My Time With N: It's been years since they broke up and a lot has changed since the break up. Since the break up he has become a famous writer and a better person, but he can't seem to forget the blonde, so he writes a article about their time together. Will this article bring the closer that he needs or just more chaos in his life? And what will the blonde think of it? NaruSasu
I thought this was going to be a one shot, but by popular demand, I made it a two-shot…
Songs recommended to listen to with this: Better Than Me by Hinder and Sorry by Buckcherry, they were both HUGE inspiration for this.
As always, I own nothing.
My Time With N
We didn't end up together. Our story I not like some kind of fairy tale with a happy ending. We had our share of heartache and fights, but we also had our share of making love and the feeling like we were floating. We had our fair share of good and bad memories. And though we didn't get to escape into the sunset together like a romantic comedy, I still feel that I have a story that needs to be told of my time with N.
Those whom know me well, or knew me in high school, those who know my past will know just who N is. Those that don't will have to let their imagination find the best guess, because like everyone in this article, N is a real person and therefore will be called by his first initial.
N is not famous, though all he ever wanted is people to accept him. Readers may be wondering what possible importance he could have brought to my life. Well, let me tell you, N is one of the people that influenced me the most. N made me who I am today. I was a jerk to N. I was in love with N. I had my heart broken by N, though this is by no means a article to bash him, I've done my fair share of that through out my fictional writings. This is about my time with him and just how much he changed me. He changed me for the better, and forever I'll be grateful toward him, and I'm just sorry that he didn't get to see the change first hand while we were still together. It had to take a break up to bring about this change; it took heartbreak to change me. N, you know who you are, and if you're reading this, I'm sorry.
Our problem never was not enough love; we loved each other so much that there aren't even enough words to describe it. The problem was that I wouldn't admit just how much he meant to me. I acted like it didn't matter to me if he left, so he did and I feel apart. He made me change. When he left me, I saw all that was wrong with my life, I saw what he always wanted me to see, but I saw it all too late. I was head over heels in love with him, but I realized it all too late. But I'm getting ahead of myself, to really know the story I have to go back to when our relationship fist began.
Dark black eyes scanned the page as he read what he had written, what was now published. One would think he had everything in the world, but as he read on he found that he had nothing at all. He had money that was true, but in the end it means nothing if you don't have someone to share it with. He still loved a lover from his past and he knew nothing would ever change that.
His pale hand moved a black strand out of his pale face as he let out a sigh. The raven looked at the page, his editor asked him if he really wanted to write about the past, if he really wanted to remember the past, but he knew that he had to. It was just an autobiographical short story, if one could truly call it that; it was something to satisfy the people he worked for. It was just something to be published in a world-renowned writing magazine, which be copied into other languages, and would be read by people everywhere. That's what he tried to write it off as at least. Deep down he knew that it was the one thing that was hardest for him to admit. It was his time with "N" and it was the time that meant the most to him, it was the one thing that had been able to change the stubborn raven.
My editor didn't want me to write this, she didn't want me to think that there might be a possibility he'd read this and come back to me. I don't expect him to read this, after all that's happened; I don't expect him to read anything that I write. I got out all of my harsh feelings toward him, I no longer feel the hurt and pain I once did, and that's how I know I'm ready to tell this story. I need to let it out.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox once said, "All love that has not friendship for its base, is like a mansion built upon sand." We had no friendship for our base. We had hate and rivalry as our base but we were never friends. Our rivalry was based on denial that we were attracted to each other, but we never took time to become friends after this realization. We became lovers after a game of truth or dare forced us to kiss and it tore us apart to stay away from each other.
We weren't sitting next to each other, we even hardly looked at each other, and all we did was fight. I thought that I just hated him; I didn't realize that I was in love with him. It all happened so fast. It was at a party and our friend K thought it'd be funny to make us kiss. We were hesitant to do so, but the dare was to kiss with tongue and as ours moved together it was like time stopped. My heart beat faster and I felt his hand run up my side, sending chills down my spine, it was just magical. Magical is the only way to describe the feeling, but as I said, we didn't have friendship for the base and so the magic wouldn't last.
We avoided each other for a week after the kiss but after we finally talked to each other it was like it all just exploded so quickly. We didn't even really talk, we just kissed again, and it all went from there. It was like we had been thrown into some alternate universe and we were just going a long with the flow. Eventually we of course did talk, and I found that I could tell him anything, though I was still a stoic jerk to him.
N and I started to date in our tenth year and though we had some fights, we stayed together until we went off to college. N went to the local university while I went off to the best university in Japan. It wasn't that N wasn't smart, contrary to popular belief N was one of the smartest people I've ever known, he just didn't apply it to school, and he didn't care enough about school. We broke up partly because I was leaving, but it wasn't just that, the real reason was because of my parents.
My father never approved of me being a homosexual, let alone me being with N. In my father's eyes, N was too low class for me, I was supposed to be with someone of my social status, my wealth, and he didn't care if I wanted to be or not. To make a complicated story short, N needed money, which my dad could provide, and he paid him off to dump me. My father paid to get my heart broken. Now, I knew about this, and it killed me, and still does, to know that N would give up our love for a big check, but times were desperate and he needed the money.
I guess I can't really blame him; it's not as if I acted like I was as in love with him, even though I was. I would make snide comments when he screwed up, I'd call him dobe, and I'd even go as far as to find the three little words hard to say. So no, I can't really blame him. I wasn't brought up like him, I didn't wear my heart on my sleeve, I didn't show it if I was truly hurt, and I certainly didn't say those three little words easily. I wasn't able to express to him just what I felt then, we were in high school and writing a sappy love note certainly wouldn't impress him then, nor do I believe it would now. In short: I treated him like crap.
We were in love, though many may not have been able to see how much, or why. He told me he loved me all the time, I'd say something like "You're such a dobe," which in my odd way, meant I love you too and I know he knew that, he smiled every time I said it. I know that he knew that I loved him, but I also think that my actions helped to drive his decision. I would lie to him and tell him that I had something else planned just because my dad was home and I didn't want him to know I was that serious about N, I wanted my dad's approval. I would humiliate him in front of our peers, whom I knew he just wanted approval from. I would challenge him to a game I knew he couldn't beat me at, when I knew he just wanted to win one thing against me, even if I let him win. I know my actions screamed that I was trying to push him away, but imbedded in most of them was a deeper meaning. I would humiliate him in hopes of him seeing that he didn't need peoples' approval and his real friends would love him for who he was. I would challenge him because I wanted him to beat me on his own, I didn't want to let him win, and he needed to beat me on his own to feel real accomplishment. And my pride was the only reason for not being able to tell him these things, instead used these actions alone, for the mere fact that I'm an Uchiha.
Uchiha's, aside from wealth, is known for their pride. My pride told me that I couldn't tell him these things, for it was a sign of weakness and Uchiha's are by no means weak. I didn't know at the time that I needed to give up my pride to love truly. I didn't know that my pride was holding us back from what could have been. He broke my heart, but I think the way I treated him over the years was worse than anything he did to me.
The raven let out a sigh; he had to pause from reading. He knew he wrote it, yet reading and not typing it made it all to real that it all had really happened that way, that it was his fault they broke up, that he was the jerk, and that he was the one to push the blonde away. The blonde just did what he had to with the raven because Sasuke didn't act like he truly loved him. How long could one really deal with the verbal abuse with out breaking?
Pale eyelids covered dark eyes as all the memories not in the paper came back. He thought writing the paper would get him over the blonde, but he was wrong, it just made him more in love.
He was patient with me. He would always wait for me to say the words, to show the feelings. He waited two years before he let my ways take its toll. Now I know that it's not all just my fault, but I'm mostly to blame. I pushed him away when all he wanted to do was give me love, even if he did get mad when I wasn't cooperative.
I had many people ask me if I wanted them to help me write this, they think that they know things that I don't about what our relationship was. I know everything that happened. I know about any unfaithfulness, I know about how much he really loved me, I know what a bastard I was, and I certainly know what they all didn't think I did. N and I were open about things, sure we'd lie to each other at the time, but we could never really keep anything from each other, that was part of what made us stay together so long I believe.
I remember when he cheated on me. That was partly my fault too. I was lying to him when my father was around, not spending the time a relationship needed to make it work, and he got caught up with another. The person happened to be one of my good friends S, whom was a girl that he used to obsess over; I find it funny that she is still a good friend of mine regardless of what she did. I can't really blame her though either, she and I dated before I was with N. It was a relationship more to make my dad happy and so I could try to find some feeling with a girl, we obviously didn't work out. She was never happy with that though, she was in love with me, or at least she thought she was, but that's not the point. She was going through a break up, with the guy that she ended up marrying later, and she was heart broken. Heart broken S plus abandoned N added up to something they both regretted and later told me about. Of course I didn't actually let them off easily; it took me a while to forgive them, though ironically not a break up.
Now that I look back at it, I see that I couldn't really be mad at him, nor her. I went out with the people my dad tried to set me up with, in a way I cheated on N plenty of times, and he knew about it, but he was never mad. He knew that I loved him even if I didn't say it, but then again, actions speak louder than words. Now to my defense, I never enjoyed the dates, I thought about N constantly.
N never seemed to care if people accepted us. He always wanted to be accepted; yet when it came to us, he just wanted us to be together and didn't care what people thought. I guess now I wish I could have been more like him, we could have had so much, yet it was all wasted.
Recently I was looking through old things that I had kept from high school. Everything was piled up in a rather large room in my house, and I noticed a repetitive pattern: N. There were tons of pictures with N, tons of memories, everywhere I looked even if his face wasn't on it, it was something that reminded me of him. My real high school experience was when I was with N. Before N I was an antisocial bastard whom didn't care about anything but what his parents thought. As I've said, he truly changed me for the better, but not until it was too late did I realize what I needed to change.
My time with N was something I'll never forget. It was what made me who I am today. After N left I found myself broken and to pick up the pieces I needed to become a better person. When he left, first I blamed everything on him, but over time I realized that wasn't true and I found myself ashamed of what I said to him. If he never reads this or anything else I've written, if I never see him again, if I never hear from him again, the last thing he'll have ever heard from me is: "You're a gold digger, and the first sign of money you run. You never really did love me. Stay out of my life for good." I know that's not true, he never deserved those words, and I've always regretted them and never meant them. Some how no matter how one turns the parts of our relationship, one would find me turning into the jerk.
But I can't change the past. I don't know that if I would if I could. Everything that happened made me who I am today, and even if I have to live with out him, the love of my life, that's okay, because maybe it's what I deserve. Our love was something magical, even if this doesn't show it; we had something that many search their entire life for. I wouldn't give my time with N up for anything. My time with N was the best time in my life, I just wish I could have made it his to, and I highly doubt that I did.
The raven put down the magazine. He knew it was all of it was true, though he wished that he had shown the more magical part of their relationship more. The page had only been out a week and rumors were flying about who N could be. No one really cared about whom the other two in the article is, they just wanted to who N is. None were correct in the rumors, though that was to be expected, for N was still in their hometown of Konoha. Most people were guessing some celebrity, even though he mentioned the person was from the past and not famous.
A knock at the door was heard as the raven let out a frustrated growl. He thought it must have been the stupid paparazzi or Jiraiya trying to get him to tell whom it is about and explicitly talk about his and N's sexual relationship.
"I told you, I'm not telling you," the raven started as he opened the door, though his eyes widened and he felt a lump in his throat as he finished his sentence, "who N is."
A blonde haired man stood in the doorway. His tan skin and godlike, with his messy, but attractive blonde hair, and the brightest blue eyes the raven had ever seen. They were the bright blue eyes he'd known all too well.
"Actually, I'm not here to find out whom N is, I'm pretty sure that I already know," the blonde said with a small smile.
"N…Naruto? What are you doing here?" the raven asked. His heart beat faster, it was N standing in his doorway and he hadn't seen him years.
"Well, I read your article, and I just thought that maybe we needed to talk," Naruto explained.
Sasuke was too much in shock by this point to say anything; he just stepped aside and let the blonde in. "So?" the raven said as he looked at the ground.
"Did you mean what you wrote?" the blonde blurted out as he took a seat on the raven's black leather couch.
"Naruto, I wouldn't have wrote it if I didn't mean it," the raven said, sitting in the seat opposite from the blonde.
"Oh? So when you wrote The Heartbreaker that's how you really viewed our break up and relationship?" the blonde asked.
The raven shifted in his seat, "Yes…wait, you read that? Why?"
"Sasuke, I've read everything that you've written, I don't know why, I just have," the blonde said with a frustrated sigh.
"Is that all you wanted to know, I mean why come to talk to me? If you read it you'd know that I didn't expect you to. You'd know that I understand why you left," Sasuke was utterly confused as to why Naruto came to see him.
"That's just it!" the blonde said as he stood up.
"What? Please do explain," the raven said as he stood as well.
"You got it wrong," the blonde said as he looked away. "I know that you think I took the money to leave because of how you treated me, but that's not the reason," the blonde said as he continued to look away.
The raven felt a pain in his chest as he asked a question he didn't know if he could handle the answer to, "Then why?"
"I took it because I couldn't stand you not being happy, and I knew you wouldn't be until you had your father's approval. I left so you would think I was a horrible person and your father could see you as the victim, and see you as this great person. It was just so you could get the reaction you always wanted from your father," the blonde said, though he couldn't look the raven in the eyes, he was to afraid.
"You're such a moron, you know that?" the raven said as he looked at the ground.
"I never thought I'd hurt you like I did, it was the last thing I wanted," Naruto said as he finally looked at the raven.
"It's not like we can fix the past, so you really should just go," the raven said, though it pained him to do so.
"I can't do that," the blonde said as he moved closer to the raven.
Dark eyes looked up to meet with blue, "And why not?"
"I love you too much to let you go again," the blonde said as he got it so there was only an inch between their lips. "Plus if I made you who you are today, don't you think that I should get to experience just who that is?" it almost came out as a whisper, like it was just for them to hear, even if no one else was in the room.
The raven looked at him with a genuine smile for first time in a long time, "I believe you should."
Naruto closed the gap into the kiss they'd both been missing for so long. They knew that they had a lot to talk about, but they figured it could wait. After all, they started with a kiss in the first place, it just seemed right for them to restart again with a kiss; though this time they'd do it all how they should have the first time.
The raven found that his time with N was about to get much longer, and that was not something that he'd complain about.
Review! Let me know how you like it…well if you like it :D