Readers, if I tell you *anything* about this fanfic, it would spoil things, but let's just say...it's not
quite what you would expect. If you've read your share of Sailor Moon fanfics, including the
lemon variety, then you should enjoy this. And that's all I'm going to tell you.
[Who now returns to her jasmine-scented pink jacuzzi. Yes, it's another steamy night with Prince
Diamondo awaiting, and Esmerodo does not intend to disappoint him. /(^_~)\ ]
A Chibi Chibi Lemon
Usagi's Usual Morning With Seiya (AND Chibi Chibi)
[WARNING: This is in EXTREMELY poor taste and should not be read except by jaded fanfic
authors and/or experienced fanfic readers ;-) ]
Usagi is sitting at the breakfast table with Seiya and Chibi Chibi. Seiya is looking dreamy eyed at
Usagi and not paying much attention to Chibi Chibi trying to get HIS attention--yes, she's VERY
(But if you've ever seen my one-year-old daughter simpering at young handsome men in
restaurants, you'll know they are never too young to be flirtatious ;-)
Usagi is EATING and EATING and concentrating solely on that most important of her daily
activities. How else will she keep up her Eternal Strength?
Chibi Chibi, annoyed that Seiya keeps gazing at Usagi, suddenly picks up a lemon meringue pie
that was being saved for lunch and mashes it well into Seiya's face. As the cream drips down his
startled face, she yells out gleefully, "Chibi Chibi!"
Usagi stops with the rice halfway to her mouth and looks at Cream Lemon Seiya. She looks down
at Chibi Chibi and exclaims in admonition, "Chibi Chibi!"
"Chibi Chibi," the small red haired vixen agrees, with a wicked smile.
Now the cream drips into Seiya's lap and melts, making a very suggestive wet spot on his jeans.
Usagi becomes bug-eyed and motionless, watching the spot slowly spread while Seiya slowly goes
crimson. Chibi Chibi, taking advantage of their frozen attitudes, dips lightning-fast toddler fingers
into the remains of the pie and smears more of it into Seiya's lap--she seems to be finger-painting
his jeans, or something.
Seiya's crotch area now looks like a creamy yellow mess, and he is slowly turning purple with
"Chibi Chibi!" Chibi Chibi crows in delight. She seems to think Seiya looks better this way. Most
toddlers think one's appearance is distinctly improved by the amount of food smeared on one's
A gargantuan sweatdrop appears on Seiya's head, so large, in fact, that a small waterfall drips onto
Seiya mutters, "Gomen ne, Odango," and quickly rises from the table, and scuttles away in the
direction of Usagi's bathroom.
We cut away from the scene of Usagi cleaning up, and using off-colour language we have never
heard her use before in the anime series, and Chibi Chibi trying to smear cream lemon on Usagi,
and her ducking and weaving to avoid the icky toddler fingers, and find ourselves peeking
into Seiya's shower.
Unlike the anime, we see EVERYTHING.
[The assembled readers get nosebleeds or sweatdrops, as appropriate to their gender.]
Up until now, it's been a cold shower, which Seiya badly needs at this point in the steamy fanfic.
But now things literally get steamy, as a shampoo-blinded Seiya reaches for the hot tap by mistake
and the shower goes hot--and the surprised and agape readers discover that this produces a Ranma
effect, and now the ones who had nosebleeds are sweatdropping, and vice-versa.
[There, I had a nude scene for EVERYBODY to savour ;p]
Seiya had up to now been singing a very bawdy song about well-endowed females and what he'd
like to do to them, in tenor voice, but as the shower gets hot, his voice squeaks up to soprano,
feminine giggles ensue, and "she" starts singing a Backstreet Boys tune instead.
[The assembled readers universally gag, the fanfic having descended to having a Backstreet Boys
song in it. Well, I warned you this was in EXTREMELY bad taste, didn't I?]
Seiya quickly turns the hot tap off, turns the cold back on, "her" voice lowers, and chokes off the
Backstreet Boys imitation, much to the relief of the Shower Voyeurs who had to listen to it, and
begins singing the bawdy song, more loudly this time.
Usagi taps on the bathroom door and calls in, "Seiya, WHAT did you say you wanted to do to me,
"Oh, nothing, nothing, Gomen nasai, Odango!" he calls back through the door, sweatdropping,
and pulling a towel over his lower exposed and well endowed region. Quickly drying himself, he
comes out of the bathroom and pulls on what he hopes is an innocent, never had any ecchi
thoughts, no ma'am, not ME look, and pads out into the living room draped in a towel.
At that moment, the doorbell rings, and Usagi runs to answer. It's the Ecchi Inner Senshi, of
course, hoping to catch Usagi and Seiya in the act.
"Where's Seiya?" Rei hisses, after all the girls bid cheery hellos to Usagi and try to peer around the
room, surreptitiously looking for Seiya.
Usagi blushes and points. "He's right here...Oh NOOOO, Chibi Chibi!!"
But it's too late. Chibi Chibi has waddled over to the towel-clad Seiya with an intent look on her
small face, which only means one thing--a toddler about to do something she knows is
BAAAAAD. While Seiya is clinging to his towel and sweatdropping at the open-mouthed
girls, Chibi Chibi gets in close and with a triumphant cry of "Chibi Chibi!", grabs and peels off
Seiya's towel, and runs off with it.
The girls all SQUEAL as they see just how glad that Seiya really was to see all of them.
Usagi, horrified, squeals, "No, Chibi-Chibi!" and runs off in hot pursuit of Chibi Chibi, who is
already being pursued by a completely nude Seiya. Chibi Chibi thinks this is great fun and
runs off squealing and giggling. The girls chase after Chibi Chibi too and they form a confused
running conga line, all trying to catch the little red haired girl.
[I almost had Charlie Brown appear at this point and join the chase, but that was in too much bad
taste even for me, to have a Little Red Haired Girl pun in this fanfic. Forgive me, minna-san, I
thought better of that and deleted Charlie Brown from the fic. Promise it won't happen again.
The ghost of Charles Schultz would have haunted me forever ;p]
Chibi Chibi manages to get the door open and runs off into the street, trailing Seiya's towel like a
triumphant banner behind her--after all, she's not even 2 years old, and already, a handsome
completely nude boy is chasing her.
[SICK SICK SICK!! cry the assembled readers. We didn't know you could sink THIS low!!]
Seiya runs after her into the street, causing female screams and numerous traffic accidents, as
downtown Tokyo traffic completely grinds to a halt, watching the nude man chase the little girl
with Usagi and the rest of the Inner Senshi chasing after both of them.
Mamoru now appears around a street corner, whistling a cheerful tune, with his books under his
arm, and stops dead when he sees the tableau before him. A myriad of expressions cross his face,
as he first of all puts the wrong interpretation on his Usako and the other girls chasing a nude
Seiya. Shock, horror, jealousy and anger all move across his face in succession.
But then a tiny red streak of lightning, beaming from ear to ear, comes running towards him,
waving her towel, and yells in greeting, "Chibi Chibi!!"
She barrels into him, almost knocking him over in a fierce hug, like a tiny Usagi.
Mamoru breaks into a relieved, and then mischievous grin, and then deftly snatches the terrycloth
trophy from Chibi Chibi, and offers it to a scarlet faced Seiya. A second later, with a pleased and
surprised cry of delight, Usagi has wrapped herself round Mamoru's other side.
"Lucky for you, Seiya, that I know both these girls so well. And even more lucky for you that I'm
Rei now plants herself in Mamoru's face angrily and says, "And what was THAT crack about
Yuuchirou supposed to mean, hmmmm?"
"Who's Yuuchirou?" asks Seiya in confusion.
Then, a second later, as flash bulbs go off in his face, he cries, "Oh shit--paparazzi! They caught
the whole thing on camera and videotape!" Seiya runs off in mortification, dropping the towel in
his confusion and dismay. Mamoru calmly licks it up again.
A pleased Minako proceeds to give a "woman on the street interview" to one of the excited
reporters, on how it felt to see an Idol Singer running nude down the street.
Rei continues to interrogate Mamoru about him dissing her Yuuchirou. Makoto decides that she
will make lemon meringue pie from now on, whenever cute boys are in the immediate vicinity--it's
a ploy she never thought of. Ami sneakily takes the towel from Mamoru, who is busy explaining
to an excited Usagi that he finished his exams at Harvard early, and flew home to surprise her.
Ami happily runs off with the towel to stash it in her private Idol collection at home.
Rei starts telling the whole story to Mamoru, while Usagi protests and cries, "Mamo-chan, you
KNOW I would never cheat on you!"
A photo of Chibi Chibi, waving a towel and grinning devilishly, makes the front page of the
THE END OF CHIBI CHIBI CREAM LEMON ;p
There ya go, a lemon with Chibi Chibi in it. A cream lemon at that.
Didn't think I had the nerve, did you?
I haven't, actually, but that Esmerodo, she'd do anything ;p
Pandora-sama [a.k.a. Esmerodo]
So why am I calling myself Esmerodo? There's no intent to disguise my identity here. I am
merely using the nom-de-plume "Esmerodo" for any fanfic I write with adult, sexual content in it.
That way, my younger readers won't be encountering these types of stories by Pandora unless they
are *looking* for them. That seems to me to be a good compromise.
Now that you've read it, I can tell you how "A Chibi Chibi Lemon" came into existence.
I belong to a small mailing list of Sailor Moon fanfic authors and reader/reviewers. We were
having a discussion about writing lemons and who you could pair up with whom in terms of
characters. The guy who wrote started this discussion, a fellow with a very warped sense of
humour, who goes by the nickname of Lord Chaos, had possibilities for just about anyone, except,
he said, NOBODY would be sick enough to put Chibi-Chibi into the plot of a lemon.
I was in a mood to tweak him, so I wrote this tongue-in-cheek piece entitled "A Chibi Chibi
Lemon", just for the shock value, and the look on their faces. I subtitled it "Usagi's Usual Morning
with Seiya (and Chibi-Chibi)", deliberately naming it after the most notoriously bad taste lemon
fanfic, that all the Sailor Moon fanfic readers love to loathe.
Hope this gave you as much of a giggle to read as I had writing it.
Pandora Diane MacMillan (formerly Waldron) a.k.a. Esmerodo
March 20, 2000