Application for Permission to Date My Daughter
AN: So, my friend e-mailed me this dating application from Gear Head Forums. It was hilarious! So, I thought I would make a fanfic off of it, having it deal with Sasuke and Sakura's (SasuSaku --) daughter and all of her admirers. I hope you guys will like it!
Disclaimer: Things I DO NOT own: Naruto. Gear Head Forums. And a bunch of other stuff, on to the story!
Random: If I were you, I would ignore my little side notes!
There was at least 1/3 of all of the guys in Konoha and maybe even Suna packed into my house, I could tell with my Sharingan. They all wanted to marry me, Kohana. (Konoha, Kohana, Konoha, Kohana…lol) I wouldn't blame them; of course, I was one of the best kunoichi out there, at all aspects. I'm not being arrogant….or at least I hope not! My dad has gone to the furthest of far extremes to find me a 'Worthy boyfriend good enough to marry an Uchiha', quote on quote. He had gathered all the boys into our meeting room, and the place was packed with perverts. Although I have no idea what this extreme is…it has to be, well, extreme! (She likes the word extreme too much…XD)
Mom had said that this was necessary, to find someone that will truly love you, you need to take extremes. But this extreme….was far from extreme, I knew it was going to be. She's not even home right now so how could she know of the extreme in the first place?!
Just as all of the boys had piled in, Dad got my older brother Daisuke to stuff me in my room. Probably to keep me from running into Kichiro, Naruto-sama and Hinata-san's son. They honestly think that I—me--like him--Baka-kun. Although his does have a really nice smile…But that doesn't matter. The true thing that matters; finding a way to find out what Dad is planning to do to these poor boys. (Welcome to WWE!! Tonight: Uchiha Smack Down!!)
(Uchiha Meeting Room) (The Room of Pure Torture of Extremes!! XD)
"Each and every one of you know why you're here, correct?" Sasuke asked spinning his katana around in his hand. Every boy in the room stopped talking, turned to face him, and gulped. "Good, Daisuke, you mind explaining? Then Eiji," Sasuke asked his sons. The seventeen year old ANBU recruit smirked and grabbed an apple and a pear. "The pear is you. The apple is my sister," He paused and placed the pear on top of the apple, "If this happens, this is what will happen to you, the pear," He threw it in the air and burnt it to a crisp with a single fireball, "Understand?" Each person-except for the Uchihas of course- was scared out of their wits. Then it was Eiji, the youngest male Uchiha's, turn. He grabbed a chair and stood on it for everyone could see him.
"I may be nine, but I am going to be in the Chuunin Exams. That means I have more brain cells than all of you morons in here. Then, that means that I know the real reason you are all in her enjoying this show," He smiled while he grabbed his own katana, "I know how to handle this; very well. In fact, I could kill any of you; that is if you hurt my only big sister. But, me being a true Uchiha, I'll let my Dad handle you, then Ma, then Daichi, then my older brother Harou-who's sick right now-then finally me. A nine year old with his mother's ferocious temper," He broke the metal katana in half, easily, "Now, I just want you to keep that in your teeny little brains for as long as possible without brain damage. Thanks for listening," Eiji jumped off the chair and landed gracefully. (Gross! A dude being graceful?! JK,)
"If that didn't get you to run out of here, you can stay. Now, I give you; let's say, fifteen seconds to run out if you wimps are scared. That means, if you do run, you are officially disqualified (This is a competition?!) to date my daughter," Sasuke pulled out a timer, "Start." Over half of the poor souls ran out the room with fear only God could explain. Of the people left, Sasuke could identify that all the boys in his daughters Rookie Nine were still present; even Kichiro. "For all you brave souls still in here, Daichi, Eiji, pass out the applications," He said as his sons took the packets out of his hands.
As they were walking, there was complete silence; the tension was definitely building. Daichi went past Inuzuka Jun and glared at him, "What're you doing here?" He asked him. "You got a hot sister," He answered with a smirk. Daichi ignored him and threw the packet in his face, "Oops," He smirks. (Ah the rivalry…) When the boys finished passing out the packets Sasuke said they could leave to their houses and mail them back when they finish.
NAME: Inuzuka Jun DOB: March 23, Aries rule. HEIGHT: Um…5"11…I think. WEIGHT: o.O I wouldn't tell!
IQ: Um…88, is that good? Is that better than stupid Daichi's!? NINJA RANK: You should now Mr. Uchiha! I'll tell you anyway…Special Jonin.
AGE: You're stupid-no offense, I'm 17 HOME ADDRESS: STALKER!! I am not telling. CITY/STATE: Konoha
Do you have parents? X Yes No
Is one male and the other female? X Yes No
If No, Explain:
Number of years they've been married: I think about 18 or 19 years or something like that. Last year I bet dad would forget; and now he owes me thirty bucks!
If less than your age, explain
A. Do you have or have access to a van? Yes X No
B. A truck with oversized tires? Yes X No
C. A waterbed? Yes X No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? Yes X No
E. A tattoo? Yes X No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek, or a belly button ring? Yes X No
(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?
Well, um, late is around…..midnight or something. But, of course when it comes to Kohana, I say maybe 10. Is that fifty words? Ha-ha, it said or less, it's all good! I bet Daichi would have 50 words. He's so stupid.
In 50words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?
Don't touch Kohana. That's what it means. Like I'll obey that….besides, I have to help her in the car. If I ever get one. I suggest getting your dumb son, Daichi, an old Volkswagen.
In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?
To fight the urge of something. Of something. But, as you know that is very hard for an Aries to do. Unlike Daichi, he should never get married because of his special 'issue'.
Squad you belong to: Shikamaru-sensei's. Same as Daichi, unfortunately.
How often you train: Everyday, I will be better than Daichi. You'll see.
When will be the best time to interview your:
Father?: Never. Ha-ha just kidding….I think tomorrow, he's off.
Mother?: Just about every day after 4. She works with Sakura-san, same work shift.
Sensei?: Shikamaru is LAZY. I doubt you could find a time where he's not asleep.
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want to be shot would be: In front of Daichi.
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: Shoulder blade. I don't know why.
C: A woman's place is in the: Kitchen! I love ribs…
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is: What I like best about Kohana.
E: What do you want to do IF you grow up?: I want to be the ANBU captain. Most definitely. I'll be better than Stupid Daichi. AND I WILL GROW UP!
F: When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is: Her…this has to be true? Dang…her butt. Sorry.
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
Applicant's Signature (That means your name, moron!)
Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved or rejected. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white suits carrying violin cases. (You might watch your back).
"Dad, what do you think?" Eiji asked impatiently as he ripped some paper. It keeps him calm. "Rejected," Daichi answered for Sasuke stamping the application with a big red 'Rejected' stamp. "Daichi," Sasuke warned. "What?! He said I was stupid ten times! And, he is a Jun," He answers. Sasuke rolls his eyes. "We have to write him back, anyway. I'll do it," Eiji offers as he takes a lined piece of paper.(I can't write straight without lines either Eiji!)
You will never ever ever ever ever ever ever EVER go out with my sister. I am NOT sorry. You are an idiot. Offense intended. My sister, Kohana, is too good for a poopy head idiot and she doesn't even like you. Offense intended, again. If this is NOT Jun, sorry, your son or brother, is not about to date my sister even if he does become ANBU captain. He should try to date Akiko. She is desperate. Offense intended once again. If you still don't get the message, here it is in bold, big letters:
If you try to make her fall for you, WE, yes we, will kill you. In one painful strike. You can bet on that dog boy.
Have a wonderful day,
He smiled at his work and handed it to his father. "You think this is simple enough for an Inuzuka?" He asked with a smirk. Daichi nodded and Sasuke smiled, "I am so proud of you."
(The Next Day at the Inuzuka Household)
"Thank you…." Ino thanked taking the mail from two tall gentlemen in white suits with violin cases. (Sasuke don't lie ) "What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it?!" Jun asked his mother running down the stairs. "It's for you. Here," She says giving him the letter. He reads it over and throws it in the garbage. "I am SO not a poopy head!" He yells disappearing into his room again. "You are to!" His little sister screamed following him upstairs. "What happened?" Kiba asks. "I dunno," Ino answers.
Hope you liked it! The next chapters of course will be different people.
But I'll leave it up to you who you want to be accepted and who will be next. Here are all the people from Konoha:
Jackie Lee (Yes, he's a boy...I think)
Mamoru (Gaara's son)
That's all I've thought of! But, if you have any ideas I'll gladly steal-er, use them. Well, I thank you for reading to the end! bows in respect
If you want a copy of the REAL application I'll eventually have it up on my account page.