Anymore

When she was younger,

She stood staring at the door.

Waiting for the day,

That she knew would surely come.

She used to sit by the door every day and wait for you to come home. Did you know that? She used to think that maybe today would be the day that you would see her. Maybe today would be the day that you finally notice that you had a daughter. Not that you didn't notice her; when you needed something from her. But did you ever think that maybe she needed you to be there for her? That she wasn't as tough as you thought she was? That she was just a little girl? She did so much to please you; but did you ever do anything in return? Just an admiring comment on her art project or a hug when she aced her first flying test would have sufficed. But all you gave her were odious glares, hard slaps, and derogatory words void of all emotion; too stoned to give a damn.

Tied bows in her hair.

Dressed as she thought you'd like.

But as time ticked away,

Promises fade one by one.

When she used to tell people who her father was, they'd give her envious yet admiring looks. They used to say to her "Hey, you're the daughter of Commander Short; the best officer that the LEP has ever seen. He saved Haven more times than anyone else combined! Your life must be fantastic! Your life…your life…" She would just smile a small, melancholy smile as her audience imagined the perfect life that she must lead. She never did tell them what it was really like to have you as a father. Your work was your life during the day and the bottle was your family when you got home; that's all you ever needed, that's all you ever wanted. In your eyes, your daughter was nothing more than a menace and an inconvenience; a constant reminder of a marriage that didn't work out. She was nothing to you and you made sure that she knew that. You made sure she knew that you never wanted her; never loved her.

And now she's all grown.

Made it through on her own.

Now strong enough to see,

You've been where you want to be.

Did you know that she used to cry in her room over you? Your sturdy, strong, on her way to becoming an officer of the LEP daughter cried over you; a father she never had. Did you even know that she was capable of producing tears? She had always been so stoic and careful around you, not even letting so much as one tear spill from her eyes. Even when you beat her and cursed at her, she made sure not to let the moisture fall. The bruises on her soul ached far worse than the bruises you gave her. She hid her pain well; not even her best friends knew. They, her friends (did you even know she had friends?), wondered why they never got invited over to her house for slumber parties or birthday parties but they had assumed that you didn't want to be disturbed from your saving the world by little girls in their twenties and thirties. So they didn't ask. They didn't even ask why you suddenly quit the LEP either. Do you think it would have been better if they did? Do you think that your daughter would have opened up to them about you? Do you think that she would have told them of your drinking problem? Do you think that she would have told them that you had not quit the LEP; that you had gotten fired? No, I suppose not, she, after all, got her independent spirit from you; you never asked for help either.


No longer dying inside,

I will not let you define,

Everything that I am,

By the one thing I don't have,

Because I'm more than that.

I will not be made to hide,

These tears won't fall for you this time.

I will not be ashamed of my name,

Anymore.

Her dreams were bliss. In her dreams she was happy; and so were you. In her dreams you were the person everyone thought you were and she did have the flawless life that everyone assumed she had. When you got home you would hug her and then, maybe, once you saw her perfect grades, you took her out for ice cream or as a special treat, a tour at your office. You didn't worship the drink; you didn't even occasionally take a sip at a party or wedding. She longed to have her dream life but it never came; it would never come. But she knew something else too; she knew that deep down you were the person who she wanted you to be and maybe, one day, if she was good enough and tried hard enough that that amazing, wonderful, and ideal father would appear.

Sometimes she wonders.

Imagines what you're like.

The emptiness inside,

That made you miss her life.

Do you know what that must have been like for her on that day when she finally realized? When she finally understood that you were never going to be the father that she had hoped for; dreamed about. You were never going to walk her down the aisle (how could you when you could hardly walk in a straight line?), you were never going to have that special dance with her when all her other friends' father were dancing with them, you were never going to be that perfect person that everyone assumed you were. You were never going to comfort her or befriend her. You were never going to be a person who she could talk to about anything and you would listen. You were never going to love her with that intensity that a parent should love their children with. She finally gave up on you; just like the LEP had given up on you, just like her mother had given up on you, just like you had given up on her.

The oceans widen,

With all your silence.

Leaves her daydreams behind.

Childish fantasies unwind.

Were you even there? That day when she was initiated to the very force that you worked on, and got fired from, so many years before? It was the happiest day of her life and you weren't even there to see it. Did you even know she wanted to become an officer and follow in your footsteps? Do you have a clue why she would want to do anything that you did? If you were her, would you want anything to remind you about your miserable childhood? Maybe she wanted to show the world that the Shorts weren't what everyone assumed. Or perhaps she just wanted to prove to you that she was worthy of your praise by doing what you did as well as you did. Or maybe she, even though grown, wanted to please you so bad because she loved you despite all you did, and didn't do, to her.

And now she knows,

You're not coming home.

Takes the bows from her hair,

Cause she's been waiting twenty years.

What were you thinking? The day that she finally was strong enough to turn her back on you forever. She yelled at you, didn't she? All the bottled up anger and pain finally was too much for her to handle. And you just sat there stunned, that the girl who you had (in your mind) given everything, would dare to leave you. But she did, didn't she? What were you thinking when she grabbed the few belongings that she owned and slammed that door in your face? Did you know that she was never going to cross your doorstep ever again? Did you finally realize what you had done? At last did you understand everything you were and were not to her? Did you even try to get her back? No; you let her go without a word. You let her go with tears on her face and rage in her broken and mangled heart. You didn't care; you never did.

No longer dying inside,

I will not let you define,

Everything that I am,

By the one thing I don't have,

Because I'm more than that.

I will not be made to hide,

These tears won't fall for you this time.

I will not be ashamed of my name,

Anymore.

Do you regret it now? Do you regret the childhood that you gave her now that she is standing before you, twenty years after she left, holding a gun to your head? She knows you have no magic to heal yourself if she did shoot you and knows it will kill you. She knows that with one twitch of her finger that she can end the life of the one person who made her childhood living hell. She knows that with one twitch of her finger that she could silence you forever. You see the anger and hurt in her eyes; do you finally realize that you were the cause of that? You almost smile as she begins to speak because you recognize the steely, harsh tone that she is using; she got it from you. 'This is the little girl that you raised about to shoot you,' she says in a voice of deadly calm, her finger tightening on the trigger. You just look at the beautiful auburn haired woman, who looks so much like her mother, and silently beg. 'And this,' she says, her voice breaking a little 'is the woman that that little girl grew up to be, turning away.' She spins around without another word leaving you staring after her. Do you wonder why she spared you? Do you wonder how she can still love you? Do you wonder...

No longer dying inside,

I will not let you define,

Everything that I am,

By the one thing I don't have,

Because I'm more than that.

I will not be made to hide,

These tears won't fall for you this time.

I will not be ashamed of my name,

Anymore.

Ok...erm... I swore to myself when I started Fanfic I would never write a songfic...and here I am, only my second fic and it's a songfic! The song is Anymore by Emmy Rossum (who plays Christine in The Phantom of the Opera btw) It doesn't fit perfectly because the song is about a girl who grew up without a father but I felt it fit ok enough. I don't think it's that good (actually I think it sucks) but my loving beta made me post it! :) Anyway REVIEW PLEASE!! And no Flames!

Oh yeah for those of you who read Let Me Go, I haven't forgot about it! I had a major plot change and have had to rewrite like half of it that is taking a while! But HOPEFULLY a new chapter will be out this week!

(oh yeah almost forgot this thing) Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl or Anymore by Emmy Rossum!

WS