A/N: Okay. My first fic ;3 Anyways, you can call me Nikki, or Cherry. I was thinking about this in first period this morning, since I made Hidan have a kitty in Sims 2: Pets. Je-chan ( aka I Love My Puppeteers ((read her stories D; they're fantabulous)) ) persuaded me to actually write it. I knowww it's not good, but I'd appreciate your honest opinions and what I did to butcher my poor favourite Akatsuki team. No flaming though, please. That's just rude.
Disclaimer: I am definitely not creative enough to think up Naruto, nor would I be productive enough to do anything with the idea, if I had the creativity to think of it. Props to Kishi D;
Warnings: Hidan's mouth.
Pairings: Slight KakuHida if you squint, but none really. D:
"You'll just kill it."
"No, no…! Just look at it, dammit. It's a fucking adorable kitty."
"… It's not cute, Hidan. Put it down."
The near-albino male stared down at the snowy white cat he held, unsure of exactly why he didn't feel the need to stab it to a million pieces. He pulled it back to his chest, stroking down it's head and neck, away from his partner, scowling. "But.. Kuzuuu!" He whined pathetically, holding the cat up again, towards the other shinobi's face.
His partner turned, lifting his head slightly. His green eyes and the small strip of deeply tanned, stitched skin that wasn't covered by his mask gave away nothing, hiding his annoyance at being bothered by something so petty. "Hidan. You are not keeping a cat. Do you know how expensive those things are?"
"You're so fucking uptight, Kakuzu! Just… It's not expensive. I'll pay for it… Tch, Fuck you and your damn money. Dunno why I asked you-- I can take care of her by myself…" Hidan muttered, cradling the cat closer again, scratching it's ears. "C'mon, Fluffy… We'll leave the grumpy old cock to himself."
With amusement clear in his jade green eyes, Kakuzu turned to look at the Jashinist. "You gave it… A name. A name like… Fluffy."
"What's it to you?! She told me what her name was.. I can't go and fuckin' change it, can I?"
"Cat's don't talk. What's it with you, these days? You're turning soft or something… You call me 'Kuzu' and give that cat a name like 'Fluffy'. I pity it."
"I'm not fucking going soft…!! You're the god damn pansy."
"Sh-Shut up! Fucking motherfucker… Thinking he's so fucking cool…"
Hidan turned, his back to the older of the men, staring at the cat who was half-asleep and purring in his arms. Kakuzu watched, a smug look crossing his face. "Besides, the moment that thing soils something, you'll kill it and stain something else with its blood. Or you'll forget to feed it… Zetsu may even try to eat it. Or even Kisame-- you never know…"
So he didn't break the cat, Hidan put it on the floor of the inn they were staying at-- courtesy of another of Kakuzu's rabid bounty hunts --and the kitten sauntered off into a corner. "Why… why the fuck do you think you know everything?! It's just a fucking cat, Kakuzu!"
"A cat that'll tear my eyes out when I sleep and make me bankrupt… put it back where you got it. Now."
"No. Make me, fucknut."
"Maybe I will."
"Love to fuckin' see it!"
"Hmm… y'would, wouldn't you?"
"Yeah-- yeah, dammit, I would!"
"Of course. 'Thought you would."
With a smirk of curiosity, Kakuzu's gaze lowered to actually look at the smaller man, who now had a scowl covering his face. "Damn you, Kakuzu. To fucking hell. Not like you're not going there anyways… you're worse than all those Atheists out there…"
"I wouldn't have thought you'd have liked to bring your religion into this, Hidan. You know Jashin's a fake, a hoax, an illusion. There isn't really a god up there, or at least not a constant one. The only constant in this world is money, and I've told you enough times that you should realize that."
"Dammit, Kakuzu! I'm gonna fucking decapitate you… you know it hurts like hell, it does. Leave Jashin-sama out of this!!"
Although he hated losing arguments, he always seemed to, and so deciding to work this in his favour, Hidan reached out to wrap his fingers around his scythe, pulling it closer to him. "'M gonna go find a sacrifice. Don't hurt my cat."
Surprised-- though he didn't show it --at the way Hidan seemed to have taken to the cat, Kakuzu nodded his head slightly, turning in his chair to stare down at the feline as his partner left the inn. A silky mew filled the air, and he wrinkled his nose behind his mask.
"He said don't hurt you… but…"
Ah, he was back already?
The emerald-eyed older shinobi looked up from his work, his pencil hanging lazily from between his first two fingers as he looked towards the door, and Hidan stumbled in, covered in blood, half cut-open, half-scarred, etcetera. "Yeah…?"
"Where's my god damn cat?!"
"Mm… you see, you told me not to hurt little 'Fluffy'. I didn't. Kid might've though."
"What fucking kid?!"
"Some kid that wanted the cat. I didn't ask for all his information, but I got a nice amount for it."
"YOU SOLD FLUFFY?!"
Surprised again at the zealot's outburst, Kakuzu's brows knitted together. "So you were serious about keeping it." He murmured after a moment, and Hidan growled viciously.
"Damn straight I was! You at least need to give me the money you got for fucking selling him!"
"You're on drugs, Hidan, or alcohol. Why would any small fraction of you believe that I would ever hand over any of my money to you."
"Because you sold my fucking cat!"
"It wasn't yours, it was some stray you found. Besides, I got you a better pet, that will be much cheaper in the long run. Over there, see it? On the bed." He clarified after Hidan stumbled to the dresser by the bed, sweeping the various items on top of it haphazardly onto the floor.
"Kakuzu, the only thing here's a fucki-- No. No. Kakuzu, it's a fucking rock!"
"It's name is Tomi. Take good care of her."
"GOD FUCKING DAMN IT KAKUZU, I'M GONNA…"