would not like this novel to become too racy) and pulled her to the surface. She was rather limp, but then her saviour easily slit open her corset and performed mouth-to-mouth. She coughed, breathed in the scent of fresh cinnamon and seawater before realising that she was pinned beneath a very handsome Commodore.
His wig was askew on his head and as he straightened to fix it, she pulled him down into a heated kiss. He responded enthusiastically and went so far as to begin undoing her corset (which was for the most part, completely undone already), when she stopped him.
"James. Commodore. I need to know if you've seen a woman named Mickie."
The officer's handsome face clouded over a little. "I did." He sat up and spoke a little stiffly, "It was only for a few hours."
"What happened to her?" Cassie said, wiping water from her forehead and wringing out her hair. James Norrington was about to respond, when his wig fell off his head.
"IT'S A WIG?!" Cassie shouted, unable to resist herself.
"And I suppose you want to know about the foxhole and duck suit rumours?" Norrington added dryly.
They laughed for a long time.
"Here, let me help you put it on." Cassie picked up the wig, and then her smile vanished, for she disappeared into the world of oblivion yet again.
Cassie was sitting in a classroom with students of her age. There was a bubbling cauldron in front of her. Potions class. NEWT Potions class. NEWT Potions class with Snape.
Cassie never liked chemistry much. So she opened her book to whichever page number was on the board ("Three-hundred and ninety-four" was scrawled in thin, spiky writing on the chalkboard). Just then, she realised that scrawled on the inside cover of the book were the words: Property of the Half-Blood Prince. She gasped. She could still warn him! Mickie would have warned him! Perhaps Mickie had already done so.
She raised her arm, and it seemed that only an instant passed when Snape was standing slightly behind her. She waved her arm frantically until she brushed his robe. She then withdrew her hand too quickly, smacking her own cauldron soundly and knocking it over. The half-finished potion that she didn't even finish half of, spilled out and the chair in front of her dissolved.
"Charming antics, I daresay. Ten points from Ravenclaw for your outrageous clumsiness and simple inability to ask questions without causing potions disasters, Miss Stewart. You are dismissed." Snape turned to find another student to sneer at, but Cassie whirled around first.
"Yes?" Snape's voice was deathly quiet. But Cassie wasn't to be fazed. She read all seven books and she didn't like book seven. Or book six (except for the end). She hated book five with a passion.
"I have to talk to you. I know about all of it."
"Complete your knowledge may be, but your performance is wholly inadequate." Snape cut in smoothly and turned again.
"You HAVE to listen to me! You're going to die! Nagini--" She felt a silencing charm close over her throat. As she continued to shout expletives and warnings to beware Malfoy, wash his hair, to continue his Occlumency lessons with Potter, to be nicer to Sirius, to treat Remus fairly, not to listen to batty, gay, manipulative old Dumbledore...Snape gazed at her indifferently.
She stared at him - into his dark obsidian eyes and then realised - he was using Legilimency! He would see her thoughts on -- NO! She lunged at him (Author's note: I thought "floored him" would bring up too many bad memories) and grabbed a fistful of his signature black robes until everything she saw was a black as they were.
Cassie awoke, and realised she was flying a broom. What? Oh! She was in Wicked, obviously.
"TELL THEM HOW I AM DEFYING GRAVITY!" She sang impressively and as flying monkeys closed in on her, she felt herself cackle uncontrollably. "FLY MY PRETTIES, FLY! FLY!"
Cassie flew for a night and a day and then another night because she felt like it. In the meantime, she sang Les Miss Miserables Penzance Phamalot's RENTed Shop of Wicked Horror on Avenue Q with Picture Show more than a few times, and then sang each number from every musical she could think of. Just when she thought flying was ridiculous since she would never find Mickie like this, she realised she was flying in the rainclouds which were heavier on the western side of Rivendell.
She swooped in towards a good landing place, and nearly smacked into tree after seeing Lindir in the bath. She zipped past a shirtless Elladan, who was practicing his archery and almost hit him as well. She noticed that Elrohir sat on the grass with a box of biscuits with orange tartinade.
Cassie yelped as she dove closer towards Lord Elrond's rooms, and barely noticed the twins running after her. They would reach the rooms first - she was done for.
But wait! Somehow she had located Mickie! There she was! Mickie was lying in a bed and at her bedside, Elrond was there speaking to her. Legolas entered moments later and so did Elladan and Elrohir in coordinated t-shirts. Lord Elrond then fed her some cock-and-bull story about Eruwhatsits. No! Mickie had to go home with her, to where she belonged. Back to the dorm room of old CDs, skin crumbs and tuna fish sandwiches.
"You are safe now."
"No she isn't!" Cassie yelled from the windowsill. Granted, her green and pasty complexion looked rather evil and her voice, hoarse from all the singing, sounded almost male. She was flying too low in the window for them to see her bosom, or they would not have dared presume that she was in possession of a Y chromosome. Cassie took a moment to observe the TAG gene in action as Lord Elrond rose. "She's MINE!" Cassie then gasped.
In the greatest anti-climax since DH, the stupidest pigeon of all time (perhaps Lestat reincarnated) flew straight towards her. Cassie made a noise that sounded like half-shout, half-gurgle that came out as "BWHAHA!"
"No!" said Mickie loudly from somewhere within the room. "I'll never be yours!"
"What?" Cassie couldn't understand her. How could she? Not after all she had done to get her roommate back. "You won't?"
Mickie then proceeded to throw a pillow at her face and Cassie felt the feathered cushion thump as it contacted her face. She slipped off her broom and then she was just falling and falling and falling.
All went dark.
When Cassie awoke finally, she was in her dorm room. What an odd dream. She shut off her alarm clock, pulled on some jeans and stuck her head in the fridge for breakfast. "MICKIE! Where are my tuna fish sandwiches!?"
No response. Cassie growled. That girl would get it someday. She thumped on her roommate's bedroom door only to have no response yet again. But the door was ajar. She pushed it open tentatively.
"Mickie?" She asked again.
Her computer screen was open and was blinking in different colours.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Cassie shrieked.
But it was too late.