Mommy Finds a Daddy
Summary: "Zero, make her stop crying!" "Her?"Yuuki shoved 'Charlotte', as she christened the little bundle of joy, into Zero's hesitant arms. "What do I do with her?!" YuukixZero
Author-person: Uh… so yeah. Just another one of my one-shots.
And this is a teensy bit inspired from one of Danny Phantom's episodes. --laughs nervously--
Disclaimer: For the umpteenth time, I do not own the masterpiece that is Vampire Knight… and well, the idea of flour thingie came from DP… so I guess I don't own that either. --sighs--
And there may be OOC-ness.
Yuuki bounced the 'baby' on her lap in a feeble attempt to shut the damn thing up.
"Gwwwaaa!!" The noisy flour bag cried through miniature speakers.
"Quiet, baby… Mommy's gonna get you some num-num, okay?"
"Oh shut up, Zero."
Zero Kiryuu sat on the sofa, watching the dark-haired girl shushing and cradling her Home Ec. project. He felt amused, and laughed every now and then whenever Mommy Yuuki would fumble around for the missing feeding bottle. The silver-haired boy was relieved that he hadn't been assigned with a shrieking flour bag, due to the fact that he had been doing quite good in his subjects…
Yuuki, however, had to do some extra credit work in order to pass.
The female prefect clearly had no experience whatsoever in dealing with babies, and thus had absolutely no idea how to change dirty diapers… The Headmaster, you ask? As useless as snot stuck to the wall.
"You're trailing shit all over the carpet."
"Zero! Help me out, will you?!" She yelled, trying to drown out the flour bag's deafening cries.
The male held his hands up. "Leave me out of your little project. It's not my fault you failed the tests."
"But the bottle isn't working, putting it to sleep isn't working… and even if I change the diapers I still don't think it'll shut up!" Yuuki whined, grabbing a fresh nappy from the baby-bag.
"And what makes you think that I can make it stop?"
"Well, you can make Lily calm down."
"Lily's a horse. That thing's a flour sack with speakers stuffed inside. Two different things, Yuuki."
"Have you tried…" He gave it some thought, standing up and pacing towards the female.
Yuuki's eyes widened. "Oh. No, not yet."
"Well, there you go."
She adjusted the bag's weight and rested it on her right shoulder, patting the back with all the force she could muster.
Zero sweatdropped. "If that was a real kid, it would probably be dead by now."
The bag continued to wail in a deafening tone, right into Yuuki's ear. She suddenly heard a soft crack, probably her eardrum breaking as she slapped the sack harder. She never wanted to fail the tests! Why did she have to endure this kind of torture? Why did it only have to be her to take care of the stupid thing? And why couldn't it shut up for at least ten seconds?!
After a few minutes of putting up with the endless bawling, Yuuki Cross' patience finally snapped.
"Zero, make her stop crying!"
Yuuki shoved 'Charlotte', as she christened the little bundle of joy, into Zero's hesitant arms.
"What do I do with her?!" He looked at Mommy incredulously, holding the bag at an arm's length.
"Make her bring up wind, or fart at least, if burping doesn't work for her." She yelled frantically, clamping her ears shut with her hands.
Zero's jaw hung open. He had never actually tried to make a baby burp before and he wondered if what Yuuki had done earlier was even right. After mulling it over for a few seconds and groaning in irritation, he turned Charlotte around to face him… and saw… Kaname's face?
"What the fu-? You actually stuck KURAN'S face on this?! And I thought this thing was a girl?!" He shouted, rocking the baby and then patting it on the back just as the failed Mommy did, but in a gentler manner.
Yuuki blushed. "There's a reason for that!"
"What? To satisfy your weird fantasies of bearing Kuran's vampire offspring?"
"Then what?!" He barked, fixing his pale lavender orbs on her rosy ones.
A loud belch erupted from little Charlotte, and it started giggling madly in Zero's arms.
Yuuki smiled slightly and took the baby from him. She ripped the pureblood's picture off to reveal the male prefect's face underneath.
"That-it-you-… What the hell?"
Mommy turned beet red.
"It's you, stupid head. "
Zero visibly flushed. Him? What made Yuuki want him as the…well… father? And why in hell did she have to hide his picture underneath Kaname's? He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and looked at the dark-haired girl that had just started cradling the Zero-faced flour bag in her loving arms.
"So, I'm the…er…daddy?" He finally asked, walking towards a blushing Yuuki.
She nodded shyly, beaming at him as he gave a small, but satisfied grin.
"It was meant to be a surprise, but you--"
She was cut off, suddenly, as Zero pressed his lips onto hers.
Yuuki swore that she heard the flour bag gurgle as a shiver worked its way down her spine. She sighed softly and returned his kiss, pressing a little harder than Zero had expected. He threaded his fingers through her silky hair and deepened their lip-lock, taking his time to enjoy the sweet pleasure that he and Yuuki had engaged in.
They pulled away moments later, flushed and out of breath. Daddy instinctively wrapped his arms around Mommy, careful not to squeeze the supposedly sleeping Charlotte that was in between.
"I have a request," He said, his lips brushing the top of Yuuki's head.
"What?" She asked, looking up at him to catch another kiss.
"Since the baby's going to be carried around with my face on it,"
"Hm?" Yuuki blinked.
"Can it be a boy instead?"
Author-person: XD Sorry… I just love YuukixZero so much that I just HAD to write another one.
And don't ask me how the flour sacks work… because I have absolutely no idea. --sweat drop--
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