Our favorite Decepticons are drunk/overcharged (or quite possibly high...)! They make such fun, happy drunks. I think I like drunk Bonecrusher the best...
Believe it or not, I wrote this entire story just so I could use that "tipsy" pun... No matter how stupid it is, it had me laughing for an hour, so I just had to use it in something. Afterwards I was too scared to submit this, because I'll admit that some of it's a bit gross... And unethical...
By the way, the movie that Blackout is talking about is "Homeward Bound".
Rated for strong language and sexual humor.
Transformers don't belong to me. If they did, they'd probably be overcharged a lot more often. Oh, and Homeward Bound doesn't belong to me either.
"Okay, and… We are done for the day!" Blackout cheered as he and Barricade's shift ended.
"Fucking awesome! So, what do we do now?" Barricade asked his much larger friend.
"Let's get wasted and do things that we'll regret later if we can remember them!" Blackout suggested.
"Hmm… Okay!" the police cruiser agreed.
-Several high grades (and quite possibly some kind of drug/chemical) later-
Blackout and Barricade both sat on the floor, leaning against the wall. Both were severely overcharged.
"So-so-so then I said… I said… Uh…" Barricade said, his speech heavily slurred.
"Wha-what did you s-say?" Blackout asked as he almost fell over.
"I-I say something, but I cannot remember," Barricade finished. "What were we talking about?"
"You're overcharged," Blackout said as Barricade almost fell forward.
"N-no-no I'm not," the Mustang protested.
"Yeth you are."
"Yeah, well… Um… What was your name again?"
"Blackout… I think…" Blackout almost fell over on his companion.
"Right… Blackie, I'm not overcharged."
"Y-yeah you are…"
"N-nuh, I'm not."
"Uh yeah? Well at least I not fat like you!" Barricade poked the side of his abdomen.
Blackout started sniffling. "I'm not fat! I's just bulky!" He started crying.
"Uh, come on Blackie… Stop crying! I didn't mean it," Barricade made an attempt to comfort him. Blackout just sobbed harder and started stomping his feet on the floor like a kid (or Starscream) having a tantrum. "Blackie, I don't mean…" he fell over on Blackout's leg. The Pave Low took a pause from his sobbing to push him upright. "Thanks… I dun mean that, Blackie!"
"You don't?" he sniffed.
"You-you think I'm sexy then?"
"Dun push it, Blackie."
Blackout responded by purging his system all over himself. "Woah… Th-that was awesome. It was like 'Purging For Distance'."
"Yeah… Awesome…" Barricade agreed.
"Hey look, ish that Scorpy?" Blackout said as he pointed across the room. Scorponok was offline with his face in a half-empty cube of high grade. He was subconsciously blowing bubbles in it. "Hey, Scorpy! How ya doin'? Come to join…" Blackout paused a moment, drooled on himself, and continued, "…the party?"
Bonecrusher skated into the room to get something and saw the overcharged freaks in it. "Oh dear Primus… What the slag are you doing?"
"Me tired," Barricade mumbled as he offlined against Blackout's thigh.
"Oh fuck… You're overcharged…"
"You're hot!" Blackout blurted out.
Bonecrusher gave him a "What the bloody fuck?" look. Blackout started giggling. "Why are you giggling?" Bonecrusher demanded.
Blackout continued to giggle. "I-I dunno…" Bonecrusher turned to leave. "No, wait, Boney! Why don't you come sit…" he hiccupped, "with me?"
Bonecrusher turned back around and gave him a look of disbelief. "No thank you… I'd rather not get molested by a desk fan."
"Aww, com'mon! Y-y-you're no…" he gagged on something vile, "…you're no fun!"
"Good. I hate fun. I am leaving now." Bonecrusher turned to leave.
"Sit with me, or I'll tell Screamer who really set him on fire last week!" Blackout threatened.
The Buffalo halted. Starscream had gutted Brawl and replaced his innards with the human dessert called "pudding" for that one. He turned his head and glared at Blackout. "You…wouldn't…dare!"
Blackout responded by patting the spot next to him. Bonecrusher grudgingly moved towards him and sat down, then crossed his arms over his chest plate and glared at him.
"Good boy!" Blackout cooed as he stroked the angry mech's head, prompting him to bite the Pave Low's hand. "Oww! Bad Bonecrusher!" he scolded as he wrenched his hand free and smacked him upside the head. Bonecrusher shook his head rapidly and continued his non-verbal death threats.
"Here, drink this," Blackout said as he handed him a cube of energon.
"I hate high grade."
"You hate everything. Don't forget that your innards are at stake here, Bonecrusher."
Bonecrusher growled and flipped him off before taking it. "But you already drank half of it… It's got your vile mouth lubricants floating in it!"
"Yes… "Mouth" lubricants… Let's go with that one, then…" replied the Pave Low. Bonecrusher gave him a look as if to ask, "Oh my fucking god, are you serious?"
"Quit bitching and drink it before I force-feed it to you," Blackout warned.
Bonecrusher whimpered as he reluctantly and slowly obeyed.
-Several more (force-fed) high grades later-
Bonecrusher leaned against Blackout for support, barely listening to what he was saying. Barricade was still offline on the other side of him.
"So-so then it turns out that the-the golden retriever didn't give up… An'-an'-an' he-he runs and greets his human an' -hic- reunites with his family despite having a hurt leg and being "too old", an' the bulldog says son-ting about turkey," Blackout said before purging again.
Bonecrusher sniffled. "That-that was a beautiful story… It must-a been an awesome movie."
"Yeah, i' was. It made Cade cry, but he made me swear not to tell anyone, and you know what, I still haven't."
"Y-you sucha good friend."
"Aww, you like me don't cha?"
"No… I dun like you at all… I jus' hate you less than other people."
"Aw, wus that a compla-ment?"
"I dun know, why, what I just say?"
Blackout looked up. "Hey BC, why is tha floor all purpley and glowy?"
"That's tha ceiling, Brawl…ah, Starscream…ah, Black Hole… Black Hole, that's your name, righ'?"
"Something like that… I think…"
Bonecrusher slouched over his leg. "You're hot."
Blackout poked his shoulder. "Tip…" He fell over. "See?"
Bonecrusher giggled madly. "I see."
"We should probably get to bed," Blackout said as he made a near-fatal attempt to stand. Bonecrusher supported himself against the wall as he attempted to stand up, his feet rolling out from under him. Blackout pulled him up and grabbed Barricade's leg, dragging him across the floor and leaving a trail of drool behind. He all but forgot about Scorponok.
-(Animated Blitzwing accent) Zee next morning…-
Bonecrusher woke up with a massive headache. He felt like he'd been run over by Astrotrain. He didn't take much notice that Blackout was next to him with his arm around him, slowly coming into consciousness himself.
"Ah, Primus… Why the fuck does my aft hurt?" Bonecrusher grumbled.