Doing the Deed by WeasleyForMe

Hermione, an employee at Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, finds herself in a most pleasant position. Fred/Hermione/George smut! There will be two parts to this story.

Grande.Vanilla.Skim.Latte wanted some Fred/Hermione/George smut without any twincest... I took the challenge with the following guidelines:

1) M rated, Fred/Hermione/George, humor/romance.

2) Hermione is working in their shop.

3) Hermione's new owl shits in her hair, which she says is his way of saying hello.

4) Fred goes commando.

5) George experiments on himself.

6) A reference to polishing a broomstick.


"Going boldly where no no one has gone before."


"But you said you wanted me to."

"Who says a grown man must refrain from obsessing over inanimate objects?"

Hermione was perched behind the counter in Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, typing a customer's total into the magical cash register. "Your total comes to two Galleons, eight Sickles and seventeen Knuts," she said with a bright smile. The older woman handed Hermione the money and happily left the shop with her new purchase.

"Another satisfied customer," Fred said as he strode up behind Hermione. "You really do have a way with the shoppers," he said as he placed a hand on her shoulder. She turned to smile at him.

"Well, I really enjoy working here," she told him with a happy sigh. "Hey, can I take my lunch break yet? I'm bloody starving, Fred."

Fred frowned slightly. "Well, the only issue is, I don't know where George got to."

"Didn't he say he was going to experiment with the Infatuation Draughts?" she asked, turning to look at Fred. He slowly let his hand slide down her arm, earning a smile and a shiver from his employee. He'd be damned if she learned of his crush on her, and he knew his twin felt the same way.

Fred licked his lips before he spoke. "Yeah, but that was hours ago. I don't know where he went!" Hermione was busy staring at his moist lips when she heard someone clearing their throat behind her. She whipped around at the same instant that Fred looked up at the customer.

"Hi," said a dashingly sexy wizard with wavy, blond hair. He addressed both members of the Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes Staff, but his gaze was firmly fixed on Hermione. "Would you help me locate a product?" he asked her smoothly. Hermione noticed the way Fred was clenching his fists and the tightness of his jaw as she smiled at the man.

"Of course! I'd be glad to," she told him as she joined him on the other side of the counter. Fred watched as the man engaged Hermione is what appeared to be a hilarious conversation.

"Is he… flirting with her?" Fred whispered out loud. He scratched his head while he watched the customer's hands brush Hermione's when they both reached for a box of Canary Creams. Fred had no idea Hermione could be so flirtatious. Sure, he and George had crushes on her, but they never thought anything could possibly come from it. Fred noticed the blush creeping up Hermione's neck, and his pants felt a little tight on his groin. He immediately regretted going 'commando' for the day when he felt his member pushing against the scratchy fabric of his jeans. He adjusted himself and turned his attention back to Hermione. "Is she… flirting back?" Fred said very quietly when he saw her giggling and playing with her hair. "That man is going boldly where no one has gone before," he muttered as he decided to creep a little bit closer and eavesdrop on them.

"What's your name?" the man asked.

"Hermione, Granger," she replied as she shook his hand.

"That's a lovely name," he told her with a wink. "I'm Erik, Delauney."

Fred rolled his eyes as Hermione said, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Erik."

"Would it be all right with you if I were to send you an owl sometime? Perhaps I could take you out to lunch later this week," Erik said with a bright, toothy smile, so blindingly white that Fred shielded his eyes.

When Fred noticed that Erik was still holding Hermione's hand, he decided that enough was more than enough. Just as Hermione answered with a vibrant, "Sure," Fred accidentally on purpose knocked some items off the shelf next to them. Hermione immediately jumped back from Erik.

"Whoops! Hermione, would you help me clean this up?" Fred asked with a big fake smile. He was pleased to note the look of disappointment on the other man's face. "How about I help you at the register, sir?" Fred managed through his clenched teeth.

Erik followed him and paid for the Canary Creams. When he was leaving he turned back and smiled at Hermione. "I'll be owling you, soon. Goodbye, Hermione," he said with a charming grin.

Once he was gone, Hermione started giggling again. Fred scowled. "Did you see that?" she asked Fred. "Did you see that man? I think he had some Veela blood in him… he was gorgeous! Oh, shit… did he just ask me out?" Hermione asked as she gripped Fred's biceps and stared at him, awaiting an answer.

Fred's scowl deepened. "What's so great about him? He looked like a meathead. Besides, I don't think he's good enough for you," he said, shaking his head.

Hermione chuckled as she released Fred's arms. "He wasn't a meathead, Fred. He was telling me that he studied at Beauxbatons as well as a muggle university," she said dreamily. "He was fantastic."

"He looks like he takes muggle steroids!" Fred responded as he ran his hands through his hair. "I'll bet his willy is the size of a… what are those things called? Toothpick?"

Hermione put her hands on her curvy hips, the ones Fred liked so much. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you sounded a little jealous," she said as she looked up into his hazel eyes while he played with his messy, Weasley-red hair.

Fred snorted. "I'm not jealous… I'm just curious. I mean, is that all it takes? A guy only needs to have a chiseled body and perfect teeth to win you over?"

Hermione sputtered, "N-No! That's not it at all!"

Fred dropped his hands back to his sides. He cleared his throat and tried to stand casually. "Well, what would it take for you to go out with a bloke like me, then?" he asked his dream girl.

Hermione's eyes went wide and she stared at Fred. "Are you serious?" she whispered.

Fred maintained his eye contact with her in spite of his pounding heart. "Yes, I am,"

Hermione took a deep breath. "All you would have to do is ask," she blurted out, just as George came bounding out of the backroom in hysterics.

"Help!" he whispered loudly as he made sure they didn't have any customers and locked the front door to the store. He motioned idiotically to Fred and Hermione. Fred was already about ready to strangle his twin, and this only made it worse.

"Where have you been all morning, George?" he asked as his twin bounced up and down, eyeing Hermione. "You've really been a huge pain in my arse since you got up today. You left us with all the work, not to mention you're a wanker for not letting me borrow any underwear. I had to go commando for the day, which for the record, is a horrible thing! And now you just interrupted me when I was just about to ask Hermione to go out on a date!"

"No, you don't understand!" George began as he pulled at his hair and clothes.

"You're going commando? Right now?" Hermione asked Fred, effectively cutting George off.

"Yes, I am, because that arse," Fred said as he pointed to George, "wouldn't give me a clean pair of underwear, even though he knew all of mine were dirty."

"Would you two shut up, and listen to me?!" George shouted, as he held his hands in front of his crotch. "You're obsessing over a damned pair of boxer shorts, Fred!"

Fred crossed his arms over his chest. "Who says a grown man must refrain from obsessing over inanimate objects?"

"LISTEN!" George finally screamed, gaining the startled attention of his twin and their employee. "Something horrible has happened, and I want to butter Hermione's muffin- No! I meant to say I got some concentrated Infatuation Draught mixed in with powdered asphodel and hellebore, and I spilled some on my skin! I was trying to experiment on myself, but this was not the outcome I was looking for!"

"Whoa, what did you say?" Hermione asked in reference to the muffin buttering.

"What's the big deal?" Fred asked his twin skeptically.

George bounced around like he'd eaten too many sweets. "I can't stop thinking about having hot sex, because every nerve ending in my body has become supersensitive, and I keep saying the stupidest things! Hermione, you should cover your ears!" George's cheeks flushed the same colour as his hair.

"No! I'm not going to cover my ears, like some sort of child!" she screeched at him.

"Fine, but I warned you! Damn it! I want to do the horizontal hustle with you, immediately! See? I can't think of anything but sex!" George told her, with a look of complete horror on his face. Fred started cracking up while Hermione's jaw dropped. "Please, please, close your mouth, Hermione! It's making me think of your hot tongue on my wanger!" Fred laughed harder.

"What?!" Hermione shouted. She was trying to keep a straight face, but she started cracking up as well. "Wow, that potion must have done a number on you to make you think of me like that!"

"I always think of you like that! Damn! I need to take my pants off! Everything rubbing on my junk is making it worse!" George moaned as he unzipped his jeans. He pulled off his pants and stood in the middle of the store in his underwear. Fred and Hermione were snickering as George moaned. "If either of you knew how uncomfortable I am right now, you'd honestly die. And sweet Merlin, Hermione, please close your mouth! It's driving me bloody insane!"

"You always think of me like that?" Hermione asked George as she giggled.

"Well, no," George told her, as he tried to hide his tented boxer shorts from view. "I suppose sometimes I think about how much fun it would be if you would hang out with Fred and me after work and snog us on occasion." He quickly glanced at Fred who shrugged back at him. "But right now, all I can think about taking you mattress dancing!"

Hermione realized that both of the twins had professed to have at least some romantic feelings for her. She was extremely flattered, and she wanted to return their feelings, as she'd been interested in them for awhile.

As George pulled his shirt lower and lower over his underwear, she made a decision. "Actually Fred, I don't need a big meathead like Erik at all, especially not when I've got two identical pieces of tube steak right here."

"What?" both twins asked her.

Hermione smirked. She walked over to George and ran her hands down his chest. He groaned and threw his head back. "Hermione, you've got to stop touching me immediately, unless you plan on polishing my broomstick!" he managed to say in a throaty rasp.

Hermione let her hand trail down to George's massive erection, and she lightly ran her fingers along his boxer clad length while she turned slightly to face Fred. His eyes were glazed over with lust as he watched her massaging his twin. "Fred, you told me earlier that you were going commando," she told him. Fred had to force his eyes to move from her hands to her face.

"Yes, I am, and I'm getting rather uncomfortable with my cock rubbing against my pants," he managed to say before returning his gaze to her hands where they moved against George.

"Prove it then," she told him as she knelt down in front of George. "Take your pants off."

Fred hastily unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, as Hermione watched him. George was busy looking down at Hermione as she was on the floor in front of him. Hermione watched Fred's erection spring free before she turned and yanked George's boxers down to his ankles.

"Fred! She's, she's polishing m-m-my broomstick!" George grunted as Hermione took him into her mouth. Fred waddled closer with his pants pushed down to his knees.

"Wow," Fred whispered as he watched Hermione's lips glide along George's penis. "I knew it was a good decision to hire her."

Hermione took as much of George into her mouth as she could handle as she gazed up at him. George moaned and groaned, "Thank Merlin I was always terrible at potions class, because this feels fucking fabulous." Hermione reached out and grasped Fred's length in her right hand, running her fist up and down his shaft.

"Thank Merlin I wasn't wearing any underwear," Fred hissed as Hermione removed her mouth from George and placed it around Fred's throbbing cock.

"Actually, you have me to thank for that," George groaned as Hermione pumped him with her left fist. Hermione licked a path along Fred's erection until she reached the tip. She sucked and teased his head before taking his entire length into her silky, wet mouth again and again.

"Shit," Fred whispered, realizing that they were in the middle of their store. "We should move to the stock room."

Hermione pulled him out of her mouth with a small pop and stood up. Both men advanced on her with matching grin and erections. "Good thinking, Fred," she said as she pulled out her wand and vanished every stitch of clothing that both men wore. When they realized they were stark naked, they both glared at her and raced to the backroom as she followed them, laughing. She enjoyed the view of George's firm arse as he disappeared through the doorway. She paused and smirked as she realized she was in for quite an exciting afternoon.

There will be a second part to this story with lots more smut!! Thanks to remuslives for all of her help!

Did you like it? I hope you'll leave a review!