AkuRoku? Disclaimer: I own nothing, not even a copy of KH2 anymore TT
A oneshot born from a random mind and Scrubs love.
A typical day in the World That Never Was. At least, it should have been. On this day, when the Organization should have been collecting hearts, they were forced to stay in the castle, as if in siege, by legions of fangirls. Saix, the only one of them scary enough to pass the throngs of fangirls, had brought them news that turned the situation from bad to worse.
They were AkuRoku fangirls.
"As we all know," Xemnas addressed the Organization in Where Nothing Gathers, "The Castle is under siege by AkuRoku fangirls. Attempts to reason with them have so far been met with violence (at this Demyx rubbed several 'diplomacy' wounds) and all Nobodies sent to dispose of them have been melted by their steamy AkuRoky yaoi pics."
The Superior glanced around the thirteen chairs, "Where the hell are Axel and Roxas anyway?"
"Last I saw them they were meeting up in Roxas' room," Zexion said. At once, all of the Organization cringed as the same thought ran through their heads simultaneously.
"What the hell're we gonna do, Roxas?" Axel asked desperately, looking out the window where fangirls were trying with a variable degree of success to bridge the Castle's deep defences with a bridge of bodies. Axel opened the window.
"GET OUTTA HERE YA LAZY BUMS!" he yelled, throwing a chakram. The spinning weapon cut one of the fangirls in half.
"EBAY!" she screamed, her upper half clasping the offending weapon before she died. Instead of releasing a heart, she just disintegrated.
"Oh great," Axel said, closing the window, "They're the extra-rabid version. No hearts or souls, even less than Nobodies."
"Why do they keep thinking that we're gay for each other?" Roxas exclaimed hysterically, "I mean, for starters, I'm fifteen and you're like 20! Do they think that you're a paedophile?"
"Roxas, you don't understand fangirls," Axel replied, "they don't understand logic. They just pull stuff out of thin air and promote it to kingdom come." There was a long silence as both Nobodies thought.
"It isn't entirely out of thin air, though," Roxas said, breaking the silence, "I mean, its easy to misinterpret our feelings for each other."
"I dunno Roxas," Axel said, staring back out at the fangirl horde, "I mean, the only other pairing involving me is Larxel, and to be honest, that chick scares me."
Axel turned back to Roxas, "I mean, you have Namine as a canon pairing!" Axel stopped and held his chin in a thinking posture, "Which makes the AkuRoku pairing altogether more implausible."
"You said it yourself Axel," Roxas said sadly, "They don't understand logic."
A swirling dark portal appeared in the centre of the room. Out stepped the most frightening Organization member ever imagined. Axel felt a bead of sweat roll down his face and Roxas shivered.
"GET THE PH OVER TO THE MEETING ROOM!" Larxene screeched. Both cowering Nobodies immediately disappeared into portals. Larxene stayed in the room alone for a moment, chuckling at the other member's fear.
Roxas and Axel appeared in Where Nothing Gathers, both of them immediately felt the full force of the Organization's disdain.
"Roxas, Axel," Xemnas commanded, "Explain yourselves!"
"Superior, we haven't actually done anything to deserve this!" Axel exclaimed, "The fangirls simply misinterpreted our feelings for each other!"
"I will not have fangirls crowding my world," Xemnas replied, "I will contact the leader of these fangirls, and arrange a meeting. At that meeting, the both of you will give a speech that will explain everything to these AkuRoku fangirls."
"But sir, they can't understand civilized speech! They'll just glomp us at first sight!" Roxas interjected.
"That is your problem to sort out!" Xemnas dismissed, "This whole situation is your fault! Now go, and we will see what can be done." Roxas summoned a portal back to his room, and so did Axel.
"We'll do what we can," Axel said as he disappeared, "… Mansex."
"I HEARD THAT!"
Roxas and Axel sat in the room, Kingdom Hearts shining dully in the sky. Both Nobodies, despite their supposed lack of emotions, were depressed.
"How are we supposed to do this?" Roxas broke first, "The task is nothing short of impossible!"
"Roxas," Axel said, "I say we kick back, enjoy our last moments and just wing it on the day." At this, the flame-haired Flurry of Dancing Flames kicked back on Roxas' sofa and turned on the TV.
"Wait, you're just going to lie down and accept this? What about all that stuff about you caring about me?" Roxas exclaimed.
"They'd just misinterpret it," Axel said off-hand, "Face it, we're boned."
Roxas sighed and slumped down on the couch beside Axel, depressed. They watched the sitcom on TV blankly, not connecting with it at all. It seemed like some sort of musical.
On the sitcom, the two male main characters began to sing. The subject of the song hit home with them both, and the lyrics became indelibly planted in their brains. In that instant, both Nobody's faces lit up as they each had the exact same idea.
Xemnas had set up a makeshift stage just at The Brink of Despair, within sight of the castle. Hordes of fangirls jostled for space, holding up poorly-written banners proclaiming their AkuRoku love. Xemnas frowned.
"Where are those two?" He wondered, checking the watch that he had pulled out of hammerspace. As if on cue, two dark portals appeared, and everyone's favourite Nobodies stepped out. In this instant, every fangirl went completely berserk. It took the combined powers of the Organization to create a barrier strong enough to repel them. Roxas and Axel stared out at the crowd.
"Stage fright?" Axel whispered out of the corner of his mouth.
"Yeah. You ready?" Roxas replied.
"As always, partner."
"Fangirls!" Xemnas proclaimed, "I bring you your idols! As you all as witnesses, they will account for their actions! How you judge them is up to you." Roxas and Axel stepped up to the two microphone stands. The rest of the Organization sat in a specially-prepared stand. Larxene held a bucket of popcorn and Zexion sucked noisily on a Coke. Roxas nodded to Axel, and they both pulled the microphones out of their housing.
"Let's face the facts about me and you," Roxas sang, as the fangirls watched with rapt attention, "A love unspecified." Roxas clapped Axel on the shoulder, "Though I'm proud to call you Flaming Bear, the crowd will always talk and staaare!"
Axel chuckled and knocked Roxas' arm off, "I feel exactly those feelings too, and that's why I keep them insiiide, 'cause this Bear can't Bear the world's disdain, and sometime's it's easier to hiiiide," Both Nobodies spun to face the crowd.
"Than explain our Guy Love, that's All it is, it's Guy Love, he's Mine I'm His. There's NOTHING gay about it in our eeeeyes." Roxas smiled and stepped back to let Axel take the stage.
"You ask me 'bout this Thing we share," Axel sang.
"And he tenderly repliiiiiiiiies," Roxas hopped back in.
"It's Guy Love!" Axel added.
"Between two guuuuuuyes," The Nobodies harmonised. Roxas stepped to the side as Axel advanced to the front of the stage.
"We're closer than the aaaverage man and wife," Flaming Bear sang.
"That's why our matching bracelets say Roxas and Axel!" Roxas added, and both Nobodies rolled up their sleeves to reveal said bracelets. Axel turned to face Roxas.
"You know I'll stick by you for the rest of my life!" he sang.
"You're the only guy who's ever been insiiide of me!" Axel paled at this line and quickly assured the crowd, "He accidentally swallowed the free toy in a bag of chips."
"There's no need to clarifyyy," Roxas continued as Axel sang; "Oh no."
"Just let it grow more and more each daaaay! It's like I'm married to by best friend."
"But in a totally manly way!" Axel added.
"Let's go!" they harmonised, "it's Guy Love, don't Compromise the Feeling of some Other guy, holding up your heart into the skyyyyyy." Both Nobodies released a heart into the sky to punctuate.
"I'll be there to care through all the lows," Roxas sang to Axel.
"I'll be there to share the hiiiiiiighs!" Axel replied.
"It's Guy Love between two Guys!" The two Nobodies chorused, smiling at each other.
"And when I say; 'I love you Axel'," Roxas sang, "It's not what it impliiiiiiiies."
"It's Guy Love… between… two… guuuuuuuuys." They finished softly in harmony. The AkuRoku fangirls were completely stunned. Axel held out his hand to Roxas.
"No hands, Flaming Bear," Roxas grinned, and hugged Axel. The AkuRoku fangirls all gave out a thunderous, "Awwwwwwwww." Roxas and Axel broke apart and waved to the fangirls before disappearing into darkness portals. The fangirls squealed and departed, now carrying a precious memory of Roxas and Axel. Xemnas was completely stunned, and was blinking quite rapidly.
"What the hell was that?" Xemnas finally asked.
"No idea," Larxene said, holding up her video camera and smiling evilly, "But it's going on YouTube!"