Notes: For Ceci, who wanted random House/Wilson involving paperwork. Enjoy!
"No one's watching-"
"Who cares if they are?"
"-C'mon, go in-"
"Notice the cane-"
"Just get in there!"
Thunk. SLAM. Crash. A lone nurse at the end of the fourth floor hallway paused, wondering if he should investigate those noises, but there was no one around to make them. He must have imagined it, and moved on.
From the closet came only the sound of heavy breathing. Then-
"Don't you have some kittens to save or something?"
Wilson grinned, though it couldn't be seen in the dark. "Sorry, I saved all the kittens yesterday. Today's my reward."
"Are you saying my paperwork is a prize for saving a bunch of flea-infested street cats?"
"No, actually I'm saying that I lied about the reward; keeping you in this closet is really part of my plot to help the kittens aid Cameron in taking over the world."
"…That is the worst excuse for dragging me off to do paperwork I've ever heard."
There was a pause as Wilson's smile gained a little steel that again could not be seen. "Oh, is it?" Two rather loud and metallic clicks rang out in the darkness from two different points.
"What they hell was that noise?!" The sound of two large bodies moving in a small space. "Where's the goddamned light switch- ouch! Dammit!"
The sound of large volumes of paper hitting the floor and being stepped on could just be heard from the hallway where no one was.
"House, are you okay?" Dr. Wilson wasn't smiling anymore.
"I'm fine. Where is the fucking light switch?!"
"It's- OW! Don't swing your cane around! Just sit down already, I'll find it."
Silence as House sat and Wilson blundered around in the dark a moment longer until House sat on a chair and Wilson found what he was looking for.
"There, I got it. Now just give me a second…" Two more metallic clicks echoed in the small room. "There we go."
House's eyes, rapidly adjusting to the darkness, swept down to take in the slightly metallic gleam shining around his left wrist, then his right.
"…Wilson, is there a reason you just handcuffed me to the shelves?"
"And you won't be needing this cane for a while, so I'll just stash it up here-"
"-And you don't need this belt either-"
The sound of House's belt sliding through his trouser loops wasn't heard by the lone doctor striding down the hallway.
"What?" Wilson didn't smile this time.
House looked down and away, a motion that Wilson could just barely make out in the gloom. "…Nothing."
But now Wilson was curious. "No, what?"
"I thought we were doing paperwork." The handcuffs clanked against the metal shelves. "Don't these make it rather hard for me to sign things?"
The cold air gave House goose bumps on his chest as the first button of his shirt was undone.
"Yes, I'm afraid it does." Wilson smiled slightly. "So change of plan: let's not do paperwork anymore."
There was another clatter of handcuffs against metal shelving, harder this time. "And I take it I don't have a cho- oh-oice…"
Wilson smiled wider, his teeth a mere inch from House's earlobe, which now bore a single set of teeth marks. "Hmm, I haven't been able to make you stutter in a while."
"I thought we agreed to nothing visible."
Another tiny, barely audible gasp as lips met in the dark and a deft hand pulled down a zipper. "I thought we agreed to do paperwork."