Disclaimer: I don't own Skins, surprisingly enough.
A/N: The first sentence popped into my head and I just had to write it. Initially, I had absolutely no idea who this was going to be about, but I just thought it fit Cassie really well, so I kept going from there. In my opinion it is a bit all over the place, but I like it. Cassie tends to be very random and all over the place so it kind of suits her, I guess. Also, the lack of Cassie/Sid fanfics on this website had me dying to write one of my own, so after telling myself I would time and time again, I finally did! I hope you like! Reviews are very much appreciated!
She lay on the floor, cold and bare, feeling the many emotions that came after. In reality she hated it, but she deluded herself into thinking that this was the way it had to be. This was it. It was her turn now and no one and nothing could stop her. Not even him.
Shivering, she reached over and pulled the blanket around her body. Still, she felt raw and exposed.
It always made her feel better. That someone, if not him, wanted her. It took her mind of him, even if it was only momentarily. For that she was grateful.
It was the time afterwards, however, that was always the worst. That's when the thinking came. The wave of emotions hit in. How much she hated him, yet loved him. Wanted to move on, yet couldn't. How much it hurt just seeing them together.
She shook her head, tucking her tangled blonde hair behind her ear. She didn't want to think about this. Not again.
She pushed herself up and pulled a skirt out from the cupboard, putting it on. She picked up her favourite shirt lying on the ground from last night and slid into it easily.
"Chris, I'm going out," She yelled towards the back, she heard giggles, probably Jal, and then a muffled, "Have fun."
She put on her lipstick, bright red the way she loved it, and left shutting the door quietly on the way out.
It was cold outside, windy, but she liked it. It was the way she felt and she liked that the weather seemed to know to match her mood.
She sat on a park bench, watching as a family ate their sandwiches while laughing at a joke the father had just said. She wondered what that felt like. To have a family who loved you so much that they packed picnic baskets full of food and told jokes. That must have been nice.
She'd stopped eating again. It was the only thing she could do. The only aspect of her life she still had any control over, and as much as she hated to admit it, she wanted that life back. She missed him.
Sid. With his glasses and beanie and the way he always babbled on about nothing. She thought that maybe he really had felt the same way. Obviously, he was just waiting for Michelle to come around, she shouldn't have been surprised. He'd been pining away for Michelle since forever.
Swallowing, she lay down on the bench and closed her eyes. This was her only real escape nowadays. The time when she couldn't feel anything, no sadness, no hate, no love, no hurt. When it was all just dreams and nothing made sense.
So she tucked her hands beneath her head and imagined the way Sid had sometimes twirled her hair around his finger, before drifting into a quiet oblivion.
To a place where everything was the way she wanted it to be.
To a place where she didn't have to feel.