Second Lunar Cycle after the New Year

5th day, evening

While I am not a scholar, I am going to perform what father calls an "experiment"—I will not be trying to discover new things about or in the heavens above like some scholars, instead I shall test to see whether writing can help me get through my days. You see, ever since my second oldest sister's, Orual, marriage, I've been very lonely. Now both my sisters have left to join their husband's household and left me behind. Father assures me that writing down his thoughts helps him, so that is what I'm trying to do. It is very hard without Orual or Penelope, my oldest sister.

But I have forgotten myself, something mother takes me to task for most often—I am Psyche, youngest daughter to the king and queen. That makes me a princess. As a princess, my mother would be furious to know I can read and write. She says that potential husbands do not want learned brides because they cause trouble. So, to make sure she never finds this writing, I am careful to wipe away my writing after a few lines. I'm also careful to never let anyone catch me. If someone did, father and I would be in heaps of trouble.

Father was the one to teach me to write—when I was about to be born, everyone said I was a boy. Father was so disappointed I was born a girl but when I grew, I was really quite boyish. He encouraged it really, which made mother quite mad. He taught me how to write, I think, pretending I was a son and as a challenge to himself. He is the most excellent teacher I've ever had although the only other teachers I've had are sowing and music teachers. I think father would have preferred me to stay small and tomboyish forever, instead of growing up to be as pretty as I am.

That's not me boasting by the way. It's the simple truth—of all my family, I am the prettiest. My aunts and uncles and even my parents agree. I may be prettiest in the whole castle. My suitors claim that I'm prettiest not only in the whole city but the whole world. I have not met everyone in the city, let alone the world, so I wouldn't know.

That's another reason I write—my suitors. I have many of them; they come in great droves sometimes. I have more than my sisters combined, I think. Mother's happy about that at least. Father, I know, hates it, just like he hates anyone reminding him I've grown. But anyway, my suitors are quite troublesome at times—some of them claim I am prettier than Aphrodite herself! I think such talk is asking for trouble, so I always leave offerings for her at her temple here and pray often.

I wonder if such a great goddess even pays attention to my prayers. It would seem she has more important things to do than listen to me asking forgiveness for my suitors. However, the priests and priestesses all agree that the gods do, so I suppose I should not think on it too much.

For my first entry, I do believe that this is working! I do feel better, although I must erase this from my plate soon, lest someone finds it.

More tomorrow, perhaps.

Second Lunar Cycle after the New Year

7th day, evening

Ah, I did not get a chance to write until today—mother had me spend more time than usual with my suitors. She says I have to pay more attention to them, or else they'll leave without me for a bride. I spend most of my day with them already! Here is my schedule to show you:

Dawn-rise and join my parents for breakfast.

After Breakfast-Go and pray at the temple then meet my suitors for nearly three hours until my father sends for me.

Before Lunch-work with father on various things. Usually we just go for a ride with my mother, since this is father's midmorning break time. When mother is not here, I convince father to help me with my knife skills. You see, when I was young and my father still longed for a boy, he gave me a knife. It was very dull but I liked it anyway since he had etched butterfly designs into the leather. He never showed me how to use it until now. I told him with all my suitors, what if one of them got me by myself and tried to force himself on me? Father started working on it with me right away. You see, I am his favorite daughter—I feel terrible writing that, but it's true. He loves my sisters, but I was as close as it came to having a son. And I was the baby.

Lunch

After Noon-meet with my suitors again, this time for six whole hours! Orual or Penny, my nickname for her, never had to spend so much time with their suitors! Mother insists though.

Dinner and then the evening entertainment

Evening-I go to bed.

I hate having so many suitors. They are so troublesome and not a one in the lot seems really worth the time. But whether I love them or not doesn't matter. Most likely, mother and father will chose the most powerful one to make stronger ties to their kingdom. I don't mind, this is the duty of a princess. I have known that I will probably not love my husband at first since I was little and father explained it to me. I do hope they choose someone likable at least—mother and father are so happy, the only time they argue is over me, sadly; I wish I could end up happy like them.

Alas, it's probably never to be.

Second Lunar Cycle after the New Year

8th day, morning

I have some time to write now while the sky is pink enough to write by. Everyone but a few servants and the guards are asleep. No one will see me write.

I'm furious today—mother will make me spend more time with my suitors! I shall never have a moment to myself now. But really, I wouldn't put it past my mother to have thought of that bit—she is very nosey, my mother. She doesn't like it when things don't go to plan, so she's very manipulative at times and I

Later

A very close call! Mother was awake! She came in to wake me up and just barely knocked twice before opening the door. I quickly hid my tablet underneath the pillow I was sitting on since I was sitting at the window. I didn't get back to this until now when the sky is so dark. I write by the light of the moon.

Since I couldn't wipe away what I wrote, I reread it and realized I was very unfair to mother. I made her sound unreasonable and cruel, but she is not. She just wants the best for me, I know she does. But still, it makes me so mad at times!

I love her though, so I forgive her. Perhaps I will go to Demeter's temple tomorrow instead of Aphrodite and ask forgiveness for being ungrateful to my mother.

I hope no one read the entry.

Second Lunar Cycle after the New Year

9th day, evening

You have no idea how horrified I was today. Someone did read it—my father! Apparently a servant found it and mistook it for one of my father's and brought it to him! He read it and realized it was mine, then replaced it. He mentioned it to me during our break together this morning. I must not have hidden my horror because he was very gentle when he lectured me about being unthankful. I told him afterwards that I was very sorry to have written it and that I knew I was being unkind. We talked about it and he didn't give me any punishment since he saw I was sincere.

He asked how this experiment goes. Very good I told him, and it is. I don't feel as agitated as much anymore and it does feel a relief to put down my thoughts.

He grinned and winked at me. He told me to just be more careful about wiping away my words. I shall.

Second Lunar Cycle after the New Year

20th day, evening

For the nearly the last two weeks I haven't had a moment to write. My fingers itched to write but alas, with all the time I now spend with my suitors, I never have a moment to write. I'm writing now while my nursemaid, Ness as I call her, sleeps, by the light of the moon. I try very hard not to be ungrateful and unkind to my mother as I write but I'm so frustrated with my suitors. And they still won't stop this nonsense of me being prettier than Aphrodite. I spend so much time between Demeter's and Aphrodite's temples, I've mixed up the offerings twice now! I hope they're not offended.

Overall, there's very little to write to about. As much as I wish to write, nothing new or interesting happened.

Second Lunar Cycle after the New Year

27th day, morning

Once again, I could not find time to write for awhile. Still very little to write about really, although I feel compelled this morning to write about a dream I had a few nights ago. It was about an event from when I was very young, and our family took a trip to one of our vineyards not too far from our royal city.

You see, our kingdom is quite well known for its wine—the vineyards flourish here, so most of our farming is actually for wine but since the wine sells so well, it's not so bad that we import so many other crops. Anyway, I remember during one harvest going to one of our country estates and spending most of the time outdoors helping pick grapes. (Actually, my family or myself don't pick grapes usually, I was really just out there sneaking some. No one tried to stop me either.) One day I gorged myself on grapes and fell asleep in the shade. My family didn't realize I wasn't with them until later, after I returned to the estate.

But when I took my nap, I had a strange vision—I dreamed someone was taking my hair and tickling my face with the curls. I was very sleepy when I woke up but then I saw probably the most handsome man I've ever met. He gave me a very cheery grin and asked what a pretty little princess like me was doing asleep out in the open. It's quite often girls like me get kidnapped, so he had a good point.

I told him I ate too many good grapes and fell asleep. Then I offered him some. I was awake enough to remember that you're supposed to treat travelers kindly. Or at least I thought he was a traveler—he certainly wasn't from our estate at least. Well, he was quite pleased and told me he would trade me my basket for a gift. I agreed since I wanted to see the present. He gave me this wonderful reed flute that I still have, and taught me a few quick notes on it. Then he left and told me to go home, for my own good.

I did as he said since it was very good advice. In fact, it saved my life—you see, by the time I got back to the estate, it was storming heavily. The next day, I found the tree I was sleeping under—it was struck by lightning and burned to a cinder. That could have been me too, so I owe him my life.

A few months later, my parents took me to the temple of Dionysus and I made quite a scene when I told my parents that the statue was the very likeness of the man that saved my life. And so, here's the greatest secret of my life—I was saved by a god! The priests were entranced by my reed flute and wanted it badly but my father refused. It was the god's gift to me in the first place.

It's my great treasure.

In fact, I think I'll go find it and play it for a bit. My suitors can wait for a bit as I practice. Mother won't refuse me, in case she offends Dionysus.